HELP!! 16w/o WON'T SLEEP!

[skhermsmeyer]

No flames please. Okay, 16 week old DD is only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time during the night. That means I get NO sleep. I know she can sleep longer than that because at 7 weeks she would go down at 10:30 or 11 and sleep until 9 or 9:30 WITHOUT getting up at all.

She was in the hospital over Christmas (24-27), but she's over it now. But every 2 hours the nurses or RT were coming in to do a breathing treatment or check her vitals. This is when the problem started.

Now she'll go to sleep as long as I'm holding and nursing her. I can't have her on me all night and I don't sleep when I hold her. (Not that I'm sleeping now) My husband (can't call him DH right now) is no help. He goes to sleep at 9 or 9:30 and doesn't want to help. This morning he started yelling at me when she woke up at 5:30. Earliest fight I've ever had. I can't take a nap when DD naps because I've got a 2 1/2 year old DS to look after.

ANY advice on how to get her down at night is appreciated. She's napping for 1 hour at 9am, 1.5 at 12pm, 1.5 or 2 at 4:30pm. I put her down when she's yawning during the day and she'll put herself down. Trying to keep her from getting over-tired. When I put her down for the night, she'll wake up and cry. The only way to get her back down is to nurse her and then it starts all over again.

HELP! (and please, no flames. I'm having a hard enough time already).

 

[Maggie'sMom]

First of all, . No flames here. I've been right where you are. Every child is different, but the first thing that came to mind is a growth spurt. She may be waking because she needs to eat more often to feed a growth spurt. If that's the case, then this phase will pass soon.

Do you swaddle her? DD was never a good sleeper. Until she was 8 months old, the only way I could get her to sleep in her crib was to tightly swaddle her. I used a knit receiving blanket and pulled it very tight so she couldn't wiggle free. I think it gave her the same feeling as me holding her and helped her stay asleep.

Another idea to try is white noise. Run a fan in her room or a CD of nature sounds. My nephew had trouble sleeping and my SIL found a CD called "country stream" that he would sleep to. I used a CD of ocean waves for most of my DD's first year.

To get some sleep now, try putting her to sleep in an infant swing (not a good idea for overnight, but it helps get a longer nap). That worked wonders for DD.

Lastly, you need to sit down with your DH (the D can also stand for Darned, or another D word) and have a serious discussion about his responsibilities. You can't do this alone and he shouldn't be yelling at you at 5:30 in the morning when you've had no sleep all night.

 

[eeyoremum]

This might not work for you and goodness knows everyone will have a different opinion on what you should do.

If you can co-sleep that is what I would do. I did this with both my sons now 15 and 10 when they were little. I had to put up with the critism of almost everyone but it worked for us.

 

[wilma-bride]

Have you tried swaddling? My DS would not sleep for more than 30-45 minutes at a time until we did this. The only thing I would say is please, please try to get out of the habit of holding her while she sleeps/rocking her to sleep. I made the mistake of doing this with my first and didn't get a good night's sleep until she was nearly 4

 

[puffkin]

MY DS was an excellent sleeper, but I know a few times when he was sick he got used to all the attention at night and after he got better he started waking up a lot and getting very needy. We just used CIO with him to break him of those bad habits and get him back to his normal sleep patterns. It is pretty easy to tell when a baby actually needs something and when they just want attention, especially by the time they get to16 weeks.

I agree also, don't do the holding/rocking. Establish a nighttime routine and do the holding/rocking then. But in the middle of the night don't do it. My son loved low nursey music playing and I had one of those sound spa things that put lights up on the ceiling. I am also not a fan of co-sleeping. I really liked the premade swaddle wraps as everything else he wiggled out of (however he outgrew them by 8 weeks). Finally, DS was a great night time sleeper but he did not nap at all during the day. He was in the swing a lot! It was the only way I could get anything done during the day! Good luck.

 

[Rylee]

Aww, sorry your DD was sick and sorry you aren't getting any sleep.

Sadly, I know how a hospital stay can change their sleep patterns and get them off schedule.

If she was sleeping more during the day than at night, I'd tell you to switch her bath time. Hmmm...

Also, I was convinced my children wanted to use me as a human pacifier. Don't know how you feel about pacifiers, but have you tried using one?

Have you tried putting her down before she is fully asleep, so she can learn to "self-comfort?"

Have you tried letting her cry for a little bit, to see if she'll doze back off? Hard to do, I know, but if you check on her, and determine she doesn't need a feeding, change, etc., perhaps you can increase the time before going to her and see if she will become more upset or calm down.

Have you had her ears checked? I had one daughter who would always wake up crying every time I laid her flat... she had numerous ear infections, and lying flat increased the pressure on her ears. (Took a few infections before we learned this.)

At 4 months, she made not need to nap at 4:30pm. Try increasing the afternoon nap, (the one around noon) and give up the 3rd nap of the day.

Also try having your DH give her a bottle before bedtime. Or, try giving her a bottle for any feeding she wakes in the night for. Breast fed babies just love to snuggle at the breast. Maybe giving her a bottle feeding at night will send the signal... We're all business at night... Get a change, fill your tummy, get back to sleep, no lights on and no visiting. There's time for loving, cuddling, stimulation, etc., during the day.

Really work on getting into a routine, a day-time and a night-time. Your 2.5 y/o DS could also take a nap at noon, so you could have a chance to get some rest.

Do you have anyone else who could help you? Someone who could come over for a couple of afternoons in row, so you can get some rest?

And, your DH needs to, at least, take the night feedings on weekends so you can get some sleep. Or, take care of her at some point each day... last feeding before bedtime (you could go to bed early) or a few hours during the afternoon on his days off, to give you a break.

Good luck.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

She could be going through a growth spurt. It will pass eventually.
As for your husband, well, I can't tell you what to do as I would get points for it.

 

[cydswipe]

Oh goodness, you sound so tired!

I think you've gotten some nice suggestions so far!

I'm thinking a quick trip to the Dr might be in order. Just to make sure she's healthy.. no ear infection etc. Once you get the "all clear", you will eliminate some of the mommy guilt for getting down to business! )

She may need time to fuss and work things out herself. Even if it's fussiness for a hour. If it's in the middle of the night, so be it. She will learn to sooth herself.

I had an awful sleeper (we still have one actually and she's almost 10!!!)
My second daughter, cried it out to learn to sleep. It took 1-2 nights. Wasn't pretty, I felt awful, but by golly it worked!!!!! After she learned to sleep through the night, I found that IF she was up in the night, something was "wrong" and I'd usually take her to the ped and it'd be ear infection..

Best of luck....

 

[mjkacmom]

Sorry you are going through this. I had to ferberize ds11 and dd6 (and then ds6, because her crying initially woke him). It's one of a few CIO methods, and worked in 2 nights for me. Basically, they learn how to put themselves to sleep when they wake in the night (which we all do - we just don't remember). If a baby is nursed to sleep, he/she will not be able to put himself/herself back to sleep after the next REM cycle unless nursed again. This goes for rocking, pacifiers (which we used - just made sure to have tons in the crib ), etc.

I always suggest getting a book before trying to CIO - knowing the WHY of what you are doing makes it a whole lot easier. Plus, in your case, you know she is capable, because she used to do it. I waited until 6 months, just to make sure it wasn't a hunger issue.

 

[McDuck]

When she does nap during the day, is her room dark and quiet? If so, maybe try keeping her blinds/shade open during daytime naps so she doesn't confuse day and night. I echo the CD on repeat play or white noise. Makes a huge difference with my 2 1/2 month old sleeping longer. Another thing that helps my DD go down when she wakes up for a midnight/wee hours feed is barely interacting with her. I may trade a few smiles, but I hardly talk to her because that is sleepytime, not playtime. I turn a lamp on to change her diaper before feeding, then it's out and I keep the lights out except for the nightlight and feed and burp her, then when bottle is gone, I put her back down whether she is asleep or not. If she is not asleep it is not long before she is.

Also, another thing that helped my DD sleep longer is we changed from nightgowns and a blanket to a blanket-sleeper that zips up. That way she doesn't kick the covers off, get cold, and wake up that way. I don't know what PJ's your little one is in. Swaddling might work, but it didn't for me. My DD HATED being swaddled b/c she likes to sleep with her arms up over her head like a ref calling a touchdown. She was only swaddled for the first week and then she let us know she did not like it.

I'm sorry you are not getting any rest. And I'm REALLY sorry your husband is not being more helpful. I would give mine a knock upside the head. (Fortunately, mine is very helpful.)

 

[LauraAnn630]

Babies sleep when babies sleep. I think you need someone to step up and watch her while you sleep!

This will pass.

This is a very difficult time. You have to cut back on everything else that you can. Just focus on you and the kids. The housekeeping, ect.. will have to wait!

Take care of yourself! Being sleep deprived is like being DRUNK.

Always remember if things get to hairy to walk away and take 5- 10 minutes.
And thats OK!

 

[dansamy]

Co-sleeping worked for us.

 

[crysplefty]

Sounds like she may have her days and night confused. If you can get someone to come over for the day to help you, do it. My son went through this and my mom and grandma came over during the day and kept him up during the day while I caught up on my sleep (except during nursings). They would let him nap, but would keep him awake for longer stretches before he napped. They did this for just one day and a couple days later things were back to normal. He too wanted to be held, even though he was swaddled very good. I ended up sleeping on the recliner with him in my arms, since I was having horrible pain in my shoulder already. I eventually went to the ER since it became painful to breathe and found out I had pleurisy.

 

[monkey30]

I just wanted to send you hugs, I feel for u having a 2mth old right now who finally is getting into a good day and night schedule.

Try so of the things on here, I would have suggested the swaddling and co-sleeping if u need to. I have done both!!! Hopefully u find something that works.

As for the nursing my son likes to use me as a pacifier as well, and he even takes his own, and I have no idea how to stop that!!!LOL

As for DH I would sit down and talk to him, I have had a couple of agruments with mine, mainly because I let it go to far, and was past my breaking point. So communication is best! I also second the if someone can come over and take care of your LO's for a few hours in the afternoon just so u can rest a bit, it will help!

 

[princessmom29]

Hugs to you!! I have been right where you are. DH was no help b/c he was working 12 hour days at physical labor with a 2 hr one was commute, and i was working 10 hour day. DD didn't sleep more than an hour and a half at a time. I was a total zombie and something had to give. What finally worked for us was putting her down awake and letting her learn how to get to sleep. At first I had to stand by the crib and pat her , then moved to just a hand on her, ect until she could do it herself. It was hard, but sooooo worth it!!! She started sleeping, and I was able to function.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

While I am not a fan at all of cio I do get that it works for some people. That being said I would never let a barely 4 month old cio. Especially if the child is being BF. It goes through their bodies much quicker. The baby is probably going through a growth spurt. It will pass. In the meantime, when your husband walks in the door go to bed to get some rest. This way when you have to wake up at least you have gotten some sleep. Don't feel you have to do it all. That is why you are married. You are a team. Tell him to buck up cowboy.

 

[JUJU814]

No flames please. Okay, 16 week old DD is only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time during the night. That means I get NO sleep. I know she can sleep longer than that because at 7 weeks she would go down at 10:30 or 11 and sleep until 9 or 9:30 WITHOUT getting up at all.

She was in the hospital over Christmas (24-27), but she's over it now. But every 2 hours the nurses or RT were coming in to do a breathing treatment or check her vitals. This is when the problem started.

Now she'll go to sleep as long as I'm holding and nursing her. I can't have her on me all night and I don't sleep when I hold her. (Not that I'm sleeping now) My husband (can't call him DH right now) is no help. He goes to sleep at 9 or 9:30 and doesn't want to help. This morning he started yelling at me when she woke up at 5:30. Earliest fight I've ever had. I can't take a nap when DD naps because I've got a 2 1/2 year old DS to look after.

ANY advice on how to get her down at night is appreciated. She's napping for 1 hour at 9am, 1.5 at 12pm, 1.5 or 2 at 4:30pm. I put her down when she's yawning during the day and she'll put herself down. Trying to keep her from getting over-tired. When I put her down for the night, she'll wake up and cry. The only way to get her back down is to nurse her and then it starts all over again.

HELP! (and please, no flames. I'm having a hard enough time already).

You poor thing. I don't have much baby advice as I haven't exactly experienced that. However, I will say you seriously need to have a talk with your husband or get some intervention there. Mine would have received a swift kick in the rear by now! Sounds like he's completely ignoring your needs and feeding his own selfishness.

Men are just clueless..I swear they are. When my last child was a newborn and was not sleeping, I was absolutely exhausted. I asked my husband to fold the laundry in the living room. I remember gonig out and seeing it wasn't folded and he was sound asleep in our bed. I said "honey, you promised me you'd fold the laundry" He responded "I was tired". My response? "Tired?? I'm sorry? Did you say TIRED? Seriously???????" and I think then I pounced on him and started beating the crap out of him. I was hormonal, exhausted and I probably wouldn't recommend that...

But seriously, he needs to get his butt in gear and suck it up and be a man and help. Do you have anyone you can trust that could have a talk with him? A parent that could threaten him? (sorry..just kidding) what about his mother? Your father? He needs a talking to.

One other thing..any way you could cut out one of those three day time naps? Get the baby on a feed, wake, sleep schedule. Maybe make her wait till 9:30 for a morning nap. When she wakes, feed her and play time. Try all you can to keep her awake..then let her sleep. Do this routine until she is at 2 naps during the day. 4pm is a late daytime nap.

Good luck!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Okay, I just checked your nap schedule. I was the nap nazi - nothing got in the way of our naps, even if we missed out going somewhere. By four months, my babies were napping 9 - 11, 2 - 4:30, and bedtime was 8, and they slept until about 7 am. I was clockwork. Once you get the baby on your 2 year old's afternoon nap schedule, sleep! As for your DH, he's got to step up! I took care of all of the feedings with my first (the only one I bf), and DH helped with the rest, because I wasn't napping during the day any more than he was. He was in charge of 50% of the night feedings with the twins - we'd either have time schedules, or "pick your baby."

 

[dumbo_buddy]

another swaddler here. we also use the rain sound from the "happiest baby on the block" cd.

i hope it's just a growth spurt and you get some more sleep soon!

hugs mamma!

 

[bumbershoot]

16 weeks= 4 months. Big important time in a baby's life! Teething! Growth spurt! Especially growth spurt with wanting to nurse all the time.

Figure out a way to sleep with baby, so you don't have to sit and hold her. Work on side-lying nursing, it is absolutely brilliant once you can figure it out!