Heartbroken

[gemmie214]

I overhear what the friends say while they think I am out of earshot. "Marriage is for losers", " How can you stay married this long???", "I do what I want, when I want, AINT No Woman going to tell me what to do." Very Malchovanious (sp?) So yes it bothers me when his friends (who just so happen to be Disney experts since they do a guys only trip and are on here in the evenings) when they have the capability to see what I write.

All I thought about when I read this was......laying down, dogs and fleas

 

[BeStillMyHeart]

I would like to thank those ladies and gentlemen who came on this thread and actually offered advice or words of encouragement instead of BASHING me. I took all of the advice to heart and did have a discussion with my DH last night.

For those that think it was a really silly thing to be heartbroken about, it may seem that way to you, but DH and I rarely ever argue. I can tell you the last time we argued with all honesty was before the birth of our DD. And no this feelings of heartbreak had nothing to do with the change, but totally to do with the fact that he played the "I work, it's my Money" card. I had a high paying corporate job before DH and I decided TOGETHER that I would be a SAHM as a benefit to our children. We decide together where we go on vacation. We decide together what we would be saving for.

We spoke and he apologized for saying what he said. He also stated that he was wrong for trying to impliment the change savings aspect right now since our trip is coming up and it is better to have saved up too much than too little. (I actually reminded him that DD wanted to go to the BBB in Downtown Disney and he figured that by the time all is said and done in that one store for only DD we would have spent at least $100. That is just one day!) He said it was a great idea and would make life easier and limit if not eliminate coming home to debt.

Tina, thanks for bringing up the spending money idea, even though I know you asked it in regards to him getting a set amount. It reflected the fact that I don't get one and I was not bitter, but he was complaining about the change. He saw that and was a bit embarrassed. We have now implimented a set amount for me as well, to do as I please, no questions asked.

Sure there are lots of things that are more dreadful than my issues of late, but this is a discussion board. I have seen it many times before, and knew I would get a few of those individuals that would post and state, heckle, or try to diminish the importance of what I wanted to vent. But for every 3 individuals that do this, there is one who truly gives sound advice. I know not everyone was brought up with the notion "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all."

Again, I would truly like to thank those who gave me sound advice, offered hugs, or explained how things are done in your home. It really did make me feel better and helped shape the discussion I had with DH last night.

 

[java]

I missed all of this yesterday. But I am so glad you talked it out. As a sahm I instantly got what upset you in the It's MY money thing. DH once said "well I work blah blah blah." I responded with "You don't think I work- here you go" here you go handed him my youngest at the time and walked out. He apologized and I think he understood that making those kind of comments do not help our marriage. Plus, like you, I had a great job when I had my first child. We had saved and prepared for me staying home. We both agreed on that. He wants me to stay home now. So shut it.
Well Sorry I went off on my little tirade! Glad it worked out and have a great trip.

 

[Mkrop]

I am glad you were able to vent (and believe me I have only been on here a short time and I have seen other things vented about that just made me go huh? but I chose not to comment).so if this was important to you then talk!

I am glad that you were able to talk things through. Arguments will and do happen, it is how you handle them is the key. Not every fight needs counseling or means the end of a marriage. Some days one or both of you need to take a step back and BREATHE and then discuss what the issues are.

Now I just need to take my own advice the next time DH drives me crazy!

 

[tinkerbelt]

I'm glad you guys talked it out. Now go enjoy your vacation.

 

[chris1gill]

Oh, I don't blame you for being heart broken. That is very sad. You need to sit down with DH when your kids are in bed and have a heart to heart talk. It sounds like you may need to go back to work. Especially with the attitude he has.

Hugs...

HC

I agree with this, additionally, you will both be earning and both be paying in for daycare.... I think he's made his choice IMHO.... You wouldn't want to hear what my DH (not dear) said to me yesterday even as I was under conscious sedation, I still remember he said it though.... Now he's backing off from the statement. My contention is that he said it, there was thought behind it, and he wouldn't have said it if it weren't on his mind.

 

[ChrisLei]

Glad to here that you discussed things and all is resolved. Unfortunately, there are individuals on this board that seem to take pride in being nasty or kicking someone where it hurts when they are down. And unfortunately, there is little we can do about it but ignore them. I am glad you chose that road.

I too was raised with the principle "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." The world would be a much better place if everyone adopted that principle.

Enjoy your trip!

 

[Bob Slydell]

I too was raised with the principle "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." The world would be a much better place if everyone adopted that principle.

You mean things like this?

OP. Most men undervalue the work we do.

 

[ChrisLei]

You mean things like this?

Bob, that one is a known fact that unfortunately has been around since the start of civilization. An unfortunate truth. Now had I said ALL men then I wouldn't have been standing true to the principle. I said most.

I know you tried at a jab at the OP, glad she wasn't bait.

 

[iggbees]

i would be pretty ticked about the "it's my money because I work and you don't " thing. especially if you both agreed that was the way it was going to be. this is the exact reason that i want to work when i have kids, i never want my husband saying something like that to me. it sounds like he resents you for not working.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Bob, that one is a known fact that unfortunately has been around since the start of civilization. An unfortunate truth. Now had I said ALL men then I wouldn't have been standing true to the principle. I said most.

I know you tried at a jab at the OP, glad she wasn't bait.

No, it's an unfortunate myth, not a truth.

So, I guess taking jabs at men in general is fine? So much for the whole "if you don't have something nice to say" theory.

 

[KristinBelle]

Bob, that one is a known fact that unfortunately has been around since the start of civilization. An unfortunate truth. Now had I said ALL men then I wouldn't have been standing true to the principle. I said most.

I know you tried at a jab at the OP, glad she wasn't bait.

I don't think it's a fact, more like a stereotype.

 

[BeStillMyHeart]

Bob, that one is a known fact that unfortunately has been around since the start of civilization. An unfortunate truth. Now had I said ALL men then I wouldn't have been standing true to the principle. I said most.

I know you tried at a jab at the OP, glad she wasn't bait.

Don't worry, I read your post and read it how it was written. What is a shame is that when writing, the tone of your voice is not present, so to many they don't see how things were meant to be taken. That is why I felt it was useless to state that my laugh when talking about the coins wasn't a manical laugh, or a "I KNOW you didn't" type. The same that I don't need to defend the fact that I am not bossy. In writing, we read put emphasis on the words we want to emphasize.

BOB- Although it was wrong to try to poke fun at the fact that I created an Alias in order to vent wholeheartedly, I do understand that there are people that are going to respond like you did and have the right to do it in an open forum. Maybe asking why, before stating that it was ridiculous is a nicer way. But again it is just an opinion.

 

[Bob Slydell]

BOB- Although it was wrong to try to poke fun at the fact that I created an Alias in order to vent wholeheartedly, I do understand that there are people that are going to respond like you did and have the right to do it in an open forum. Maybe asking why, before stating that it was ridiculous is a nicer way. But again it is just an opinion.

You're right, I shouldn't have posted it the way I did. I apologize for that.

 

[BeStillMyHeart]

You're right, I shouldn't have posted it the way I did. I apologize for that.

Thank you Bob. Apology well recieved.

Have a great day everyone.

 

[Disney Doll]

To be honest, I don't blame your DH for being a little defensive because you are being bossy about where the change goes.

When he said he thought you had enough spending money, you said no that he was to keep putting all the change in the fund - no discussion, no compromise. How would that have made you feel?

No, he should not have brought up the "I am the breadwinner" argument. But it is clear you guys have some money issues that need to be discussed.

Good luck.

Denae

So $360 for a 10 day trip is enough??? Who can vacation at WDW with what sounds liek a fmaily of 4 for $36/day?

OP...I'd probably talk to him about the whole sudden money attitude thing. Ask him what gives.

 

[Bob Slydell]

So $360 for a 10 day trip is enough??? Who can vacation at WDW with what sounds liek a fmaily of 4 for $36/day?

By spending money, I assume the OP means souvenirs and snacks and stuff like that, not meals and lodging.

 

[Disney Doll]

That question could be asked about the OP too. That's why they should sit down and make the decision together.

Sounds like they did do that...they had always used the loose change as money for Disney.
Suddenly he decided, with an impending Disney trip...that what they had saved was enough.

That's a change of the rules....without discussion.

 

[Disney Doll]

By spending money, I assume the OP means souvenirs and snacks and stuff like that, not meals and lodging.

With my 3 Mickey bars a day habit, $36 still wouldn't go too far!

 

[mickeyboat]

So $360 for a 10 day trip is enough???

I wouldn't venture to guess how much they would need.

"Apparently DH feels that that is enough spending money for a 10 day trip. I told him no, we would continue saving change." (From the OP, bolding mine).

This is the language I was referencing.

She didn't open the situation to discussion. She laid down the law. He got defensive.