HELP!I'm pouring my heart out here, need advice!*Updated 6/12/07*

[jlbower79]

delete

 

[crisi]

My husband got a good education, he didn't use that education, which is his own fault... like 99% of college students, he changed his major three times, by the time I met him he went to a local college and paid his way through that and got a degree...

anyways... i've said my peace and i want to go back to just talking mickey and minnie...

Jaime

I got lucky and my parents paid for most of my education. I had some scholarships as well, so left with no debt. But I have "most of" a B.A. in Art History with a minor in History. I possibly have one of the least employable "not quite" degrees that exist. Hasn't stopped me from getting a job outside my field of study. Hasn't stopped me from promotions, job changes, or making a good income. My husband has another "not quite" a degree with a double major in two useless and unemployable fields (unless you are going to get a PhD and be a professor). Hasn't stopped him from having a career.

It isn't the loan offiicers job to tell you "being an actor is a bad career choice." Some people with theatre degrees do very well in theatre and some do very well in management. Likewise, getting a law degree is no guarentee of a great income. I used to have a neighbor who finished med school, got pregnant, and became a stay at home mom before she passed her boards. From talking to my own doctor, a brief period of practice isn't that uncommon for women in the medical profession before they pack it in - lots of doctors don't work long enough to pay off their loans with their income from medicine.

 

[fac]

From talking to my own doctor, a brief period of practice isn't that uncommon for women in the medical profession before they pack it in - lots of doctors don't work long enough to pay off their loans with their income from medicine.

Wonder why it is happening? They married "good"

BTW, please don't give me any examples of exception, it is meant to be a joke I have no plan to start a sub-thread in this discussion.

 

[RoyalCanadian]

yes he is retarded for having it but I can blame him and them just as much and I'm sorry but bankruptcy is a way to go sometimes, it isn't just his life anymore, it's "our" life and it's "my" loan now and that's just how I feel about it.

Jaime

If the debt bugs you so much, then the truly responsible solution would be to cancel your upcoming Disney vacation and apply the money saved to that debt.

 

[Cindi0511]

Wonder why it is happening? They married "good"

BTW, please don't give me any examples of exception, it is meant to be a joke I have no plan to start a sub-thread in this discussion.

You're killing me!!

 

[cnaumann]

Jamie -

To recap, your husband fooled around in college and kept changing his degree, all the while living on borrowed money, has a good education but has no real job to speak of (I infer that from the very low amount he is required to pay on his student loans), 'forgot' to tell you he was $30,000 in debt before you married him, and you are OK with all that and don't really blame him for any of it?

 

[Rella Bella]

Wow... have you gotten a lot of advice on this one. Just wanted to chime in a bit of Suzi Orman wisdom. Never close your oldest credit card account. When they determine your credit score (which is what really matters), the longer you've had credit the better.

Also, don't consolidate all your debt on to one or two cards. If you can keep the balance on each card to below 1/3 or even 1/2 of your credit limit, it will raise your credit score. Opening new credit lines will drop your score.

Unless you really can't meet your obligations don't use a 'credit counseling' company. They can negotiate lower interest rates for you, but in the end it is a permanant score lowering activity on your credit.

We've learned a lot the hard way... hope this advice will help you skip some of that. As temping as it is to keep racking up debt... you'll thank yourself later if you bite the bullet now. So if I may I highly recommend:

'Freeze your cards'
Rearrange the balances to keep each cards balance low
Do only one vacation this year... and every year until you feel caught up
No new debt.. you need to save some credit for possible emergencies
Make all your payments on time
(Even one day late on a payment can raise your interest rate... sometimes on more than one card!)
Work on paying the debt with the highest interest rate off compeletly.. do minimums on the others until it's paid in full, then put every thing on the next one and so on.
Don't cut out all the fun stuff... or you'll go out one day and really go crazy... just make a reasonable budget and stay on it.
Find a new way to deal with stress. Run, walk, volenteer, anything but shopping!
You can do it! Before you know it you'll be free!

 

[Cindi0511]

Never close your oldest credit card account. When they determine your credit score (which is what really matters), the longer you've had credit the better.

Also, don't consolidate all your debt on to one or two cards. If you can keep the balance on each card to below 1/3 or even 1/2 of your credit limit, it will raise your credit score. Opening new credit lines will drop your score.

Unless you really can't meet your obligations don't use a 'credit counseling' company. They can negotiate lower interest rates for you, but in the end it is a permanant score lowering activity on your credit.

We've learned a lot the hard way... hope this advice will help you skip some of that. As temping as it is to keep racking up debt... you'll thank yourself later if you bite the bullet now. So if I may I highly recommend:

'Freeze your cards'
Rearrange the balances to keep each cards balance low
Do only one vacation this year... and every year until you feel caught up
No new debt.. you need to save some credit for possible emergencies
Make all your payments on time
(Even one day late on a payment can raise your interest rate... sometimes on more than one card!)
Work on paying the debt with the highest interest rate off compeletly.. do minimums on the others until it's paid in full, then put every thing on the next one and so on.
Don't cut out all the fun stuff... or you'll go out one day and really go crazy... just make a reasonable budget and stay on it.
Find a new way to deal with stress. Run, walk, volenteer, anything but shopping!
You can do it! Before you know it you'll be free!

Wow -- excellent advice.

 

[LauraR]

Originally posted by CNaumann: To recap, your husband fooled around in college and kept changing his degree, all the while living on borrowed money, has a good education but has no real job to speak of (I infer that from the very low amount he is required to pay on his student loans), 'forgot' to tell you he was $30,000 in debt before you married him, and you are OK with all that and don't really blame him for any of it?

How about focussing on the OP rather than piling on someone who has just indicated she doesn't want to get piled on? Constructive advice would be nice...

 

[stemikger]

Forgive me if I am repeating this information because I didn't read all the replies, but here is my two cents. First of all realize that you are not alone or unique in this situation, there are a lot of people who make good money and find themselves in debt. Don't beat yourself up, but you have to get motivated.

I agree with a lot of the great advice you have been given:

I would not buy that property now: You are young and it can wait. Pay off your debt first.

As much as I agree with my second favoriate financial guru "Dave Ramsey" I was unable to do a budget and got depressed and frustrated because I felt like a failure. You might find better luck with a book called the "Automatic Millionaire" by David Bach. It says that most people can't budget and like a diet they eventually fall off the wagon. A budget is like a financial diet for a lot of people it is hard to stick to for a long term plan.''

In my opinion the Automatic Millionaire is a lot easier to do then The Total Money Makeover. It teaches the same things that TMMO does but it goes about it in a different way and I found is more effective because you don't feel like you are denying yourself so much. Also unlike Dave's plan where you do one thing at a time and move on, in David Bach's plan you attack all your goals at once.

Either way, good luck and don't despair.

 

[jlbower79]

If the debt bugs you so much, then the truly responsible solution would be to cancel your upcoming Disney vacation and apply the money saved to that debt.

It's called "you only live once" and this will be the only time we get to go do anything together and probably the last, so don't tell me what that "responisble" solution is, I didn't ask you and when you have never been on a vacation your whole life, I think you deserve ONE and if you don't think that's 'truly responsible' i never asked you.... I asked ONE question and you all turn it around on me...

For the person who said I dont blame my husband, if you can read one of my post, read the others, and for you to tell me he has no real job? He has a great job, it just takes forever to move up, I dont live in a HIGH class community (and please save the post, dont tell me to move somewhere else because this whole post is not about my life) I'm also not going to tell you how old he is so don't tell me just give it time till he makes more...

You guys are really looking way into this... I said ONE post and you go at me... read the whole thread before you just have a go... can we just "DROP" it... ????

I wish I could go back and delete everything I said so you guys would just leave me alone. I asked you once to stop and you keep going... if there is an op out there who could just DELETE every post I posted and the ones that people went off at me, that would be great... I came to this board to talk Disney anyways, yet I thought I made that clear before but no, have another go?

Jaime

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

Hey! I just wanted to write an inspire you maybe a little. Last year we were having quite a bit of money problems also. Mainly because I am a SHOPAHOLIC!!! Any way one day I looked at my ccc bill and just got plain mad ay MYSELF. I had (no joke) spent 7500 in two months and I couldn't figure out on what. Imean holy crap I could paid off half of my car or 1/12 of my mortgage with that much moolah! Soo in a frenzy I cut up ALL my cards ( I almost cut up my license I was in such a frenzy-but my dh walked in JUST then whew that woulda been like another $20)) and I haven't used them since. Meanwhile we paid off that debt and my husbands school loans and a 10000.00 loan he had taken out before we were married. We paid all of this off in 4 months. Basically because I SUCKED it up. We quit going out to eat. We only spend $80.00 a week on groceries. We don't drive more than we have to. My 6 year old uses the bus to go to school, etc.. Any way we were also feeling cramped (We are the proud parents of 4 beautiful children ages 6,4,3, and 1) as our house is only like 1700 sq. feet and I also run a daycare out of my home. ( Yes that is like 8-10 children in a house with 2 adults and they are included in my $80.00 wk food budget) We thought a little on building a LARGER home but the thought of a 2100.00 per month mortgage just scared me. ( we currently livin a 2.5 year old $132,000.00 home- we were going to upgrade to a 5,000 sq. food brand new $300,000 home) Anyway SCARY!!! SOO we decided to suck it up for a few more years THAN build. We have alreay paid off 7 years of our mortgage in 2 years and at this rate we could have our house paid off in 4-5 years. My point is that you CAN wipe out your dbt you just have to work on it. We only make 90,000-100,000 a yr but we are FINALLY almost debt free. My advice is pick one bill and attack it with a vengeance until it is gone! It just feels good to see the statement that says you owe $0.00 . I think that it is also VERY motivating and encourages you to wipeout MORE debt.

Good luck!! Nicole

 

[dvcgirl]

I think that this discussion is very interesting. Lots of really good ideas from some posters here for the OP. Yes, some of it may sound harsh, but I don't think it is...sometimes a little wake-up call is in order to snap you out of a dangerous situation.

I think that a big wake-up call is coming for *many* people just like the OP, basically anyone who is carrying a serious revolving debt. There are a few factors in play in our nation right now that are going to affect those people in a major way.

For one, the minimum payment on many credit cards is about to jump from 2% to 4% (for many it's already happened). And so if the OP has been paying the minimum on that 22.5K cc bill, your payment is about to go from 450 a month to 900 a month, and of course if you're paying any interest it will be higher. I think you may have mentioned that there is an interest rate involved here.

Another thing that will hit many people, especially those in debt, is that home heating bills are going to positively skyrocket this winter. Estimates are that natural gas heating will go up around 75%. And gasoline prices are heading up again....

Now couple these two things with the new bankruptcy laws that are about to kick in. This new law will make it *much* more difficult for anyone making more than the median income of their home state to file for bankruptcy. And so...no more just walking away from thousands of dollars in CC debt, or any other debt for that matter.

Already, we're seeing the effects of some of this stuff. Last quarter our nation saw the highest percentage ever on late payments to CC companies. Most of this is blamed on rising gas prices. But now with the minimums about to double and no easy bankruptcy solution, I think we're about to see lots of people realize that they need to stop spending....and now.

 

[tlbwriter]

You guys are really looking way into this... I said ONE post and you go at me... read the whole thread before you just have a go... can we just "DROP" it... ????

With all due respect, the ONE post said that you wished the rest of the world (which means us) could be forced to pay for your husband's student loans. Yes, you did, because that's what bankruptcy means. So you can't be surprised when people get a little peeved at that "opinion." And in the rest of the thread you said it wasn't even his fault he had all these loans and no good came of them. Someone made him borrow 30K. Again, while you're entitled to your opinion, the other posters are equally entitled to give you their opinions of it!

This relates to the OP because it's about personal responsibility. The OP is taking responsibility for her own actions. She will eventually dig her way out of her hole. You, on the other hand, will not, until you and your husband (I don't really know if he should be lumped into this; for all we know he accepts complete responsibility for his loans) accept your own responsibility for your situation, and make a more mature payment plan for his student loans. If $4/month is all you're paying toward the principal, you will not be able to pay it off in your lifetime. I understand why you're frustrated, because it's a huge debt and you don't feel he should have taken it on. But he did, and that can't be undone. As someone else said, your anger at those who lent him the money is misplaced - it is not their responsibility to make those decisions for him. Try to channel that emotion and that energy into paying the bill, and pretty soon you'll be here posting your success story.

 

[ButterflyJen]

For one, the minimum payment on many credit cards is about to jump from 2% to 4% (for many it's already happened).

Crap, are you serious??? Man, just as I had a plan for my TMMO!

 

[pearlieq]

With all due respect, the ONE post said that you wished the rest of the world (which means us) could be forced to pay for your husband's student loans. Yes, you did, because that's what bankruptcy means. So you can't be surprised when people get a little peeved at that "opinion." And in the rest of the thread you said it wasn't even his fault he had all these loans and no good came of them. Someone made him borrow 30K. Again, while you're entitled to your opinion, the other posters are equally entitled to give you their opinions of it!

This relates to the OP because it's about personal responsibility. The OP is taking responsibility for her own actions. She will eventually dig her way out of her hole. You, on the other hand, will not, until you and your husband (I don't really know if he should be lumped into this; for all we know he accepts complete responsibility for his loans) accept your own responsibility for your situation, and make a more mature payment plan for his student loans. If $4/month is all you're paying toward the principal, you will not be able to pay it off in your lifetime. I understand why you're frustrated, because it's a huge debt and you don't feel he should have taken it on. But he did, and that can't be undone. As someone else said, your anger at those who lent him the money is misplaced - it is not their responsibility to make those decisions for him. Try to channel that emotion and that energy into paying the bill, and pretty soon you'll be here posting your success story.

Thank you! Exactly what I would have said, but nicer and more eloquent!

 

[dvcgirl]

Crap, are you serious??? Man, just as I had a plan for my TMMO!

Yes, I'm serious. Now it may not be the full 4% for your card. Depends on the bank. Bank of America, MBNA, CitiBank and I believe Chase are all going up to 4%. Some already have...I think Bank of America did this last year.

Why hasn't this story hit the news until *just* recently. Well, the new bankruptcy law that will make it *much* more difficult to walk away from debt kicks around the middle of this month. So they didn't want people to flock to bankruptcy lawyers and try and get rid of debt before they realized that their minimum payment would double.

Yes, this sort of stinks...if you are in debt. However, for some people (and I'm not saying this is you), this is a good thing because it will force them to take a good hard look at their credit situation. And you'll pay off that CC debt much more quickly.

For us as a nation, this is a great thing. We're carrying *way* too much debt...people are living far above their means. It comes back to the old school budgeting. If you can't afford to pay cash for it....you can't afford it. That applies to everything except for your home, your education and your car. Otherwise....don't buy it.

 

[CarolA]

It's called "you only live once" and this will be the only time we get to go do anything together and probably the last, so don't tell me what that "responisble" solution is, I didn't ask you and when you have never been on a vacation your whole life, I think you deserve ONE and if you don't think that's 'truly responsible' i never asked you.... I asked ONE question and you all turn it around on me...

For the person who said I dont blame my husband, if you can read one of my post, read the others, and for you to tell me he has no real job? He has a great job, it just takes forever to move up, I dont live in a HIGH class community (and please save the post, dont tell me to move somewhere else because this whole post is not about my life) I'm also not going to tell you how old he is so don't tell me just give it time till he makes more...

You guys are really looking way into this... I said ONE post and you go at me... read the whole thread before you just have a go... can we just "DROP" it... ????

I wish I could go back and delete everything I said so you guys would just leave me alone. I asked you once to stop and you keep going... if there is an op out there who could just DELETE every post I posted and the ones that people went off at me, that would be great... I came to this board to talk Disney anyways, yet I thought I made that clear before but no, have another go?

Jaime

TAKE A DEEP BREATH!

It's a message board. You are letting way to much get to you.

Now.. expecting folks on a message board to "stop" just because you want them to is very unrealistic. This is just a price you pay for posting personal information. Consider this a lesson learned!

And on another note has anyone noticed that the OP has disappared. Did we scare her off???

 

[MAGICX2]

Sorry everyone! I was sooo sick Tues night and yesterday, some kind of stomach bug! I have printed out all 7 pages of the posts. There is some awesome advice here! I want to read through it all as I have several things I want to touch on when I report. I'll be posting soon.

 

[Cindi0511]

Magic may just be trying to absorb all of these suggestions. There have been PHENOMENAL ones offered, and even though I am not in debt other than my mortgage and vehicles, it has given ME a lot to think about. We all make personal choices, and I'm so thrilled to see that OP took the responsibility and really wanted help. She had a lot of courage to post all of that info, and there was a lot of care and concern in the suggestions and real-life stories that replied. I just KNOW we're going to hear a success story from her! You go, girl!!!

Nicole, hats off to you!