Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[Katy Belle]

Have you guys sent any care packages yet?

We've dropped stuff off, or gave him stuff when we saw him for the variety of weekends, but up until today haven't sent him anything yet.
Kind of fun sending it!

One thing I have done is send a card every week. I add an inspirational quote. I noticed she has them all hanging around her dorm room along with cards from friends and relatives. I'm guessing this is something girls probably appreciate more than guys. My poor son is going to hate me since I am so used to doing all this stuff for DD. He's going to be like, "Mom, really?? Another card? Stop it already!"

I sent some stuff DS forgot the first week, and then after 2 weeks he was going to the gym all the time, so I sent some gym shorts, and some fun stuff. Since then we had seen him nearly every week, until 2 weeks ago. So I sent the 6 cookie sampler from Cheryl's Cookies. He LOVED that. And I bought him a new orange, long sleeved shirt today. They wear orange every Friday. He said he wouldn't do it, but alas, he DOES. LOL. I've purchased about 5 short sleeved orange shirts, now I will send this long sleeved one. And some Halloween undies from The Gap, just to make him smile. I will get some Halloween Candy. The big bummer is, his front desk at his dorm is lazy! They don't notify the kids if they have a package! No note in the mailbox, no notification at all! The first one was there 2 weeks before I told him about it and he asked. They said it had been sitting back there a long time So now I tell him when something is coming, which kinda ruins the surprise. But it still makes him happy.

He texted today. He's not feeling well! Images of your kids with strep and spots, etc entered my mind! He has a Calc mid-term tomorrow, the timing is awful. But he sounds like he's pushing through! I told him to buy some orange juice!

I love having you all here. Hearing your stories, being able to tell mine....it helps so much!

As for the broken hearted...I think it is one of the worse things to watch your child go through. We all went through it and he will survive. But the powerless feeling, I hate it. Hugs to you! And to him!

 

[nancygirl1]

Thank you! He texted me this morning ans asked me to call him after classes today. I did- and he started off ok, but was crying by the middle of our conversation. He is just so hurt. It isn't over yet, but it is in the fizzling process. To me, it sounds like she has moved on, and is enjoying her independence. Instead of her telling him it's over, she is ignoring him, or she is distracted when they Skype. They will both be home the next two weekends and she said she won't be spending time with him. To me, this screams "It's OVER." But he wants it to be mutual. He doesn't want to be the bad guy. He is so conflicted because he says he really likes her. Loves her.

I just sat and listened. He doesn't have anyone there he can really talk to, and for 3 years she has been his best friend (1 year dating). He feels alone. My heart is broken for him.
Thanks for listening to me. I know I have not been good at responding to the other posts- I have been pretty consumed here with this drama, and other stuff going on at home. SIGH.

I think we all need times to just vent. You have every reason to be distracted. We're here to support one another.

I'm so sorry about what's going on with your son. We certainly hate to see our children suffering, especially when there's not much you can do to help. It must be so hard dealing with this as a mother and having him so far away. Hang in there. It is great that he talked you like he did. That must make you feel better. Now if you could just hug him

 

[PlutoPony]

In a parent orientation session in my son's major, the head of the program suggested (mostly in jest) that we talk to our kids about not breaking up with someone just before finals. Said that happens all.the.time. and ends up affecting grades more often than you would think.

So if it makes you feel any better Marcy, at least this isn't happening in December

 

[nancygirl1]

Have you guys sent any care packages yet?

We've dropped stuff off, or gave him stuff when we saw him for the variety of weekends, but up until today haven't sent him anything yet.

He was home over the weekend and left behind were... a towel, a pillow case and a polo shirt. Sent all of those in a care package with a funny card and some candy. Kind of fun sending it!

I sent his birthday present, something from Popcorn factory. In the box with his birthday present I stuck a Happy Birthday button some party horns and a sign for his door. I am sure he keep the actual present part and the rice krispy treats and pitched the rest. Still I think he got a smile out of it.

The first week or so after they left I had to send them some things they each forgot so I added some snacks and goodies in the box. I stuck a little "thinking of you" card in the box.

Other than that we haven't sent anything. Unexpectedly, they were both home over the long Columbus Day weekend and what a wonderful weekend it was! It was great to have all 3 of my boys home together! I thought we wouldn't have that until Thanksgiving. My point is....we sent a whole lot of home cooked food back with them. Some for them to freeze and some to eat right away. Needless to say, they were thrilled. I am thinking of sending them something for Halloween, though. I saw some of those small decorated pumpkins the other day and thought maybe I'd send them each one and some Halloween candy/cookies.

 

[LisaR]

LisaR Who knew an Iphone cures strep? Your daughter sounds like she has a similar sense of humor like my son. I told him if he could only channel it for good instead of evil he would go very far.

I say the exact same thing to my son all the time!

He texted today. He's not feeling well! Images of your kids with strep and spots, etc entered my mind! He has a Calc mid-term tomorrow, the timing is awful. But he sounds like he's pushing through! I told him to buy some orange juice!

Hope your DS feels better soon, especially for his test. I feel like these dorms are just one giant bed of germs!

The first week or so after they left I had to send them some things they each forgot so I added some snacks and goodies in the box. I stuck a little "thinking of you" card in the box.

Other than that we haven't sent anything. Unexpectedly, they were both home over the long Columbus Day weekend and what a wonderful weekend it was! It was great to have all 3 of my boys home together! I thought we wouldn't have that until Thanksgiving. My point is....we sent a whole lot of home cooked food back with them. Some for them to freeze and some to eat right away. Needless to say, they were thrilled. I am thinking of sending them something for Halloween, though. I saw some of those small decorated pumpkins the other day and thought maybe I'd send them each one and some Halloween candy/cookies.

This is what I have done. I just got done making a lasagna to take to DD on Sunday. I cut it into pieces and froze it. I make a couple things everytime I am going to see her so she can pull it out of the freezer and nuke a quick meal. She loves that and always has a request for something.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

OK, I guess I'll join in.

My DD is a freshman, very far from home, has a VERY long-term bf here at home going to college and they "are on the rocks" for the first time ever. My heart aches for her. He is a part of our family so we are sad as well.

On the plus side, she did promise me she'd get a flu shot this week. I told her I needed the receipt for medical reimbursement (also as proof she actually got it since she HATES SHOTS!)

I'm sorry so many of your kids have had illnesses so far. So many girls in the dorm where my DD goes have also been sick. I guess it's that time of year. I sent those halls vitamin C drops -- I don't know if they really work but I'm willing to risk it. I sent a few token items -- nothing major -- tea bags, halloweeen candy, a travel pack of clorox wipes and a note to wipe the doorknobs etc. but just stuff so she gets mail. I also let our relatives know she'd like mail and the grandmas and aunts have sent cards. She said it's the BEST THING EVER to look in your mailbox and not see it empty.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Thanks so much!! She said her hives have faded. They look more blotchy now and at least half have disappeared completely. Her fever is low, but I apparently didn't teach her that one takes their temperature BEFORE taking Advil. She takes Advil, waits an hour, and then texts me to say my temp is only 99.5. While good, it is likely that the Advil brought it down. Kids!

I'm so happy she has made such good friends. The clinic was out of Benadryl so a friend went to the campus store and bought her some. DD wanted bagels so two friends went to the cafeteria and basically stole every bagel in the basket based on the picture she sent me. She put them in a Ziploc and froze most of them. Another friend has been waiting on her by bringing her OJ, cups of soup, tea, and toasting her bagels. Actually, I think she is being waited on better there than she would be here. I'm not that nice! I'm going to find something nice to send to her friends next week as a thank you; maybe a gift card to a local restaurant or something?

Doesn't that just put your mind at ease to know she has such good friends and they are watching out for each other?

 

[Katy Belle]

One thing I have done is send a card every week. I add an inspirational quote. I noticed she has them all hanging around her dorm room along with cards from friends and relatives. I'm guessing this is something girls probably appreciate more than guys. My poor son is going to hate me since I am so used to doing all this stuff for DD. He's going to be like, "Mom, really?? Another card? Stop it already!"

I quoted this in my last post and forgot to talk about it! At the beginning of DS18s Senior Year of HS, I started posting "quotes" on his mirror. He had his own bathroom in his room, so a few times a week, I would write quotes on sticky notes and stick them to his mirror! Most of them came from Pinterest. Some were funny, some inspirational, some pertaining to what was happening in his life at the moment. He got Hamlet quotes the week he was performing in that play. He LOVED it. By Christmas, his mirror was hard to see! So one day I took them all down. He was so sad! I told him to just wait. Christmas morning he opened a book with all his quotes inside. I just stuck them into a photo album. He loved it. Then I started filling up the mirror again. He was sad when he came home from college and there weren't new ones! But I don't want it to go on forever and ever! I was thinking of sticking a few in his care package that I'm working on at the moment! Anyway, your sons may like quotes and cards more than you think they will!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

when we went to a Freshman parents meeting last year, they told us it was really important to mail packages to our son/daughter. So I gave out my son's address to family members to send him a card and I did the same since I was seeing him most weekends being I go out that way for various things and I had sent him a trunk full of stuff when we brought him there.

Anyway, one day my sister in law asked "hey did Joe get my package?".
I told her I had not heard anything from him but would find out.
So I asked him if he had been checking his mail and he said not after the first week, so since his roommate worked in the mail room he asked him "Do I have a package in the mail room?" and the kid said "I'm not sure, maybe."


So my son went the next day during mail room hours and sure enough the package had been sitting there for 2 weeks. So at that point I told family don't bother to send packages it's too expensive but feel free to send cards.

Yup, he wasn't checking mail. Wait no for Halloween he did and I had sent him a kiddie card with some money in it for him to buy a candy bar.

Then after he was home for Christmas, I sent him a card telling him I missed him and was happy to have him home for the month and wished him well. And then Valentines day another card to buy himself some chocolate of his choice. I never brought these up and then in May when he came home for the summer a big envelope came from the college. You got it! The cards I sent and other people sent were all in his mail box.

So that's my story on my kid getting mail. I don't even have his address for this semester. I probably should ask for it so I can send him a postcard from Disney. Of course he'll be home for Thanksgiving and won't see it until he goes back to finish off the semester. LOL

His birthday is during the Christmas break so I don't even need to worry about a birthday package.

I love the quotes/notes though. In high school I had made him a sandwich for his lunch and put a note between the meat so he cracked up when he took a bite and found it. Probably not the most germ free but it was "random" as he called it. Another time we had a Love door going for February. We were trying to get my DS21 with Autism to identify feelings and positive things and know he was loved, so we all took turns complimenting each other. That was fun but I did most of the writing. DS19 did enjoy it though as he wrote some compliments to us also. Hmmm maybe we will have to do something during the month long Christmas break.

Ok rambling. Should never have had that second cup of coffee.

 

[marcyinPA]

Have you guys sent any care packages yet?

We've dropped stuff off, or gave him stuff when we saw him for the variety of weekends, but up until today haven't sent him anything yet.

He was home over the weekend and left behind were... a towel, a pillow case and a polo shirt. Sent all of those in a care package with a funny card and some candy. Kind of fun sending it!

I've sent a couple. It's kind of weird, though, because DS is home a lot. His first week there, he forgot the cord to his printer, so I sent that and some photos from home for him to tape up.

I sent the cookie sampler package from Cheryl's Cookies. He loved that. I sent a card- just a card- with a pep talk in it. My Aunt sent him a tin of popcorn and assorted goodies from the Popcorn Factory. My BFF sent him a card with cash. And most recently, I sent a big box with meds he forgot, a few items of clothing he forgot, a couple of bags of candy, a new cord for his iPhone, and a blow up bat (Halloween decoration). Oh, and the latest Sports Illustrated that came in the mail. I wasn't supposed to be seeing him for a while, but as it turned out, the package arrived on the same day that I had to go down to help him with that banking fiasco. I could have saved myself $8 had I known!

He has been really thankful for everything he's been sent. I think he just loves getting mail. I need to be better about just sending a card or a note. Time always escapes me here- my 14 year old and his schedule and social life keep me hopping!

 

[clh2]

DD just sent a picture of an empty mailbox...

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

DD just sent a picture of an empty mailbox...

THAT is funny!!!!

 

[nancygirl1]

OK, I guess I'll join in.

My DD is a freshman, very far from home, has a VERY long-term bf here at home going to college and they "are on the rocks" for the first time ever. My heart aches for her. He is a part of our family so we are sad as well.

On the plus side, she did promise me she'd get a flu shot this week. I told her I needed the receipt for medical reimbursement (also as proof she actually got it since she HATES SHOTS!)

I'm sorry so many of your kids have had illnesses so far. So many girls in the dorm where my DD goes have also been sick. I guess it's that time of year. I sent those halls vitamin C drops -- I don't know if they really work but I'm willing to risk it. I sent a few token items -- nothing major -- tea bags, halloweeen candy, a travel pack of clorox wipes and a note to wipe the doorknobs etc. but just stuff so she gets mail. I also let our relatives know she'd like mail and the grandmas and aunts have sent cards. She said it's the BEST THING EVER to look in your mailbox and not see it empty.

I hope you're doing okay having your daughter so far away. I have a lot of respect for parents who have children far from home. Some of us are fortunate to have them close or fairly close. It doesn't change the fact that we're all struggling and adjusting to our new reality and our new role as parents.

That's great that you have been able to get your family to send her things, too! In case you didn't know, Cheryl's cookies has a free sampler of their cookies. You do have to pay shipping. I haven't sent them yet, but some here have and their kids love them.

 

[marcyinPA]

DD just sent a picture of an empty mailbox...

Hint Hint

 

[LisaR]

DD just sent a picture of an empty mailbox...

I'd send her back a picture of your empty wallet!



It is family weekend at DD's college. We are home and she is there.
She had volunteer stuff she had to do today and mandatory volunteer work tomorrow (Make a Difference Day). There wasn't much sense in going if she wasn't going to be around. Her roommate's parents didn't visit either so I don't feel too bad. At least the unloved children can hang out together! We are going to go visit for a few hours on Sunday and then I think we are done until Thanksgiving.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

 

[clh2]

I'd send her back a picture of your empty wallet!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

That is absolutely hilarious. Wish I would have thought of it before I sent her a cards today!

Didn't want to send too much...we'll be down for parent's weekend next weekend!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

He texted today. He's not feeling well! Images of your kids with strep and spots, etc entered my mind! He has a Calc mid-term tomorrow, the timing is awful. But he sounds like he's pushing through! I told him to buy some orange juice!

I love having you all here. Hearing your stories, being able to tell mine....it helps so much!

sorry your kiddo isn't feeling well. Hopefully he will be better soon.

I too love hearing everyone, I know that I am not alone in all of this and there are others who understand what I am going through. LOVE the support we give each other!

The first week or so after they left I had to send them some things they each forgot so I added some snacks and goodies in the box. I stuck a little "thinking of you" card in the box.

Other than that we haven't sent anything. Unexpectedly, they were both home over the long Columbus Day weekend and what a wonderful weekend it was! It was great to have all 3 of my boys home together! I thought we wouldn't have that until Thanksgiving. My point is....we sent a whole lot of home cooked food back with them. Some for them to freeze and some to eat right away. Needless to say, they were thrilled. I am thinking of sending them something for Halloween, though. I saw some of those small decorated pumpkins the other day and thought maybe I'd send them each one and some Halloween candy/cookies.

HOW AWESOME it must have been to have all of them home! That must have been very special.

OK, I guess I'll join in.

My DD is a freshman, very far from home, has a VERY long-term bf here at home going to college and they "are on the rocks" for the first time ever. My heart aches for her. He is a part of our family so we are sad as well.

On the plus side, she did promise me she'd get a flu shot this week. I told her I needed the receipt for medical reimbursement (also as proof she actually got it since she HATES SHOTS!)

I'm sorry so many of your kids have had illnesses so far. So many girls in the dorm where my DD goes have also been sick. I guess it's that time of year. I sent those halls vitamin C drops -- I don't know if they really work but I'm willing to risk it. I sent a few token items -- nothing major -- tea bags, halloweeen candy, a travel pack of clorox wipes and a note to wipe the doorknobs etc. but just stuff so she gets mail. I also let our relatives know she'd like mail and the grandmas and aunts have sent cards. She said it's the BEST THING EVER to look in your mailbox and not see it empty.

Hang in there with the heart ache. That stinks. it is hard when we get attached to our kids friends and love interests. You want to welcome them and have them feel welcome, but when the split comes it is so hard.

DS was sick last week. He seems to be better. I imagine in those close quarters germs are just running rampant.

I quoted this in my last post and forgot to talk about it! At the beginning of DS18s Senior Year of HS, I started posting "quotes" on his mirror. He had his own bathroom in his room, so a few times a week, I would write quotes on sticky notes and stick them to his mirror! Most of them came from Pinterest. Some were funny, some inspirational, some pertaining to what was happening in his life at the moment. He got Hamlet quotes the week he was performing in that play. He LOVED it. By Christmas, his mirror was hard to see! So one day I took them all down. He was so sad! I told him to just wait. Christmas morning he opened a book with all his quotes inside. I just stuck them into a photo album. He loved it. Then I started filling up the mirror again. He was sad when he came home from college and there weren't new ones! But I don't want it to go on forever and ever! I was thinking of sticking a few in his care package that I'm working on at the moment! Anyway, your sons may like quotes and cards more than you think they will!

the quotes are a GREAT idea!!!! 2 summers ago I did something for DD that was similar. I went A-Z, each day a heart cut out with the saying " You are.... " so each day had a different letter. "You are Awesome"... "You are Beautiful"... etc.... She kept them all.

This past summer she actually wrote out quotes she likes and put them on her dresser. I think I might have to do something similar to the quotes when DD goes away. I don't think DS would be too into it. But maybe I will try to send him some letters with that idea, who knows, he might like it.

DD just sent a picture of an empty mailbox...

I'd send her back a picture of your empty wallet!

THat was a perfect response!!! But I guess that empty mailbox is a cute reminder and a way of telling you she misses your contact.

It is family weekend at DD's college. We are home and she is there.
She had volunteer stuff she had to do today and mandatory volunteer work tomorrow (Make a Difference Day). There wasn't much sense in going if she wasn't going to be around. Her roommate's parents didn't visit either so I don't feel too bad. At least the unloved children can hang out together! We are going to go visit for a few hours on Sunday and then I think we are done until Thanksgiving.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

I was amazed at how few parents went to DS's parent weekend. So don't feel too bad. At least she is busy doing great things!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

those are all great ideas for care packages.

I just found some underwear that DS left here as well... I wonder if I should mail those...

Probably going to send some Halloween candy next week. And I love the idea of sending Nerf items. Not sure who suggested that, but I thank you. I think that would be fun.

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

those are all great ideas for care packages.

I just found some underwear that DS left here as well... I wonder if I should mail those...

Probably going to send some Halloween candy next week. And I love the idea of sending Nerf items. Not sure who suggested that, but I thank you. I think that would be fun.

Do it! Do it! send the underwear! Washed of course!
My guess is if he's like my son, the laundry is piling up and they might arrive just at the right time!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

This weekend is Family weekend at my sons college. Well there has been a definition change in Family weekend this year. sigh.

We will not be going to have lunch at the college with my son because my grandmother died and the funeral is at noon tomorrow.
My family has not been close since my mother died 16 years ago, so with the scattering of family, we really haven't seen anyone. My sons were young when they last saw my grandmother. But DS said he wanted to come home for the funeral. He decided to come home tonight so he could get caught up on Laundry too. Of course. So I guess I'm kind of getting a bonus that instead of spending just a few hours with him tomorrow and having to share him with the groups of people and friends, I'm getting him to myself tonight and then some extra time tomorrow.

This may sound silly but today I was talking to a friend about potentially hiring my son during the summer at the local grocery market. I was saying my son was 19 and then realized when he gets home this summer he will be 20. That feels weird.

Well before I go, I wanted to say that I've been thinking/praying for your children that are sick or having gf/bf challenges. Weird I've been reading along here and this week when I talked to my brother he told me he was working with a guy I dated in college. The guy was almost apologizing to my brother because he broke up with me because he couldn't handle a long distance relationship. Weird cause I barely remember the break up. But apparently he does and feels bad. Oh well...as I told my brother, I've been married 25 years, I can't be too scared.

Taking my extra vitamin C. I hope the germs don't find me. I've got 3 weeks to dodge them so I can leave for my vacation.....I guess 4 cause I don't want to catch them down in FL either.

Sweet dreams everyone. I hope Sunday/Monday night I get to read a lot of happy posts about great news with their kiddos.