Having such a bad time of it lately (depressing post, sorry)

[6_Time_Momma]

Yesterday was a real hard day for me for some reason emotionally. I thought I would feel better today, but today I even feel worse.

A girl at work just had a baby a week ago and her baby's pic is posting in the time clock room. It just amazes me the feelings of jealously I feel towards her. It just isn't fair!

I want to hold my baby. I want to rock her and feed her a bottle and let her big sisters and brothers hold her. I want to smell her soft skin after a bath. I wouldn't even mind smelling her poopie diapers. We used to be so tired and complain having to get up with Selena every 2-3 hours. Now, I would kill to have to get up every 15 minutes with Gabrielle. I have a bag with new bottles and bibs waiting for her in the basement, knowing she will never use them.

The day we found out Gabrielle had died, we had been shopping for rocker/recliners. The morning Gabrielle was born, Brad promised her that he would still get that rocker/recliner and rock the other kids as much as he could since he would never get to rock her. There wasn't even a rocker in the room that morning, so he couldn't even rock her then. That rocker/recliner is to be delivered today.

The kids are in school today, Selena is at my moms, so the house is empty and I sit here bawling like a baby.

Thanks so much for letting me vent. It does help to type/write things out.

 

[luvwinnie]

a big hug right now.

 

[dizneenut]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[Disney Debbie]

Kristy - I had no idea - I don't come to the CB much. I'm so very sorry for your loss, honey. Feel free to vent all you want - and PM or e-mail as needed. I know there's nothing I can say or do but to let you know I'll pray for you and your family.

Debbie

 

[EROS]

Sorry that the pain is still so intense .............. hopefully, time will heal.......

 

[Michelle]

{{{HUGS}}} Kristy. We're here for you, whenever you need to talk.

 

[NHAnn]

((hugs))

 

[preshi]

I was just thinking about you last night... take care...

 

[debster812]

Oh wow Kristy. I am so sorry you are having such a rough time of it.

 

[snoopy]

{{{hugs}}} Kristy. You don't need to be sorry for venting, you have just been through a terrible ordeal losing your daughter. We're here for you, vent all you need to.

 

[newmousecateer]

{{HUGS}} Kristy. How I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better.

 

[s&k'smom]

Oh Sweetheart, I wish I could hug you. Just know all your friends on the boards are here for you. Vent as much as you want, we'll listen.

 

[Serena]

Kristy, I wish I could say something to help. Feel free to come here and cry or vent all you want. We're here. {{hugs}}

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs}}

 

[tc]

You should never apologize for letting out your feelings here. I have been so blessed by the great people here and the encouraging things they say.

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you, I wish they were more than cyber.

 

[sudiequ]

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't apologize for crying, crying is not a sign of weakness. My prayers are with you to get through another tough day today. Gabrielle will live in your heart forever! {{{hugs}}}

 

[Buckalew]

{{{hugs}}} Kristy. There are no words to write for the pain you are feeling. I will pray many prayers for comfort from God. I'm so sorry.

 

[Dream]

Ah Kristy I am so sorry. I have no advice except tonight, when all the family is home, gather everybody into that rocker and have a biiiig group rock!! What a beautiful thing to do, getting that rocker. We are here to listen whenever you need us. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Dream]

Ah Kristy I am so sorry. I have no advice except tonight, when all the family is home, gather everybody into that rocker and have a biiiig group rock!! What a beautiful thing to do, getting that rocker. We are here to listen whenever you need us. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Robinrs]

Kristy, after my son died I thought every person who had a child was literally THROWING him in my face...

It's a natural response. Don't feel bad about it.

If you DIDN'T feel this way I'd wonder about you!

You MISS your child, the whole idea of her, the dreams and aspirations you had for her. She was more than just a child, she was your creation.

You wonder about what could've been.

You wonder why it didn't happen.

These feelings will be muted one day and magnified the next. They don't go away, there just is more time between them as time goes by.

Take care, and keep coming here to vent. I've found that as long as you have ONE person to talk to, the feelings are more bearable.

God bless--

--Robinrs