Help me figure out what to charge

[marmalade]

It shouldnt matter what her situation is, because the point is everyone's situation is different. Just because you and many others think it is sacrilege to charge grandparents, to others it is a necessity to take on that task while giving up other income (which she is doing), no matter how large or small that previous income was.

The OPs question was asking for opinions on what the service is worth and reasonable to charge, not whether you, or quite a few others, would charge or not charge family members.

I agree with BellePrincessBelle.

You post, you open yourself for opinions. I have never charged a grandparent & would be mortified to do so. That's not how we work in my family. We take care of our own no matter what. So in response what should she charge? $0.

 

[bemily]

I agree with BellePrincessBelle.

LOL. Again, its truly not a point of who you agree with and who you dont agree with. Its not the point. OPs situation, and many others, dictate a situation with a different solution than what may work for you. Period.

You may agree with it, or not, but it is not us to judge how the OPs family has to handle a situation. She was asking for advice regarding cost and what is reasonable given the situation at hand, not whether you would handle it that way or not, because her situation and her family's dictates otherwise.

And, seriously, if you have to keep agreeing and reaffirming what your opinion is, without having an open mind as to what others have to do, it truly is a "holier than though" attitude, which is judging and not what is called for here.

OP, good luck!

 

[la79al]

OP here again. I talked with my grandmother today and she dropped the 'housekeeping service' by 2/3 today and is going to drop in entirely by the end of the school year. She is just not comfortable with a stranger coming into the house. I tried talking with her about the meal thing but we didn't really come to a resolution on that. I brought up cooking extra when I cook for the girls and she talked about what they will and won't eat so that was sort of helpful in that regard.
I do not plan on charging anywhere near what they would pay for the service they have now + MoW. It does not matter how much money they have except I wanted to point out to some posters that my grandparents aren't 2 steps away from a cardboard box under a bridge. I'm not trying to make bank here but I can't afford to give up what I am making now plus take away from my food budget by making their meals with our groceries.
I've had my grandmother create a menu on her own but she obviously needs some help in this area('whatever' is not a meal!). Also, they need something from the store every other day so I'm going to have to sit down and work on a real grocery list for them and hopefully get that down to just 1 or 2 trips a week. I'll probably just have them pay for their groceries and then do meal prep while I am working on other stuff. I would like to just cook extras when I am cooking for us (especially since DH is going to 2nd shift soon so we will be spending most dinners with the grandparents), maybe it will work out if half the time it's our groceries and half the time it's theirs (and no, we won't use our groceries on spaghetti night and theirs on filet mignon night). I'm just going to go ahead with the housekeeping and work on a menu, checking what's in their cupboards and creating a list and going from their. It will all work out, it usually does . Thanks all, for all of the help and constructive criticism!

 

[arthur06]

I understand the dilemma that OP is facing.

We are facing a similar situation on my wife's side of the family. Our is a little more extensive. DW's grandmother has been in the nursing home lately, paying close to $6,000 per month to stay there. However, she wants to go home, but is unable to be home alone. She has asked my MIL to move into her house and care for her full time. She has offered MIL $3,000-$4,000 per month to do so and free room and board. MIL is an RN so she would be skilled in many medical issues, plus she would do all the chores and errands.

The big catch is MIL is still married. So GM expects them to sell there home and both move into her house to care for her.

I know so many here say you don't charge family, but should they sell there house, move into Gma's and provide 24 hour care for nothing while giving up a nice career and salary?

 

[powellrj]

I think before people jump on others about being holier than thou, they need to remember this poster does have a history about money and family posts. They tend to turn nasty and I am glad to see that for the most part this one has stayed reasonable.

 

[wide awake]

All of you judging the OP...really, you'd give up a great deal of your time for who knows how long in the future for nothing? Sorry, OP could be giving up a chance to work and earn money towards her own retirement, towards her own children's education, etc... She just asked for help on how to do this. I have a family member in this same type of situation and believe me, the caregiver takes a huge hit in time, emotions, and finances. My family member has never been able to be a volunteer for her son's soccer team because of responsibilities towards her grandmother. Her son is 16. She couldn't come w/ us when we were visiting a dear aunt on her deathbed. Think about that, those of you that are saying "family takes care of family, that is just how we do things". I think OP needs to set firm guidelines on what she is willing and able to do around the house, charge less than an agency but set it up so she is paid regularly so she can set up an IRA or something for her future. It sounds like she is on the right track w/ getting meal info from her grandmother, and that OP's grandparents will probably be eating a lot healthier w/ OP's help.

 

[AnninIowa]

OP - I am sorry for some of the nasty comments people have posted. My dad has taken care of elderly relatives iver the years and the cost and stress are huge. I would suggest coming up with a lump sum to charge based on a list of things you will be doing. Write down everything that you will be doing so that everyone is clear and things don't continually get added. For instance, perhaps you will clean once a week, run errands twice, and prep foid three times a week. Try to keep a schedule so that you and your grandparents know what to expect. Perhaps have your grandparents purchase gift cards for you to use while shopping so that they aren't having to hand you cash or pay you back. You should also be reimbursed for gas/wear on car/insurance. Again, a gas card from your grandparents could take care of that.

I hope you are able to come to a solution that works! I really don't know what to charge - maybe what you are currently getting for babysitting since that is the income you are giving up to do this??? You have to remember and perhaps remind your other family members that you have to provide and care for your own husband and children, too!

 

[esk]

OP, get it in writing.

MIL moved back in with her parents to care for her mother, who had alzheimers, and her father who had health issues. She paid for nothing, and was paid a stipend of some kind by her father, who had quite a bit of money. But the kicker was the "promise" of "a large lump sum" when he passed away.

Fast forward several years, and both passed away. And MIL? She got exactly what her other siblings got....everything was divided equally 4 ways. But she was the one who gave up her job, moved several states over, back into her childhood bedroom, and had to care for them alone.

Family dynamics aside (and there are some wacky ones, to be sure, in every family), everyone had nodded their heads and said "yes, Mary will care for Mom and Dad, in exchange for a larger portion of the estate" (using that term loosely) but it was never written down, in the will or in lump sum checks given to her. So not only was there no financial payoff for years of missed work, but now there is bad blood between the siblings. Her father could have hired someone, but he wanted family....but didn't take care of family as promised. And her siblings could have helped out but did not. Now MIL is in her late 60s and her social security is lower than it needed to be.

OP, good luck with the menus "whatever is not a meal" -- totally agree! But how many times do we hear that! MIL had a terrible time making food to satisfy both the medical aspect and the taste aspect. Plus, Grandpa just got cranky as he got older and only wanted to eat the same thing every day. Having your two daughters there will surely bring some sunlight into the house.

 

[nancygirl1]

OP...

I work for an agency that provides companions to the elderly. The agency charges $22.50 an hour plus .50 cents a mile when we do errands or take them somewhere. The agency is one of the lowest priced in this area. I get paid $17.00 an hour. I shop, do light cleaning, some cooking (breakfast, lunch), errands and drive them to appointments. Sometimes it involves helping them with personal care. If I do things for them outside their home (sewing, shopping, picking up dry cleaning) they are charged for it.

I would suggest that you buy their groceries seperately from yours...all their groceries. Seperate the time you spend on doing the things for them vs. for you and your family. If this is a job, handle it like a job. It may be to your benefit to keep track of what you spend on them and the hours you work. You do not want questions to arise about what their money is going out for. Keep records...family can get weird about money even if you think they won't. Cover yourself.

Whether or not they're your grandparents you are looking at it as a job and there is nothing wrong with that. You all agree that this is they way to handle this and that it is acceptable to all involved. You need to work out your specific "job" with your grandparents so there will be no question about what your duties are. It can get complicated even working for strangers nevermind doing this for family and involving family dynamics. They would pay for this anyway. If you know they have the money to pay, don't let anyone guilt you into short changing yourself. Your time is valuabkle, family or not.

Good luck...

 

[talulabelle]

I didn't read the thread. I just read the first post - I'm guessing the thread is alot of what I'm going to say, and then others who back up OP.

OP - Here is my answer to your question -

$0 For what ever is in you ability to help.

More needs to be done? enlist other family to help and charge $0.

If someone needs to be paid outside what you and other can do fro free - , it shouldn't be family. If there is a problem or they aren't satisfied, they can't very well fire you - and that is why it shouldn't be you.

Charging family - especially our elders is absurd. I have a sister in law that "volunteered" her (expensive) services to "help" my mother in law. The rest of us told her to get lost - we would take care of it for free. She doesn't even have a job (can't keep one) and said she had to charge because it was taking time away from her "looking" for a job. Well, her looking for a job is this eternal thing sort of like OJ pledging to find Nicole's killer. Now, she won't even help at all becasue she isn't being paid. She sits on her butt all day. Absurd.

 

[descovy]

Will medicare/medicaid pay you to perform as a home aid?

Years ago, I remember my aunt quit work and took care of my grandma. I was a teen and not privy to the exact details, but I know my aunt was "paid by the state."

Anyways, that may be an option that allows OP to be paid without asking the g'parents to do the paying...

 

[hereyago]

Will medicare/medicaid pay you to perform as a home aid?

Years ago, I remember my aunt quit work and took care of my grandma. I was a teen and not privy to the exact details, but I know my aunt was "paid by the state."

Anyways, that may be an option that allows OP to be paid without asking the g'parents to do the paying...

Medicaid will. I don't think that OP asked the grandparents for money, I think it was either the grandparents themselves or other family members.

 

[SaraJayne]

What should you charge your grandparents for helping them?

Nothing. The very thought makes me cringe.

 

[RitaE]

Well, if my Grandparents were still alive I certainly wouldn't charge to help them to the extent I was able.

But if the level of care they needed would require me to quit my job and dedicate myself to them for nearly full-time, then I would either have to be paid by them or I would have to say no.

I don't think what the OP is describing here is all that uncommon. That is pretty much a fact of life in today's world. I don't know many middle income families that could afford to give up a full income to care for extended family members.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

I would never charge my grandparents for any service I do for them. They are family.
When I rake leaves for them I don't expect anything in return but grandma always orders pizza when we come to clean up her yard. I in turn keep a watch out for the pizza delivery person and I pay him/her.
Grandparents live on a very limited income and I could never feel right taking money from them.

 

[tinkalicious]

It's one thing to help out of the goodness of your heart, but when you have four kids and you are taking care of your grandparents every day you should get paid! I have a very close, loving family, and we all take care of each other - and we don't take advantage of each other. And my grandparents don't live in a cardboard box either It's a hard situation, and it's very hard to find someone to come in to the home for non-medical reasons, so a family member who is willing to is a precious thing.

My grandparents had a family friend come in and they paid her $50 a day. It was a bargain for them, considering it would have been $18 an hour through an agency, but it was still worthwhile for her. Since you said that your family decided how much to pay you last time, you should have them do it again. Talk to one of their kids (your mom or dad maybe?) and have them help you come up with a number, and they can set it up with your grandparents. And if you and your kids are eating dinner over there you could split the groceries.

 

[happygirl]

What should you charge your grandparents for helping them?

Nothing. The very thought makes me cringe.