Help for highly gifted child

[missypie]

Adults have always loved to talk with my son...from a very early age, he had such a strong vocabulary. Adults found him very engaging and bright as anything. But he has never known how to adjust his vocabulary to his "audience." A child who is "only" gifted may or may not choose to use the same big words to speak to his 8 year old peers as he does to adults; but the kid with Asperger's probably doesn't even consider that he could use different words.

DS is so funny to listen to. He reads a lot, and uses pretty much all the words he reads in books in his vocabulary. There are lots of words that are pretty much "book words" that authors write, but most people don't use. Ds uses them.

My son's social situation has gotten much better through the years; we were told it would, and it did. First, he was glad to get to middle school, where there was no recess to deal with. Also, in middle and high school there are classes for gifted and talented kids; let me tell you, lots of those kids (with no "diagnosis") are just as quirky as DS, so he fits in. But I'm very glad to have the diagnosis, because it explains so much about him and how his mind works.

 

[disneymom3]

. at my old school i found it hard to talk to other kids because I would find myself explaining what words ,that I used in regular conversation meant to the other kids.

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THis is soooo my DD!! A few weeks ago she had to explain to the neighbor (the mom) what some word meant that she had used. I agree with the other poster who blames it on the books. When you are trying to satisfy the reading level of 12th grade in a child who just turned 10, you have to turn to old fashioned books and they have some words in them that are just not in use these days.

 

[Golf4food]

I was the same way growing up - gifted and few friends my age. In fact, nearly all of the friends my own age were also either in the gifted program or at the very least in the advanced honors classes. I grew up an only child with no kids nearby in a rural area, so except for school I was always around my parents and the two grandparents that lived in the same house. I just got used to adults and adult conversations at an early age.

If the young girl is happy and learning and all that, then perhaps pushing her into more social interaction isn't the best idea. Not everything needs to be fixed. Just because all the other kids her age are doing certain things doesn't mean that she should - she's not like all the other kids... Forcing her to interact with people she doesn't fit in with will probably only make her more resentful of the situation and less open to future opportunities. Make the opportunities available, certainly, but I would never force them.

Once I got into college around other intellectuals (and many not-so-intellectuals, haha) I was much happier, but I really, very much did not enjoy anything up to college (and I had to sit through all 12 years at a normal pace - only one of each school in my county, and bussing myself to the next county over to get to a magnet program would have required leaving home at 5:00am and getting home at 7:00pm with no sports involvement or marching band - both of which I did enjoy...) I imagine that as long as this particular girl can keep herself occupied intellectually until she can move off to a good college and meet other people of similar mindset, that she will be just fine.

And sometimes the world needs recluses to spend their lives sheltered in a research lab... many good things have come from such people. We don't all have to be socially well adjusted to be successful - though it usually helps.

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

I work with gifted elementary age students and my 16 DD is gifted. What you are describing sounds so much like many gifted children, especially my daughter. Gifted kids have trouble relating to kids their own age and much prefer the company of adults. I. too, worry that my DD is lacking in the social area but then I think would I rather she be hanging out with kids getting in trouble. I'd much rather have her at home with me. I've tried getting her involved in camps, volunteer work, paid work, etc... she just protests and would much rather be at home. Ugh...

Some great web sites about giftedness are: http://www.geniusdenied.com/?NavID=0_0

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

Good luck!

 

[Caradana]

I scored a 1600 on the PSAT as a sophomore, so I feel credible in telling you this: if I were the mom, I'd make her play sports, as that's where a lot of kids learn camraderie and team play and "navigating the girl popularity hierarchy," plus, no matter how gifted a child is academically, sports make a significant difference when applying to colleges and scholarships. Sports were not optional in my house - and they won't be optional with my kids, even if they have no athletic inclination. Join bowling! Join archery! Join whatever you want, but in my house, you get good grades and play sports and join clubs, because that's what we do in this family. This little girl would do well with some low-pressure exposure to other kids, and a couple of confidence-inspiring social experiences.

Honest truth? Gifted kids who stay academically on-track will do well, wherever they are, but if you have visions of the Ivy League for your gifted child, the varsity letters matter just as much as the grades and scores.

 

[hmwnick]

I knew I could count on my friends here for some words of wisdom. I will pass on your replies. I think she will be comforted to know that others have experienced what she is experiencing. The links given will shed some additional light on the subject.


As always, many, many thanks!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

A friend of mine is having a very hard time w/ her gifted 11yo DD. She seems to be obsessed with learning(not a bad thing) but has NO interest in having friends.

My first thought in reading this too was Asperger's. We have a family member who has it and obsessions are a big part of his life. The fact you used this term, combined with no interest in having friends, were key for me. I think your suggestion of counseling - or better yet, evaluation - is a good idea. You are a caring friend.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I knew I could count on my friends here for some words of wisdom. I will pass on your replies. I think she will be comforted to know that others have experienced what she is experiencing. The links given will shed some additional light on the subject.


As always, many, many thanks!

I see you're in Texas. If she is as well, here is another possible source of information:

http://www.txgifted.org/

 

[wide awake]

I haven't read the thread other than the original post. As a former highly gifted child...why does the child need counseling ? She will spend lots more time as an adult than a child, who cares if she doesn't want to talk about childish things ? If she can converse as an adult, great, I don't see a problem. People always get stressed about not interacting w/ other children...I'm 44, haven't socialized as a child in a good long time, if ever, hasn't hurt me a bit.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

My first thought also was Aspergers, but I'll admit I don't have all the information on it. One of my nephews was diagnosed with it years ago, as was a dear friend's son, both of whom live across the country. Aspergers kids do tend to be highly intelligent and lacking in social skills, and relate much better to adults.

Having a proper diagnosis may mean that the parents can do things to accomodate the needs of this child to make her life easier and more fulfilling, and theirs as well. An example: Having a very orderly schedule to the day; if I'm remembering right, my friend's son was easily upset by unexpected events of the routine.