HELP! I want to take my family to Disney without my mom!

[itsnotme2009]

OK so i talked to her but before I tell you about it i want to clarify some things. first of all I started this thread partly in fun because I thought that our situation was somewhat humorous and also pretty common. But also I wanted some feedback from my loyal disboarders to know that I am not alone and that I am not crazy or just plain selfish for not wanting her to come with us.

While I do not go looking for arguments, I am very well capable of standing up for myself and more importantly for my family. But my mother is a very err, how should I put it... a very optimistic person. She only sees the good in people. And she only hears the good also. Meaning if it is not what she wants to hear, then she didn't hear it. So me telling her "We want to take a family vacation" her reply would be "good, so when do we go?" Or me saying "No, just us" Her reply would be "that sounds fun! i'll make sure you have the family time you need while we are on vacation." With her you have to be very specific. So how do you say "We want to go without you" without hurting someone's feelings?

And also I want to clarify about inviting her while not wanting to invite her. i guess I didn't explain this well the first time around. When we got back from our last trip mom wanted to go again. When i said that we couldn't go for a while she said she was still saving for a trip and really wanted to try to go sometime this next year. I said that sounds great I hope you have fun. She brought it up a few more times and everytime I said we still were not going. So when we did decide to go I didn't know if she was still planning her trip or not.

Now that I hopefully have everything clarified, We did have a conversation and as it turns out I had nothing to worry about anyway. I told her that we were going and gave her the dates. I then said that I had been worrying about her being hurt because we told her we couldn't go last year and then changed her mind. She said her feelings were not hurt and after I gave her the reasons for us going she said she understood and thought that it made sense on our part. I then asked if she was still planning her trip and she said no, that she decided to go somewhere else with some of her friends.

So, again I worried about nothing. But just in case she does change her mind before we go and does invite herself I will keep the following advice in mind.

This may help, but the margarita stand on the left in Mexico makes awesomely strong margaritas, and then you can just hit the beer stands randomly. If you put the kids in a stroller, you can have them hold your extra beers for you. That way you don't have to stop as much.

 

[Binnie]

I've been following your thread, and I'm glad that everything (at least for now!) worked out well.

I agree with you that too many times these kinds of situations come up, and they're always so awkward that I don't blame you a bit for asking for some advice and encouragement in dealing with it. As long as you remember about the margarita place...

 

[Big Kid]

To the OP: I sympathize and empathize. I mentioned to my mother one day last week that we would like to rent a cabin at the lake for a week next summer. She asked what I thought about going together. I had not intended to invite her since my wife and I were miserable on the last trip that we took with her. We are low key and she is high strung; we are optimistic in general and she is not; she becomes very anxious about flight schedules to the point that she plans to arrive at the airport four hours before flight time (with a generous buffer to allow for highway traffic).

My wife and I have actually discussed inviting her to go with us on a trip because we love the ideal of a big happy family vacation, and because we realize that she would like to join us, but always conclude that we would not enjoy it because of the stress that she would bring.

Since she has a tendency to interpret vague expressions of non-interest or postponement as agreement, I told her that if we did share a cabin (which would include a nine-hour drive with a 2-year-old there and back) then we (my wife, son and I) could spend every other day with her. My grandmother, her MIL and a dear friend, lives in that area so she would have someone to spend time with.

I was less than diplomatic and she felt rejected. Though I don't know a diplomatic way to say that we don't wish to travel with you, and if we do ever go on a trip with you it will be because we feel sorry for you and/or you have guilted us into it.

Glad to hear that other posters here feel that nuclear families have a basic right to take vacations by themselves since I have been feeling like a bad guy.

And to those who can travel happily with your extended families, I am in awe and more than a little envious.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

This is going to happen to me one day... but I will be the Mom. I'm glad that everything worked out for you.

 

[perkinsrose]

This is going to happen to me one day... but I will be the Mom. I'm glad that everything worked out for you.

Oh no--

I just realized me too!! How can I imagine my kids' kids at WDW and me not experiencing it too!

 

[Mom2Nick]

Ug I totally get that. Just be blunt with mom and tell her that you have decided that every other trip will be for you guys alone and leave it at that.

If she decides she wants to come along let her make her own plans - do not change yours.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

Maybe a solution would be a trip to WDW with just your mom, you and your kids? A working vacation where she actually helps you shepherd your kids around the parks and stand in line with one set of kids while you stand in another line with another set of kids? I know my DH would think this was the ideal plan! He doesn't like WDW as much as me, and doesn't get along with my family. They don't mix well with him either, so it would work out fine!

But I don't think my mom would ever go for it though because of the heat and the chasing kids part. Not that she doesn't love them, but that she's really just too frail and tires too easily to enjoy the parks without an electric scooter and she'd sooner gnaw off an arm than ride in one of those!

Good luck OP. I'm guessing your mom may be messing with you though, and will switch her plans at the last minute. Be ready for that.

 

[sunnyday123]

This is going to happen to me one day... but I will be the Mom. I'm glad that everything worked out for you.

you and me both!!!! I think I am that Mom now, and DD is only 11 !!!


And to the OP, if you need my Beer In Every Country touring plan, just let me know. Glad I could offer some helpful advice.

 

[cheshireqt]

Whew, I am so glad that worked out for you I was concerned for you through those beginning posts. Hope you enjoy making your plans and hope you are able to keep it lowkey from your Mom so you are not back at the starting point again.
Enjoy your vacation and do not let a smidgeon of guilt creep in, your family deserves a happy not-stressed out Mommy to make their own memories with. When they are older you want them to remember this trip with only happy memories. That's why we Dis and plan and overplan, right!?!