Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[marcyinPA]

We had a good visit with DS over Thanksgiving. There were a couple moments of "argument" but mostly a good visit. I picked him up on Tuesday and he was extremely exhausted. He has not been using his time wisely and has been up really late and not eating well either. Seems to be right in line with what I am reading on this thread!

He spent some time with friends, was able to join the HS choir at our church for dinner and practice and then sing on Thanksgiving (he was a member of the choir all through HS- actually, since 2nd grade!) so it was fun for him to see his friends who are still in HS and his college friends who were also home.

We went to a surprise belated birthday party for his best friend since kindergarten one night- that was fun. He and my DH went to MD to visit my FIL who just had shoulder replacement surgery. We had Thanksgiving with my mom at her house. DS did some school work- and slept. It was a busy few days!

He checked his finals schedule- and only has three. I go to pick him up on December 11! He will be home until Jan 19.

My question to all of you is what will your kids be doing over Winter break?! DS doesn't have a job to come home to (he was a camp counselor over the summer) and it seems like a lot of free time for him to do nothing. He doesn't have a car either. He was hoping he would get hired at a local restaurant as a busser, but it doesn't look like that will be happening. I checked the winter schedule at our local community college, but there is only one math class available, and it is on-line. I don't think that would work well for him (learning style-wise).

Oh, and an update on the (ex) girlfriend. Well, they have been texting and talking, and she wants to get back together. She has been really pressuring him about it. He saw her on Friday night for about an hour. He says they are still friends, and told her he just can't deal with it right now. He told her they would talk it over after finals. (yes, I told him to tell her that...LOL) I am not for this at all, but as he keeps reminding me, it is HIS life.

 

[mom2rtk]

Sounds pretty much like our visit with DD. We went to a movie, played some games, caught up on some TV shows, had Thanksgiving with friends and family, and had some great talks. DD also managed to catch up on her sleep and get a great deal of school work done.

Sounds like a great laid-back visit!


Glad you had a good visit! I hope the roommate situation works out. There are certainly some *interesting* roommates out there so hopefully he ends up with a good one!

I know, I know. That's why it's a little unsettling. But at least it's an engineering school, with a great deal of similarity between students. I asked him a while back if many of the kids on his floor party much and he looked at me like I was crazy. I think he said he might have seen on kid drunk once. Most of them are pretty serious about their studies.

Our situation was different because it happened at the beginning of the school year. There wasn't any doubt in my mind that they would fill that empty room so I didn't even think about a potential extra expense. DD did ask her RA about it and he said they wouldn't have to pay more. She was really banking on that room staying empty!

My concern is that maybe there is a fair amount of dropping out at semester freshman year. So maybe they would want to pair up the ones that are left. And my DS loves his room location, so he's not going to want to move. And he doesn't have the budget to pay a single if it comes to that.

I can't believe they would charge extra if one roommate leaves. If there was a dispute between them and one was moving out, maybe.....but even then I would be surprised. In the case of your DS, he can't help it if the other guy is dropping out so it doesn't seem right that they would charge him more.

I just thought that whole story from my niece sounded odd. I also found it to be iffy that she was planning all along to move out but hadn't told the roommate yet, so would be leaving her in the lurch without much chance to look for a roommate to fill the spot. There were some things my niece didn't like about the roomie, but I don't think she had ever gone on the record complaining about them.

I can tell you what happens at my DD's school if a roommate leaves. Of course, YMMV! If a roommate leaves, the roommate that is in the room has the option to pay the single surcharge. That is the easiest for the university. Or - if there are two students in a similar situation, they can "opt" to become roommates, i.e. they know each other, and feel that they would get along. This might be preferable to the random roommate placement that may or may not occur. Or - the students can opt to remain in the double room without paying the single surcharge, and could randomly have a roommate assigned "at any time" throughout the second semester.

My DD had a friend whose roommate left last year at the semester. She simply did not have the budget for the additional $2000 per semester for the single surcharge. This friend did not have a roommate assigned in the second semester, so basically, she had a double room with no roommate for the cost of the double room.

DD's boyfriend will be in a similar situation, his roommate is leaving at the semester as well. I know that DD is hoping that he will not be getting a new roommate.

The other thing to mention (again based on DD's college) is there is a priority list. If someone had a roommate leave in the first week of the fall semester, they would be "higher" on the list to get a roommate assigned, than someone whose roommate leaves at the semester break.

There is no way I would pay the single surcharge, unless I (or my DD) specifically would have requested it. It isn't the student's responsibility to be able to find a roommate, it is on the university to handle that. I'm sure the housing contract would have more info.

I agree with Lisa. That does sound like a pretty reasonable policy. I suppose I could make some calls, but will wait and let my DS do it. Which means I could be waiting a bit depending on his exam schedule this week and next.

My DS's roommate moved out the 2nd week of school, into a different dorm. DS never did get another roommate, and we were not charged extra. At one point, there was someone looking to change rooms, but there were also 2 or 3 rooms that had a spot in them. According to my DS, he would have to "accept" the person looking in writing. My DS never did meet the guy- I don't know if he never came because he opted into one of the other rooms or what. My DS was a little concerned about some random person moving in because he does NOT want to live with a smoker.

Anyway, he was supposed to room with another guy for the spring semester, but that guy has decided to commute again. So- DS will most likely have a roommate in his room next semester. I don't know if the school will give DS the information of the new person or if he will just go back in January to some stranger in his room. Again, DS's biggest fear is if the person is a smoker or a big partier. I worry that DS has been so accustomed to being alone that he will have a hard adjustment to a new roommate.

We just paid his housing registration fee for next year- they waste no time at this school! He is no longer eligible to live in traditional housing. All upperclassmen must live in the apartment style or suite style housing or live off campus. He and five of his friends are hoping to get into an apartment style housing. Hopefully it all works out!

I'm pretty sure my DS would be quite unhappy with a smoker. Hopefully it won't come to that. I'm not sure whether to hope he ends up with a single or not. I really think he was far more likely to venture out and do things with a roommate to do them with. Although I did get the vibe as the semester went on that the roomie was pretty homesick and not settling in. Still he was a nice kid, and they were both respectful of each other so I'll be sad to see him go.

It was great seeing DD. We got the tree decorated on Wednesday. (St nick was coming Thursday morning for a partial delivery of stuff). Thanksgiving was a great day! Dd spent some time with good friends, her and I baked 4types of Christmas cookies, and she headed back yesterday afternoon. She won't be home until the 19th.

She will only be home for 2weeks, as she is doing a j-term class. I am a little bummedd, such a short amount of time.

Oh, I'd be bummed too at only a 2 week Christmas visit. Good for her though squeezing in some extra class time.

 

[mom2rtk]

We had a good visit with DS over Thanksgiving. There were a couple moments of "argument" but mostly a good visit. I picked him up on Tuesday and he was extremely exhausted. He has not been using his time wisely and has been up really late and not eating well either. Seems to be right in line with what I am reading on this thread!

He spent some time with friends, was able to join the HS choir at our church for dinner and practice and then sing on Thanksgiving (he was a member of the choir all through HS- actually, since 2nd grade!) so it was fun for him to see his friends who are still in HS and his college friends who were also home.

We went to a surprise belated birthday party for his best friend since kindergarten one night- that was fun. He and my DH went to MD to visit my FIL who just had shoulder replacement surgery. We had Thanksgiving with my mom at her house. DS did some school work- and slept. It was a busy few days!

He checked his finals schedule- and only has three. I go to pick him up on December 11! He will be home until Jan 19.

My question to all of you is what will your kids be doing over Winter break?! DS doesn't have a job to come home to (he was a camp counselor over the summer) and it seems like a lot of free time for him to do nothing. He doesn't have a car either. He was hoping he would get hired at a local restaurant as a busser, but it doesn't look like that will be happening. I checked the winter schedule at our local community college, but there is only one math class available, and it is on-line. I don't think that would work well for him (learning style-wise).

Oh, and an update on the (ex) girlfriend. Well, they have been texting and talking, and she wants to get back together. She has been really pressuring him about it. He saw her on Friday night for about an hour. He says they are still friends, and told her he just can't deal with it right now. He told her they would talk it over after finals. (yes, I told him to tell her that...LOL) I am not for this at all, but as he keeps reminding me, it is HIS life.

My DS also has 5 weeks off over Christmas. And he's probably going to spend the entire time schlubbing around, sleeping late and playing video games. I really don't have a problem with it yet at this point. That will have to change in subsequent years, but for now...... it's fine by me.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that your DS makes the right decision about the girlfriend. It sounds like she has been sucking up a lot of emotional energy that could be used better somewhere else. How frustrating it must be to stand on the sidelines biting your lip!

 

[LisaR]

Add my DD to the list of those kids who will be lazing around during winter break. She has plans to go to Disney and zip lining, and she hopes to hit the beach multiple times if the weather cooperates. It sure is a tough life she leads!

In fairness, she has a great paying job in the summer that allows her to save enough to last her the entire year. She'll work 40 hours a week for 8 weeks, and she plans on taking a class at the community college so I guess she can be lazy for a few weeks this winter. I envision lots of sleeping and eating!


DD's Christmas break is only 3 weeks and 3 days long. I feel cheated!

 

[LisaR]

Just heard from DD and she got a job!!!

She interviewed for an ambassador position a couple weeks ago. They told her during the interview that they have never hired a freshman for the job. She just got a call that she got the job!! She will get service learning hours plus a very nice stipend.

Unfortunately, training is on Dec. 17th and she was suppose to come home on the 11th. Not sure what her plan is (come home and go back or just stay). She'll figure it out. She's just excited to have more money!

 

[mom2rtk]

Just heard from DD and she got a job!!!

She interviewed for an ambassador position a couple weeks ago. They told her during the interview that they have never hired a freshman for the job. She just got a call that she got the job!! She will get service learning hours plus a very nice stipend.

Unfortunately, training is on Dec. 17th and she was suppose to come home on the 11th. Not sure what her plan is (come home and go back or just stay). She'll figure it out. She's just excited to have more money!

Well, based on everything you have posted here about her, I'm not the least bit surprised! Congrats to her! And good luck getting the logistics worked out...... It's just always something isn't it?

 

[nancygirl1]

Hi all...

Great to hear everyone's stories! Glad that everyone had goo experiences.

Our boys were home for 5 days. It was really nice to have a noisy house again. I love all the activity! Wednesday was a hang around day and Thursday we spent with my husbands family. It was nice to have the boys as a captive audience Once again, you gotta love those car rides and they had to stay at the dinner table even after we finished. Nice conversation all around. They both went back Sunday afternoon/evening. The traffic going out to Amherst was HORRIBLE. What usually takes an hour and 20 minutes took us 2.5 hours!! The other one left later and the traffic wasn't as bad. You'd think I'd remember about the holiday traffic...yuk.

I did notice as the weekend went on that they started to get restless and a bit bored. One of them likes the quiet time more than the other. I always feel sad that they actually want to leave home and go back to school. Home isn't where they really want to be. It's okay for a few days, but then they get bored :-( Part of the growing up process.

Next week is their last week of classes and then finals. Son #2 will be done on the 9th and Son #1 has only one final on the 17th. He will come home when classes end and drive back to take it. Son#2 has a job so he will work for about 4 weeks and then goes back on January 27th. He can't go back sooner because they lock the dorms and #2 doesn't have a job so will spend his time hanging out and driving me crazy. His classes start on January 21st, but he'll probably go back before then because he lives in his own apartment.

This part of the year seems to have gone by fast. They all do!!

 

[LisaR]

Well, based on everything you have posted here about her, I'm not the least bit surprised! Congrats to her! And good luck getting the logistics worked out...... It's just always something isn't it?

Thanks! But just remember, I usually only post the good stuff. I leave out the parts where I want to strangle her!

 

[Katy Belle]

Hello Moms! How is everybody today??? Our thread has gotten quiet. I will take that as a good sign, we are getting settled!

DS has Finals this week, then home for 30 days! He will be in the "laying around the house" group. I think we are both nervous about that, but we will deal with it. His brothers will be out of school for half of the time, that will help.

I sent a care package for Finals, did anyone else? I sent Smarties, Nerds, Kisses, pencils, pens, highlighters, Advil, pistachios, and a gift card to IHop. He was happy, happy, happy

He seems to be studying for Finals. I sure hope he is! He spoke to his Calc professor and he thinks he has a chance at getting a B. Fingers crossed on that one. Four credit hours of a C is not a great way to start!

His campus had a snow day on Friday! He had a Final scheduled, so it became an on-line Final. It was for English Comp II, so it was writing an essay. He completed it Friday, its due today! He has 2 Finals Wednesday, and one on Thursday. Then he comes home! He hasn't decided if he's coming home Thursday evening or Friday. My guess is Friday. A late night of video games and sleeping super late, probably more appealing than running home to his family.

Hugs to you all!

 

[mom2travel]

Hello Moms! How is everybody today??? Our thread has gotten quiet. I will take that as a good sign, we are getting settled! DS has Finals this week, then home for 30 days! He will be in the "laying around the house" group. I think we are both nervous about that, but we will deal with it. His brothers will be out of school for half of the time, that will help. I sent a care package for Finals, did anyone else? I sent Smarties, Nerds, Kisses, pencils, pens, highlighters, Advil, pistachios, and a gift card to IHop. He was happy, happy, happy He seems to be studying for Finals. I sure hope he is! He spoke to his Calc professor and he thinks he has a chance at getting a B. Fingers crossed on that one. Four credit hours of a C is not a great way to start! His campus had a snow day on Friday! He had a Final scheduled, so it became an on-line Final. It was for English Comp II, so it was writing an essay. He completed it Friday, its due today! He has 2 Finals Wednesday, and one on Thursday. Then he comes home! He hasn't decided if he's coming home Thursday evening or Friday. My guess is Friday. A late night of video games and sleeping super late, probably more appealing than running home to his family. Hugs to you all!

I can't believe how fast this semester went!! Our DS has his last final this coming Friday and then is home for 4 weeks. He said he'd like to come home on Friday, but will know later this week for sure.

Good luck to all of our children on their finals!!

 

[HERSEY]

I thought about sending a Finals care package does that count?

Did any of you get part of that winter storm? I was a little grateful that it was last week. It would really mess with finals and getting home. I'll talk with DS later. I think his is ready for a long break from classes.

This is a busy month around here. I am just now starting to drag out the Christmas decorations. I can't have DS coming home to a undecorated home.

We are getting a little snow today that should motivate me to decorate but I just want to sit and look out the window.

 

[marcyinPA]

Hi everyone! I didn't send a care package, but our church sends them to college students and military, so he did get one!!

He was actually home last night to see DS14 in the HS play. He went back after church this morning.

He has finals Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He needs to vacate his dorm two hours after his last final. He "fibbed" a little since his last final is at 8 am and I work till noon. I will get him around 2:30.

He is ready to come home I think. I just hope we can all adjust to him being here full time again, and he adjusts back to living in a house with some rules. Should be interesting.

 

[HERSEY]

This vacating after the final thing is goofy. The schedule for the finals was not out when DS and I were making arrangments to get him home. He is going to have to talk to his housing person so he can leave as previously scheduled on saturday morning

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I made a care pkg for DD, one for her roommate, and one for another very close girlfriend.

Finals start tomorrow. Tonight I got the dreaded text, "Mom......I have a fever."

Three days of finals so I'm just hoping and sending positive energy that she doesn't get too, too sick until after they are over. She's trying to go to the student health tomorrow.

Best of luck to all of you and safe travels for you and all of your college students.

 

[marcyinPA]

I made a care pkg for DD, one for her roommate, and one for another very close girlfriend.

Finals start tomorrow. Tonight I got the dreaded text, "Mom......I have a fever."

Three days of finals so I'm just hoping and sending positive energy that she doesn't get too, too sick until after they are over. She's trying to go to the student health tomorrow.

Best of luck to all of you and safe travels for you and all of your college students.

Oh goodness! I hope she feels better soon!! My DS has a head cold- hello finals week! I told him the late nights, lack of sleep and eating a bunch of junk would catch up with him eventually.

 

[Katy Belle]

I made a care pkg for DD, one for her roommate, and one for another very close girlfriend.

Finals start tomorrow. Tonight I got the dreaded text, "Mom......I have a fever."

Three days of finals so I'm just hoping and sending positive energy that she doesn't get too, too sick until after they are over. She's trying to go to the student health tomorrow.

Best of luck to all of you and safe travels for you and all of your college students.

Oh no! I hope she gets well soon!

 

[mom2rtk]

I hope everyone's kids get better and do well on their finals. My ds is done tomorrow but has to wait until Thursday when i can come get him. I'm at disneyland with my daughter and get back late

My ds actually only has one final. Who knew that was possible. Fingers crossed the weather stays nice for Thursday for the drive. They are calling for freezing rain Friday. Eek!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

We had a good visit with DS over Thanksgiving. There were a couple moments of "argument" but mostly a good visit. I picked him up on Tuesday and he was extremely exhausted. He has not been using his time wisely and has been up really late and not eating well either. Seems to be right in line with what I am reading on this thread!

He spent some time with friends, was able to join the HS choir at our church for dinner and practice and then sing on Thanksgiving (he was a member of the choir all through HS- actually, since 2nd grade!) so it was fun for him to see his friends who are still in HS and his college friends who were also home.

We went to a surprise belated birthday party for his best friend since kindergarten one night- that was fun. He and my DH went to MD to visit my FIL who just had shoulder replacement surgery. We had Thanksgiving with my mom at her house. DS did some school work- and slept. It was a busy few days!

He checked his finals schedule- and only has three. I go to pick him up on December 11! He will be home until Jan 19.

My question to all of you is what will your kids be doing over Winter break?! DS doesn't have a job to come home to (he was a camp counselor over the summer) and it seems like a lot of free time for him to do nothing. He doesn't have a car either. He was hoping he would get hired at a local restaurant as a busser, but it doesn't look like that will be happening. I checked the winter schedule at our local community college, but there is only one math class available, and it is on-line. I don't think that would work well for him (learning style-wise).

Oh, and an update on the (ex) girlfriend. Well, they have been texting and talking, and she wants to get back together. She has been really pressuring him about it. He saw her on Friday night for about an hour. He says they are still friends, and told her he just can't deal with it right now. He told her they would talk it over after finals. (yes, I told him to tell her that...LOL) I am not for this at all, but as he keeps reminding me, it is HIS life.

That's great that he has the church choir to hang with when he is home. Hopefully he will be connected with them over Christmas.
Ugh on the girlfriend thing but ya HIS life and just pray he makes the right decision.

My DS also has 5 weeks off over Christmas. And he's probably going to spend the entire time schlubbing around, sleeping late and playing video games. I really don't have a problem with it yet at this point. That will have to change in subsequent years, but for now...... it's fine by me.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that your DS makes the right decision about the girlfriend. It sounds like she has been sucking up a lot of emotional energy that could be used better somewhere else. How frustrating it must be to stand on the sidelines biting your lip!

Yup, Schlubbing will probably be my son's activity level. I texted him last week to find out his finals schedule for pick up and I got a 3am response. Apparently his "roommates" are very late night people and he can't sleep because they are playing in the room. I asked if he wanted a single next year and he said he rather be around people. sigh. I hope he at least gets in a double. But his decision. At least when he is home he will have a more normal schedule and schlubbing/relaxing.
Once he goes back in mid January, I'll have a couple weeks to focus on my solo February trip back to the World. So I'm sure the next month will go by fast. But I'm looking forward to it, schlubbing is fine. I am just praying summer is more productive.

I can't believe how fast this semester went!! Our DS has his last final this coming Friday and then is home for 4 weeks. He said he'd like to come home on Friday, but will know later this week for sure.

Good luck to all of our children on their finals!!

Ditto on how fast the semester went!

Hi everyone! I didn't send a care package, but our church sends them to college students and military, so he did get one!!

He was actually home last night to see DS14 in the HS play. He went back after church this morning.

He has finals Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He needs to vacate his dorm two hours after his last final. He "fibbed" a little since his last final is at 8 am and I work till noon. I will get him around 2:30.

He is ready to come home I think. I just hope we can all adjust to him being here full time again, and he adjusts back to living in a house with some rules. Should be interesting.

Relate! But sounds like your son for the most part is very respectful of your rules so it might be a really nice break for him to go back to familiar and reboot his immune system with home cooking and extra sleep.

I made a care pkg for DD, one for her roommate, and one for another very close girlfriend.

Finals start tomorrow. Tonight I got the dreaded text, "Mom......I have a fever."

Three days of finals so I'm just hoping and sending positive energy that she doesn't get too, too sick until after they are over. She's trying to go to the student health tomorrow.

Best of luck to all of you and safe travels for you and all of your college students.

Oh I remember a college final week with a head cold and that was really challenging. Hope she does ok.

Oh goodness! I hope she feels better soon!! My DS has a head cold- hello finals week! I told him the late nights, lack of sleep and eating a bunch of junk would catch up with him eventually.

LOL I tried that warning with my son. So far it hasn't bit him too badly but we did have one scare last year when he passed out and was brought to the ER. He said he doesn't want to go there again. LOL
Again I'm happy to have him home and feed him his veggies and vitamins and let him get extra sleep he lacks with roommates on a late night schedule.
Next semester he and his roommate now have 8 and 9am classes. So hopefully they will get to bed and be on better schedules. I think the college figured that out as the afternoon classes were always filling super fast and schedules were allowing them to sleep in all morning. Missing breakfast and lunch. Then again maybe I'm giving the college more credit for how they set up classes next semester.

I'm just glad to have my son home so I can catch up with him about "things". Thanksgiving between family things and his roommate joining us the last night.......I missed out on some 1:1 time. I just love my buddy! And I love having all 4 of us under one roof. Funny I sleep well those nights.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Oh no! I hope she gets well soon!

Thank you so much. She went to student health today and she has a UTI. They got her on antibiotics right away and she's been drinking a ton today and of course I don't think anyone on campus had any cranberry juice. But she's not in too much pain so we're thankful for that!

I am thankful. Really, I am. I keep reminding myself of that..........but then I start thinking.....there are 365 days in a year.......she only has finals for three days......couldn't this have happened on any of the other 362 days.......why now?

OK, I am thankful she isn't in too much pain. I am thankful she went to student health. I am thankful they were able to find the cause of the fever. I am thankful for the medicine........I am thankful she will get to come home soon and she will be able to get some sleep and finals will be over.

 

[mom2rtk]

Thank you so much. She went to student health today and she has a UTI. They got her on antibiotics right away and she's been drinking a ton today and of course I don't think anyone on campus had any cranberry juice. But she's not in too much pain so we're thankful for that!

I am thankful. Really, I am. I keep reminding myself of that..........but then I start thinking.....there are 365 days in a year.......she only has finals for three days......couldn't this have happened on any of the other 362 days.......why now?

OK, I am thankful she isn't in too much pain. I am thankful she went to student health. I am thankful they were able to find the cause of the fever. I am thankful for the medicine........I am thankful she will get to come home soon and she will be able to get some sleep and finals will be over.

At least they found the problem and could treat it. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in quickly and she will feel better every day. Good luck to get on her exams.