HELP! I want to take my family to Disney without my mom!

[bumbershoot]

Yes, and I plan to.... tomorrow...

This is what she posted last week on the boards. I don't know what it means.

I'm baaaack! Well, hello, everyone. Long time, no hear from. My DD called me the other day and said that some one has asked them to go to WDW in May or maybe June. That was all she said.......just kinda left me and the subject hanging in thin air . She hasn't said another word about it. WELLLLL, are ya goin',hunh? Hunh? Are ya? I know. I can mention it to just one of the kids, or to her DH, then just sit back and watch.......uummmmm, oooohhh about half an hour or so and I'll know just how seriously she might be considering the trip. Any suggestions, any one?​

She really posted that?

So...she's just messing with you? You're ripping out your hair out of worry about not hurting her feelings, and she's messing with you?

If that's really what she posted (and not a hypothetical) I'd print that out, show it to her, and tell her how it is.

Yucko.


And since I'm a person that only wishes she'd gotten a chance to have ANY sort of adult time at Disney with her mom, but her mom died suddenly at 55 and all I have is one childhood memory of the TEacups giving her such a migraine my mom had to spend the rest of the day at the hotel, that is saying something BIG.

Seriously not cool of your mom...she doesn't really seem like she cares...you probably won't even hurt her feelings, she's probably just pretending like she might have her feelings hurt...bleah.

 

[DizneeMommy]

May I say, after reading this thread. . .

I LOVE MY MOTHER!!

She would never just invite herself on one of our trips. In fact, if we want my parents to go anywhere with us, we have to talk them into it! We get along great, and I can talk to her about absolutely anything. You all are making me even more thankful for her!
(We actually tried to get my parents to go with us on our last WDW trip. . .they declined.)

I'd just have to be honest and tell your mom that this is a trip just for your family.

 

[Keegansmommy]

Oh, that stinks! I would not let her invite herself either.

I don't think our family will ever get to go to Disney by ourselves either. My dad died suddenly a 2.5 years ago and my mom moved in w/ us permanently this past fall. We went to Disney for the first time w/ our son (14 months old) in Dec. and are going again in March. We had a great time w/ her going along, but she goes at a slower pace and she smokes so we were constantly waiting around for her "smoke breaks". It was hard not to get annoyed as we don't smoke. She'd get mad if we'd go too far away, but there was no way I was hanging around the smoke filled areas. We really can't say, "Hey, we're going to Florida for a week" while she is sitting at our house.

I hope your family is able to have a mother free vacation especially if she is hindering your plans.

Good luck!

 

[Kae]

I'm still trying to figure out why you even told her.

Kae

 

[SalandJeff]

May I say, after reading this thread. . .

I LOVE MY MOTHER!! She would never just invite herself on one of our trips. In fact, if we want my parents to go anywhere with us, we have to talk them into it! We get along great, and I can talk to her about absolutely anything. You all are making me even more thankful for her!

I'm glad you posted this. I would love for my mom to go with us. But it is just not something she would enjoy (and now she is 80 and has Parkinson's). One of my biggest regrets is that we never brought my father because he would have loved it. He passed away in 2004 after having Alzheimer's for many years.

That being said, we have gone with other family members, and it can be very stressful. It is hard to get everything coordinated, and I am the type that worries about whether everyone is having a good time.

OK. Here is my plan. This weekend I will talk to my mother.

I will tell her that yes we are def going. I know she talked about wanting to go again and if she is still interested then here are our dates and here is where we are staying. I will tell her that if she wants to stay at our resort I will be happy to look up the number for her. And if she wants to stay somewhere else that is fine too.

I will then encourage her her that if she is planning on going then she should bring a friend or maybe one of her sisters so that she will have someone to spend time with.

And Also she will need to make her own transportation arrangements. **Note, this will be the difficult as I have a passenger van and she knows we have 'room' for her. Also, her car is unreliable at best and my brothers do NOT want her driving it. But I will be strong and let her know that she cannot ride with us. **

JMO, but I think this might be more hurtful than to just tell your mom you need to take a trip with your own, immediate family. And if she does make her own arrangements, etc., it may still stress you out because you will know she is there, worry about what she is doing, feel you must spend some time with her, etc. Good luck!!!

 

[3boymthr]

After reading all these posts, boy am I glad my parents don't like WDW and MIL and FIL refuse to travel! My DP took DB & I once when we were kids and have never been again. They always say - "why would we want to go again we already been there once?" - this from a couple who has gone on the same drive vacation to Florida EVERY year for the last 18 years .

We have gone vacationing with my parents BTW - we rent a cottage on Cape Cod every three years and they come and stay for two nights midweek. We like to see them come but we're really glad when they go home as DF drives DH up a wall! So WDW with my DH & DF OMG what a nightmare.

To OP - I don't envy you the situation with your DM - sounds like it could be trouble. Sometimes you do definitely have to be blunt and hurt people's feelings to do what's best for your family. Remember that you ARE doing what's best for YOUR family. So long as she is not a person who holds grudges like my MIL who still brings up imagined slights from 20 years ago she will probably be over it before you ever leave.

Here is a tactic to remember if she tries to manipulate you into asking or asks whether she can come along, plays the pity card don't you have extra space in the rooms, say "Well, we're staying here and booked with the recent 4/3 sale and we are so lucky to have the rooms as most of the rooms are booked and I can't change my reservation even to add a person or I might loose my discounted rates and then we wouldn't be able to go at all but if you would like to try and book a room of your own here are the codes - I wish you good luck!"

 

[angela1044]

Seriously, it's time to put on your big girl panties and tell her the truth!

 

[disykat]

I'm sorry. I know its not funny.
But it makes me feel so much better knowing I am not the only one!


OK. Here is my plan. This weekend I will talk to my mother.

I will tell her that yes we are def going. I know she talked about wanting to go again and if she is still interested then here are our dates and here is where we are staying. I will tell her that if she wants to stay at our resort I will be happy to look up the number for her. And if she wants to stay somewhere else that is fine too.

I will then encourage her her that if she is planning on going then she should bring a friend or maybe one of her sisters so that she will have someone to spend time with.

And Also she will need to make her own transportation arrangements. **Note, this will be the difficult as I have a passenger van and she knows we have 'room' for her. Also, her car is unreliable at best and my brothers do NOT want her driving it. But I will be strong and let her know that she cannot ride with us. **

It will be hard but I think I can do it. I will report back on Monday!! Wish me luck.

What? Now you're inviting her? To me, that sounds like an invitation followed by a bunch of stipulations. While I understand she might need the stipulations - DON'T INVITE HER! Tell her you're going and that you're excited about your family's trip. If she invites herself THEN give her the stipulations. I understand that you're worried she might invite herself, but you really can't complain if YOU invite her.

I thought the whole point was that you weren't inviting her. Inviting her and then making all those stipulations just seems mean. There's nothing wrong with not inviting her, why be unnecessarily cruel?

 

[Nancyg56]

I am a Mom and would like to weigh in. It sounds like you want to invite her but make so many stipulations that she will know she is not welcome and will back out. As a parent you not only show your parents how to behave towards you, you teach your children how to behave towards others.

I still don't understand why you cannot tell your Mom that you enjoyed your last vacation together but you and your DH want to vacation as a family this time. If you play this passive/aggressive game with her you will avoid standing up for yourself and your family and she will be needlessly hurt or be the villain.

I may not have followed this thread correctly, but I thought I saw that she posted a thread that she was being excluded from a family trip. You are posting that you do not want her on a family trip. If this is correct, then I see that neither one of you can talk to the other and both are using a message board to let the other know what you are thinking. This makes no sense to me . You are both adults and you both love each other and are invested in each other's happiness. Call her up and tell her the truth, you both deserve a real conversation so that you do not resent each other.

 

[sunnyday123]

Good luck. My DM and DSF invited themselves on my last trip, but they stayed in another resort and left early ( and showed up late ) every day. They're retired, so they are on a different time schedule.

This may help, but the margarita stand on the left in Mexico makes awesomely strong margaritas, and then you can just hit the beer stands randomly. If you put the kids in a stroller, you can have them hold your extra beers for you. That way you don't have to stop as much.

 

[Princess Sleepy]

This may help, but the margarita stand on the left in Mexico makes awesomely strong margaritas, and then you can just hit the beer stands randomly. If you put the kids in a stroller, you can have them hold your extra beers for you. That way you don't have to stop as much.

This whole thread makes me appreciate my mom (who I thought could be over-sensitive and hard to handle until I read this) and my MIL, who needs a little prodding to stay more involved. They are so much more in the middle of the spectrum than I thought.

Good luck to the OP, although I agree with the PPs who advocate not inviting her a all. This is a trip for you and your immediate family and that is ok. Maybe you can soften the blow by setting a time in the future when you and she will go back again. Even if it is a long ways off, it helps to have a time. We just set a time with my DHs whole family for the holidays...in 2011.

 

[sunnyday123]

This whole thread makes me appreciate my mom (who I thought could be over-sensitive and hard to handle until I read this) and my MIL, who needs a little prodding to stay more involved. They are so much more in the middle of the spectrum than I thought.

Good luck to the OP, although I agree with the PPs who advocate not inviting her a all. This is a trip for you and your immediate family and that is ok. Maybe you can soften the blow by setting a time in the future when you and she will go back again. Even if it is a long ways off, it helps to have a time. We just set a time with my DHs whole family for the holidays...in 2011.

Me too!! My DM and DSF just breezed in and out, ate with us when they wanted to and just enjoyed watching DD. They did tire ( or so they said) earlier than we did so they would go back to their room, and we did our commando touring.

 

[MinnieLove]

OK - playing devils advocate..... My mom drove me crazy on a regular basis, but now she is gone. My DD15 remembers her but DStwins 5 dont remember her. I wish we had more family memories for me and my children. And even if I could not welcome an extra person on vacation, I would not want that to become a major "thing" between us. Mickey is supposed to magical. Most parents still want to spend special time with their adult children. Be honest- just us and the kids for this one.... maybe you & I can go _____ and spend some time with each other.... sometimes stressful on vacation and we cannot enjoy our time together.

We must treasure things in life if we wish to be treasured. Not to be soppy, but someday you will miss her. But be honest about your intentions on this vacation.

 

[itsnotme2009]

She really posted that?

So...she's just messing with you? You're ripping out your hair out of worry about not hurting her feelings, and she's messing with you?

If that's really what she posted (and not a hypothetical) I'd print that out, show it to her, and tell her how it is.

Yucko.


And since I'm a person that only wishes she'd gotten a chance to have ANY sort of adult time at Disney with her mom, but her mom died suddenly at 55 and all I have is one childhood memory of the TEacups giving her such a migraine my mom had to spend the rest of the day at the hotel, that is saying something BIG.

Seriously not cool of your mom...she doesn't really seem like she cares...you probably won't even hurt her feelings, she's probably just pretending like she might have her feelings hurt...bleah.

No, she actually wrote that on another thread here on the boards.

Well, today is the day I confront my mom. Wish me luck everyone.

 

[itsnotme2009]

OK - playing devils advocate..... My mom drove me crazy on a regular basis, but now she is gone. My DD15 remembers her but DStwins 5 dont remember her. I wish we had more family memories for me and my children. And even if I could not welcome an extra person on vacation, I would not want that to become a major "thing" between us. Mickey is supposed to magical. Most parents still want to spend special time with their adult children. Be honest- just us and the kids for this one.... maybe you & I can go _____ and spend some time with each other.... sometimes stressful on vacation and we cannot enjoy our time together.

We must treasure things in life if we wish to be treasured. Not to be soppy, but someday you will miss her. But be honest about your intentions on this vacation.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I guess I know that will be me someday. My mother doesn't take care of herself and I fear that it will catch up to her soon and I will regret not letting her go. My DH says I can't think that way because it is unrealistic to make decisions for our lives based on how we think we will feel in the future.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

No, she actually wrote that on another thread here on the boards.

Well, today is the day I confront my mom. Wish me luck everyone.

Good Luck!

Remember, if you both love one another, honesty will not harm your relationship. Allowing her to become a "thorn" that you resent will...

 

[sunnyday123]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I guess I know that will be me someday. My mother doesn't take care of herself and I fear that it will catch up to her soon and I will regret not letting her go. My DH says I can't think that way because it is unrealistic to make decisions for our lives based on how we think we will feel in the future.

true....but let's face it, there will be a day when we all lose our parents, and I'm glad I had the chance to vacation with mine when I wasn't a sullen, embarrassed teenager.

I think she's planning on joining us on the next vaca, too.

 

[Del]

Good Luck....I want to know what happens.

 

[bumbershoot]

No, she actually wrote that on another thread here on the boards.

Well, today is the day I confront my mom. Wish me luck everyone.

She really posted it. But you're actually thinking that she really gets her feelings hurt. She's messing with you....


"I can mention it to just one of the kids, or to her DH, then just sit back and watch......."


Messing with you.

 

[disykat]

I'm still confused. WHY does telling her you are going mean you have to invite her?

It still sounds to me like you are inviting her. Don't do it!