HELP! I want to take my family to Disney without my mom!

[disneynewbee]

I would try to deal with it before she invites herself. Maybe bring up the trip and say something like "dh said we really need some quality alone time as a family so we decided to go to DW and spend some time together".

 

[ktlm]

I dont understand - is that better or worse?



We're gonna find out! I'm hoping better (let's just say the "we really had fun with her" was a bit of an exaggeration) but we might have to take a 3rd trip and not tell anyone!

 

[itsnotme2009]

I would try to deal with it before she invites herself. Maybe bring up the trip and say something like "dh said we really need some quality alone time as a family so we decided to go to DW and spend some time together".

Yes, and I plan to.... tomorrow...

This is what she posted last week on the boards. I don't know what it means.

I'm baaaack! Well, hello, everyone. Long time, no hear from. My DD called me the other day and said that some one has asked them to go to WDW in May or maybe June. That was all she said.......just kinda left me and the subject hanging in thin air . She hasn't said another word about it. WELLLLL, are ya goin',hunh? Hunh? Are ya? I know. I can mention it to just one of the kids, or to her DH, then just sit back and watch.......uummmmm, oooohhh about half an hour or so and I'll know just how seriously she might be considering the trip. Any suggestions, any one?​

 

[itsnotme2009]

Don't be accommodating! Don't change anything for her...make her do her own work and keep as quiet as you can. That's my plan if anybody tries to tag along on this trip! See my pre-trip for details on our last trip!

Read your pre-trippie. I'm so sorry you had to go without your hubby. I don't know if I could have handled a week with other relatives without mine! I hope this vacation is everything your last one wasn't.

 

[Goofy'slady]

Your situation is identical to ours except subsitute your mum for my BFF. Now, I must tell you I love my BFF to death and my husband cares for her and my kids adore her; they call her aunt Laina. With that said aunt Laina has been on every family trip for the last three years except one. I mean every Disney trip, every trip to Hershey Park, Ski and Tubbing trip, apple picking, trips to Cape Cod, even local day trips; you name it she's been with us. Well, upon returning from our last trip from Disney-I mean literally in the car driving home I was in the front seat talking with my husband (BFF was in the back of the van) and I said how nice it would be for just the four of us to come back next year and stay on property for our oldest daughter's 5th grade graduation gift. Sidenote: My husband and I've have stayed on property once for our anniversary back in 2007 but our girls have never stayed on property because we always rent a vacation home. End of sidenote.

Well, we came home and started planning the trip. My BFF got engaged and began planning her wedding and when we put our deposit down for our trip she begain talking to her fiance about meeting us down there for our trip but only for a long weekend for them. She not only invited herself but now her soon to be husband. Well, the engagment has been disloved and she called me to say that she was still gonna meet us down there even tho she'd be by herself. My I said okay not wanting to hurt her feelings at this difficult time for her, my husband rolled his eyes. Well, when the 4/3 deal came out she decided since it only cost her a little more to stay the entire week as opposed to just a long weekend she would join us for the whole week.

I was shocked and so I called my sister to vent. Sidenote- my older sister who is married and has two kids of her own ages 17DD and 11DS. Well, her family goes to FL/Disney several times a year and while her oldest can do the a few parks for a few days her husband is Disney-ed out! Her son my nephew the 11yr old is still way into Disney. End of Sidenote. Well she laughs and when I told her it wasn't funny she said well it sorta was cuz she was thinking of joining us there for a surprise trip for her son for a few days and she wanted to know if it was alright. Well, what was I gonna say, no?

So our family of 4 trip has suddenly spawned into 7. I've given up on our WDW vacation this year being just for us however there is light at the end of the tunnel. This year instead of staying home for the holidays we've decided to spend them at the GREAT WOLF Lodge in Williamsburg, VA. JUST THE 4 of US.

I feel ya. You want your vaca for just your family but you run the risk of hurt feelings. I just don't think it's worth hurt feelings that turn into bitter feelings later on that seem to linger for a long time. There's always next year.

T.

 

[BelleOfTheBall76]

So our family of 4 trip has suddenly spawned into 7. I've given up on our WDW vacation this year being just for us however there is light at the end of the tunnel. This year instead of staying home for the holidays we've decided to spend them at the GREAT WOLF Lodge in Williamsburg, VA. JUST THE 4 of US.

I feel ya. You want your vaca for just your family but you run the risk of hurt feelings. I just don't think it's worth hurt feelings that turn into bitter feelings later on that seem to linger for a long time. There's always next year.

T.

Wow, I would definitely keep my vacation plans TOP SECRET from now on!

 

[perkinsrose]

I feel somewhat guilty as the trip gets closer--though rationally it's fine that we have a trip alone.

First trip-just DH & 2 kids
2nd trip- first half with my adult sis & mother, 2nd half alone.
3rd trip-first half MIL, second half adult sister & mother
4th trip--just DH & 2 kids

We just said, "We are going alone for family time this year". I'm sure feelings were somewhat hurt--but they understood.

Logistics of planning, touringstyles, etc. more complicated with others but nice to share WDW with loved ones too. One thing that helps is knowing that we plan to go again as soon as we're financially able and maybe we'll travel with family again then.

Suffering from the disease to please can be painful -- you have to balance empathy and action for others with thinking about your own needs too.

Good luck--

 

[itsnotme2009]

I'm sorry. I know its not funny.
But it makes me feel so much better knowing I am not the only one!


OK. Here is my plan. This weekend I will talk to my mother.

I will tell her that yes we are def going. I know she talked about wanting to go again and if she is still interested then here are our dates and here is where we are staying. I will tell her that if she wants to stay at our resort I will be happy to look up the number for her. And if she wants to stay somewhere else that is fine too.

I will then encourage her her that if she is planning on going then she should bring a friend or maybe one of her sisters so that she will have someone to spend time with.

And Also she will need to make her own transportation arrangements. **Note, this will be the difficult as I have a passenger van and she knows we have 'room' for her. Also, her car is unreliable at best and my brothers do NOT want her driving it. But I will be strong and let her know that she cannot ride with us. **

It will be hard but I think I can do it. I will report back on Monday!! Wish me luck.

 

[Twingle]

Just the meals is mostly what we did last time. But even that drove me nuts. My mother can't seem to make any decisions on her own. Example

Me: Mom, we are eating here for lunch, do you want to eat with us or go somewhere else?
Mom: Of course I want to eat with you. I dont want to eat by myself!
Me: OK, do you want cheeseburger or pizza?
Mom: It doesn't matter
Me: Well it doesn't matter to me what you eat either
Mom: Well I'll just have what you are having
Me: Ok, I am having pizza, so you want pizza?
Mom: No, I dont want pizza
Me: So you want a cheeseburger?
Mom: No, I don't want a cheeseburger. Do they have grilled chicken wraps marinated in greek salad dressing with light mayo and romaine lettuce, no salt and extra pepper?
Me: Mom, look up at the menu. do you see that anywhere?
Mom: No, I only see cheeseburgers or pizza
Me: Right so which one do you want?
Mom: Can't we go somewhere else? Do I have to eat here?

This was an actual converstion that happened like 10 times on our vacation!

OMG! We have the same mother! This happened on our trip also!

Wanted to chime in here to say good luck to you - we invited my parents the first time we took our son, who was 3 at the time, because I was pg with the twins and didn't know how well I'd do. Four trips later, they are still coming along EVERY TIME, and I'm having a hell of a hard time letting them know they aren't welcome EVERY TIME. Still hoping that hints will somehow sink in, but I know my mother, and I'm going to just have to tell her that it's just us five next year.

 

[disneybridetobe]

I have found that some people, even married couples, simply do not travel well together. Their styles and rhythms are just too different. And then it's either having to be blunt, or having miserable and stressful vacations. BTDT with my in-laws.

We took my MIL last year... NEVER EVER AGAIN. EVER. Love her dearly, but NO. She heard we were planning a trip and asked when we were going... so I'm going to listen closely to these responses!

 

[Twingle]

Suffering from the disease to please can be painful -- you have to balance empathy and action for others with thinking about your own needs too.

I have never heard this phrased this way before, and I really, really like it. I absolutely suffer from doing this, and I've never had it there in black and white to think about my own needs also, so thank you so much for posting this.

 

[jaminmd]

Just the meals is mostly what we did last time. But even that drove me nuts. My mother can't seem to make any decisions on her own. Example

Me: Mom, we are eating here for lunch, do you want to eat with us or go somewhere else?
Mom: Of course I want to eat with you. I dont want to eat by myself!
Me: OK, do you want cheeseburger or pizza?
Mom: It doesn't matter
Me: Well it doesn't matter to me what you eat either
Mom: Well I'll just have what you are having
Me: Ok, I am having pizza, so you want pizza?
Mom: No, I dont want pizza
Me: So you want a cheeseburger?
Mom: No, I don't want a cheeseburger. Do they have grilled chicken wraps marinated in greek salad dressing with light mayo and romaine lettuce, no salt and extra pepper?
Me: Mom, look up at the menu. do you see that anywhere?
Mom: No, I only see cheeseburgers or pizza
Me: Right so which one do you want?
Mom: Can't we go somewhere else? Do I have to eat here?

This was an actual converstion that happened like 10 times on our vacation!



OMG! I think our mother's were separated at birth!!

At least know you are not alone! Enjoy your trip alone with your family.

 

[LadyShea]

Y'all are way nicer than I am. If my mom had that cheeseburger/pizza discussion I would have gone all toddler-Mama on her "You can have pizza or a cheeseburger or nothing. Those are your choices". Hey it works with DS

 

[ktlm]

Me: OK, do you want cheeseburger or pizza?
Mom: It doesn't matter
Me: Well it doesn't matter to me what you eat either
Mom: Well I'll just have what you are having
Me: Ok, I am having pizza, so you want pizza?
Mom: No, I dont want pizza
Me: So you want a cheeseburger?
Mom: No, I don't want a cheeseburger. QUOTE]


Oh my gosh- I think I have some long lost sisters on this board. One of our conversations at Disney- but it could have happened anywhere:

Me (at San Angel): Mom what are you having?
Mom: Well I'll just have what you are having
Me: I'm having the Mole Poblano
Mom: I don't like that. I don't think I want that.
Me: Then order something else.
Mom: Are you sure you want that? Don't you want something else?
Me: No, I love Chicken Mole.
Mom: Oh (dejected as though I totally disappointed her). Okay- well what do I want?
Me: How am I supposed to know what you are in the mood for?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: Read the menu.

Luckily whatever she got, she loved it.

 

[pyrxtc]

I couldn'r pay my mom enough to come but my MIL is a different story. It is nice to ahve her there and she just goes with the flow but DH acts different around her and I hate it. She also questions my responses to the kids at times and also my responses to their misbehaviors too. I like her and she pays her own way but we have kept her from going on every trip by just telling her it was just us and our kids this time.

 

[ZPT1022]

Okay, first off, when we go now we just generically say "we're going to Florida". We have family there and people just assume we're visiting them. We offer no details and we mention it at the last minute- "Hey, remember we said we're going to Florida in three days, right? So if you need us, call the cell phones" People usually assume that they forgot we had mentioned it

I would tell her, as nice as I can, that you want and need time to bond with just your immediate family. There is no better place for a family to travel, tour, eat and experience parades, etc. then WDW. If she pushes, maybe you can have her come for the last 2 days? If she really wants to come, then she'll take what she can get from you. Do not feel obligated to entertain loved ones at the expense of your children. They deserve to have your undivided attention too Good Luck, I know how hard it is to have these conversations wih my mother too

Nooooo..... you have to have her come the FIRST two days, so that you get time to rest and recuperate after she goes. We have a method for vacations that combine family time and leisure time- family first! Sounds sweet, like we just can't wait to see them but in reality we know we'll need time to chill out after being with family. I love my family but I guess I'm kind of set in my ways- I like being with just DH and the kids where I can really relax. Oh, and yes, we learned that one the hard way

We have done the big family vacation at Disney, It was 12 of us, me DH DS(7) DD (5) my parents, my sister, her husband, my 2 neices 3 and 2 mo old, and my other sister and boyfriend all in a grandvilla at Boardwalk the beginging of Dec 07. It was fun and the kids had a great time. It can be stressful because you think there is a plan and then someone decides they don't want to do that and it seems like a lot of waisted time deciding what to do. So now we decided since my neice was not even a year old at the time we would do it again but now the big family trip will be every 3-5 years. Since it is also all on our DVC points. They understand that we would like to vacation with our own family to some times. It all works out if you talk about it and tell them you want to go with just your family. I would tell them then it is one less thing you have to worry about. Good luck!

that is really nice of you to treat everyone on your DVC points!

Just the meals is mostly what we did last time. But even that drove me nuts. My mother can't seem to make any decisions on her own. Example

Me: Mom, we are eating here for lunch, do you want to eat with us or go somewhere else?
Mom: Of course I want to eat with you. I dont want to eat by myself!
Me: OK, do you want cheeseburger or pizza?
Mom: It doesn't matter
Me: Well it doesn't matter to me what you eat either
Mom: Well I'll just have what you are having
Me: Ok, I am having pizza, so you want pizza?
Mom: No, I dont want pizza
Me: So you want a cheeseburger?
Mom: No, I don't want a cheeseburger. Do they have grilled chicken wraps marinated in greek salad dressing with light mayo and romaine lettuce, no salt and extra pepper?
Me: Mom, look up at the menu. do you see that anywhere?
Mom: No, I only see cheeseburgers or pizza
Me: Right so which one do you want?
Mom: Can't we go somewhere else? Do I have to eat here?

This was an actual converstion that happened like 10 times on our vacation!



Thanks!



Thank you. I will read your pre-trippe today!

I'm sorry, I just laughed so hard at that conversation You do have a good sense of humor. we should hang out sometime, what week are you going??

 

[DWFan4Life]

Sounds a little problem. Just tell your mom honestly that she can't come along because your family decided to just spend that time for the family.

 

[sk!mom]

You messed up when you told her about the trip. Now that the cat's out of the bag, the only thing you can do is be honest. If she asks to go along, say, "I'm sorry, but we really need a getaway with just our family." If you won't do this, then be prepared for her to tag along.

Remember people can't take advantage unless you let them.

Just curious, why did you let her bring an extra child for you to take care of? That should have been an easy request to deny. And why did you let her dictate your trip and force you to change plans. If you weren't so accomodating when people take advantage of you then they might not do it as much. If she had told me that she couldn't travel as we planned, I would have said, "I'm sorry" with no change in my plans. I would not have changed hotels but would have left finding accomodations up to her.

Good Luck! Stand Up for Yourself- Your family deserves it!

BTW- Lest I sound like a total witch, we took my mom with us last summer and had a great time.

 

[jll45]

I think this thread was made for me.

My mother has been on every trip in my siggie but 2.

I can't not tell her to come with us so I have devised what I believe to be the most "genius" "or not" plan.

My mother is flying down with my DD13 two days before my DH and 2 other kids. She is staying at Pop with DD13 and I am staying at WL with DH and other kids. My mother would never spend that much on a hotel. Neither would I until it factored into my "genius" plan. She will be flying back with DD13 two days earlier than me.

This gives me 2 days without her at the end of the trip and I don't have to be near her when I am sleeping or hanging out at the hotel.

I pay her DD13's hotel share, ticket, airfare and dining plan money and she gets a companion that isn't me.

It took me years to get the courage to do this. I have always been in the room with her or in the connecting room next door. It got to a level this past August that I decided I could never do it again. My mother can be described as unbearable at times.

I realize this may not be ideal for everyone but for the first time in a long time I am really looking forward to a relatively stress free trip.

 

[bigbabyblues]

Let me start by saying, we love our families dearly! That said, we don't and won't vacation with anyone that doesn't live in this house. Ever. For any reason. My parents/brothers have never been on vacation, ever, and they aren't likely to ever want to. The IL's would probably like to go, MIL has hinted at it a few times, and DH said over his dead body or when h@ll froze ever.

It's very simple. We don't tell anyone we're going until a few days before we leave. It's not that we don't love them, but our vacation is OUR time, and that's the way it's going to stay.

ETA, I see that she already knows. In that case, I agree with the others, just tell her you want some time to spend with just your DH & dkids.