Thank you to all of the replies. I think I needed encouragement that I am not a horrible person and that I can talk to her about this. and that is exactly what I got from all of you.
A little more background is that on the last trip - we were renting two connecting rooms anyway (we have 4 kids). And since we had
free dining and an extra bed I thought that we could invite a sitter so that we could have a date night. I invited a girl from my Church and her friend and all we had to pay were their tickets. At the same time my mother was talking about going and I said that was fine but she had to have her own transportation and her own room since all of our beds were taken. Well, then my sitter backed out at the last minute and my mom said, since she is not going I can now ride with you and stay in the extra bed.
I couldn't possibly say that we had room for two teenagers but not room for you and a child? So see the prediciment?
Luckily my mother (and father) did give me a great sense of humor and I can laugh about it now but I am still stressing about having or not having this conversation with my mother that I know i need to have but really dont want to have.
Group Hug
You deserve to have a Disney vacation with only your immediate family. If your mother invites herself again, you need to be less accomodating than last time. First, do NOT change your resort reservation. If she has to be in a different one, so be it. Second, do not CANCEL any of your ADRs. If you WANT to, you might see if she can be added, but if that is not possible, just tell her that it was not possible to add her to the ADR and that she will be on her own for that meal. If she invites anyone else (another child) inform her that such person will be HER responsibility because you cannot handle the additional stress.
I realize this sounds mean. I wish I still had the opportunity to travel with either my mother or father or DWs mother. But I would not permit anyone to usurp my vacation unless they were paying for the whole trip, and maybe not even then.
I wish you, your DH, and your children the most magical of vacations.
Thanks, I just needed to hear that first sentance
We kinda handled the extra child thing. It is my niece that she invites and she invites her to everything. Recently she said she wanted to bring Niece Sally to a scrapbooking crop with us and I told her that if she brought her then she would have to take care of her because I needed to get my own books done. She said "fine then I wont bring her." (In other words, if you are not going to take care of her then I wont bring her). I explained to her that while I love Sally, that the extra work is somewhat of a burden on me (we have 4 kids of our own under the age of 10).
If she says shes going say "Great, maybe we can meet up for Wishes?" and that should get the point across that you will not be touring together LOL. I wouldnt do it either.
My mother is not very big on hints
Assuming you haven't, or aren't planning to, vacation anywhere else just your own little family in the near future... then maybe just tell her that as much as you love to spend time with her and enjoy visiting WDW with her, your own family needs some R&R all to itself. It's hard to recharge and spend quality time with your DH and kids when there is always someone else there. I love travelling w/ extended family and friends, but NEED to have time for the 4 of us sometimes. Life moves by so fast w/ work, school, sports schedules. Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the WDW magic
Thanks!
Talk with her now before she tries to get in on your trip. Tell her your "family" is taking a vacation because you are all stressed and need to spend time with just your family unit. Put a stop to it before she starts. If she tries to nose her way in politely say that you really want this to be your family but if she feels that stongly here is the airline number, the reservation number and the number to make ADRs.
I know. This is what is worrying me so. The anticipation of
when she will tell me she wants to come. Right now the plan is to talk to her this weekend so that I will quit fretting over it.
I would tell her, as nice as I can, that you want and need time to bond with just your immediate family. There is no better place for a family to travel, tour, eat and experience parades, etc. then WDW. If she pushes, maybe you can have her come for the last 2 days? If she really wants to come, then she'll take what she can get from you. Do not feel obligated to entertain loved ones at the expense of your children. They deserve to have your undivided attention too
Good Luck, I know how hard it is to have these conversations wih my mother too
Thank you!
I would be horrified if my mother even hinted at the idea of going to WDW with us.
ME TOO!!
I wouldn't have said anything yet about the trip
But if it comes up again stress how its a planned trip for your family and how you are looking forward to spending time with just your kids and hubby.
hopefully she will get the idea.
Again, my mother doesn't understand hints.
I think I will have to be blunt.
Good Luck
did these friends that you had talked to, are you going with them? I would say you had been invited to go along with these other friends and all the planning is out of your hands. it would be inappropriate for you to invite others to come along in this scenario.
good luck.
Sort of. They are going the same week we are going. But they vacation very differently than we do. Since we just got back we are on a PB&J budget and they are doing delux dining, we are night owls and they are morning people, etc. So we wont be spending an entire week together - Maybe a meal and/or a water park or something.
But, I did tell my mother that we were going with them and that is why she is upset. She wanted us to go and I said not for a while. Now we are planning a trip with someone else? Oh that just sounds horrible.
I have found that some people, even married couples, simply do not travel well together. Their styles and rhythms are just too different. And then it's either having to be blunt, or having miserable and stressful vacations. BTDT with my in-laws.
Maybe you can tell your mom that though she is welcome to come, this is your vacation (meaning your travel style) and that you will be driving straight through, and you will not be responsible for children that are not your own, and she needs to decide right now so you can include her in your ADRs. Then the choice is up to her, does she want to travel under your terms or not?
I tried telling her last time that we tour at 90MPH and I was worried that she couldn't keep up and/or that she would get her feelings hurt when we had to leave her behind and she insisted that it would not be a problem. That if she needed to rest she would and that we could have our vacation bla bla bla. But once we got there she wanted to keep up with us but couldn't and got very angry that we kept leaving her.
Here's what I did. When we planned our next trip after Mom came along on our DD's first trip last year, I told her that we were booking another trip because we really had fun with her, but we really wanted to go back and spend some bonding time with just the 3 of us together at WDW. She was okay with that. Of course, when the inlaws found out we were going again they decided they wanted to come because they didn't get to go the first time.
I dont understand - is that better or worse?
As Dr Phil would say, we teach people how to treat us. And I'm afraid that you have set yourself up as someone who will bend their wishes to please everyone else, no matter how much it stresses you out.
If the conversation comes up, you need to be kind, but you must be firm too. No wishy washy answers that leaves room for someone to back you into a corner. Then pretty soon you will find yourself changning ADRs again, and taking care of 2 kids that don't belong to you.
Make sure your hubby is firmly in your corner. Maybe you could make him the heavy, would he be willing to do that? "Sorry m-i-l I really love you, but I need some time with my family, and my family alone."?
I really think the key to this is how you act. Act like you may not be sure, and that maybe you might change your mind, and it will be a group vacation before you know it. You need to be loving, but firm.
Yes, I am guilty of the first part. But I dont want to put my husband in that situation. We agreed that I would handle my family and he would handle his family. Since I am the one who taught her to treat me this way - i need to be the one who re-teaches her to treat my family the way I want her to treat them.
We're sort of in the same predicament. We went on our first Disney trip last May. I actually would have been okay with my parents coming for 2 or 3 days, but they weren't able to. Well, after we got back they started talking about planning a big family disney trip. Honestly, I would be fine if it were just my parents, but we cannot handle my siblings and my niece. It's just too much stress and conflict constantly and I know it would be no different in Disney. We recently had them come along for a one night at Great Wolf Lodge. Even that was too much, so we are absolutely certain that we can't do a week-10days at Disney.
My mom even said recently that they can't afford it any time soon, so I took that as a "maybe a family trip a few years from now". Well, DH and I decided that we really want to go again with just our kids, so we booked a trip for May. I need to tell my family, but I know they're going to be upset or try to go. We are absolutely decided that we will not go with them, but it's still hard to see your family disappointed. Of course my DH just said he'll tell them right before we leave, but I can't do that to them. It's just figuring out how to say it so it doesn't seem like we don't want them around. I can be honest and tell my parents that we just can't handle the stress of my sister without offending them, but I can't really tell my sister that she's a miserable person to be around and will ruin our family trip.
Oh, I am so sorry. Please let me know how it turns out
