Help me feel a little better about this! [Update Post 54 Pg 4]

[kaytieeldr]

Why couldn't your DH stay with your child for a half hour or so? I leave my sick kids with DH all of the time (he's the vomit cleaner-upper in our home).

Respectfully, the scenario described by the OP worked for the specific situation.

 

[kidzmom3]

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. DH was very very mad when he heard of all this. He went over to their house yesterday and spoke to the guy and the mom was there too. Basically he told them that while we would love to keep the arrangement going it would only be possible if it was limited to the car with no babysitting involved. He said if for any reason like a job interviews we would have no issues baby sitting him but I would need intimation the nigh before otherwise at any shorter notice its not possible for me.

And while I told him to let it go he insisted on bringing up Fridays matter and asked the guy if he could come within 5 minutes of us dropping the kid home and knew an hour earlier that he had not spoken to me personally then why did he not just come on time.

And for those of you who asked the mom knew of all this latecoming. And while I dont like the DH [there have been many posts about him in the past too] I love the mom and the kid is my sons very good friend. So I really did not want this to end on a sour note.

Oh I forgot to add I did speak to the wife and told her I fel bad that her son had to go in to an empty house and she said it was no big deal. The reason Dh went was my younger one was down with a fever and Dh wanted thing to be cut and dried before the week started. DH was very hopping mad at this whole incident and I had to calm him down b4 he went over.

so you never really said how they responded or if you will still be carpooling?

 

[*BTMRR*]

I don't see any problem with how the OP's DH handled the situation. I know my DH would have wanted to go over and talk to them if he thought I was letting them walk over me (and especially if the husband had been disrespectful to me!).

I think what happened was fine--it sounds like you decided to give them "one more chance" so you'll just have to stick to that and be willing to let the whole arrangement go if the husband starts to take advantage again.

I'm a SAHM and I so understand the awkwardness of people trying to take advantage of me because I'm "home with the kids anyway."

 

[Magic Mom]

Oh, wow. I'll probably make you feel worse, but I'm thinking that maybe your DH should not have been the one to do this??? It needed to be done and I'm sure he was very mad but now it seems like an uncomfortable situation.

Maybe, at some point, you can call the wife up and tell her that despite all that happened, you really value her friendship as well as the child.

I think her Dh handled it fine. He calmed down before going over, set some ground rules, and was kind enough to offer to babysit with prior notice.

 

[Christine]

I think her Dh handled it fine. He calmed down before going over, set some ground rules, and was kind enough to offer to babysit with prior notice.

I think he handled it fine, too, when he got there; however, between friend-to-friend I would not want one of my friend's husbands coming over. I was only responding to the OPs concern about her friendship with this woman. I think it *best* if had been handled between them as adults. That doesn't mean I think the way it was handled was necessarily wrong. I just think it may put a dent in the friendship between the two women. Just my personal take.

 

[Mermaid02]

I think he handled it fine, too, when he got there; however, between friend-to-friend I would not want one of my friend's husbands coming over. I was only responding to the OPs concern about her friendship with this woman. I think it *best* if had been handled between them as adults. That doesn't mean I think the way it was handled was necessarily wrong. I just think it may put a dent in the friendship between the two women. Just my personal take.

Well- if my friends husband yelled at me for something that was HIS fault I don't think I'd be heading over there.... bet ya dollars to donuts he yells at his wife too- and bet ya dollars to donuts his wife is gonna side with her bully of a husband. I don't hold out much hope for the friendship- I'm sure the bully is badmouthing the OP in his own home because he will not tolerate being "in the wrong" that is how bullies work.

 

[Christine]

Well- if my friends husband yelled at me for something that was HIS fault I don't think I'd be heading over there.... bet ya dollars to donuts he yells at his wife too- and bet ya dollars to donuts his wife is gonna side with her bully of a husband. I don't hold out much hope for the friendship- I'm sure the bully is badmouthing the OP in his own home because he will not tolerate being "in the wrong" that is how bullies work.

Fine. I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong. It's just not how *I* would have handled it with my friend. I just handle things myself and I don't need or want a man to do it for me. I don't know if the OP needs or wants it either. I prefer to handle things between myself and my friends without my DH intervening. Even if the other husband is a jerk. Believe me, I had a lot of these issues when I was in my 20s and in the military life. Jerk husbands of my friends....I just wouldn't have sent my husband over because once you do that--people just start drawing those "lines in the sand". I'd just be waiting for that guy to "yell" at me again once I was prepared. I doubt the man is dangerous or the OP would have sensed that and she didn't indicate this at all. My only thought on this was that if she values that friendship with the woman (which she has stated several times), having the husbands hash it out probably won't help that friendship. If you don't care about that, so be it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Fine. I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong. It's just not how *I* would have handled it with my friend. I just handle things myself and I don't need or want a man to do it for me. I don't know if the OP needs or wants it either. I prefer to handle things between myself and my friends without my DH intervening. Even if the other husband is a jerk. Believe me, I had a lot of these issues when I was in my 20s and in the military life. Jerk husbands of my friends....I just wouldn't have sent my husband over because once you do that--people just start drawing those "lines in the sand". I'd just be waiting for that guy to "yell" at me again once I was prepared. I doubt the man is dangerous or the OP would have sensed that and she didn't indicate this at all. My only thought on this was that if she values that friendship with the woman (which she has stated several times), having the husbands hash it out probably won't help that friendship. If you don't care about that, so be it.

Same here. I would have given the guy and friend a chance to work it out with me, since I am the one dealing with the guy.

I would add that if I told my dh he yelled at me he would have wanted to go over there as well. Most men would want to do that I would imagine.

But then again, I would have already addressed the DH's behavior long before he pulled this stunt. I would have given him a pass the first time and then the second time he did it, we would be having a "sit down".

 

[Mermaid02]

Fine. I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong. It's just not how *I* would have handled it with my friend. I just handle things myself and I don't need or want a man to do it for me. I don't know if the OP needs or wants it either. I prefer to handle things between myself and my friends without my DH intervening. Even if the other husband is a jerk. Believe me, I had a lot of these issues when I was in my 20s and in the military life. Jerk husbands of my friends....I just wouldn't have sent my husband over because once you do that--people just start drawing those "lines in the sand". I'd just be waiting for that guy to "yell" at me again once I was prepared. I doubt the man is dangerous or the OP would have sensed that and she didn't indicate this at all. My only thought on this was that if she values that friendship with the woman (which she has stated several times), having the husbands hash it out probably won't help that friendship. If you don't care about that, so be it.

I didnt' say he was dangerous- I said he was a bully. I also think the line was drawn in the sand the minute he started having the OP "babysit".... he is a user. If I were the OP I would just start taking my own kid to school and Mr. Happy can go pick up his own child...

 

[kellyg403]

Same here. I would have given the guy and friend a chance to work it out with me, since I am the one dealing with the guy.

I would add that if I told my dh he yelled at me he would have wanted to go over there as well. Most men would want to do that I would imagine.

But then again, I would have already addressed the DH's behavior long before he pulled this stunt. I would have given him a pass the first time and then the second time he did it, we would be having a "sit down".

I agree there is no right or wrong in the way the situation was handled. Just different styles for different people. I, myself, would have already had the discussion with my friend and tried to solve it. My dh never would have walked over because he knows I would have told the other dh the minute he started yelling at me what the facts were.

Kelly

 

[Mermaid02]

I agree there is no right or wrong in the way the situation was handled. Just different styles for different people. I, myself, would have already had the discussion with my friend and tried to solve it. My dh never would have walked over because he knows I would have told the other dh the minute he started yelling at me what the facts were.

Kelly

Me too- Believe me, I'd have told him how it was right then and there. DH probably would have to go over though to smooth things over after that.....

 

[RitaZ.]

Fine. I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong. It's just not how *I* would have handled it with my friend. I just handle things myself and I don't need or want a man to do it for me. I don't know if the OP needs or wants it either. I prefer to handle things between myself and my friends without my DH intervening. Even if the other husband is a jerk. Believe me, I had a lot of these issues when I was in my 20s and in the military life. Jerk husbands of my friends....I just wouldn't have sent my husband over because once you do that--people just start drawing those "lines in the sand". I'd just be waiting for that guy to "yell" at me again once I was prepared. I doubt the man is dangerous or the OP would have sensed that and she didn't indicate this at all. My only thought on this was that if she values that friendship with the woman (which she has stated several times), having the husbands hash it out probably won't help that friendship. If you don't care about that, so be it.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm the same way. For me, it's important to be able to handle unpleasant situations myself.