~help I am broke! ~ ! BIG $$ mess here

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Originally posted by robsmom
So my my sugggestion is to calculate your net worth at June 30, 2004 and your net worth at June 30, 2003. Did your total go up or down and by how much, this will tell you the extent of your problem. If your net worth went up substantially in the year but you have no cash, then this is just a cash flow issue and/or you are "over saving". Changing small things may help. If you find, however, that you have lowered your net worth for the year or not substantially increased it, you may have to accept that you are living above your means and major changes are in order. Good Luck.

Be careful on that calculation--our net worth pretty much stays the same or goes up--but courtesy of property value mostly and hubby's 401K--but mostly property. It can provide false optimism. (This is based on the net worth calculations we use that lists assets at current value versus what you paid for them--if you do it based on what you paid, it could provide a more realistic calculation of your net worth versus your debt).

Have you looked into your 401K loans--and the repercussions of cancelling them and taking the tax hit on an early withdrawal. Another extreme suggestion--you would have to look into that and how it would affect your credit rating--and just write it off as lesson learned that you will never get a 401K loan again. No flames for this suggestion please--just sometimes have to think out of the box.

 

[pjlla]

TO tink2wd.....

First thing that jumps to mind in your scenario.... if you are paying for trash, stop the trash pick up and go to the dump.

Turn down the heat in the house and the hot water heater to save gas/oil.

Turn off the lights and EVERYTHING else that is non-essential whenever possible. This includes nightlights, fans, computers, curling irons. If you have more than one fridge/freezer, you may want to consider discontinuing use of it, unless you find it is essential to your grocery buying scheme (like getting a great deal on meat).

Water.... watch your useage.... showers, flushes (consider putting a gallon jug full of water in your toilet tank to conserve), dishes/dishwasher, laundry.... try to conserve everywhere! Don't let it run while you wash dishes, brush teeth, shave, etc.

You didn't mention food.... most EVERYONE has an area where they could conserve on their food bill. Bread and milk are relatively "essential".... soda, chips, and coffee are not. Eggs are a great source of cheap protein, as are rice and beans and oatmeal. Read some books on nutrition and see how you can still eat a nutritious meal without spending $6.99 for lunch meat or $4.99 for pork chops.

While I understand the basic directTV for $39/month, if it meant the difference between paying off a bill or not, I think I would dump the TV.... but I do understand the desire to keep just this basic "luxury".

I'm sure you got many other answers while I slowly typed this and ate my breakfast.... but I sincerely hope this helps......P

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

Originally posted by tink2dw
What I want to know is; if you have pared down, to only paying
1. Mortgage
2. Natural Gas-heat
3. Electricity
4. Water
5. Trash
6. Insurance
7. Telephone with dsl/$3.00 more than dail-up/no long distance

Plus
Basic Direct TV $39./ instead of movie rentals and movie nights

Shop at Grocery Outlet and Winco[2 cheapest food stores]

Don't have any Credit Cards. Not even one for emergencies.

Have 1 beater car that was $600. paid with a tax refund 4 years ago, runs and runs, just a couple of quirks.

Have NO savings[whats that?] and whats a retirement?

Husbands working 40 hrs and job doesn't allow Any overtime.

And I'm still shuffling bills to see who gets paid this month or next.

Then what should you do?

Have you considered a job change or is there a promotion in horizon? Or maybe going to school during off time for a degree (apply for financial aid), or a second job during off time to help you catch up some?

DH and I have been in this situation and that's the only thing that would dig us out, we knew we needed more money so in our case he went from National Guard to Active Duty military, and I became a SAHM instead of working full-time and that actually saved us money.

Also, have you considered getting help from WIC or food stamps until you can pay your basics on your own? You don't mention if you have kids, but it's easier to swallow your pride when you're doing it for your kids' sake.

Are car repairs costing you as much as a car payment and is the car as fuel effiecient as a newer model?

Make a menu and grocery list and stick to them, use what's on sale as a base, clip coupons, walk when you can instead of driving, combine errands into as few of trips as you can (with gas prices what they are now this can add up).

Have a yard sale and/or ebay some of your unused items for some extra spending money (then use the money to catch up a bill). Pay your bills on time to avoid late fees.

 

[CarolA]

How much of your income as a precentage are you spending on the mortgage?

Regardless of what you said about not being in danger of losing the house it sounds to me like you may be "house poor" As in, we can afford this house but NOTHING else. It might be time to downsize.

 

[crisi]

peacefulgirl,

You are getting there, but you still aren't taking this seriously enough.

You say this isn't critical - you won't lose the house - but all it takes is a round of layoffs or a back injury and you guys are in deep doo doo and you may lose the house (or have to declare bankruptcy).

You have taken TWO loans against your 401k. And this was not a wake up call for you.

Your husband has been stashing money away, and you've managed to spend it.

You've been treating overtime like ordinary income.

And you've been giving money away! Despite having loans out against your future!

You have been living beyond your means for what sounds like a few years. With every month, your hole has gotten deeper. In order to save money, you are going to have to live BELOW your means. In order to pay off the debt, you are going to have to live WAY below your means. I don't think saving a few bucks a month on insurance or turning down your thermostat is going to do this for you.

Your attitude strikes me as somewhat naive. You are willing to drive DD 45 minutes to school and for activities - putting what must be $50 worth of gas in your car a week - plus I'm sure the activities aren't free. I'm glad your DD is getting to take advantage of these things, but it doesn't sound like you can afford them. You have a web site, but who knows if its profitable, if it isn't, you can't afford it. Your husband has a dump truck he "could make money with" but doesn't. And you aren't seeing these things as drains. You want to take a trip to WDW with your MIL - for the best of reasons - but would your MIL wish you to risk your DDs financial future for it?

In the meantime, your husband sounds like he's been denying himself things so that ends get met and savings gets set aside. That isn't good for your marriage - particularly when you spend on behalf of others.

I sound harsh, and I am being harsh - in part because a good friend declared bankruptcy and is in the process of getting divorced and having his house repossed. Five years ago he told a story similar to yours - two good incomes (they made in excess of $100,000 a year between them), but living slightly beyond their means, no extra cash and no savings - he took some baby steps - but didn't take the "get rid of the extra trucks, don't go on vacation, get money set aside, get rid of the expensive hobbies" advice seriously. Three years ago his (soon to be ex) wife lost her job. When he married six years ago, he had a six figure net worth. His net worth at the end of this will be nearly six figures in the negative.

 

[disneysteve]

Originally posted by peacefulgirl
Yes he has 600/month going into a saving. 200 of that goes to his ROTH. He has savings on there (he is a great saver!) But we just did a home repair and he used it for that. He thought I was going to give him $$ for it, but I couldn't, obviously) so he had to pay the contractor with it. That is kinda what started this, this is when we went "WHAT THE ..."

Forgive me, but I'm still confused. You've got $600/month going into savings besides what you are putting into your 401K. Yet you still have no cash or emergency fund. Where exactly is that $600 going? You said that $200 goes into a Roth. What about the other $400? That would accumulate to nearly $5000/year which would give you a nice cash reserve after a couple of years. And maybe you should consider not funding the Roth temporarily until you have built up a good emergency fund. That way you'd save $7200/year.

 

[BRIANSMOM]

Originally posted by crisi
peacefulgirl,

You are getting there, but you still aren't taking this seriously enough.

You say this isn't critical - you won't lose the house - but all it takes is a round of layoffs or a back injury and you guys are in deep doo doo and you may lose the house (or have to declare bankruptcy).

You have taken TWO loans against your 401k. And this was not a wake up call for you.

Your husband has been stashing money away, and you've managed to spend it.

You've been treating overtime like ordinary income.

And you've been giving money away! Despite having loans out against your future!

You have been living beyond your means for what sounds like a few years. With every month, your hole has gotten deeper. In order to save money, you are going to have to live BELOW your means. In order to pay off the debt, you are going to have to live WAY below your means. I don't think saving a few bucks a month on insurance or turning down your thermostat is going to do this for you.

Your attitude strikes me as somewhat naive. You are willing to drive DD 45 minutes to school and for activities - putting what must be $50 worth of gas in your car a week - plus I'm sure the activities aren't free. I'm glad your DD is getting to take advantage of these things, but it doesn't sound like you can afford them. You have a web site, but who knows if its profitable, if it isn't, you can't afford it. Your husband has a dump truck he "could make money with" but doesn't. And you aren't seeing these things as drains. You want to take a trip to WDW with your MIL - for the best of reasons - but would your MIL wish you to risk your DDs financial future for it?

In the meantime, your husband sounds like he's been denying himself things so that ends get met and savings gets set aside. That isn't good for your marriage - particularly when you spend on behalf of others.

I sound harsh, and I am being harsh - in part because a good friend declared bankruptcy and is in the process of getting divorced and having his house repossed. Five years ago he told a story similar to yours - two good incomes (they made in excess of $100,000 a year between them), but living slightly beyond their means, no extra cash and no savings - he took some baby steps - but didn't take the "get rid of the extra trucks, don't go on vacation, get money set aside, get rid of the expensive hobbies" advice seriously. Three years ago his (soon to be ex) wife lost her job. When he married six years ago, he had a six figure net worth. His net worth at the end of this will be nearly six figures in the negative.

PEACEFUL,
A lot of what this person posted was me exactly about 5 years ago. Now I am a divorced single mother of one 10 year old son. Yep he is expensive, but if I can't afford an activity, he does not do it and understands.
My exhusband and I bought what we wanted when we wanted and helped out whomever needed it. We also took vacations several times a year. Things went downhill and our problems got the best of us, which ended up in bankruptcy early on in our marriage. Things got better quick, new big house, new car and truck, we made more money than we did before. Then it got worse again, divorce. He filed bancruptcy, he had more bills after I left than we did together. I have struggled to collect money from him for our son, he now has a new wife and 2 babies. I work a 8-5 job and make decent money, but reality hits when you have to learn to do without and stretch those hard earned dollars. I still take my son on vacations, usually to disney every year. Next year we will go only to the beach. I have decided to try and stretch out my $ even further and maybe get the only 3 extra bills paid off. I am like the othe rposter where I only have the minimum to pay each month. No big loans, no fancy car, I have one year left on mine. I rent, do not own. Do my best to keep my utilities down. But my best advice and I just started doing this myself is to clip coupons out of the sunday paper. It can save you alot if you have a store that will double coupons up to $1. I went last sat. and my sub total was 81.25 after subtracting my coupons and doubling my total was $39.15. I saved $42.10. I am not kidding. I got 3 bottles of shampoo, several air freshners, toilet paper, 3 deodorants, 4 toothpastes, several bottles of cleaning supplies, hairspray, hair gel, body wash, 2 big downy fabric softeners, Febreeze air freshners, febreeze clothes spray, 4 big bottles of dish washing liquid. and I am sure I have missed something. But you see how much that saves, and I am stocking up. I won't need to buy those things for a while. Do this and I promise you will see a difference.

I was like you, I was very resourcful when it came to borrowing. But I have learned my lesson well and so for I have made it and I really did not have to do without a lot. Just did not get all I wanted when I wanted. You can do it too. Saving when shopping can become addictive. Just don't over shop.

Good Luck.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Crisi--someone posted a second financial situation to which the thermostat and other suggestions were directed. Sorry for the confusion.

Originally posted by crisi
peacefulgirl,

You are getting there, but you still aren't taking this seriously enough.

You say this isn't critical - you won't lose the house - but all it takes is a round of layoffs or a back injury and you guys are in deep doo doo and you may lose the house (or have to declare bankruptcy).

You have taken TWO loans against your 401k. And this was not a wake up call for you.

Your husband has been stashing money away, and you've managed to spend it.

You've been treating overtime like ordinary income.

And you've been giving money away! Despite having loans out against your future!

You have been living beyond your means for what sounds like a few years. With every month, your hole has gotten deeper. In order to save money, you are going to have to live BELOW your means. In order to pay off the debt, you are going to have to live WAY below your means. I don't think saving a few bucks a month on insurance or turning down your thermostat is going to do this for you.

Your attitude strikes me as somewhat naive. You are willing to drive DD 45 minutes to school and for activities - putting what must be $50 worth of gas in your car a week - plus I'm sure the activities aren't free. I'm glad your DD is getting to take advantage of these things, but it doesn't sound like you can afford them. You have a web site, but who knows if its profitable, if it isn't, you can't afford it. Your husband has a dump truck he "could make money with" but doesn't. And you aren't seeing these things as drains. You want to take a trip to WDW with your MIL - for the best of reasons - but would your MIL wish you to risk your DDs financial future for it?

In the meantime, your husband sounds like he's been denying himself things so that ends get met and savings gets set aside. That isn't good for your marriage - particularly when you spend on behalf of others.

I sound harsh, and I am being harsh - in part because a good friend declared bankruptcy and is in the process of getting divorced and having his house repossed. Five years ago he told a story similar to yours - two good incomes (they made in excess of $100,000 a year between them), but living slightly beyond their means, no extra cash and no savings - he took some baby steps - but didn't take the "get rid of the extra trucks, don't go on vacation, get money set aside, get rid of the expensive hobbies" advice seriously. Three years ago his (soon to be ex) wife lost her job. When he married six years ago, he had a six figure net worth. His net worth at the end of this will be nearly six figures in the negative.

 

[robsmom]

Originally posted by Lisa loves Pooh
Be careful on that calculation--our net worth pretty much stays the same or goes up--but courtesy of property value mostly and hubby's 401K--but mostly property. It can provide false optimism. "

I couldn't agree more. In my opinion the added property value is an asset and can be considered but when you are doing your comparision look at each category side by side as well as the total to get the big picture. My gut is that the total isn't going to be a positive increase because you (OP) took the equity out of your house so the asset value has gone up but you liability against has as well. and you used the equity to buy a car which has depreciated so it is not worth what you took out.

 

[peacefulgirl]

You are getting there, but you still aren't taking this seriously enough.

You say this isn't critical - you won't lose the house - but all it takes is a round of layoffs or a back injury and you guys are in deep doo doo and you may lose the house (or have to declare bankruptcy).

You have taken TWO loans against your 401k. And this was not a wake up call for you.

Your husband has been stashing money away, and you've managed to spend it.

You've been treating overtime like ordinary income.

And you've been giving money away! Despite having loans out against your future!

You have been living beyond your means for what sounds like a few years. With every month, your hole has gotten deeper. In order to save money, you are going to have to live BELOW your means. In order to pay off the debt, you are going to have to live WAY below your means. I don't think saving a few bucks a month on insurance or turning down your thermostat is going to do this for you.

Your attitude strikes me as somewhat naive. You are willing to drive DD 45 minutes to school and for activities - putting what must be $50 worth of gas in your car a week - plus I'm sure the activities aren't free. I'm glad your DD is getting to take advantage of these things, but it doesn't sound like you can afford them. You have a web site, but who knows if its profitable, if it isn't, you can't afford it. Your husband has a dump truck he "could make money with" but doesn't. And you aren't seeing these things as drains. You want to take a trip to WDW with your MIL - for the best of reasons - but would your MIL wish you to risk your DDs financial future for it?

In the meantime, your husband sounds like he's been denying himself things so that ends get met and savings gets set aside. That isn't good for your marriage - particularly when you spend on behalf of others.

I sound harsh, and I am being harsh - in part because a good friend declared bankruptcy and is in the process of getting divorced and having his house repossed. Five years ago he told a story similar to yours - two good incomes (they made in excess of $100,000 a year between them), but living slightly beyond their means, no extra cash and no savings - he took some baby steps - but didn't take the "get rid of the extra trucks, don't go on vacation, get money set aside, get rid of the expensive hobbies" advice seriously. Three years ago his (soon to be ex) wife lost her job. When he married six years ago, he had a six figure net worth. His net worth at the end of this will be nearly six figures in the negative.

Crisi,

I hear you. I guess it's hard to get a true feel for someone on a message board. Let me try and give you a better "picture" of me.


Naive I am NOT, no no not me. I had my son at 18, unmarried. Fresh out of HS. I did not marry his father because he was not a person I could live a life with, unfortunatly I was NAIVE then, but smart enough to know I would be divorced in no time.


I moved home back with Mom, when my son was 3 months old, after his father wacked me upside the head one day. I knew right then and there, this is NOT what I am going to have in my life.

I went home, and that DAY, called around for daycare, called around and got my OLD job back. Looked for a car and found one for 600.00 Then I called 3 people and borrowed 200 from each, giving them a schedule of when I would pay them back, week 1&2 person A, week 3&4 person B, week 4&5 person C. The car sat until I had enough to register it. Now I had , car, job, home. Then I worked and saved enough to get a roommate, moved out ................. and so on. I did not go on WELFARE as I could have, I knew the concept of work, my Mom raised 6 kids single, I knew what it was like to have milk and bread only. I lived that. She taught us work ethics, she worked HARD for us. And we knew we couldnt have everything we wanted and we were fine with that.

I was a single mother until I my son was 6 (now 19) and I met my hubby. He had no job, 1 bad student loan for credit. He respected me for my independence and my drive to take care of me and mine. He got a good job, we built his credit, we got married after 6 months. We had a baby 13 months later AND bought a house on my job only the same month my baby was born. He worked HARD for 5 years while I stayed home with the kids. He got a great job and I went back to my great job. We sold that house for a profit ! and bought this one. The equity in this house is 2 times what we bought it for. We have NEVER been late for a bill, ever! We take pride in that!

You see, I do not have a care for $$. As in, I could live in a shack and be happy. I am not materialistic, I could care less about "the Jones." I wear jeans and sweatshirts. I care about people and life not $$. I think building memories for my kids is far better than having a nice car or a BIG saving account.

Now that said, I do realilize I have a responsibility to my family to not get us in financial trouble. And that is where I am now, trying to be responsible with $.

When I tackle something, watch out ! I do not play games. I will live and breath my goal. That is how I am and that is my gift! SO rest assure, that goal WILL be met.

I will not loose my house, believe me I will not. If it ever came near that, I would sell it and even if that meant breaking even, I would without a blink.

I have my mortgage and car payment taken out of my account everyweek. After the 401K, it is the first thing paid.

What I am needing here, is ways to cut back, save and get it together AND a cheerleading team to coach me on. I hear you, but I also

Your attitude strikes me as somewhat naive. You are willing to drive DD 45 minutes to school and for activities - putting what must be $50 worth of gas in your car a week - plus I'm sure the activities aren't free. I'm glad your DD is getting to take advantage of these things, but it doesn't sound like you can afford them. You have a web site, but who knows if its profitable, if it isn't, you can't afford it. Your husband has a dump truck he "could make money with" but doesn't. And you aren't seeing these things as drains. You want to take a trip to WDW with your MIL - for the best of reasons - but would your MIL wish you to risk your DDs financial future for it?

Its not that I do not see these choices as just what they are, choices. My daughter will only be a kid ONCE and my MIL will not be here forever... it is my choice, yes to do these things.

My website in NOT profitable in $$, but it is inspirational and gives me rewards I can nevr get form $$. I PAY 9.95 a month so my friend with ceberal palsy can be in touch with life. I pay for HIS website and I donate time to running it. You tell me, he is stuck in a wheelchair with 200% of his mind and can't talk or move or do anything we can do, but he lives life to the fullest ! With the assistance of his aid workers, he helps people and he does things for others more than 10 of us! That is what I call living and that is what I call love. Take a visit to the link below and see for yourself. This is what I am all about.

Now back to the budgeting, I have looked into car and house INS and see I an save there. I have read many articles and shared each step with my hubby. We are a team ! And I am finding a closeness with him that I haven't seen before, and this debt caused that ! Right there I am blessed !

I have done a lot of work already to map my way to be debt free. I WILL get it done. I am a women of my word. I am strong and I am driven. I may not make the same choices as others at times, but that is why we are who we are. What is important to me is not important to others. I am me .

I really appreciate all the help here and I hope you and everyone else keeps cheering me on. I take no offense in your view. I just want to make sure you know that !

I look forward to hearing from you again ....

I know I rambled on, I hope I made some sort of sense.

PG

 

[peacefulgirl]

Disneysteve,

quote:
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Originally posted by peacefulgirl
Yes he has 600/month going into a saving. 200 of that goes to his ROTH. He has savings on there (he is a great saver!) But we just did a home repair and he used it for that. He thought I was going to give him $$ for it, but I couldn't, obviously) so he had to pay the contractor with it. That is kinda what started this, this is when we went "WHAT THE ..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Forgive me, but I'm still confused. You've got $600/month going into savings besides what you are putting into your 401K. Yet you still have no cash or emergency fund. Where exactly is that $600 going? You said that $200 goes into a Roth. What about the other $400? That would accumulate to nearly $5000/year which would give you a nice cash reserve after a couple of years. And maybe you should consider not funding the Roth temporarily until you have built up a good emergency fund. That way you'd save $7200/year.

There must be some confusion about this. A couple of you mentioned this.

This is the only cash my hubby gets! NADDA else. The only cash he gets from the "house " account is gas $. He lives off this, and unselfishly uses it for things I should be funding from the house account. He just paid 1600 in house repairs. The Roth is brand new! This isn't something he hords. He knows if a car breaks, he'll never get $$ from me since I pay the bills and the situation is what it is. He is smart doing this. Now that is how it was B4 we decided to do this, so keep in mind, we are just planning to map a plan so this deosn't mean this will stay the way it is.

Hubby has his check and all OT direct deposited in the house account. He doesn't complain, I do not know many men that do this! It is my fault we are in this mess. He trusted me ! Now that said ... I am one lucky girl that he is willing to work toward fixing this and not blaming me for where we are. That is love and mercy in action, wouldn't you say ........

 

[rockin_rep]

Peaceful girl, you've gotten some great advice and i don't really have anything new to add or stellar advice to give you, but i want you to know i'm in your corner and know you can do this. I LOVE your style and i totally appreciate it. We could be sisters! LOL

You will be ok b/c your heart is in the right place! And please no slams from anyone else as I'm NOT saying to be irresponsible, as she obviously realizes she needs to make some changes! But peaceful girl, i think you have your priorities in order. People first, money last. I can relate as i try to be the same way, and it fills my heart with joy much more than a huge bank account ever will. And we've been blessed in that regard too, altho far from wealthy, we are truly RICH IN LOVE, FAMILY, FRIENDS and EXPERIENCE.

Hubby and i joke that we'll likely die with more memories than money! But i truly think when your heart is in the right place, and you honor God by honoring and caring for others, you are BLESSED. And you can't out-give God!

So you go girl, i wish you all the best as you orgainize and get on top of your financial life. I'm in your corner as i truly know you CAN do this!

XOXOX <><

 

[disneysteve]

Originally posted by peacefulgirl
This is the only cash my hubby gets! NADDA else. The only cash he gets from the "house " account is gas $. He lives off this

I really don't mean to sound dense, but when you say "he lives off this" what type of expenses are you referring to? It sounds like all the household bills are paid out of your "house account" and the $400 not going into the Roth is just general spending money. Does he pay for food, clothing, movie tickets, beer, or what?

I'll be honest. Not to criticize anyone, but my wife and I have difficulty understanding couples that keep their money seperate. As far as we're concerned, money is money. It doesn't matter what account its in or who earned it. Financially, we function as one unit. We opened our first joint account soon after we got engaged and totally merged everything as soon as we got married. Hearing you say something like 'My husband just had to pay $1600 for a home repair' is just a bit strange to me. In our house, I would say 'We just had to pay $1600 for a home repair." I realize a lot of married couples do this and if it works for you, that's great. We just find it much simpler to treat all money as community property.

 

[j's m]

Originally posted by disneysteve

I'll be honest. Not to criticize anyone, but my wife and I have difficulty understanding couples that keep their money seperate. As far as we're concerned, money is money. It doesn't matter what account its in or who earned it. Financially, we function as one unit. We opened our first joint account soon after we got engaged and totally merged everything as soon as we got married. Hearing you say something like 'My husband just had to pay $1600 for a home repair' is just a bit strange to me. In our house, I would say 'We just had to pay $1600 for a home repair." I realize a lot of married couples do this and if it works for you, that's great. We just find it much simpler to treat all money as community property. [/B]

disneysteve,

I totally agree. It must be New Jersey people. Our money has always been joint and I really think that's a key to a good marriage and a financially sound one. All our financial decisions are joint and all major purchases are agreed upon by both.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Watch out for certain expenses you might choose to cut.

For example--we have a security system and paid $28 a month for it...we contemplating cancelling it, so I called--well they said would I keep it for $23 per month and I said okay.

Hubby was slightly upset as we agreed to cancel it. Well then we got our updated homeowner's insurance policy (the one they send each year on the new cycle)--well, we got an annual credit on our premium....

Well, if we cancelled--we only netted 2 measly bucks per month as our insurance would go up while the monthly expense went down. For my peace of mind it was not worth it at all.

So just be careful when you do trim expenses and look at the overall picture.

Peacefulgirl--perhaps budgeting your caring for others would be key--we try to tithe....at present we are at 10% of our take home pay in donations--but our goal is for 10% of salary. In any case--not trying to cause riffs on this that or the other--just suggesting that it is okay to budget yourself on what you give freely to others--and then when salaries increase, keep your way of life the same and split that increase to savings, retirement and giving or heck give it all away.

In other words, it is okay to be giving, but budgeting for it...imagine if in relationships--you volunteered all your time away and saved no time for family. Sure you are a trooper and the groups you volunteer with would love you dearly, but your family would suffer. In your giving--if you are giving too much away, then your budget will suffer as it is doing. We use 10% as a guide--b/c if we started handing out 15% or 20% or more--then we would suffer--not as much as those who have nothing--but it would cause financial strife. If you find you are giving a much higher amount than that--then you really need to reevaluate your situation. Doesn't have to be a permanent thing--just a temporary fix to get you through the rough spot.

We are in the same spot with our home--property has exploded--our home is 2-3 times its original value. We got a home equity line of credit in March and thankfully--the banks were limited us to thousands below actually current market value (the appraisers are having a time keeping up with ongoing sales)--works in our favor b/c when push comes to shove--we would have equity on the sale of our home to pull us through a very rough spot. So we say lots of the same things you do--budget problems, but nothing that would cause us to lose our house or in other words, have it taken involuntarily from us.

In our household--we had a house account and I hated it as hubby kept springing up new items that it was supposed to cover--so now I grocery shop on the AMEX to earn hilton honors points and he pays the bill. Other items we tend to shop together as it keeps me under control and keeps him under control so that we are purchasing based on need instead of wim. We went clothing shopping at the mall (a good clearance beats any place else)--we had a 2 digit budget and came in $10 under. Wouldn't have turned out the same way had I gone alone .

 

[peacefulgirl]

quote:
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Originally posted by peacefulgirl
This is the only cash my hubby gets! NADDA else. The only cash he gets from the "house " account is gas $. He lives off this
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I really don't mean to sound dense, but when you say "he lives off this" what type of expenses are you referring to? It sounds like all the household bills are paid out of your "house account" and the $400 not going into the Roth is just general spending money. Does he pay for food, clothing, movie tickets, beer, or what?

I'll be honest. Not to criticize anyone, but my wife and I have difficulty understanding couples that keep their money seperate. As far as we're concerned, money is money. It doesn't matter what account its in or who earned it. Financially, we function as one unit. We opened our first joint account soon after we got engaged and totally merged everything as soon as we got married. Hearing you say something like 'My husband just had to pay $1600 for a home repair' is just a bit strange to me. In our house, I would say 'We just had to pay $1600 for a home repair." I realize a lot of married couples do this and if it works for you, that's great. We just find it much simpler to treat all money as community property.

Disneysteve,

You are cracking me up ova hea !!!! I must not be making sense. LOL !

1st , I keep making the mistake of saying 200 a week, its 150 a week ! DUH

I am against seperate $$ too. I know some that pay half the bills each .. NO NO NO NO ICK ! Origanilly, because he got a truck loan for our CU, he had them set up to pay it from his account weekly (cheaper rate), well he had to open one and had 150 a week put in there from his check. After that was paid off, we kept the $$ there. This has been only about 1 yr. He has used it for stuff for US. I guess what I mean is, if he didn't GRAB the $$ that way, he wouldn't have any $$ to do things for the house because I spent it all basically ! I had control of all OUR $$.

Where has it gone.... ok, a pool table, a 400 swimming pool this summer. Yard work materials. Truck repairs.

My hubby works, takes care of us and runs everyday. THATS IT !!! He does not drink alcohol EVER ! He takes care of us, plain and simple. It is not HIS $$, its our $$ .... but when he busts his #$# and works OT and brings in an extra 500.00 and I say ... "ummm, no, gas $$, um no, we are broke" he was smart enough to have that $$ there. Yes I WAS a creep, I spend it and paid bills.

We have nothing seperate here, it is all OURS.

I know what you mean, maybe because I refer to that as His because its in is in what I say as HIS account (my name is on there by the way lol) Its such a no brainer for me, I guess it sounds like His to the board, but it's OURS.

ya know ?

plus don't you know... what is mine is mine what is yours is mine too !

~smilin~PG

 

[disneysteve]

Originally posted by peacefulgirl
plus don't you know... what is mine is mine what is yours is mine too

I'm lucky. My DW is more generous than that. She says, "What's mine is mine and what's yours is ours." So at least I get something out of the deal.

 

[peacefulgirl]

Lisa loves Pooh,

Thanks for the advise !

As of this moment. My helping others is limited to Mark's web site. I am temporarily NOT doing any more than that. I think that is the responsible thing to do. I'll give church what I can for now, but for now, I can't do more than that.


Oh did I say HOUSE account .... what is that ??? remember it is all MINE !!! LOL LOL LOL

pg

 

[peacefulgirl]

BRIANSMOM,

I am sorry you went through all that . It is hard I know.

Great shopping advice ! Thanks

PG

 

[peacefulgirl]

Peaceful girl, you've gotten some great advice and i don't really have anything new to add or stellar advice to give you, but i want you to know i'm in your corner and know you can do this. I LOVE your style and i totally appreciate it. We could be sisters! LOL

You will be ok b/c your heart is in the right place! And please no slams from anyone else as I'm NOT saying to be irresponsible, as she obviously realizes she needs to make some changes! But peaceful girl, i think you have your priorities in order. People first, money last. I can relate as i try to be the same way, and it fills my heart with joy much more than a huge bank account ever will. And we've been blessed in that regard too, altho far from wealthy, we are truly RICH IN LOVE, FAMILY, FRIENDS and EXPERIENCE.

Hubby and i joke that we'll likely die with more memories than money! But i truly think when your heart is in the right place, and you honor God by honoring and caring for others, you are BLESSED. And you can't out-give God!

So you go girl, i wish you all the best as you orgainize and get on top of your financial life. I'm in your corner as i truly know you CAN do this!

XOXOX

RockinRep .......


hmm trying to figure out why you chose that name ????


Well SIS ! I just want to know if I can borrow your clothes whenever I want? VERY important sis talk here, can I ????

You will be ok b/c your heart is in the right place! And please no slams from anyone else as I'm NOT saying to be irresponsible, as she obviously realizes she needs to make some changes! But peaceful girl, i think you have your priorities in order. People first, money last. I can relate as i try to be the same way, and it fills my heart with joy much more than a huge bank account ever will. And we've been blessed in that regard too, altho far from wealthy, we are truly RICH IN LOVE, FAMILY, FRIENDS and EXPERIENCE.

Oh ya, it does feel good... BUT what drives me is this: I always think, hey coulda been me! A disablilty, a diseise, drugs, homeless, bad family ..... whatever .... YES IT COULDA BEEN ME !
There is nothing in this world that I could say I am above. Who am I to judge others for anything the do ? Who the heck am I ? No way, judging is NOT in me. If you have a need and I can help, I will. Yes I think God gave me a gift of compassion. And I believe I have to learn how to balance that with my limitations. That is the plan !

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks and PLEASE keep pumping me up so I can get this done !!!

~PG~



TO EVERYONE ELSE ......


THANKS AND KEEP ADVICE COMING ! I AM PRINTING THIS POST UP AS I GO AND HIGHLIGHTING ALL THE IDEAS.... SO KEEP IT COMING.........