Help me feel a little better about this! [Update Post 54 Pg 4]

[love2disney]

I have this arrangement with my neighbor whose child goes to the same school and class as my DS7. She drops them both off to the bus stop in the morning and I pick them both up in the evening and drop him at his house. Now we live in a development of townhouses. All houses are near each other and my neighbor lives 4 doors down.

In the morning I keep my kid ready and the moment I see her come out to the car he walk from my house to the car so she does not to have to drive the wrong way to pick him up. I really appreciate her dropping my kid off so my toddler does not have to go out in the winter mornings. She has to go to office so it works perfectly for both of us. While returning I drop the kid in front of the house and make sure he enters it and then I leave. I never get out of the car. Her husband is presently unemployed and at home. Anyways for the past 2 weeks now it has been happening pretty frequently that when its time for me to pick up the husband would cal me from somewhere out saying I am gonna be late and to take this kid to my house. Most times he has come atleast and hour or more later. While this is fine somedays it does disrupt my schedule but I am kind of ok with it. Most of this late comings are for non essential reasons like he is at the grocery store or computer repair and stuff. WHile I feel he should manage his time better so he is at home when the kid comes its not my place to say anything.

Anyways cut to yesterday I had some errands to run before the snow started so I left home around 2pm so that after all my work I could pick the kids at 3:15. After I picked the kids up from the bus stop I actually parked the car in the street parking spot in front of their house. Then I saw the boy walk in open the kitchen slider door and step inside. I then walk to my house and have not even opened my coat when I see the father driving up to my house. I immediately run out and ask him where his son was cause I had just dropped him home. He is like I have been calling you so many times. How can you drop him alone at home. It seems he called me many times on my cell [which i forgot to take] and home phone but I never spoke to him. I really did not know no1 was home. I saw the kid go into the house. The father was very mad at me and yelled at me.

I am feeling very guilty I left the kid and while he is fine I know from experience my DS7 would panic in an empty house. I dont know if I should call and apologize. I tried calling once but they r not picking up. WWYD?

 

[HannaBelle]

I am sorry, but you are not at fault here. You rightly assumed he would be home and you watched the boy enter the house.

The dad was out of line. He was probably feeling guilty for being a crappy father and took it out on you.

 

[ToddyLu]

I do not have children but I think I would send a note of apology and then state that due to how upset the father is ..."it is best we each take our own child to and from school". You can call and apologize but I would not do it over and over. Why wasn't the guy at home when he knew you didn't answer the phone and then get upset. He sounds stressed and he can take care of his own child just fine....cut your losses here and smile and wave from afar...life is to short to be treated like that. My father and husband do not speak to me in that way so I sure as heck wouldn't take it from the neighbor. Wouldn't feel guilty...he should have made sure he was home...period.

Makes me mad just thinking about it.

 

[smschex]

I don't think you are at fault. You are not a mind reader and he should not have assumed you had gotten his messages. It sounds like he is taking advantage of your arrangement.

That said, however, I would try to contact the mom and tell her you are sorry for the misunderstanding. Just let her know that you can not always be available for the after school babysitting on short notice. She may not even know that dad is doing this. I would hate for you bail on the mom since this sounds like a stressful time for the family, but you have to make it clear the dad can't expect you to be unpaid childcare.

And the house was left unlocked!!

 

[Heidict]

You did nothing wrong. The father needs to be a bit more responsible when it comes to his son. You are not the nanny and it is not your responsibility to make sure that he his home everyday to greet his son. He isn't working, and while i'm sure he may be busy with interviews or out job searching he knows what time his son gets home and HE NEEDS TO BE THERE. THere is no reason, short of an interview appointment or other appointment for him to not be there.

I'm sure he has plenty of time during to the day to go to the store and he doesn't need to wait till 3 in the afternoon to do it.

Honestly, he sounds like an idiot. What did you say to him when he yelled at you? Personally, I would have ended up snapping on him. You are doing him a favor and there is no reason for him to go off on you like that.

 

[Disneyadore]

I do not have children but I think I would send a note of apology and then state that due to how upset the father is ..."it is best we each take our own child to and from school". You can call and apologize but I would not do it over and over. Why wasn't the guy at home when he knew you didn't answer the phone and then get upset. He sounds stressed and he can take care of his own child just fine....cut your losses here and smile and wave from afar...life is to short to be treated like that. My father and husband do not speak to me in that way so I sure as heck wouldn't take it from the neighbor. Wouldn't feel guilty...he should have made sure he was home...period.

Makes me mad just thinking about it.

I fully agree. This situation can only get worse.
The father uses you as an unpaid babysitter. Explain the situation to the mother and take care of your own kiddo.

 

[hereyago]

My father and husband do not speak to me in that way so I sure as heck wouldn't take it from the neighbor. Wouldn't feel guilty...he should have made sure he was home...period.

True that!!

I wander if wifey knows he hasn't been home in the afternoons. I wouldnt apologize to him, but would let the wife know what happened and let her know about the past couple weeks of him not being home and then coming to get the kid an hour or so later.

 

[teskak]

I agree with pp


methinks and he almost got 'caught' not being at home on time

 

[kellyg403]

Nope,don't think you are at fault either. I think if you are willing to continue the relationship I would talk with the mom, not the dad. I would let her know you are sorry he is upset, give the facts...i.e. you left your cellphone etc...and you did not realize that dad was not home. I would also let her know that you don't mind the 'being late' from time to time but you need much more notice than an hour. You are not a babysitter, have other obligations and would need him to call you in the morning.

What would this guy do if he called and said he was running late and you had to say no because you had an appointment somewhere? You are being taken advantage of, I wouldn't even talk to the husband and get it all straight with the wife. Dad is sitting around all morning and then running out an hour before the bus comes to do errands? I would definitely put my foot down.

If he was out job hunting and called that would be something totally different in my book but errands he had all day to complete...nah.

Kelly

 

[pilotwife_02]

WOW, he yelled at you? Where were your children? I agree with PP, my husband, father, other men (brothers, friends, etc.) in my life aren't allowed to treat me that way. There is no way I'd let some neighbor I've been helping out treat me that way because HE was not responsible enough to schedule his day accordingly.

It's not like his son's school magically got out at that time that day. He knows when he should be home, he's been taking advantage of the situation and he screwed up plain and simple. He wasn't home AND he left the door unlocked to their house.

I'd call the mom up and speak with her, I'm sure she will be the better one to talk to and explain that unless they can guarantee that the dad will be home to welcome the son everyday that this arrangement won't work anymore. That the inconvenience it has caused you the afternoons is no longer worth the convenience it has offered you in the mornings.

I'm sorry he treated that way, how awful.

 

[Magic Mom]

You are not at fault. If Dad needed you to watch Jr. after school, he should have made prior arrangements and not just expected you to be available for his daily call. I would call mom and tell her exactly that. You don't mind occasionally taking care of Jr., but you really need some advance notice just in case you have something else to do.
Tha dad sounds like a horses butt.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I agree with talking to the wife. I bet she doesn't even know what the guy's been pulling! Explain that you didn't know he had called this time. Say you're awfully sorry about what happened, but that you did the same thing you always did - watched Jr. go into the house, and, since if wasn't locked, and you had not spoken to Dad, thought he was home. I would actually still offer to watch the child, arranged in advance, if Dad has a job interview scheduled, but he needs to be running regular errands earlier in the day.

 

[AtlantaSue]

I'd call the mom up and speak with her, I'm sure she will be the better one to talk to and explain that unless they can guarantee that the dad will be home to welcome the son everyday that this arrangement won't work anymore. That the inconvenience it has caused you the afternoons is no longer worth the convenience it has offered you in the mornings.

[/QUOTE]

I agree w/ the above. The inconvenience AND the aggravation of being yelled at when you did nothing wrong.

 

[Christine]

You did nothing wrong. People like this man, though, are very good at turning the tables and making other nice people feel guilty.

It's time you had a talk with the other mother. Tell her what has been happening. Tell her you don't mind if it's prearranged, but tell her that this has to stop.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would go down to there house while both of the parents are there to discuss the situation. This needs face to face, not a phone call.

I would explain that this incident was an accident and you did not mean to take this boy to an empty house. Explain how awful you feel about that.

Then also explain that to the dad that if he is not going to be home afterschool, he needs to prearrange it with you ahead of time to avoid problems with your schedule.

Yes, the dad is taking advantage of you however I think you can find a way so he can "save face" and you can get what you want, while at the same time retaining your friendship.

Have to be delicate but firm here. Good Luck!

 

[antmaril]

The father is wrong because he never spoke with you. I don't care if he called your cell a thousand times and left a voicemail each time, he did not speak with you and, therefore, he needed to be home when you dropped off the boy.

I would talk with the mother. I would explain to her what happened just as you have explained it to us here. He is taking advantage of you and his wife needs to know about it. In addition, he needs to take responsibility for the boy being home alone. It is his fault, not yours.

 

[OceanAnnie]

You've gotten a lot of good advice. That guy is a piece of work.

 

[MIGrandma]

If it were me I would end the arrangement and start taking my own child to school and picking him up. That child's father is way out of line. If he is unemployed there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't be at home, waiting for his child after school. I can understand occasionally maybe running late, but from what you said it sounds like it happens often and to have to take his child to your house for an hour or so does disrupt your own schedule. Not right at all. And you did nothing wrong in dropping his child off, thinking he was home. If the father had tried and tried to call you and didn't reach you, he definitely should have changed his plans so he could be at home waiting for his child. Personally, I just wouldn't do it anymore. To me it wouldn't be worth the hassle.

 

[OceanAnnie]

If it were me I would end the arrangement and start taking my own child to school and picking him up. That child's father is way out of line. If he is unemployed there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't be at home, waiting for his child after school. I can understand occasionally maybe running late, but from what you said it sounds like it happens often and to have to take his child to your house for an hour or so does disrupt your own schedule. Not right at all. And you did nothing wrong in dropping his child off, thinking he was home. If the father had tried and tried to call you and didn't reach you, he definitely should have changed his plans so he could be at home waiting for his child. Personally, I just wouldn't do it anymore. To me it wouldn't be worth the hassle.

I agree. I also wouldn't want to set myself up to go through that again. The father has established a pattern and he is using you. Then he yells at you because you weren't available to be used?! No. I wouldn't go through that again.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, You have nothing to apologize about. He, on the other hand, should be calling you!

I think I would let this couple know that you think it best to get your own kids to and from school from now on. It sounds like they were slowly taking advange of you. I would never have the nerve to confront someone for what you did. His child is his responsibility! He should have been home!

TC