Help! Need advice! Re:sick family member

[Disney1fan2002]

Ok, I need to hear some opinions as to what we should do about out upcoming cruise in April. If you are interested, settle in, because this could get long.

My family has been through hell this past year. Last June, on father's day, my 45 year old brother succumed to Hydrogen Sulfide poisoning at his job. He worked at an old landfill that is being capped. Though we were all devastated ( I have 11 siblings), my dad has not gotten over it, and who could blame him? Now, we come to the month of November, just 5 months after we buried my brother, we learn that my oldest brother 47, has a brain tumor. It was growing so fast, the Dr's did not even have time to biopsy it, they just went in and removed it. We learned he has two types of cancer mingled into the one tumor. Both malignant. My dad went over the edge with that news, already emotionally drained from losing one son, he now has to face the very real possibility of burying another son, his first born.

Well, dad got sick a month ago. He was having a hard time catching his breath. He went to the hopsital and ended up with a severe case of pnumonia, we almost lost him, we THOUGHT we would lose him, he was on life support for a week, to give his lungs a break. We did not think he would come off the breathing machine, He did, amazingly! He was doing great. He had to be on oxygen, and he was weak from being in bed for 3 weeks, but he came home Friday, Feb. 20th. On Wednesday, Feb 25th (his wifes birthday) he passed away suddenly. I say suddenly because he was in the middle of talking to his wife and my sister when he just went unconscience on them.

During this time, my brother who was getting daily radiation treatments was in Mass General Hospital in Boston, because last Monday, his son came home, and my brother could not speak, and did not know who anyone was. His brain was having siezures. It was a scary 3 days, and on top of that, dad passed. The doctors gave him an MRI and found that the tumor is growing back, and there is either another tumor growing deeper in the brain or the cancer cells are moving deeper into the brain. We will not know until he finishes his radiation treatment, which is the end of this week, and then he has to wait two weeks for an MRI.

OK, if you have gotten this far, thank you. Now for my question, should I change the date of our cruise? I stupidly cancelled our trip insurance, with the intention of getting some from another carrier other than Disney. I was not aware that I should of done this months ago, and the past month, I couldn't tell you what day it was, never mind dealing with vacation issues. So, as a side note, if you are reading this and are on the fence about getting insurance....DO IT. A couple hundreds of dollars is nothing compared to the piece of mind I wish I had right now.

Here is my dilemma about changing the cruise. We could change the date, (PS, I am in the 59-29 day window, so there is a cancellation penalty) NOT go in April, and nothing devasting would happen to my brother then, But say we change it to next April, or any other date for that matter, and brother goes down hill quick, and we still get that phone call. I guess it is a gamble. On one had I want to take the gamble and go, I need a vacation! LOL On the other hand, I don't want to get a devastating phone call out in the middle of the Carribean!

What would you all do?

 

[CRB#33]

Oh my goodness.

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what I would do. On one hand, it might just be better to cancel and get at least some of your money back. I'm sure you are going to need many vacations later when your life settles down. On the other hand, I'm sure you do need a vacation now too. I don't think I would want a phone call either. Maybe a healing vacation later would be a good thing.

I do want you to know that you are in my prayers and have my deepest sympathy over the deaths of your dad and brother. What a tough situation you have going on.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Marie, I just wanted to say I am so sorry for all that has happened. What an awful time for you. If you move the date can you add on insurance? I notice it is only a 4 day cruise. Are you flying? This sounds awful but would they hold the funeral until after you would be home? 4 days is not that long. I am so sorry that you have to be thinking about all of this instead of just happily planning your much needed vacation.

 

[westjones]

This is such a personal decision. On the one hand, it may be good for you to get away for awhile. On the other hand, you may so worried about what is going on at home that you don't really get to enjoy yourself.

As someone who has lost both parents, and all my grandparents, and several aunts and uncles by the time I was 40, I can tell you that every person reacts differently to these types of life's events, and it really is a very personal decision as to what is best for you and your family.

I hope things turn around and you have much brighter days ahead.

DJ

 

[mickeyboat]

I am at a loss as to what advice to give. I want you to know how sorry I am for your losses and pray for a miracle to heal your brother.

Are you taking a 7 day cruise? That is an awful long time to be gone during difficult times. Are you a primary caregiver to your brother? How involved would you be in making any arrangements that were necessary?

However, I think if it were me, and I wasn't a critical player, I would go on with my plans for the cruise. It sounds like you could use a vacation right now, you and your family deserve it. Worst case scenario, you could get the call while you were gone, but I think services could probably wait until you return. Best case scenario, you would have a wonderful time and come home rested and ready to help your brother in every way. What do you think your brother would want you to do?

I don't mean to sound callous, I hope you don't take it that way. But I do think you should continue with your plans. You can't predict what will happen, you can only deal with it the best way you know how. Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[wdwmom2]

I am so sorry to hear of your ill fortune. I can sympathize with you. In 1995, at 29 years of age, I found my father dead. Just 2 months later, I held my mother in my arms when she died of cancer. I was in college at this time and never missed a day except for the funerals. I had to keep busy or go crazy. Just the kind of person I am. Only you can make the decision that is right for you. If it were me, I would probably continue with my vacation plans. I would need a break from reality. But you need to do what you feel comfortable with. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sharon

 

[slabeaume]

That is a tough hard decision! A few things to consider, though. If the worst does happen----are you planning to go home right away? If so---how will you get there? Are you prepared for the added expense of getting from ship to shore and then to change plane tickets to fly home? Even then you may be at a disadvantage. When my Dad had an emergency on board, we were flown to Ft. Lauderdale (total ship to shore time took 9 hours). After he was released from the hospital, it would have been over $1000 for him to fly home from there. In order to go with our original flights, we had to wait 3 more days for open seats of that level and make our way back to Orlando. Don't expect barevement fares to be good! If you do have to get back fast, try Hotwire! Would you be able to enjoy the trip? Can you wait 'til closer to vacation time to see how your brother's doing? Perhaps you can postpone the cruise and plan a drive to vacation for around that time.

Good luck and God Bless!
Sue L

 

[maryisme]

First off, I'd like to say how sorry I am for your losses. I lost 3 very close family members within 2 years - one being my Dad and the other my oldest brother. I know what you are going through and there are really no words to ease your pain.

I don't really have any advice to give you regarding your vacation. It's a tough call to make. I went through a very similiar situation when my Dad was ill. We were scheduled to go to Charleston Place for a week on our DVC points and did not have insurance. My dad was just diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease approximately a week before our trip. He was doing ok and wasn't in any immediate danger but we always felt he didn't have longer than a few weeks to live although the doctors said he could hold on for as long as two years. Anyway, after much agonizing we decided to go. The week we were away was uneventful with Dad resting at home under the care of my Mom and other siblings. It wasn't easy being away with him ill but I am glad we went. I was 6 months preganant at the time and had planned this trip for my DD before her sister was born.

I'm sorry i'm not much help but I hope you decide to go. I know you could use a vacation right now.

Good luck and all the best to you and your family.

Mary

 

[dis4me]

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. With that being said,unless you are physically needed there I wouldgo with your trip as planned. You sound like you need it. I have to think if you were my sister and I was the one that was ill I would encourage you to go and enjoy the time with your family.
When a memeber of our family died rather suddenly and her children were not able to get there for 6 days they were able to hold the body for the funeral. It was expensive and not reccommended but if you could not get home I am sure it could be done.
If you think you will be able to enjoy yourself I would go. If not call DCL explain your situation and maybe rescedule the cruise. The only problem is you may rescedule for a time that winds up bad also.
Here are some prayers and pixie dust for you and your family.

 

[CRSNDSNY]

I am so sad that you and your family are going through this. I am so sorry.

My advice to you is to stay put for now. You don't know when your brother will slip into a coma and pass. My father died of a brain tumor at 45. I don't know what I would have done if I wasn't there for him, my Mom and the rest of my family. Cherish every moment you have with him because the time you have with him is slowly ticking away. Disney cruises will always be there. Your brother will not be. Plus, even if you went your heart will not be in the vacation...it would be with your brother.

Trust me...I've gone through it.

All my best to you and your family.

 

[Dreamer04]

I am so sorry for all your family has been through.

My adivce is to call DCL and explain the situation. From what you said, it may be best to stay home. Re-scheduling may be the sanest choice now.

God bless you and keep you in His care.

Ursula

 

[4nana]

I am so sorry, seems you have sure been dealt your share of heartache in such a short time.

It is a tough call I know, that no one can answer but you. Take time to search your heart and do what you feel is best. On one hand you could use a break from it all, on the other, your brother is so very ill. It sounds as tho you are close and want to be there for him and your family if anything happens. Just knowing you may get that phone call on vacation dampens the spirit. Without insurance it will be a great expense to come home. Best wishes, my thoughts and prayers are with you in your decision. ^i^

~ Sandie

 

[DreaminDisney]

I just want to say I'm sorry for your losses for you and your family.

Debbie

 

[Luv2Dream]

I'm so sorry for all your losses and your brother's illness. My only advice, follow your gut feeling. That's the one that's usually gives you peace.

 

[poohnpiglet3]

I know my situation is different than yours, and I first off want to say how sorry I am for you and your family to have to go through all of this at once. I'm sending hugs and prayers your way.

My Dh and I are in a similar situation right now. We leave tonight on the drive to Fl. to catch the March 4th sailing (3 night). My Dh's father has end-stage lung cancer and is not doing well at all. I worry that we'll be gone and something will happen.

As for us, we're still going (we didn't get travel ins. either) and know that he wants it that way. (He, meaning my FIL.)

Life doesn't stop because of tragedies. When the whole 9/11 thing happened, DH and I went out to eat, got ice cream and enjoyed each others' company. We knew that it was more of a tribute to those who were lost to remain true to our lives -- to LIVE, since everyday could be our last. (I hope that statement doesn't make me sound crass... I was just glued to the tv straight for 36 hours and needed some time away and to focus on our family. Please don't think me insensitive.)

So as for us, we'll give them an emergency number (hopefully I can find one) and enjoy our vacation.

I truly think that going with your gut is the best thing you can do right now, like the other poster said.

I wish you the absolute best, and hope for peace for your family.

Sherri

 

[CheapMom]

Originally posted by CRSNDSNY
I am so sad that you and your family are going through this. I am so sorry.
My advice to you is to stay put for now... Disney cruises will always be there. Your brother will not be. Plus, even if you went your heart will not be in the vacation...it would be with your brother. All my best to you and your family.

I have to agree with the above but If you feel you need to get away that could be a healthy thing for you too. If you choose to put your trip off talk to your reservationist about your situation and since you are talking about postponing rather than cancelling maybe they can work with you... reduce penalties, etc...
I am so sad to hear your story and wish you the best.

 

[kennancat]

I wouldn't say to cancel your vaction, but if you need to stay at home, then postpone it. You may need some vacation time to help you heal from everything your family has suffered. If you do decide that now just isn't a good time to go, call Disney and explain what is going on and that you need to postpone your vacation. Be prepared with documentation and offer to send/fax it to them as proof. Disney is usually very good about this.