Help me feel a little better about this! [Update Post 54 Pg 4]

[Erin1700]

I have to agree with the others...tell them you will take your own child to and from school andt they should from now on too.

 

[shortbun]

If he couldn't reach you, he was responsible for being home. He is taking advantage of you. Use this to change the game. Apologize but say, 'let's be sure that you call me early in the day to ask if I can care for XXX, that way you'll know you have to be home if I have plans or you are unable to reach me. Also, if your door had been locked, I would not have driven away with XXX 'safely' in the house. My goal is to be sure both our children are safe.'

 

[aprilgail2]

You are so not in the wrong! I would tell the mother exactly what happened and that you will be taking your own child to school and back from now on- let her deal with the idiot husband! I don't care if he called you a thousand times- until he personally talked to you he should not have assumed that you wold be babysitting his child. I would bett he wife has no clue what he is pulling and will not be happy when she finds out! How DARE he yell at YOU for his screw up!!!!

 

[Ronda93]

I agree with some others... she doesn't know this has been happening. Go there, face to face and tell them you have obligations, too. You cannot provide ad hoc sitter services as you have in the recent past.

If you don't want to do this, cut your losses and sever the arrangement with her. Briefly state this doesn't work anymore and leave it at that. If she wants more detail tell her DH isn't consistently available. Again, stop at that. The cost/benefit is getting close to tipping. The next time it will. Smile and wave from afar... I like that.

Ronda

 

[Mkrop]

If he couldn't reach you, he was responsible for being home. He is taking advantage of you. Use this to change the game. Apologize but say, 'let's be sure that you call me early in the day to ask if I can care for XXX, that way you'll know you have to be home if I have plans or you are unable to reach me. Also, if your door had been locked, I would not have driven away with XXX 'safely' in the house. My goal is to be sure both our children are safe.'

This is what I would do. I am sure that as a neighbor and having your children be classmates, you dont want an awkward relationship. Cell phones are great but batteries die, cell phones have to be turned off in certain locales etc. The dad should not have relied on you with out spekaing to you personally.

 

[NOLA_Tink]

What if you simply had something to do & couldn't watch him/her regardless? It was very nervy of him to assume that you could drop everything to babysit for him. If this pattern of behavior isn't nipped in the bud now, it will probably only get worse. Don't feel bad- YOU did nothing wrong!

 

[Carly_Roach]

Another vote for ending the arrangement. You were doing favors for each other, but when it starts to turn into some kind of "agreement" where you get bawled out if you don't go above and beyond, then it's time to end the arrangement.

 

[mousey]

Speaking from experience, your being used. I know because the same thing happened to me. A neighbor from down the street was never home when it was time for me to drop off her daughter. Its was always, ran into someone at the supermarket and didn't notice the time or had to run to the cleaners, etc.....Came time for the kids birthday and she told my daughter, I can't invite you because my mother limited my party to 5 kids and you would make 6. That was the day I ended the driving arrangement.

 

[Bluestars]

I would call the mom up and let her know that you won't be needing to carpool anymore and I would thank her for everything. There is no way I would continue being used as a babysitter and being responsible for her child. This goes above and beyond your arrangement.

 

[SandrA9810]

Well besides the father being a jerk....

What's the big issue with the boy being at home alone??

When I lived with my aunt, she also lived in a townhome complex. By zoning I was supposed to walk to school, but there was a handicap kid that lived in the same complex and so it was arranged that the bus would pick me up/drop me off in front of the house. I got out of school at 2pm, and my sister didn't get out till 4pm. So I was always at home alone in the afternoons. The first thing I did was call my aunt and let her know that I was home, then I'd call my g'parents and mom to let them know.
I can't say that it was fun that I was home alone, but it didn't bother me in the slightest.

Has the father been unemployed the whole time you've had this arrangement?? What has gotten into him in the past few weeks to take advantage of you?

 

[RitaZ.]

Talk to the mom. I don't like it when people assume that I'll take over their responsibilities when they don't. I would probably end the arrangement.

BTW, you did nothing wrong. The dad is a jerk.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

While his conduct sucked--if you did have messages that he called, at least he tried. So there's a postive.

But he never should have assumed you were able to retrive those messages.

Sounds like an update on what to do is in order--even if that is you no longer facilitating something that he can do himself.


As far as a poster wondering what the big deal is about a kid staying home alone--I suppose the law and general common sense would prevail.

If his parents don't want him alone, that is their perogative regardless of what our own personal feelings are. They of course then are free to make sure they are available when junior's school day is complete.

I look at it from a liability issue. I prefer when I am dropping a child off, to not trust that an adult is home unless I see the adult with either a wave through the window or the door or if I escort them personally.

 

[agnes!]

Talk to the mom perhaps on the phone, and keep it friendly, say hey it's not working out, I have other responsibilities, so sorry blah blah blah. If you think the dad is going to be home at the same time and you're going to do it face-to-face, keep it friendly but go over there with your DH along.

*Seriously*. Any "man" that spoke to me that way would get another think coming. He was WAY out of line.

agnes!

 

[RitaZ.]

What's the big issue with the boy being at home alone??

Some states do have age limits when it comes to leaving children home alone.

My guess is that's probably not the reason behind the father's reaction. The father doesn't want his child to be left alone in the house. He just wants the OP to fulfill his responsibility.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Several people have suggested just plain ending the arrangement.

I wouldn't do that arbitrarily. I'd first - as a number of others have suggested - go talk to the other mother. If she supports her husband's behavior (!), then, yes, as inconvenient as it will be for you with the toddler, it may well be time to start driving your son yourself.

But it appears the current setup was working well for both of you. Has her husband been out of work long, i.e. has he been home for the son prior to the last couple of weeks? If not, what arrangements were in place? If she had a sitter, maybe it's a good idea that she be made aware that the house is sometimes empty at the normal time you drop off her son; she can get the sitter back, so her husband can run errands?

 

[Va-bear]

I think the idea of talking to the mom is 'correct', but if she wont answer the phone, she's already sending you a message.... I'd leave a very nice voice mail just reiterating that you followed the usual protocol and that you'd never imagine, in a million years, that he would leave the door unlocked, so you assumed he was home. I'd also mentoin how inconvenient it's been that he's repeatedly not been home on time lately (just in case she doesnt know about this...) Then, as others have said, I'd terminate the plan.

But, all of that begin said, _if_ she answers the phone on the next try I'd say all of the above. If she agrees and apologizes profusely, I'd give it another shot, since it's so convenient for you. But, just to feel reassured, once you get used to taking out the toddler it will be a piece of cake....it's funny how quickly change can become 'normal' and even enjoyable (extra time out w/ your toddler....maybe you'll go to the park, or McD's for breakfast, etc.)

Good luck and keep us informed.

 

[luvmy3]

I would not call and apologize since you did nothing wrong. I would call and speak to both of them, not just the mother. I would get the arrangements straightened out, I would tell them what you will and won't be able to do when it comes to their child. If they can't agree, then its time to end it. Hopefully the dad will apologize to you for the way he acted and for taking advantage of your kindness for this long.

 

[hereyago]

Why would the wife apologize? It was her jerk husband who acted a fool.

 

[dis-happy]

If you get a chance to talk to the mom and still want to carpool with her, I'd alternate taking the kids to school a week at a time (you and the mom) and let each family be responsible for picking up their own kids at the end of the day. That way you wouldn't have to deal with the dad anymore.

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

What I don't understand, is that you live 4 doors away and the kid couldn't walk that when he realized no one was home? That father had absolutely no right to be upset with you.

I agree with all the PP's that said you are being used, at least by the father (perhaps the mother just has no idea what he's doing, but the kid must've said he was over to your house at some point).

Good luck, and maybe it is time to end the arrangement.