Help me come up with a good punishment for my 17 yr kid (no joke)

[herdtoDisney]

Call her parents and tell them what went on? Really?

What exactly did go on? They spent the day together...and??

Well, I am not sure exactly what the OP's house rules are-but in MY home, we do not allow opposite-gender friends over when an adult is not home. And as a parent of girls-as well as boys-I'd sure want to know if my dd was at a boy's house with no parents...which is also against our particular family's rules (same for boys at girls homes) So yeah, I would make the call. OP did mention that the girl over was part of the issue for her family.

 

[NikitaZee]

Count me as another one who doesn't think punishment is the way to go here. Have a long talk, re-establish house rules and tell him you're trusting him to abide by them from now on.

 

[LSmith]

Call her parents and tell them what went on? Really?

What exactly did go on? They spent the day together...and??

I would suggest asking Brother Rat. He should know.

 

[MinnieGirl33]

As a parent of three teen boys (and two younger girls) I think the part of the scenario that would bother me most is having the girl over during the 'skip'. I tend to think most seniors take at least one skip day-in HS we went in groups to the beach. Not saying he shouldn't be disiplined for that-as the parent that is your decision- maybe take the car for a week for that.

But I would probably call the girl's parents and let them know what all went on, and I'd tell DS I was doing that. And I agree with a PP to take his bedroom door away for a time. To make it crystal clear to DS that it cannot happen again, and to make them two have to face you/dh and her folks.

I'm with you.

 

[SaraJayne]

Well, I am not sure exactly what the OP's house rules are-but in MY home, we do not allow opposite-gender friends over when an adult is not home. And as a parent of girls-as well as boys-I'd sure want to know if my dd was at a boy's house with no parents...which is also against our particular family's rules (same for boys at girls homes) So yeah, I would make the call. OP did mention that the girl over was part of the issue for her family.

As a parent to both a teen son with a girlfriend and a daughter, if I had a parent call me and tattle on their child, I'd say "ok, sounds like something you need to work out with your child, not me."

This should be between the parents and their son. There is no need to involve the girls parents.

 

[herdtoDisney]

As a parent to both a teen son with a girlfriend and a daughter, if I had a parent call me and tattle on their child, I'd say "ok, sounds like something you need to work out with your child, not me."

This should be between the parents and their son. There is no need to involve the girls parents.

That's fine, if that is how you choose to proceed. Other parents may choose to involve the girl's parents, and that is their decision for their kids

 

[Hannathy]

As a parent to both a teen son with a girlfriend and a daughter, if I had a parent call me and tattle on their child, I'd say "ok, sounds like something you need to work out with your child, not me."

This should be between the parents and their son. There is no need to involve the girls parents.

I agree! I can't believe all the call the other parent. What are they 5?

If a parent called me to tell me "horrors" my young adult child had been at a house without parents, if I could stop myself from laughing, I'd be like "OK, that's nice and you are telling me this why?"

 

[okeydokey]

As a parent to both a teen son with a girlfriend and a daughter, if I had a parent call me and tattle on their child, I'd say "ok, sounds like something you need to work out with your child, not me."

This should be between the parents and their son. There is no need to involve the girls parents.

I disagree. She was involved also. If she knew the rule her boyfriend's parents had and knew it was against their rules for her to be in the house, then it is disrespectful of her to be there, and it was wrong.

 

[disney4us2002]

As a parent to both a teen son with a girlfriend and a daughter, if I had a parent call me and tattle on their child, I'd say "ok, sounds like something you need to work out with your child, not me."

This should be between the parents and their son. There is no need to involve the girls parents.

No. The parent isn't calling to tattle about their child. They are calling to inform you that YOUR child also skipped school. As a parent I would definitely want to know that my child skipped and I would be concerned that my child also disrespected someone's house rules by being present without the parents home. We feel strongly about rules, our own, and other parents' rules while visiting their home.

I can't believe how many people give the ridiculous argument that all kids do it, so who cares?

 

[shortbun]

I agree! I can't believe all the call the other parent. What are they 5?

If a parent called me to tell me "horrors" my young adult child had been at a house without parents, if I could stop myself from laughing, I'd be like "OK, that's nice and you are telling me this why?"

I think I'd tell. I'd tell to protect my child. Also, I'd want to know my child was skipping school, not so much that she was in their house alone. Also, parents of children who are dating need to stick together. I plan to get to know every family my son is dating. They'll be getting a pizza or cookout invite.

 

[Elmo9607]

The idea of going to school with him for the day has my inner 17 year old cringing with embarrassment and regret! Oh god, I can't even imagine how horrible that would be to a 17 year old. Certainly not life-damaging or altering, but gah, that is a punishment for the ages!

 

[Hannathy]

Also, parents of children who are dating need to stick together. I plan to get to know every family my son is dating. They'll be getting a pizza or cookout invite.

Why? I trust my child and her judgement I'm not relying on any other person to make sure she does what is right. That is up to her and her alone.

You really think you are going to get to know the families of every single person your child dates? And when they are in college hours away and the person they are dating lives states away?

If a mother of a boy my DD dated in HS called to get to know us I would be warning my DD to back away from that boy! That their Mother was making this a whole lot more serious than HS dating should be.

 

[shortbun]

Why? I trust my child and her judgement I'm not relying on any other person to make sure she does what is right. That is up to her and her alone.

You really think you are going to get to know the families of every single person your child dates? And when they are in college hours away and the person they are dating lives states away?

If a mother of a boy my DD dated in HS called to get to know us I would be warning my DD to back away from that boy! That their Mother was making this a whole lot more serious than HS dating should be.

LOL, I don't want my kind dating yours either. : If the parents of a young girl don't want to know who my son-who is spending lots of alone time with their daughter- IS, I don't want him dating her. So-we agree and all is right with the world. Good.

 

[LSmith]

Why? I trust my child and her judgement I'm not relying on any other person to make sure she does what is right. That is up to her and her alone.

You really think you are going to get to know the families of every single person your child dates? And when they are in college hours away and the person they are dating lives states away?

If a mother of a boy my DD dated in HS called to get to know us I would be warning my DD to back away from that boy! That their Mother was making this a whole lot more serious than HS dating should be.

"Shudder"

Sounds like a MIL to be from Hell. Holy crap these are almost adults! Calling the girl's parents for a bbq? How horrifying! I'd change my number and advise my son to do the same.

 

[NikitaZee]

No. The parent isn't calling to tattle about their child. They are calling to inform you that YOUR child also skipped school. As a parent I would definitely want to know that my child skipped and I would be concerned that my child also disrespected someone's house rules by being present without the parents home. We feel strongly about rules, our own, and other parents' rules while visiting their home.

I can't believe how many people give the ridiculous argument that all kids do it, so who cares?

My feeling isn't that 'all kids do it so who cares' - for me it's more along the lines of 'he skipped school once - a month before graduation, and spent the afternoon with his girlfriend' ... pretty low on my personal scale of punishable and worrisome offenses. That's just me. Also, I consider a 17 year old more a young man, than a child.

 

[ilovejack02]

My oldest is 23 now , we had a few girlfriend issues come up .

I think at 17 if I caught him at home with a girlfriend skipping school, he would have been grounded for a cpl of weeks of driving ( he had is own car then ) and a discussion . I would remind girlfriend of rules also next time I saw her, which would prob be enough to embarrass both of them. Anything else to me is overkill for a 17 yr old.

I did find out about him going to his girlfriend's house without her parents being there, through the grapevine. I spoke to him about it, and learned her father had a talk with him, which I was fine with of course. Next time I saw the Dad, I apologized which he told me , no need to do , kids will be kids and he felt fine with just having a talk with my son, didn't feel he needed to call and tattle on him as they hadn't been caught in any compromising situation . It was not a skipping school issue then.

 

[Hannathy]

LOL, I don't want my kind dating yours either. : If the parents of a young girl don't want to know who my son-who is spending lots of alone time with their daughter- IS, I don't want him dating her. So-we agree and all is right with the world. Good.

I never said I didn't want to meet the BOY. That is fine but the parents? for a High school date, that is just crazy and putting much too much importance on dating at this level. Which should be having fun and learning to relate to the opposite sex and nothing more.


What are you going to do if the other child's parents think it is crazy and don't go along with it? forbid your child from seeing that person?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Why? I trust my child and her judgement

But, the OP doesn't trust HER child or HIS judgement


OP, I personally wouldn't call the girl's parents. *If* you think they need to know, instruct your son & his girlfriend to take care of that. If they want to act like adults in an adult relationship, then they need to act like adults in general & take some responsibility for their truancy & general rule breaking.

 

[cornflake]

LOL, I don't want my kind dating yours either. : If the parents of a young girl don't want to know who my son-who is spending lots of alone time with their daughter- IS, I don't want him dating her. So-we agree and all is right with the world. Good.

No one said they wouldn't want to know who the kid their kid is dating was, they wouldn't feel any need to be all involved with the kid's parents.

I can't believe the tattling to her parents idea either. 'Your 16-year-old skipped class and hung out with her bf!!!' That's hardly scandalous behaviour. Again, if it's something dangerous (I caught your 16-year-old driving drunk), that's one thing, get on the horn, but random misbehaviour like cutting class? The school should be notifying parents, not other people.

I understand if YOUR rules prohibit bringing a gf/bf home when no one else is there and that's fine, but assuming other parents feel similarly is just silly to me. They can deal with their own kid, barring really serious stuff.

 

[LisaR]

My feeling isn't that 'all kids do it so who cares' - for me it's more along the lines of 'he skipped school once - a month before graduation, and spent the afternoon with his girlfriend' ... pretty low on my personal scale of punishable and worrisome offenses. That's just me. Also, I consider a 17 year old more a young man, than a child.