Heartbroken

[Barbossa]

Men tend to bottle up things that concern or anger them, sometimes for years on end. Maybe the "bottle" has overflowed which is causing him to act that way. Could be time for real communication between the two of you, possibly through a mediator or counselor.

 

[CEDmom]

Since your DH is the one earning the family income I think he's entitled to a little bit of his own savings. It sounds like your DH and you don't agree on how much you need to save for vacation. Honestly, I wouldn't have made a big deal over a few dollars and just have let it go. I think being the sole bread winner is very stressful.

 

[tinkerbelt]

I can't believe you created an alias for this.

Seriously, if you're getting this worked up over what amounts to a couple bucks, I'd guess you might have some bigger issues that you might need to work through with your husband.

It's not even about the money or the amount.

It's the fact that her DH says that it is HIS money because he is the one who works. It's not cool to pull a power trip because your name is on the paycheck.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

It's not even about the money or the amount.

It's the fact that her DH says that it is HIS money because he is the one who works. It's not cool to pull a power trip because your name is on the paycheck.

While he shouldn't have said what he did, he probably wouldn't have said it if she wouldn't have pressed the issue.

He thought they saved enough for Disney. She didn't agree. So, he decides to save a bit of change and she demands to know what it is for. He doesn't know (and why should he; did it matter?) so she says that he can save money after going to WDW. That is when he snapped.

I would have been mad too. He wasn't allowed to save change; instead, she wanted to decide where it went. That is wrong.

 

[tinkerbelt]

While he shouldn't have said what he did, he probably wouldn't have said it if she wouldn't have pressed the issue.

He thought they saved enough for Disney. She didn't agree. So, he decides to save a bit of change and she demands to know what it is for. He doesn't know (and why should he; did it matter?) so she says that he can save money after going to WDW. That is when he snapped.

I would have been mad too. He wasn't allowed to save change; instead, she wanted to decide where it went. That is wrong.

So why does he get to decide when they've saved enough for vacation?

 

[robinb]

So why does he get to decide when they've saved enough for vacation?

That question could be asked about the OP too. That's why they should sit down and make the decision together.

 

[lustergirl]

<<< have my own job and make more money than my hubby, lol. Because of circumstances I was never a stay at home mom. But if I was then all of your cooking and cleaning up after people has to account for something. We save all of change for our disney trips as well. I roll the change up into the wraps and quickly exchange them for cash then off to the disney store to purchase disney dollars. We save our change together though. Good Luck!!

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

That question could be asked about the OP too. That's why they should sit down and make the decision together.

Exactly.

 

[lillygator]

I overhear what the friends say while they think I am out of earshot. "Marriage is for losers", " How can you stay married this long???", "I do what I want, when I want, AINT No Woman going to tell me what to do." Very Malchovanious (sp?) So yes it bothers me when his friends (who just so happen to be Disney experts since they do a guys only trip and are on here in the evenings) when they have the capability to see what I write.

It doesn't bother me not having a set amount of money to count on from week to week. Of course I would love to have it. But I live simply and know how much running a household cost. I make do.

it probably wouldn't take them long to figure out....

That question could be asked about the OP too. That's why they should sit down and make the decision together.

I was going to say this too.

OP, I hope you are able to sit down with DH and let him know how his comments made you feel as well as being open to hearing what he has to say as well. Good luck!

 

[JC Drake]

My two cents: I think the OP spoke down to her husband and did it in front of the kids. She states that he made comments which she laughed about twice and she made comments such as, "You can't..." Honestly, I can't blame the guy for getting mad. It would bother me if my wife treated me that way. No, it wasn't right that he sent the vibe that he works and therefore controls the money. But I really can't agree that he did anything leading to "heartbreak".

 

[Tybug]

I'm tracing your post and I interpret "it pushed him to say something hurtful" as it was her fault he chose to be hurtful.

Is that a correct interpretation?

Brandie

I guess the short answer would be yes. Most people will bark back when they feel placed in a corner. And that would be the way I took the original post... she pushed him in a corner and he barked. Now she's heartbroken because he said something hurtful. I honestly do not think the entire thing is about a handful of change...

 

[DisTeach1]

What a silly thing to be "heartbroken" about . My FIL just got diagnosed with incurable cancer and we are heartbroken. Having said that, my husband and I have a joint account and don't really have money issues, yet he gets mad if I "steal" his quarters and says they are "his". We both like to save them for the slot machines, so it's sort of a game. But, I don't take it personally when he says they are "his" quarters. It sounds like you were treating him like a child and he was reacting back like he would towards a parent. Maybe try treating him like an equal.

 

[CJBaby]

What a silly thing to be "heartbroken" about . My FIL just got diagnosed with incurable cancer and we are heartbroken. Having said that, my husband and I have a joint account and don't really have money issues, yet he gets mad if I "steal" his quarters and says they are "his". We both like to save them for the slot machines, so it's sort of a game. But, I don't take it personally when he says they are "his" quarters. It sounds like you were treating him like a child and he was reacting back like he would towards a parent. Maybe try treating him like an equal.

I'm really sorry for you and your family. Whenever I'm really upset about something I do try think of much bigger problems that others are having just to see if I can shake it off, and when it's me with the big problem I guess I do look down on other's trivial complaints, but it's not really the right thing to do.

Anyway, it's easy to say this is a really dumb issue about change. For her dh, it is. I think he's being very immature and needs to be brought back to earth. I'm a (happy) sahm, too. One time I said something like " I bought that." I can't even remember why I said it, but my dh said, "actually I paid for that." My immediate response was, "TRUST me, I paid for that." We both laughed, and he hasn't played that card again, but if he did, I would be just as quick to bring hiim back to reality. It's hurtful for you, but more importantly it's not a good mindset for him to have. It leads to resentment, and that NEVER leads anywhere good.

 

[mariolatry]

It's not about the money at all. It's about his attitude. There is a breakdown in communication here that needs to be addressed. If he really feels that he is the only one who works and that it's all his money, a serious conversation needs to be occurring QUICKLY.

 

[toocooltobeMom]

I must say I totally agreed with DisTeach1. There's a lot of real life sad crisis out there and thankfully for you, none is between life and death. I am a stay at home mom to only one teen. My DH and I never care to put our change away (I know, we should've) We compromise on almost everything, and never show any tension between us in front of our DS. Plus I don't remember having any kind of rampage with DH. Your spouse has to be your best friend too. You are a couple who love each other first. Don't loss sight of that ever!!!! So talk...sometimes about nothing....once awhile gossip a little is permitted...

 

[Luv'sTink]

As my DH says....There is three sides to every story....His....Hers and the truth!

There are a lot of assumptions going on on this thread since no one knows who these people are. YES, I understand she came to a chat board to discuss it but saying "She made him say it" is crazy since you were not there. She is hurt, she is venting.

OP, IMO, you should talk about your feelings with DH.

 

[Ride Junkie]

My first thought was maybe he's trying to save it for a surprise present for you.

Not anymore!!

DH has a change jar that he always throws spare change in, and we always cash it in before a trip. I hardly ever put anything in (I usually spend my change), but if I ever need quarters for parking, he doesn't care if I grab some. Once I put a dollar bill in there to replace the quarters I took, and he laughed at me.

 

[tinkerbelt]

It's not about the money at all. It's about his attitude. There is a breakdown in communication here that needs to be addressed. If he really feels that he is the only one who works and that it's all his money, a serious conversation needs to be occurring QUICKLY.

Exactly. It's not the money, it's the attitude.

The decision for the OP to be a SAHM is one that the both of them made together. Just because he works does not mean that it is his money. It is the family's money. If he wants to keep his paycheck all to himself, then he shouldn't have had a family and kids. The OP gave up working outside the home to stay home and provide for her family, just as her DH works outside of the home to provide for the family. It is about compromise, and taking care of each other, and when he wants to hold it over her head that it is HIS paycheck, then there is a big problem there.

 

[MAKmom]

I would give him all the change in the change jar & say your right you can do what you want with it.

 

[CJBaby]

I would give him all the change in the change jar & say your right you can do what you want with it.

If delivered with no anger or sarcasm, that would be GENIUS! Good answer MAKmom!