Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[mom2rtk]

marcyinPA Congrats to your son. And WOW he wears a coat,scarf,hat and gloves. I am lucky if my son zips his coat. I do think he is wising up regarding this weird cold weather this year. He is using his knit hat, gloves and hand warmers I sent.

Next week we are going back into subarctic temps. I am so looking forward to spring I can't tell you.

Are all your kids picking roommates and housing for next year? My son picks his next week already. I guess it is almost FAFSA time again.

We are on the downside to having the Freshman year done

I actually have made a little progress with my son dressing better for cold weather. Over Thanksgiving he let us buy him a jacket to layer over his hoodie. Over Christmas I bought him gloves and he took them back and actually wore them this week! And when I put some things together to mail the end of the week (starting with his favorite t-shirt that ended up lost in the laundry) he let me include a stocking cap! When we get our arctic plunge again next week maybe he'll cave on the boots!

And YEAH on being on the down side of freshman year! I was just thinking back to where we were with all of this a year ago. It's so awesome to be past the angst of choosing where to go, so nice to be past the angst of them leaving. Good thing we have 5 years before my daughter has to be in the thick off all that.

 

[HERSEY]

I actually have made a little progress with my son dressing better for cold weather. Over Thanksgiving he let us buy him a jacket to layer over his hoodie. Over Christmas I bought him gloves and he took them back and actually wore them this week! And when I put some things together to mail the end of the week (starting with his favorite t-shirt that ended up lost in the laundry) he let me include a stocking cap! When we get our arctic plunge again next week maybe he'll cave on the boots!

And YEAH on being on the down side of freshman year! I was just thinking back to where we were with all of this a year ago. It's so awesome to be past the angst of choosing where to go, so nice to be past the angst of them leaving. Good thing we have 5 years before my daughter has to be in the thick off all that.

By the time your daughter goes off, you will be an old pro.

It would have to be a cold day in (fill in the blank) before my son wears boots, Gaack! Little does he know but we have had cold days in .... and more to come

 

[clh2]

You have all been great letting me crash this thread - almost since the beginning of the thread, since my DD is in her second semester of her second year of college.

I have a couple of comments including a mom-brag...DD started the first semester this year 2-credits short of being a junior...so this semester - she has Junior status...thank you to the 23 credits of AP classes and a dual enrollment class she took!

And - with the tuition/housing we just paid for...WE ARE HALFWAY DONE with paying our portion of college expenses! DD is an "only" so we really are halfway done!!!

And - I was a little irritated yesterday, DD was texting DH on and off for most of the day...I felt a little left out of the loop, but I didn't want to intrude!

Hope all your kiddos stay warm in the next couple of days! DD missed the super cold weather we had in early January, since she was abroad. She is getting it now though. DD does have a full complement of winter attire. We insist that she at least keep it in the car in case something happens (same as when she was in high school). We do not insist, however, that she actually embarrass herself by wearing it though. But at least she has it for emergency purposes! She is an adult, and if she is cold - she knows how to fix it!

 

[mom2rtk]

By the time your daughter goes off, you will be an old pro.

It would have to be a cold day in (fill in the blank) before my son wears boots, Gaack! Little does he know but we have had cold days in .... and more to come

I don't even want to think about my daughter going. That will come with its own issues since she'll be our last.

I completely gave up on my boys wearing appropriate cold weather gear a few years ago. I just offer to get them stuff every so often so I can remind myself it's their own choice not to wear any. So boy was I shocked when DS took me up on the hat and gloves! Of course the low single digits last week had something to do with that as well.

Because they never wore cold weather gear, we only had one pair of men's boots. They were similar enough in size that if someone lost their head and decided to put some boots on, we had some. The odds of both losing their heads like that at the same time were pretty slim. . Well, all of a sudden over Christmas they started going out together to shovel some drives. So my oldest son went out in MY boots. LOL. I scurried out right away and picked up a second pair, but I still couldn't talk DS into taking them back to school with him. Baby steps I suppose......

 

[clh2]

So my oldest son went out in MY boots. LOL.

That is absolutely hilarious!!!

 

[mom2rtk]

That is absolutely hilarious!!!

I did resist the urge to whip out the camera.

 

[clh2]

I did resist the urge to whip out the camera.

Shame on you...

 

[LisaR]

marcyinPA Congrats to your son. And WOW he wears a coat,scarf,hat and gloves. I am lucky if my son zips his coat. I do think he is wising up regarding this weird cold weather this year. He is using his knit hat, gloves and hand warmers I sent.

Next week we are going back into subarctic temps. I am so looking forward to spring I can't tell you.

Are all your kids picking roommates and housing for next year? My son picks his next week already. I guess it is almost FAFSA time again.

We are on the downside to having the Freshman year done

I truly feel so sorry for all of you suffering from the subarctic temps. Usually I take every opportunity I can to brag about our warmer FL temps in the winter, but I can't bring myself to do it this year. You guys have been hit so hard by the cold. You have nothing but my sympathy. Stay warm!!

It sounds like housing at DD's school is done on a lottery type basis. I guess they send out random emails and when you get that golden ticket, you get to sign up. DD and the other three girls have gone over to the other housing complex and picked out exactly what they want, but they have to wait for the email. All they need is for one person to get it and that person can apply for all of them. DD said they are checking email (something they rarely do) fifty times a day.

I did resist the urge to whip out the camera.

Terrible parenting move! That picture could have come in handy down the road when he was really irritating you. Hopefully you have learned from your mistake and you will not blow such an opportunity with your daughter.


We are looking at assisted living places for my mom. We took her to lunch at one of the places today. It strikes me how similar this is to the college process. We are touring the facilities trying to fine the best fit and I am worried about all the same things with my mom that I was worried about with my DD; will she make friends, will she fit in, will there be enough activities to keep her busy, will she like the food...... Fun stuff (not really).

 

[mom2rtk]

Terrible parenting move! That picture could have come in handy down the road when he was really irritating you. Hopefully you have learned from your mistake and you will not blow such an opportunity with your daughter.


We are looking at assisted living places for my mom. We took her to lunch at one of the places today. It strikes me how similar this is to the college process. We are touring the facilities trying to fine the best fit and I am worried about all the same things with my mom that I was worried about with my DD; will she make friends, will she fit in, will there be enough activities to keep her busy, will she like the food...... Fun stuff (not really).

Yeah, it really was a missed opportunity, wasn't it? I just saw them out earning money and didn't want to give them any excuses to stop! This was my older DS though. He really doesn't get too wrapped up in what others think. I'm pretty sure DS number 2 wouldn't have been caught dead in my boots!

Hugs as you look for the best place for your mom. It really does seem like a similar process now that you mention it. I was just telling my husband how nice it is not to be doing any of that this year. You're a good daughter for jumping in to help her.

 

[nancygirl1]

Well, exactly what I feared is happening. It is time to hit the accept and pay button for my dd. I was in the middle of something Sat evening when she came in with her laptop for me to pay. I told her give me about 30 minutes and I would. Well she tossed the laptop on the bed saying, "Well fine. I just won't go." I talked to her later. I think she is struggling with not wanting to go. She said, "who wants to graduate and grow up and go to 3 years of high school (she skipped 9th), 4 years of college, get a job, and pay bills? Nobody."

Sigh. I knew we would have issues once I drop her off. I fully plan to get text and calls every single day at least for first semester. I asked her if she wanted to go local. She just screamed at me "I'm going to FSU. Only stupid people go local." I just walked away because engaging when she is like this doesn't work. I've learned that from years of experience. She comes home from her dad's tomorrow. How do I approach this so we don't miss the deadline to pay?

I would pay the deposit. You may lose the deposit, but it's a better option than losing her spot in school. It is an extremely stressful time for these kids. They expect them to decide their entire future by the time they're 18. Some kids know what they want, but a large amount don't. My kids are among the ones that had no idea. I have 3 in college and it's been rocky at times, but things are working themselves out.

My hear ached for them, especially my youngest. He had no idea when most of his friends knew going into college what they wanted. We told all 3 of them that they had to have a plan. If there was some other path they wanted to follow instead of college then they had to have a plan for that. If not, then they had to go to college. We didn't care either way. We just want them to be happy in what they do. Four years is going to pass whether you go to school or not. If you don't know what you want to do, eventually you'll figure it out. Without a college degree (if there was no other plan) there would be a lot of doors that would be closed to them. The "piece of paper" is important. You may not use your exact degree, but it is a degree.

Their uncle spent almost 2 years looking for a job after he got laid off. He had 32 years experience in the communications field and was a VP when laid off. He couldn't get hired at a new job because he didn't have a degree. It came up at every interview. He's our example of the need for a college degree.

Hang in there. It's a very stressful time for everyone.

 

[Katy Belle]

Well, how is everyone??? We must be settled down a lot, we don't need each other too much anymore! That seems like success!

Big Guy has been back to school for 3 weeks. I miss him like crazy. I got used to him being gone, but Christmas break kinda ruined that for me! He seems to be doing fine. Hasn't completely gotten back into the swing of studying for Calc, but I think he's getting there. Last semester there was a TA that had 2 study sessions a week, Calc II, no TA. I encouraged him to form a study group, I can tell he's not going to do that. LOL! Fine. I also encouraged him to get a tutor, which he did last time, he sounded more receptive to that.

He sent me a text last week that he was giving blood, again. Good boy. Then he sends me a note that he signed up on the Bone Marrow Donor list. Has anyone done this? I did some reading, and it sounds like it varies a bunch, but usually includes at least one night in the hospital and anesthesia, its real surgery. Most people bounce back in a few days. I'm just not sure now is the right time in his life to do this... I know he's an adult, nearly 19, but I don't know...it bugs me a bit!!! It comes from hip bones, and he has some hip and knee issues...his femurs rotate strangely, a birth defect. Maybe I can at least get him to talk to his orthopedist before really doing this. I'm just fretting, I guess!

Other than that, he seems good. Getting up earlier, and perhaps going to bed a bit earlier...closer to 2 than 4, progress! He made the decision to stay in the same dorm next year. Had an opportunity to move to an nicer/more expensive dorm, and live with one of his best friends, who will be Freshman next year...but he made the practical decision to stay where he was, spend less, owe less when he graduates. Made me proud.

Hugs to all of you! Hope you get to see your kiddos soon. Mine might come home next weekend for his little brother's 14th Birthday, I hope so!

Katy

 

[mom2rtk]

Hey Katy Belle! I think you're spot on that we are all getting more settled and probably needing to post here less. And yes that's a good thing. I hope everyone will still pop in from time to time though as things come up. I just don't have anyone near me with a child away at school. Well, my sister's daughter is away, but she comes home every single weekend, so not really the same issues at all. It has helped a lot to hear from others here dealing with issues so similar to ours.

I hope things go well in Calc for your son this semester. I just got off the phone with my DS and he's not excited about his Calc III teacher this semester. He says it's going to be a lot harder to learn the material this time since the teacher just doesn't do a good job of teaching the material. He said the teacher doesn't use enough examples and just lectures too much. I asked if there were any study sessions and he said he was going to check into it. He has a friend in the same course, but with a different teacher, so at least they can study together.

It sounds like things are going well for him and the new roommate. I thought I might try to order some pizza and wings for them to have during the super bowl tomorrow.

 

[minniebeth]

Hi Everyone!
I've only posted a few times on this thread, but read it every time someone posts. As always, you all are in my thoughts and prayers (and well wishes) as your kids continue on their first year college journey. Through the ups and the downs, it sounds like they are growing and in one way or another, learning from their experiences!

As a few others have mentioned, I really did get used to my DS being away by the end of the last (first) semester. It was SOO hard for me, but we adjusted, mostly by just being plain crazy busy with schedules, life and my other kids.
DS had a great semester, did very well with grades, seemed to have found his niche with ROTC (made top cadette in his class), made some good friends (he's really shy and didn't have a roommate for the first half of the semester, he never came to school) his girlfriend goes to same school, things well with them. He trained and completed his first marathon at Disney in January. We were really proud of him for all his accomplishments the first semester.

I was so excited to see him over semester break. We had some great quality time together for a couple of weeks, but then I left for Disney for Marathon week. Youngest DD and I went down ahead of time before the rest of my family and as much as I love Disney, it was the biggest mistake, as I just wanted that time with my DS too. We go with a lot of people, so once the rest of our family and DS came to Florida, it was crazy. Fun with the marathon but crazy. DS had to go back to school the day we got back to start the new semester. It was snowing, he wasn't feeling well and we were exhausted.
I'm a huge closure person, so sending him off like that was so hard.
I had post Christmas, Disney and DS break blues all rolled into one.
That week, DS called and was pretty sick. I'm guessing his immune system was pretty low from the marathon. His girlfriend took great care of him, which I'm thankful for. She drove him home that following weekend since they had MLK Day off for the long weekend. It was nice to have that closure time and to just take care of him.
That's when he told us he was thinking of transferring schools next year... Just when you think it's all going good, lol! He's so torn because he loves his school, but they don't have the major/field he has decided he really wants to go into. So, we may be on a new journey...
sigh, never a dull moment.

Then, I get sibling rivalry, DD was less than enthusiastic when I told her. She said DS had his time for college visits, etc., now it's her turn (she's a jr in HS).
She's a really great kid, very loving and caring, but competitive with her brother. I'm really afraid to tell her that DS threw out the idea of transferring to a school closeby and commuting... (not because he doesn't like living away, but because he wants to save $...)

So...that's my update. This really is a place that maybe people can understand my story and emotions. Not much support with that elsewhere, despite some great friendships~ they're just not in that place to get it.

ETA: This week was DS' birthday. His school is a little over 2 hrs. away. DH was working from home and saw I was a little down, not being able to see DS for the first time ever on his Bday. He told me to grab my coat and get in the car. He drove us up to have lunch with DS. It was only for an hour, but we all were thrilled! I just love that guy~ always knows how to melt my heart!

 

[minniebeth]

I thought I might try to order some pizza and wings for them to have during the super bowl tomorrow.

How fun! What a great idea! I'm sure they would LOVE that!!

 

[minniebeth]

Katy Belle, what a big heart your DS has to donate blood and then to want to be put on the bone marrow donor list! I would double check that out with his dr. too, just to make sure, but wow, what a great gift!

For all the crazy college stories I hear from my DS and other friends' kids, it gets me a little discouraged sometimes. But I know there are just as many great kids out there doing awesome things!

 

[LisaR]

So happy that everyone is adjusting. And how great is it that our kids are doing so well?

DH and I went and visited DD today!! It is a twelve hour day for us, but she's worth it. She is doing great and loving every minute of it.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, DD and her friends are having a party. I almost fell over when I saw the amount of food they have planned. There will be twelve of them and they have bought, ordered, or are making enough food for a small army. I know teens eat a lot, but they are going to be shocked when they set it all out. Just another learning experience, I guess!

 

[marcyinPA]

Katiebelle- just really quick- my DH and I signed up on the bone marrow donor list about five years ago. A young man in our church needed a transplant, so our church sponsored a donor drive. The initial testing is easy. They just swab the inside of your cheek.

I have never been contacted. My DH received a call that he "may" be a match and would he respond if needed. Never heard another thing about it. My good friend also got a notification call but never was contacted further.

I think it is great that he is willing to be on the registry, but the chance of him being chosen is probably pretty slim.

The young man we had the drive for did end up getting a donor- but not from HIS donor drive of over 500 people. Unfortunately, he passed away a year later from complications having nothing to do with the transplant. He had just turned 21.

 

[LisaR]

DD will live on campus again next year, but she will be in a regular apartment with a full kitchen. I just got back from the outlet mall and noticed the Corningware store was going out of business and everything was 50% off. Let's just say their kitchen will be well stocked!

 

[HERSEY]

How is everyone doing? I am assuming all is well.

I have a question, I am sorry I don't remember who experienced a loss of pet.

My son's cat died this weekend. I have been putting it off I know I need to tell him. How do tell someone over the phone? With the weather I can't run down there this weekend to tell him in person. I am having such a hard time with this. He had this cat since he was 2 yrs old.

 

[clh2]

How is everyone doing? I am assuming all is well.

I have a question, I am sorry I don't remember who experienced a loss of pet.

My son's cat died this weekend. I have been putting it off I know I need to tell him. How do tell someone over the phone? With the weather I can't run down there this weekend to tell him in person. I am having such a hard time with this. He had this cat since he was 2 yrs old.

Sorry for the loss of your cat.

I wouldn't wait too long to let him know, but I would absolutely balance it with his schedule. I.e. On Wednesdays, my dd has 4classes back-to-back. I would wait a couple of hours after the block is over. I would never give her news before the block.

I needed to let DD know that my 99 YO grandmother passed away. DD knew she had been in declining health, so this passing was not a surprise, which made the news delivery a little easier.

Good luck with this-trust that you've raised a fine adult who is able to take this news. Perhaps in a care package you could send a framed picture of his cat?