HELP!! 16w/o WON'T SLEEP!

[tam626]

I feel for you, 45 minutes at a time is just crazy! I would do some sort of cio method if it were me. She needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. I have a book by Jodi Mindell, she's a sleep specialist at a childrens hospital. I forget the titile but if you look it up on Amazon, you could find it. It's a great book.

 

[princessmom29]

16 weeks= 4 months. Big important time in a baby's life! Teething! Growth spurt! Especially growth spurt with wanting to nurse all the time.

Figure out a way to sleep with baby, so you don't have to sit and hold her. Work on side-lying nursing, it is absolutely brilliant once you can figure it out!

My SIL did this and it was an absolute nightmare getting the baby back out of thier bed. I would totally not advise ever putting a child in the bed with you, first for safety reasons, and second because it is really hard to break that habit once it is established. Based on my experience, it sets a bad precedent unless it is very shot lived.

 

[skhermsmeyer]

Thanks for the suggestions. We've been using a white noise sound machine since she was born (started using it with DS in '08). She doesn't like to be swaddled. She's learned how to kick her way out. I'm hoping it is a growth spurt. DD has been doing this for 2 weeks. My DS was a horrible sleeper and when we tried to let him CIO, he'd throw up. Of course he was older, but I'm afraid she's going to get into the same routine.

She won't take a bottle or pacifier, so it's all me all the time. I think my DH just doesn't know what to do and he's afraid he'll mess up. I say she's got to learn. I'm going to sit him down for a "chat" tonight.

Keep the suggestions coming please!

 

[princessmom29]

While I am not a fan at all of cio I do get that it works for some people. That being said I would never let a barely 4 month old cio. Especially if the child is being BF. It goes through their bodies much quicker. The baby is probably going through a growth spurt. It will pass. In the meantime, when your husband walks in the door go to bed to get some rest. This way when you have to wake up at least you have gotten some sleep. Don't feel you have to do it all. That is why you are married. You are a team. Tell him to buck up cowboy.

Honestly, I think that the earlier the baby learns to self soothe, the easier it is on everyone, child included. It is a much less painful process with a 4 month old than with a 12 month old, and by the time they are 18 months it is an all out battle to get them into bed without Mommy. I have been a part of doing this with all of these ages. It only takes a couple of nights with a little one. It can be a weeklong battle with a toddler, but the end result is the same. They have got to learn to go to sleep on thier own at some time. The earlier that happens, the sooner you get back to a happy and well rested household. Plus, once a child is self soothing, if they still wake up and cry you know they are hungry and truly need to be fed, or need a change, ect. not just crying for comfort!

 

[tam626]

I agree about the self soothing & as far as cry it out, I would go in every few minutes & not talk to her but just rub her back, lay her back down, just to let her know you are still there.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Honestly, I think that the earlier the baby learns to self soothe, the easier it is on everyone, child included. It is a much less painful process with a 4 month old than with a 12 month old, and by the time they are 18 months it is an all out battle to get them into bed without Mommy. I have been a part of doing this with all of these ages. It only takes a couple of nights with a little one. It can be a weeklong battle with a toddler, but the end result is the same. They have got to learn to go to sleep on thier own at some time. The earlier that happens, the sooner you get back to a happy and well rested household. Plus, once a child is self soothing, if they still wake up and cry you know they are hungry and truly need to be fed, or need a change, ect. not just crying for comfort!

Look- I am not going to debate CIO with you but I will say this. I have never let my kids CIO and I did co-sleep and they all sleep in their own beds with no problems. There were no battles. Also a bf baby at 4 months NEEDS to eat often. Breastmilk is processed differently than formula. It goes through their bodies much quicker. Again- not debated FF or BF just stating a fact. A 4month old that is nursing everytime is probably hungry and going through a growth spurt. Yes, it is tiresome sometimes but it does pass. Holding the baby and feeding him/her is not spoiling them. They will learn to sleep on their own but at 16 weeks they are still infants.

Again- if you use CIO and it works for you that is great. My point is that a barely 4 month old should not be CIO. YMMV.

 

[mjkacmom]

Look- I am not going to debate CIO with you but I will say this. I have never let my kids CIO and I did co-sleep and they all sleep in their own beds with no problems. There were no battles. Also a bf baby at 4 months NEEDS to eat often. Breastmilk is processed differently than formula. It goes through their bodies much quicker. Again- not debated FF or BF just stating a fact. A 4month old that is nursing everytime is probably hungry and going through a growth spurt. Yes, it is tiresome sometimes but it does pass. Holding the baby and feeding him/her is not spoiling them. They will learn to sleep on their own but at 16 weeks they are still infants.

Again- if you use CIO and it works for you that is great. My point is that a barely 4 month old should not be CIO. YMMV.

I think a 4 month old baby should be able to sleep alone, even if she is still nursing - nurse the baby, put baby back in crib. What co-sleepers have a hard time understanding is that not everyone wants a baby in the bed. I tried it with my first, and didn't sleep a wink! I couldn't even sleep with her bassinet in the room! I wonder if the OP's dd is nursing non-stop during the day? It doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe if she stops nursing all night long, the baby might nurse more during the day, and get the calories then.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think a 4 month old baby should be able to sleep alone, even if she is still nursing - nurse the baby, put baby back in crib. What co-sleepers have a hard time understanding is that not everyone wants a baby in the bed. I tried it with my first, and didn't sleep a wink! I couldn't even sleep with her bassinet in the room! I wonder if the OP's dd is nursing non-stop during the day? It doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe if she stops nursing all night long, the baby might nurse more during the day, and get the calories then.

I am not disputing that I am disputing leaving a child of 4 months old to CIO all night. At 4 months the child that bfs needs to eat.

 

[puffkin]

I am not disputing that I am disputing leaving a child of 4 months old to CIO all night. At 4 months the child that bfs needs to eat.

I don't think anyone that suggested CIO is suggesting she NOT feed the baby at night. My take on the posts is that most people are recommending limiting interaction at night and not using mommy as a pacifier. And once the OP starts teaching the baby to self-soothe she should be able to determine if the baby is crying because she is hungry/diaper/etc or if she just wants mommy and can adjust her approach accordingly. By 4 months, you can usually tell what a baby wants.

I agree with others who said to feed the baby, burp her and then lay her down in her crib to go to sleep. I never rocked DS to sleep except for extreme circumstances (ie sick/teething/etc). The baby is old enough to learn how to put herself to sleep.

I also agree that some people can cosleep. I also never could sleep with DS in bed or even in the room. I just couldn't sleep. Made me cranky/tired. Once I realized I couldn't be super mom (at about 2 weeks) he slept in his own crib and i got a much better nights sleep in my own bed.

 

[barnaby1]

Also a bf baby at 4 months NEEDS to eat often. Breastmilk is processed differently than formula. It goes through their bodies much quicker. Again- not debated FF or BF just stating a fact. A 4month old that is nursing everytime is probably hungry and going through a growth spurt. Yes, it is tiresome sometimes but it does pass. Holding the baby and feeding him/her is not spoiling them. They will learn to sleep on their own but at 16 weeks they are still infants. YMMV.

Actually at 16 weeks a baby does not need to feed often and is more than able to go through from the 10pm feed to 6am.

To the OP - you must be exhausted and I send you strength and hugs.

Lots of good advice so far but to add my thoughts.
I think you are completely right that this waking at night has been caused by her hospital visit. The old saying of it takes 3 days to make a bad habit and 3 days to break it is amazingly accurate.
Quite often by the 10pm feed your milk is low so it is often a good idea to express and do the 10pm feed by bottle. You then know that she is full. Then if she wakes in the night do not offer her breast milk but water (remember you know she is not hungry as you know she has had a good feed at 10). She will tell you she is hungry but after a night or 2 of only being offered water she will get the message.
Also get out of the holding/rocking to sleep - very hard to break. Put her down awake and at 16 weeks I agree it is possibly too soon to do CIO, a modified reassurance method of going and coming but not taking her out and rocking her is safe to use. Obviously there is the common sense stuff of keeping the noise down and the room dark at night.
The other thing that may help is to drop or reduce with a view to drop the late afternoon sleep. By 16 weeks that should be gone with an hour at about 9.30 and up to 2.5 hours at about 1pm. If she does need a late afternoon sleep keep it to about 30 minutes.
I am not a fan of co-sleeping (if that works for you fine). I believe children should be in their own cots in their own room from day 1. I was a fan of those zip up sleeping bags, they stop them from kicking off their blankets.

A bit of perseverance and a few difficult nights will get her back into routine. Stick at it and reclaim your sanity. As for hubby - even the most wonderful of husbands can become useless idiots when there is a new baby around (mine included). I wouldn't worry about it too much.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

Actually at 16 weeks a baby does not need to feed often and is more than able to go through from the 10pm feed to 6am.
...
Quite often by the 10pm feed your milk is low so it is often a good idea to express and do the 10pm feed by bottle. You then know that she is full. Then if she wakes in the night do not offer her breast milk but water (remember you know she is not hungry as you know she has had a good feed at 10). She will tell you she is hungry but after a night or 2 of only being offered water she will get the message.

By 16 weeks, the milk supply is well-established and the body will produce what the baby needs. There is no need to bottlefeed in the evening. A pump cannot drain the breast as effectively as a baby can. Just because you can't pump as much at 10pm doesn't mean there isn't enough milk there for the baby.

Even if the baby had a good feeding at 10, that doesn't mean it can't be hungry in the middle of the night. Especially if the baby is going through a growth spurt. I don't think offering water to a 4 month old breastfed baby in the middle of the night is a good course of action.

 

[JUJU814]

I am not disputing that I am disputing leaving a child of 4 months old to CIO all night. At 4 months the child that bfs needs to eat.

yeah, but by 4 months old they shouldn't need to eat in the middle of the night, or at least more than once in the middle of the night.

Is it possible this baby is being allowed to snack rather than getting full feedings?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

yeah, but by 4 months old they shouldn't need to eat in the middle of the night, or at least more than once in the middle of the night.

Is it possible this baby is being allowed to snack rather than getting full feedings?

That is not true. I know with formula babies tend to sleep longer as it takes longer for it to digest but breastmilk is not the same.

 

[toesmom]

Just let her cry it out. It's something that I never did with either of my kids, but a lot of people do and I've heard it works.

 

[JUJU814]

That is not true. I know with formula babies tend to sleep longer as it takes longer for it to digest but breastmilk is not the same.

Actually, yes it is absolutely true. I've had three breastfed babies. I know all about breastmilk and digestion. By 4 months of age, a baby should be able to go at LEAST 4 hours in between feedings and many/most will go longer at night, so at the most MAYBE you'd have to get up for one feeding in the middle of the night. I know I was lucky, but all three of mine were sleeping through the night between 6-8 weeks.

I always gave mine a good feeding between 11-12 and at that age they were sleeping til at least 5 am. They were breastfed exclusively. I know not all babies are the same, but by 4 months old, they don't need to eat every 2-3 hours like when they are newborns.

I also let my baby cry it out (within reason) if I knew they had been well fed, diaper changed, etc. They learned to soothe themselves.

Many people let their baby snack and the baby never gets a good solid feeding so the kid is just crying for the breast all day and all night long.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Actually, yes it is absolutely true. I've had three breastfed babies. I know all about breastmilk and digestion. By 4 months of age, a baby should be able to go at LEAST 4 hours in between feedings and many/most will go longer at night, so at the most MAYBE you'd have to get up for one feeding in the middle of the night. I know I was lucky, but all three of mine were sleeping through the night between 6-8 weeks.

I always gave mine a good feeding between 11-12 and at that age they were sleeping til at least 5 am. They were breastfed exclusively. I know not all babies are the same, but by 4 months old, they don't need to eat every 2-3 hours like when they are newborns.

I also let my baby cry it out (within reason) if I knew they had been well fed, diaper changed, etc. They learned to soothe themselves.

Many people let their baby snack and the baby never gets a good solid feeding so the kid is just crying for the breast all day and all night long.

Well I am glad that worked for you but I breastfed 4 kids and none of them slept through the night at 4 months old. Heck I hardly know anyone (ff or bf) who had a kid that slept through the night at 4 months old. As for them not needing to eat every four hours well, that is dependant on the child. I had children that would eat often and children that were satisfied for longer periods of time. Just like adults, their appetites vary. Not every child can not eat for 4 hours. Also, infants eat when they are hungry not because they have nothing else to do. At 4 months old most babies go through a growth spurt. They need to eat when that happens. It is not a matter of not knowing how to self soothe. They are hungry.
Like I said earlier I am not a CIO parent but I say that if it works for you then that is great. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[princessmom29]

Actually, yes it is absolutely true. I've had three breastfed babies. I know all about breastmilk and digestion. By 4 months of age, a baby should be able to go at LEAST 4 hours in between feedings and many/most will go longer at night, so at the most MAYBE you'd have to get up for one feeding in the middle of the night. I know I was lucky, but all three of mine were sleeping through the night between 6-8 weeks.

I always gave mine a good feeding between 11-12 and at that age they were sleeping til at least 5 am. They were breastfed exclusively. I know not all babies are the same, but by 4 months old, they don't need to eat every 2-3 hours like when they are newborns.

I also let my baby cry it out (within reason) if I knew they had been well fed, diaper changed, etc. They learned to soothe themselves.

Many people let their baby snack and the baby never gets a good solid feeding so the kid is just crying for the breast all day and all night long.

You are exactly right. I have cared for many BF babies in my time, although I had very poor luck nursing my own. They are perfectly fine going 4 hours between feedings. It is much more likely that the op's baby is looking for comfort rather than nourishment. A baby BF or FF on a definite feeding schedule should not be hungry evey hour at 4 months. I also feel that they nned to learn to self soothe. It is better for both mom and baby if everyone is getting a good night's sleep with long stretches between interruptions. Most of us are not nearly as effective as a mother when we are too tired to see straight. I also agree with the PP that said that everyone sleeps beter when children sleep in their own beds.

 

[gib4]

I was given a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" that I found invaluable! I re-read it with each of my kids (but not all at once-I was way too tired)!

My second child was colicky 24 hours a day. It would take me 1.5 hours to get her to sleep only for her to wake 45 minutes later and that was around the clock. I was nursing her, too, and it was taking so much out of me! Finally one day when I felt I had done EVERYTHING under the sun and the docs kept saying she'd out grow it I took her to the chiropractor. By the second visit she was only getting up twice a night and started to laugh and smile the same week. It was a sanity saver for sure. Chiropractors don't "crack" babies the same way the do adults. They use the baby's body weight and do pressure point work to work out the issues. I will add the disclaimer of "I am not a chiropractor, nor do I play on on T.V." But I do love going for an adjustment! It's not for everyone but it did work for us. Good Luck!

 

[JUJU814]

Well I am glad that worked for you but I breastfed 4 kids and none of them slept through the night at 4 months old. Heck I hardly know anyone (ff or bf) who had a kid that slept through the night at 4 months old. As for them not needing to eat every four hours well, that is dependant on the child. I had children that would eat often and children that were satisfied for longer periods of time. Just like adults, their appetites vary. Not every child can not eat for 4 hours. Also, infants eat when they are hungry not because they have nothing else to do. At 4 months old most babies go through a growth spurt. They need to eat when that happens. It is not a matter of not knowing how to self soothe. They are hungry.
Like I said earlier I am not a CIO parent but I say that if it works for you then that is great. Different strokes for different folks.

Well, ya know........

I shouldn't brag that they slept through the night no problem by that age (which they all did) because...

NOW the two youngest are 6 and 8 and I swear to God, I am woken up in the middle of the night by one of them every single miserable night of my life.

Every.
Single.
Night.

But that's another thread....

 

[jodifla]

OP, I suggest you read "The Contented Little Baby Book." It's by an English maternity nurse, Gina Ford, and we found her sleep schedules, which change week by week as a child ages, to be spot on for our son, who slept through the night from 6 weeks on.

It's not that well written or edited, but she does offer a wealth of tips that you can glean a lot from.

http://www.contentedbaby.com/FAQ_sleeping.htm

Here's a link to her web site.