HELP!! 16w/o WON'T SLEEP!

[princessmom29]

Well I am glad that worked for you but I breastfed 4 kids and none of them slept through the night at 4 months old. Heck I hardly know anyone (ff or bf) who had a kid that slept through the night at 4 months old. As for them not needing to eat every four hours well, that is dependant on the child. I had children that would eat often and children that were satisfied for longer periods of time. Just like adults, their appetites vary. Not every child can not eat for 4 hours. Also, infants eat when they are hungry not because they have nothing else to do. At 4 months old most babies go through a growth spurt. They need to eat when that happens. It is not a matter of not knowing how to self soothe. They are hungry.
Like I said earlier I am not a CIO parent but I say that if it works for you then that is great. Different strokes for different folks.

Babies will not eat because they are bored, but will feed when not hungry for the soothing effect. That is where the concept of a pacifer came from. They want the sucking sensation, but are not really hungry. otherwise pacifiers would be useless to soothe a crying baby. The OP stated that her baby would not take a paci. It is entirely possible that she is using mom as a subsitute and does not actually need the nutrition.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Babies will not eat because they are bored, but will feed when not hungry for the soothing effect. That is where the concept of a pacifer came from. They want the sucking sensation, but are not really hungry. otherwise pacifiers would be useless to soothe a crying baby. The OP stated that her baby would not take a paci. It is entirely possible that she is using mom as a subsitute and does not actually need the nutrition.

That is possible.

 

[jimandami]

I second the poster who recommended "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth...best book ever. One thing I haven't seen mentioned is what time are you putting your DD to bed at night? In the above mentioned book, he suggests an early bedtime starting at around 8-10 weeks. I would try to have her in bed between 6-8 PM and I bet you will find that she sleeps better. Often, babies stay up too late and are overtired and then don't sleep well at night.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Babies sleep when babies sleep. I think you need someone to step up and watch her while you sleep!

This will pass.

This is a very difficult time. You have to cut back on everything else that you can. Just focus on you and the kids. The housekeeping, ect.. will have to wait!

Take care of yourself! Being sleep deprived is like being DRUNK.

Always remember if things get to hairy to walk away and take 5- 10 minutes.
And thats OK!

That is precisely what I was going to say, but LauraAnn said it first!

 

[tartemis]

That is precisely what I was going to say, but LauraAnn said it first!

Yeah, I gotta "third" this. I have a 5 month old and am currently going through the same thing. To get though this "difficult" sleep time, we have resorted to co-sleeping. I've read every baby book out there (inlcuding those mentioned in this thread) and while there are some common sense things to do (like set a routine), if a baby is having trouble soothing themselves, they just need time to mature --- unless, you are willing to CIO, which is something I was never able to do.

At 4 months, it is common for many babies to regress in the sleep department because this is when they become increasingly aware of their surroundings. My (exclusively bf) 5 month old was sleeping 6 hours at a time between 2-4 months. at 4 months, she stopped sleeping longer than 45 minutes at a time before she would want to nurse (to soothe herself). Something similar happened with my first daughter and it resolved itself around 6 months. So I'm banking on that happening again this time and just trying to spin my sleepless nights into a positive experience -- really enjoying the time I get to spend holding and cuddling my baby; it goes by so quickly.

 

[mmaikisch]

I know how you feel, my dd is 18 weeks and we went throught the same thing. I spoke with her pediatrician, and his recommendation was a nighttime routine so that after a few nights, she would learn when bedtime was. He also stated that at 4 months we could start to give her some rice cereal mixed with water as solid food twice a day. That night, we started a routine that was at about 9:00 pm we would feed her some cereal, then give her a bath with the jhonson's bedtime bath (the lavender one), then we would get her in her jammies, swaddle her, nurse her (she was still hungry after the cereal, and the cereal is not a substitute for milk) and then lay her down for the night. She was still awake when we laid her down, but she was very tired and would go to sleep on her own within a few minutes. After a few nights, she would sleep from about 10:00pm - 7:00 am, and would get up maybe once during the night but only once in awhile (not every night). I know that you have stated that she does not like to be swaddled, but you could do whatever you feel is right for you and your baby. I think the bath right before bedtime really helped to calm and soothe her. Also, every baby is different, so if you try the cereal, please speak with your ped. 1st. Our ped. actually recommended it and she absolutely loves it =) Hope all works out for you, keep us posted!!

 

[deva]

I second the poster who recommended "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth...best book ever.

A third vote for this book. Referred to it often with all three of mine. I personally did use CIO if my kids had sleeping "blips". They were all BF and sleeping throught the night by 12 weeks.

Nice thing about this book is that it dosn't so much focus on how you do things - rock your baby to sleep? that's OK. Put your baby down awake? that's OK too BUT do the same thing every time. ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE and baby will get it.

I'd work on a good daytime schedule first. Pick your wakeup time - say 7 and then do EAT, WAKE, SLEEP cycle throughout the day. You are also at that tricky point where you are dropping that third nap - maybe just a 45 min catnap.

Also at that age, you can do the "dreamfeed" for nutrition. Put the baby down at 8. Feed her at 10 or 11 before you go to bed. Don't fully wake her or even change her diaper. Just get her to latch on and nurse. Tickle her toes or rub under her chin to get her sucking. Just put her back in her crib when done.

All kids are different, but I think she could sleep all night without eating again. Certainly 5-6 hours. If she's up before 3 hours, I'd let her CIO.

 

[deerhart]

my oldest son from birth to almost 5 months ate every hour on the hour and during the part I bf'd for nursed for 30-45 minutes each time (in fact I slept through a good majority of the nursing). Both dh and I were exhausted. We didn't see a 4 hour sleep until he was over 5 months old, being formula feed and supplemented with level 1 foods. The same child was still downing over 200+ ml of liquid a day at 18 months, plus 3 full meals and snacks (lets just say he had a LOT of growing to catch up on and showed it). I stopped bfing him at 3 months and had enough milk stored in the freezer to feed him until almost 6 months of age.

At times both my boys had spurts where they wanted to be held while sleeping. For them it revolved around heat, movement, and sound. We solved it in a couple of ways. First we kept them in the bassinet until they outgrew it (pretty much touching the sides) and then moved them to the crib (but portioned off half the crib). We also used a hair dryer on the crib sheets before we put them down (so the sheets were warm like our bodies) and when all else failed, they slept in the swing wound up in our bedroom.

We also had a lot of drainage/infection issues so my oldest sometimes slept better more upright in the swing or in the car seat.

 

[smidgy]

please don't flame me, grnadma here, but it sound to me like this child is hungry. I know, La Leche League and others promote breast feeding only for the first year, (or first 6 months), I will only tell you what I know from my experience, right or wrong.
I gave both my sons solids after one month. (sorry). at the night feeding, i started mixing "just a little" baby food rice cereal(in the box) with the formula, and let them suck it off the baby spoon. (on the advice of my old time pediatrician) gradually got to where at 2 months, they were eating formula based cereal every night. slept for 6 hours. introduced baby food fruits after another month.
just saying what worked. my boys were hungry. liquids weren't enough, they accepted solids, I fed them they were happy. they slept.
in case you are wondering, neither of my boys were overweight as children. (nor are they now, at ages 27 and 30) just a suggestion.
no fault of your own, sometimes breastmilk, or even formula, isn't enough. (and the breastfeeding baby loves to nurse... of course he/she will take just what it wants for a little time, snooze, and want more.) if you have the time to spend all day and night in bed nursing, more power to you. you have all my respect.
but if the OP wants a little sleep, I would suggest trying to introduce some cereal just before bed time. sound to me like this little tyke is hungry. good luck

 

[Tricia's mom]

Keep her in as MUCH sunlight during the day... This will help her produce more melatonin and hopefully re set her clock...

 

[Wendy31]

Well, I'm on my third baby currently, &, so far, he's sleeping/eating exactly the same way his older sister & brother did.

He sleeps about 2 hours at a time & wakes up to nurse/suck. Yes, he uses me as a pacifier. I know this. No, I cannot let him CIO. I couldn't let my other 2 CIO it either.

All 3 of my kids have needed to eat every 2-3 around the clock until they were around 10 - 12 months old. I nursed exclusively w/ older DD & DS & introduced rice cereal at 4 months & baby food at 6 months w/ continued nursing. We nursed for a year & started weaning at 12-14 months.

W/ our current baby, I nursed exclusively until 5 months - we're working on rice & oatmeal cereals now & plan to introduce baby foods next week when he turns 6 month & will continue to nurse until he's a year.

When all 3 were first born, they needed to nurse every hour to every hour & a half. I currently haven't had more than 2 hours of sleep at time since July 16, 2009. Yes, I'm tired. And, no, I don't have "the time just to lay around in bed all day & night nursing". But I also wouldn't trade this time w/ my baby for anything!

But this too will pass. We co-sleep to make the night-time nursings easier & he has a pack-n-play right beside our bed. I so enjoy holding him & cuddling him. Honestly, that first year goes by so quickly! I think having this third baby so many years after my 1st 2 (DD is 10, & DS is 8 - they're 18 months apart) has made me realize how fast the time goes... DH & I are enjoying this baby so much!

My older DD & DS have no problems sleeping now. They both sleep in their beds all night long & have done this for many years now. I never let them CIO & by 18 months, they were both sleeping in their own beds all night long.

And, honestly, it's not helpful AT ALL when people suggest just giving the baby formula/cereal to "help him sleep" or to just let him CIO. Breastfeeding is an easy-hard thing - the process, once the baby & mom get the hang of it is easy, but the frequent feedings can be exhausting. When my DD was a baby, my mother often suggested that I just give her some formula to help her sleep. Not what I needed! What I needed was encouragement. And support.

There is nothing wrong w/ a 4 month old baby needing to frequently nurse. While some BF babies may go longer between feedings many BF babies do not. I think lots of new moms try breastfeeding & give it up because they're not prepared for the "around-the-clockness" of it & then don't get the support they need.

And there's nothing w/ wrong not letting a 4-month old CIO. A 4-month old is a little baby... I just could never let my baby cry himself or herself to sleep. And, like I said, my DD & DS sleep fine now.

So, to the OP, . I know you're tired. But she'll get over this little spurt & will settle back down into some longer sleeping patterns soon. My baby was sleeping from around 11:00 pm until about 2:00 am, waking up for a quick nursing, & then going back to sleep until about 5:30 am before Christmas. Then, the week after Christmas, he got in this pattern of only sleeping for about 45 minutes at a time - he did this for about 5 nights. I was exhausted!! I decided that maybe I had been eating too many sweets & drinking too much caffeine over the holidays, so I started cutting back. He's slowly getting back to a more workable sleep routine.

We've been feeding him rice & oatmeal cereal (started at 5 1/2 months), but that really hasn't increased his sleeping very much. He's a catnapper.

Try to get your DH to help more! My DH is very supportive & helpful - I'm not sure what we'd do w/o him! The week that DS wasn't sleeping, DH would take him in the mornings, & I would sleep for about 2 hours. (DH works swing shifts, & DS's "no sleep" days happened to coincide w/ DH's off days.) DH will also take him, so I can escape to the shower for a while.

 

[Halbleib1]

My son (now 5)was in the NICU for 10 days at birth and we had a hard time transitioning him to his bassinet and finally to the crib because we think he liked the bassinet at the hospital. We think he liked being able to see out of the bassinet at the hospital and at home he could not. He has always been a nosy child .Also at the hospital he was inclined in the bassinet and at home it was flat. We did finally get him to sleep in the bassinet but it required putting blankets under the pad to incline it. And letting him know we were close by until he fell asleep. He was afraid of missing something. Just had to be sure that the pad fit tightly so he could not get to the blankets. For the first few months he slept in his car seat on the floor as that is the only way we could get any sleep at night. He did not like being swaddled so that did not work. He did take a pacifier but it was not enough to get him to sleep anywhere else. He also liked to have a light on in the room. Probably because in the NICU it was always light. He still will not sleep without a light of some sort on. Maybe your child is having a similar problem after being in the hospital and needs to feel more secure.

Also as others have said perhaps the baby is hungry. At 4 months my son was eating rice cereal during the morning feeding and the feeding before bed at night. We put the cereal in a special bottle for solid foods and fed it this way. As well as in the bottle with a lot of milk and an extra hole in the nipple. He was sleeping through the night at this point. My son was not allowed to come home from the NICU until he ate at least 4 ounces per feeding. He woke every 4 hours to eat. So we always got at least 4 hours between feedings. We had to bottle feed so I am not sure what the requirement would be for breastfeeding.

Good luck. Hope this helps and you start getting more sleep. Also I agree with others your husband needs to help you out more it is his child as well. I understand he has to work the next day but so did mine and he was always helpful with those middle of the night feedings.

 

[mjkacmom]

And, honestly, it's not helpful AT ALL when people suggest just giving the baby formula/cereal to "help him sleep" or to just let him CIO. Breastfeeding is an easy-hard thing - the process, once the baby & mom get the hang of it is easy, but the frequent feedings can be exhausting. When my DD was a baby, my mother often suggested that I just give her some formula to help her sleep. Not what I needed! What I needed was encouragement. And support.
.[/QUOTE]

LOL - if I had a baby, and someone told me to co-sleep for the next year and not CIO, it wouldn't be helpful at all! The OP is getting a lot of conflicting advice, and it's up to her which path to take. For me, if someone told me I had to endure feeding my baby at night for 18 months, I'd have a meltdown. During the early weeks, when I knew I'd be up a few times every night, I'd go to bed super-early. After 4 - 6 months, when my babies were sleeping through (either on their own, or with the help of CIO a couple of nights), I can't tell you how much I enjoyed a few hours of adult time with my DH (especially being a SAHM).

After a certain period of time, nightime feedings are out of habit, not out of need. If you are willing to feed your baby every 2 hours for 18 months, go for it. However, if you are tired, and your ability to function during the day has gone, do not feel guilted into suffering through.

 

[puffkin]

I agree, the advice of BF every 2 hours and cosleeping is NOT HELPFUL advice for some people. The OP has gotten good advice on both sides of the issue and she can choose what works best for her situation.

I guess I just find it so odd because I have always worked FT and been around lots of working mothers. Some BF and others FF. But I must say that in my 10 years of working at several large corporations, every single mother that I was friends with had their children sleeping on a decent night schedule by about 3 months of age (when most came back to work). Most had to get up maybe once during the night, but not every 1-2 hours. My DS was sleeping through (9-7) by 10 weeks. I don't know...maybe since we knew we had to function for work that we stopped letting the baby dictate the schedule and we set the schedule

I also agree that the baby might be hungry and BM might not be enough. DS was exclusively formula fed and he was maxing out on formula by 10 weeks. The Ped said that as long as he could take it off the spoon, to start cereal. It took some experimenting to find the right texture (thicker than I would have thought) but he took it really well off the spoon. We fed him cereal at breakfast and dinner and it made a huge difference. As soon as we started cereal, he started skipping the middle of the night feeding. Again, maybe coincidence, but I don't think so.

Does OP know how much milk baby is taking at night? Maybe OP should express some milk for at night to see if she is really hungry or is just sucking.

Another idea is DS never really took a pacifer...but sometimes I would just hold one in his mouth for a minute or so and he would take a few sucks and be out like a light. IF I held it he would suck it, but if I didn't he just spit it out. We did that a lot when he was fussy at night but didn't need anything. Only took a few seconds rather than holding him, rocking him and then trying to lay him back down with out waking him (then starting the cycle over when he inevitably woke up). That might be a good way to transition her from using mommy to starting to self soothe.

 

[JUJU814]

I need to correct myself. Funny the things you think about when you're in the car. Yeah, I'm driving my kids to school thinking about a DIS discussion!

yesterday I posted that by 4 months of age all of my breastfed babies were sleeping through the night and that a BF baby should be able to go at least 4 hours.

What didn't occur to me, is that I said I BF them exclusively. By that, I meant no formula. By 4 months, I was giving all of my children at least some rice cereal and possibly a little fruit (can't remember) That's probably why they were sleeping longer? I didn't give it at night, but it was part of their routine.

Before anyone jumps on me for giving solids before 6 months or whatever the AAP says now, I'll just say, that *personally* (only speaking for myself) I couldn't care less what they say about this. My kids were hungry and I did what came naturally. They even had peanut butter in their first year! They are all happy, healthy, no allergies. Just fine and dandy.

I also did not have a very supportive husband. In the early days, when the b**bs were hanging out 24/7 because the baby would not nurse, he decided to walk in one day and say "hey Bessie, how's it going". Let's just say he's lucky I'm not typing this message from a jail cell! So, I did what worked for our family and what my babies needed. I gave birth to an 11 lb 5 oz boy. By 4 months he was HUGE and needed more food.

ANYWAY, I just wanted to come back and correct what I said because I guess if they were receiving some solids, that would mean they were not BF "exclusively".

OP, good luck hun! Read all the advice, try to get some professional advice. Take what resonates with you and discard the rest. This too shall pass!

 

[frtchr]

No advice, just a . My DD slept like a dream, still does. DS, however, was more like a nightmare. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 10 months old and half the time, he wanted to be held. DH and I slept on the recliner with him in our arms a lot. No wonder my chiropractor makes so much money off me!

You're doing the best you can, and that's all we can do as parents. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!!!

 

[princessmom29]

And, honestly, it's not helpful AT ALL when people suggest just giving the baby formula/cereal to "help him sleep" or to just let him CIO. Breastfeeding is an easy-hard thing - the process, once the baby & mom get the hang of it is easy, but the frequent feedings can be exhausting. When my DD was a baby, my mother often suggested that I just give her some formula to help her sleep. Not what I needed! What I needed was encouragement. And support.
.

QUOTED:
LOL - if I had a baby, and someone told me to co-sleep for the next year and not CIO, it wouldn't be helpful at all! The OP is getting a lot of conflicting advice, and it's up to her which path to take. For me, if someone told me I had to endure feeding my baby at night for 18 months, I'd have a meltdown. During the early weeks, when I knew I'd be up a few times every night, I'd go to bed super-early. After 4 - 6 months, when my babies were sleeping through (either on their own, or with the help of CIO a couple of nights), I can't tell you how much I enjoyed a few hours of adult time with my DH (especially being a SAHM).

After a certain period of time, nightime feedings are out of habit, not out of need. If you are willing to feed your baby every 2 hours for 18 months, go for it. However, if you are tired, and your ability to function during the day has gone, do not feel guilted into suffering through.[/QUOTE]

Exactly my take. I was woking at least 50 hours a week by the time DD was 4 months old and DH worked more like 70. There was no way either of us could function if she was eating every 2 hours all night. It would not have been a safe situation for anyone. It really helped us to have a regular routine wher bedtime was the same every night, and it helped that I had wonderful child care that helped me keep her on a schedule during the day. I just don't see how a mom working full time could ever do the whole co-sleeping, feed ever 2 hours for a year thing without a breakdown. Count me as another mom who introduced solids well before six months. We were doing cereal in the bottle at 3 months. I had a baby that was 9 pounds at birth and just needed more calories plus she har reflux issuse that started about this time. She is a very small for her age, slightly built 6 year old now. My ped. told me to put the cereal in her bottle to help her get through a bout of reflux that had gotten particularly bad. It worked wonders, and she was no longer in pain.

 

[PixiePlanner]

Before I say anything, let me clarify that I did not bf, both of my kiddos were strictly formula fed from the beginning. Also, I realize that recommendations have changed on how long to wait until introducing foods but I also know that those people are not my children's mother nor doctor.

With DS, DH was not helpful with the nighttime feedings although he had assured me he would be all through the pregnancy (totally another story). When DS was about 15 wks old, I had had enough. I announced that he was close enough to 4mos, I was going to introduce rice cereal. I fed it to him on a spoon, and it was extremely diluted (5 to 1 maybe?) w/ formula. After about 4 days, he totally got the hang of the spoon. At 4 months, I started giving it to him 2 times a day and he began sleeping through the night immediately. He has no allergies.

With DD, I took her to the Dr for her 2 mos check up and asked if I could start her on cereal. At first he said no and then he asked me why. When I told him she would drink 10-12 oz every night about 10pm and then still get up at 2am and drink 4-6oz, he said to go ahead and introduce it but to take it very slow. I couldn't wait until that night. I did it the exact same soupy way I did w/ DS. Amazingly, she slept through that very night! She too has no allergies.

I am not saying this is for every baby. Since the newest rec is to wait until 6 mos, ask your pediatrician!

FYI: My parents adopted my older sister when she was about 3 mos (she's now 48). She was already on whole milk and baby food. My mom has always stated that she is the healthiest out of all of us.

 

[Minnesota!]

Babies sleep when babies sleep. I think you need someone to step up and watch her while you sleep!

This will pass.

This is a very difficult time. You have to cut back on everything else that you can. Just focus on you and the kids. The housekeeping, ect.. will have to wait!

Take care of yourself! Being sleep deprived is like being DRUNK.

Always remember if things get to hairy to walk away and take 5- 10 minutes.
And thats OK!

Been there 2 times. Not fun but it really is such a short amount of time. Tell your DH he has no choice but to start pitching in. She is 1/2 his, too. That is one thing I always held my DH up for - he had no issues getting up at night with the kids...regardless that he had to put in 10 - 15 hour days. It is what it is.

 

[Willow25]

Sleep cycles for babies run every 45 minutes so if your baby is waking that often they are struggling to put themselves back to sleep when they are coming out of their deep sleep. I would recommend swaddling to keep their arms from flailing around and waking themselves up. At this age they have no control over their arms etc and when they whack themselves they do not understand what has happened and this can be alarming.

I follow the Baby Whisperer book and we used the shhh pat method at this age to help teach them independent sleep. I would lie next to the crib with my hand on their back or chest and pat then I would say shhh shhh shhh in a pattern. Sometimes it would take ten to fifteen but utilising this both of my babies slept through the night very early and we have never had a major problem since then.

You have to find what works for you. I knew that I did not want to co-sleep and I knew that I did not want my children to cry it out. Whatever you decide just remember that this will pass and it will get better.

Also have you talked with your husband about how you are feeling and that you need his help right now.

GOOD LUCK. HUGS TO YOU