Help! Husband wants a motorcycle and I'm not having it.

[rina900]

Does anyone here have a significant other with a motorcycle? My husband had one when we first started dating 10 years ago - fell off of it, got hurt and then it was stolen. He's now been on this kick where he desperately wants another motorcycle, won't stop researching them online and gets mad when I tell him I don't want him getting one because I don't want to explain to our 2 children why Daddy isn't coming home.

I don't want to be controlling and I want him to have a hobby that he can enjoy - but I am terrified of him hurting or killing himself on a bike. If he were to get a cruiser bike, I think I would feel better about it, but he wants to get a fast street bike. I tell him to grow up and get over it, but it's creating tension between us. I want him to be happy and enjoy things outside of work or home, but not something as dangerous as this.

Would like to hear some of your opinions...

Thanks!

 

[handinpocket]

Have him take out a million dollar life insurance policy BEFORE he gets the motorcycle. Seriously, motorcycles are to adults what trampolines are to kids. Stupid.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Well, I think your demand to your dh will fall on deaf ears, if his heart is set on this....sorry!
While I am not one to really like motorcycles on the roads about my own area, (I am nervous FOR them) I also am one that realizes that responsible adults need to make responsible decisions and telling the dh he cannot get one cause its dangerous is just not fair to him. He works hard, wants it, I assume can afford it, so how can you say no??? I mean to a child, yeah, I agree, but your dh?????
I mean he could walk out the door and ............
so, I think a better approach is to really have a heart to heart explaining Why you are so against it, perhaps working out something where he is using it when its Not on Huge Highways or really busy, treacherous roads during rush hours (when crazy people are driving even more crazy then usual) somehow compromising so you're both satisfied
Good Luck OP, this is a tough one, hope it works out and Wishing the DH Safety if/when he gets one!

 

[kwelch10377]

If he is responsible, can ride one and it is in the budget then I don't see an issue.

I'm am sure that some of the tension from his end is that he feels you are treating him more like a child by telling him to grow up and get over it. I understand you may need to feel protective and go into mother-mode bc you don't think it is safe, but he is an adult and I think something like this deserves an adult discussion, which just based on what you wrote doesn't seem like you are having with him.

 

[TaraLee4]

DBF has a motorcycle. He loves that thing, probably just as much as he loves me. If not more My father and Step-father both have motorcycles.

as long as your DH isn't going to try to be the next Evil Kenevil, is going to drive safely, wear a helmet, and not do 120 down the freeway, I say go for it.

I have driven on the back of motorcycles. My Dad's, Stepdad's and my boyfriend's. Just cruising down a back road on a sunny day. oh, what a beautiful thing

Obviously, he should take your feelings into consideration, but all in all, as long as he's not going to go crazy with it, I don't see an issue.

 

[PixieDust32]

DH had always love bikes, he does have one but he doesn't use it often, ever since his friend got killed, it was a terrible tragedy and he realized how bad it would be if something would happened to him, he told me that before he didn't care, he was single and didn't care much, he does loves bikes, I used to ride with him too, but he told me that he loves his life and his family over the bike.

He wants to sell his bike and get a couple 4 wheelers so he can ride with the girls.

 

[rina900]

Have him take out a million dollar life insurance policy BEFORE he gets the motorcycle. Seriously, motorcycles are to adults what trampolines are to kids. Stupid.

i will tell him this and see what he says!

Well, I think your demand to your dh will fall on deaf ears, if his heart is set on this....sorry!
While I am not one to really like motorcycles on the roads about my own area, (I am nervous FOR them) I also am one that realizes that responsible adults need to make responsible decisions and telling the dh he cannot get one cause its dangerous is just not fair to him. He works hard, wants it, I assume can afford it, so how can you say no??? I mean to a child, yeah, I agree, but your dh?????
I mean he could walk out the door and ............
so, I think a better approach is to really have a heart to heart explaining Why you are so against it, perhaps working out something where he is using it when its Not on Huge Highways or really busy, treacherous roads during rush hours (when crazy people are driving even more crazy then usual) somehow compromising so you're both satisfied
Good Luck OP, this is a tough one, hope it works out and Wishing the DH Safety if/when he gets one!

i agree, how do you tell your dh not to do something?? i appreciate your words, i hope we work this one out!

If he is responsible, can ride one and it is in the budget then I don't see an issue.

I'm am sure that some of the tension from his end is that he feels you are treating him more like a child by telling him to grow up and get over it. I understand you may need to feel protective and go into mother-mode bc you don't think it is safe, but he is an adult and I think something like this deserves an adult discussion, which just based on what you wrote doesn't seem like you are having with him.

i see your point about him feeling like im treating him like a child, but i feel he's being a bit immature about pining over a motorcycle... we continue to talk about it, because i want to take all his thoughts into consideration and also tell him how i feel.

DBF has a motorcycle. He loves that thing, probably just as much as he loves me. If not more My father and Step-father both have motorcycles.

as long as your DH isn't going to try to be the next Evil Kenevil, is going to drive safely, wear a helmet, and not do 120 down the freeway, I say go for it.

I have driven on the back of motorcycles. My Dad's, Stepdad's and my boyfriend's. Just cruising down a back road on a sunny day. oh, what a beautiful thing

Obviously, he should take your feelings into consideration, but all in all, as long as he's not going to go crazy with it, I don't see an issue.

i used to go on the bike with him when we were 20 yrs old.. and we'd go 140 down the NJ turnpike, so i know what he is capable of doing.. which is why i'm scared.

 

[PixieDust32]

DH's friend accident was horrible, he was younger that DH and just had traded his older bike for a new one, they were going to ride on a Monday all of them, to the mountains or something, and he got killed on a Sunday, a car turned in front of him, he didn't do anything wrong, the car turned and pinned him under the car, the bike caught on fire, and he well, you know, it was the most terrible scene, and sad very sad tragedy.

 

[kwelch10377]

I don't think he is really being immature about pining over getting one. It is something he is interested in. I think most of us have really wanted something at one point and have pined over it.

I think maybe the best way to approach it is sit down with him and talk to him. Ask him why he wants to get the motorcycle and explain your fears about the situation and what these fears are based on. Maybe there is a why compromise that you can come up with, say he get a crusier bike or maybe he can get the bike that he wants, but he needs to stay off major highways like the turnpike.

 

[jlima]

Do you have a life insurance policy now? If so, maybe take it out & read through it; it may have a no motorcycle clause in it (that the policy won't pay if he dies while operating one). And if so, show him, so he understands the position he's putting his family into.

 

[manning]

Years ago I rode one. One day it went out from underneath me. Never rode one since and never will.

 

[Duckyiam71]

My DH has a Road King..Harley more like a cruiser. I would say make a compromise. My husband is extremely careful on it but it is the cars that I worry more about. He has taken road trips from TX to NY, TX to Grand Canyon. I do not sleep well when he is gone. He takes my DS10 and DS5 on it to and from school. He is in the military and by the rules for post they have to wear a helmet, gloves, long pants, shoes over the ankles, reflective gear. His life insurance through will not pay out if he is found without any of these items on and the passenger must abide by the same rules. Your DH is being selfish is he is not willing to at least some compromise. Unfortunately when you see a "crotch rocket" accident they are severely injured or dead. It took me 4 years to agree to it and my DH was very patient, not too demanding. Good luck with your decision.

 

[nskjerven]

I couldn't take the joy of my husband's passions away from him - frankly his love of auto sports was something that made me fall in love with him. Our 10 year old has been racing go-karts since he was 5. Not little putt putt things he goes 65 miles an hour on a track with full race gear.

Do I worry for his safety - of course I do.

However I've always felt that if God intended for this to be the way either loves of my life were to go then that was the way it would be.

Life is too short to stand on the side lines - get in it and live it

Much worse in my eyes would be to safely watch from the side lines and regret the life you didn't live. (& get hit by a bus while walking accross the street)

FYI - I'm not a motorcycle girl. They scare me to the end of my wits. I've also lost a dear friend on a bike, he left a wife and 3 children under 5 years of age. That was why when chosing who to be with I looked at those types of things years ago rather than trying to change the man I married...food for thought?

 

[Tink888]

DH doesn't have an overwhelming urge to have one, but he's brought up that he'd like one more than once. I'm the bad wife and I do put my foot down.

I know quite a few married people and the husbands have them. I dated a guy before I got married who had one and I know how much fun riding can be. I even crave a ride every once in awhile. But I also know four people who've had accidents. My first job out of school was at a law firm and I assisted with a wrongful death case where a married, father was killed and those images stuck with me.

As much as I'm a "when it's your time to go, it's your time" and a "live and let live" kind of person, as long as our kids are still in the house, DH will never own one. I'll be the "mom" and the "bad guy". There are things I'd like to do from time to time that are risky. But it's not all about me anymore. Or him. And I don't want to tempt fate. That's what I've told DH and I've told him my reasons and he's been okay with that.

 

[dallastxcpa]

Usually when you tell a spouse they CAN'T have something (like a motorcycle, boat, sportscar etc) they wind up resenting you for it. Not a way to a happy marriage.

Hopefully you guys can work out a compromise that you both feel good about.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I don't know what I would do if my husband wanted a bike.

I wouldn't ever tell him no, but then again there is no way in hades that I would want him to ride.

I had a colleague who loved his motorcycle; and he died on it. He just lost control of it out on a ride one day and slammed into a tree. I got his office eventually and it was just weird. He left a nice wife, a good job, a mortgage and a grown son. He never got to meet his grandkids.

On the other hand, I'm not my husband's mom and he'd have to make up his own mind about it.

 

[JennaTX]

When DH and I were first married, we had a friend who was in the Navy and had a motorcycle, someone else ran a stop sign and hit him and he has been paralyzed from the neck down for the last 20 years.

Last year a friend who was very into the motorcycle community had a wreck and was killed.

Still DH talks about having a motorcycle. He talks about riding on country roads, no one else around, riding on private property, etc. That all sounds great until you realize that we live in Houston. There are no country roads around here.

I am in no way DH's "Mom" but a motorcycle for him is almost a marriage breaker.

 

[golfgal]

I have to agree with you. Just last week Dh and the kids saw a motorcycle accident. He hit a pot hole and flipped going 55MPH, no helmet.

I would also take out a LOT more than a million in life insurance, they won't go very far these days.

 

[Uuaww]

I am shocked how many people here are speaking down to bikers? Yes it is a risky activity, but to talk about it being an automatic death sentence is beyond narrow minded and generalization.

Way to go, way to try to use guilt to destroy your husbands passion.

 

[PixieDust32]

I'm not trying to do that. my DH loves his bike and I do too, he had never had an accident, I had, well, I burned my legs with the pipe but it was my dumb A fault. He just doesn't ride it like he did before.
And, yes, more people die in car accidents everyday that they do on bikes. I think that if the husband wants to have his bike he should.