Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[RejoyceoverDisney]

I've finally crossed a major hurdle and feel like I am on the other side of the hill!!

Went and visited DD on Thursday. Great visit! She looked great, the visit was wonderful, and I left without tearing up or crying on the drive home!!!!

Seriously, that is major for me!

On Saturday, DH and I took DD and three friends to lunch because they were only an hour from our home. Wonderful visit. So nice meeting her friends. And guess what? I once again left without any tears in my eyes!!!!

Honestly, that is a huge weight that I feel was lifted. In the past, I almost felt depressed once we/she left. I didn't feel that at all this time. Life is finally moving forward and it only took me ten weeks!

Unfortunately, DD looked like crap yesterday. She didn't eat much, said she had a headache, and I could just tell she was getting sick. When she got back to the dorms, she slept for 15 hours! She got up this morning with a fever, swollen glands, headache, and cough. She went to a walk-in clinic and they gave her an antibiotic. I kind of wish they would have run some blood work. Anyway, she just picked up her RX, grabbed some OJ ad Kleenex and plans on spending the day in bed. So while I am past the crying when we leave, I am not past the worrying! Hopefully she will be feeling much better in a day or two.

Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!

So sorry she is feeling sick.
Glad she is getting sleep.
Hope she feels better soon.

 

[Southernmiss]

So while I am past the crying when we leave, I am not past the worrying! !

Don't know if we ever fully get past the worrying!

Our ds19 and a sophomore rolled in unexpectedly Thursday evening with two buddies for dinner. He had bought a new to him car!!! Thankfully, I had frozen spaghetti sauce in the freezer.

His buddy took him shopping. Ds had totaled his car over the summer and dh and I were hoping he'd wait and save a bit more $$.

Nope. He got the notion that it was time to get new wheels and they went shopping at a place nearby.

Well, dh and I in shock, said you need insurance and a tag before it leaves the yard. So he leaves the ford explorer here and they go back to school an hour away.

I go to our ins agent Friday to ask abt insurance. Ds can save $1000 a year if he is added to our policy. Great! But the truck was only titled in his name. And dh or I must be on the title.

Long story short, dh who happens to work in ds's college town had to leave a crazy week at work early on Friday, pick up ds from college bring him home, go to the car dealer, add dh to the title, stop by insurance and the car tag office before they closed at 5 on Friday. Whew! Had the kid started out by talking to us it all could have been avoided.

In the end it all worked out and ds went to Friday night football with us to watch his brothers band performance and we had a great unexpected family evening.

Oh and ds left before sunrise Saturday morning before any of us were up without a peep in his new truck to catch up with the guys at their ultimate frisbee tournament an hour away.

Maybe we'll see him a bit longer at Thanksgiving break.

 

[HERSEY]

just briefly skimming your posts, it seems we all have had a rough couple of days.

I planned on flying DS home for his fall break. I have freq flier miles I used. But DS slept through his alarm and missed the first bus going to the airport and the second bus never showed. And of course I can get no answers from the bus co since their office is closed on t he weekends.. When I was talking to my son he sounded so sad. So yes I dropped everything I was doing and drove the 4 1/2 hrs to go get him. I now the boy is happy I am happy. Except his is pooped from all the driving and is now a sleep. Got to love our babies.

LisaR I am hoping your daughter is feeling better nu ow.

RejoyceoverDisney You are a remarkable Mom. Go and celebrate in Disney you deserve it. Your journey is not one that many people can fully understand. You have to be determined and very strong to endure the red tape that people who have special needs to go through. I hope your trip is everything and more for you

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I've finally crossed a major hurdle and feel like I am on the other side of the hill!!

Went and visited DD on Thursday. Great visit! She looked great, the visit was wonderful, and I left without tearing up or crying on the drive home!!!!

Seriously, that is major for me!

On Saturday, DH and I took DD and three friends to lunch because they were only an hour from our home. Wonderful visit. So nice meeting her friends. And guess what? I once again left without any tears in my eyes!!!!

Honestly, that is a huge weight that I feel was lifted. In the past, I almost felt depressed once we/she left. I didn't feel that at all this time. Life is finally moving forward and it only took me ten weeks!

Unfortunately, DD looked like crap yesterday. She didn't eat much, said she had a headache, and I could just tell she was getting sick. When she got back to the dorms, she slept for 15 hours! She got up this morning with a fever, swollen glands, headache, and cough. She went to a walk-in clinic and they gave her an antibiotic. I kind of wish they would have run some blood work. Anyway, she just picked up her RX, grabbed some OJ ad Kleenex and plans on spending the day in bed. So while I am past the crying when we leave, I am not past the worrying! Hopefully she will be feeling much better in a day or two.

Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!

Congrats on that hurdle!!! That really is something... life does go on, and you are doing awesome adjusting! sorry she isn't feeling well. Hopefully a good nap will help.

Don't know if we ever fully get past the worrying!

Our ds19 and a sophomore rolled in unexpectedly Thursday evening with two buddies for dinner. He had bought a new to him car!!! Thankfully, I had frozen spaghetti sauce in the freezer.

His buddy took him shopping. Ds had totaled his car over the summer and dh and I were hoping he'd wait and save a bit more $$.

Nope. He got the notion that it was time to get new wheels and they went shopping at a place nearby.

Well, dh and I in shock, said you need insurance and a tag before it leaves the yard. So he leaves the ford explorer here and they go back to school an hour away.

I go to our ins agent Friday to ask abt insurance. Ds can save $1000 a year if he is added to our policy. Great! But the truck was only titled in his name. And dh or I must be on the title.

Long story short, dh who happens to work in ds's college town had to leave a crazy week at work early on Friday, pick up ds from college bring him home, go to the car dealer, add dh to the title, stop by insurance and the car tag office before they closed at 5 on Friday. Whew! Had the kid started out by talking to us it all could have been avoided.

In the end it all worked out and ds went to Friday night football with us to watch his brothers band performance and we had a great unexpected family evening.

Oh and ds left before sunrise Saturday morning before any of us were up without a peep in his new truck to catch up with the guys at their ultimate frisbee tournament an hour away.

Maybe we'll see him a bit longer at Thanksgiving break.

What a nice unexpected surprise! Glad you had some fun time with your kiddo. and great that you could get the insurance thing straightened out!

just briefly skimming your posts, it seems we all have had a rough couple of days.

I planned on flying DS home for his fall break. I have freq flier miles I used. But DS slept through his alarm and missed the first bus going to the airport and the second bus never showed. And of course I can get no answers from the bus co since their office is closed on t he weekends.. When I was talking to my son he sounded so sad. So yes I dropped everything I was doing and drove the 4 1/2 hrs to go get him. I now the boy is happy I am happy. Except his is pooped from all the driving and is now a sleep. Got to love our babies.


RejoyceoverDisney You are a remarkable Mom. Go and celebrate in Disney you deserve it. Your journey is not one that many people can fully understand. You have to be determined and very strong to endure the red tape that people who have special needs to go through. I hope your trip is everything and more for you

We would do anything for our babies!!! The drive must have been long, but hopefully you had some great conversations. So glad that you could see each other!

And you said it perfect for RejoyceoverDisney. That was well said!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

AN apology to DS....

If you are ever reading this thread, or someone points it out to you, I want to apologize to you because you are an awesome amazing kid! We didn't text or talk much, and I now know you weren't "shutting me out" it was just that timing didn't work, and we couldn't connect. I had an amazing time catching up with you this past weekend, and thank you for sharing so much info with me. It meant the world to me and I am deeply sorry for my crazy mom mood swing this past week.




So yes, do you ever wish you could take back something???? I sure wish I could take back this past week and my crazy upset posts. We had an AMAZING time this past weekend!!!!!!!! We picked him up on Friday and the conversations started. Lots of info coming our way, lots of sharing, and great camaraderie. Friday night after DH and DD went to bed, DS and I went out on the deck and for 1 1/2 hours talked in the moonlight about all sorts of things from college life. I will cherish that time forever!!! We talked about all sorts of things I would never have dreamed of talking about with my parents! Alcohol at parties, etc. He thanked me for being so "chill" about it and said that he knows many friends that can't talk to their parents about these kinds of things. Oh my, my heart melted and I knew right then and there I've done right by him and me.

We also talked about this being a learning experience for me and giving him space. He told me that calling him on his birthday was fair game! I also talked about how when I ask him questions it isn't because I am "prying" but just wanting to talk. and that I know I have to walk that fine line of respecting that he is an adult and he can make his own decisions and balancing that with still parenting him. I think we reached an understanding and in that moment all was very right with my life. I couldn't have been happier! I truly had an amazing time with him.

However dropping him off today was not easy. I didn't tear up at dropping him off, so I am making progress. THe car ride home did seem a lot quieter and "a little empty".

So, I am making progress, and I am so happy right now!

 

[mom2travel]

AN apology to DS....

If you are ever reading this thread, or someone points it out to you, I want to apologize to you because you are an awesome amazing kid! We didn't text or talk much, and I now know you weren't "shutting me out" it was just that timing didn't work, and we couldn't connect. I had an amazing time catching up with you this past weekend, and thank you for sharing so much info with me. It meant the world to me and I am deeply sorry for my crazy mom mood swing this past week.



So yes, do you ever wish you could take back something???? I sure wish I could take back this past week and my crazy upset posts. We had an AMAZING time this past weekend!!!!!!!! We picked him up on Friday and the conversations started. Lots of info coming our way, lots of sharing, and great camaraderie. Friday night after DH and DD went to bed, DS and I went out on the deck and for 1 1/2 hours talked in the moonlight about all sorts of things from college life. I will cherish that time forever!!! We talked about all sorts of things I would never have dreamed of talking about with my parents! Alcohol at parties, etc. He thanked me for being so "chill" about it and said that he knows many friends that can't talk to their parents about these kinds of things. Oh my, my heart melted and I knew right then and there I've done right by him and me.

We also talked about this being a learning experience for me and giving him space. He told me that calling him on his birthday was fair game! I also talked about how when I ask him questions it isn't because I am "prying" but just wanting to talk. and that I know I have to walk that fine line of respecting that he is an adult and he can make his own decisions and balancing that with still parenting him. I think we reached an understanding and in that moment all was very right with my life. I couldn't have been happier! I truly had an amazing time with him.

However dropping him off today was not easy. I didn't tear up at dropping him off, so I am making progress. THe car ride home did seem a lot quieter and "a little empty".

So, I am making progress, and I am so happy right now!

Aww, that is awesome

Our DS was home for 4 days. Loved having him home. I got to squeeze some 1-to-1 time in with him so I'm happy. Next will be a long stretch until thanksgiving. But I'm happy he's happy. I hope everyone had a good weekend .

 

[HERSEY]

We are raising some awesome mini adults. Don't tell them I said "mini" they are not full grown yet, but soon all too soon. I wish I had the freedom to say all the things DS and I talk about with my mom. Can you imagine what our kids will talk about with their children. Maybe they can solve the world's problems and there will be peace in the middle east !!

Yeah I am being very sentimental tonight. My DS amazes me with his insight sometimes. I always thought he had very adult thoughts at a young age. Now he just blows me away.

 

[mom2travel]

We are raising some awesome mini adults. Don't tell them I said "mini" they are not full grown yet, but soon all too soon. I wish I had the freedom to say all the things DS and I talk about with my mom. Can you imagine what our kids will talk about with their children. Maybe they can solve the world's problems and there will be peace in the middle east !!

Yeah I am being very sentimental tonight. My DS amazes me with his insight sometimes. I always thought he had very adult thoughts at a young age. Now he just blows me away.

I definitely have had more in-depth, meaningful conversations with my kids than my patents had with me at the same age.
My sister & I sometimes joke that we talk too much with our kids to compensate for the non-talking when we were young

 

[nancygirl1]

We also talked about this being a learning experience for me and giving him space. He told me that calling him on his birthday was fair game! I also talked about how when I ask him questions it isn't because I am "prying" but just wanting to talk. and that I know I have to walk that fine line of respecting that he is an adult and he can make his own decisions and balancing that with still parenting him. I think we reached an understanding and in that moment all was very right with my life. I couldn't have been happier! I truly had an amazing time with him.

I have been reading everyone's posts this past week or so and have almost cried several times. You are all amazing women and moms. This is such a difficult time for everyone, especially those that are going through this for the first time. It really is like walking a tightrope with our children. It's a whole new way of life with a new play book and it takes a while to figure out just how things work now.

Princess Vija, what you explained to your son about your new role as his mother is so true. It is so hard to be shut out of their lives, especially after being there day after day and knowing who, what, when, where, how and why! I did exactly the same thing when all of my 3 went off to school. It is so hard not hearing from them and no longer being involved in their lives. I think it is an important conversation for some of us to have with our child for our own sanity. I know that it gave mine some insight into my side of things and the adjustment I had to make to our new relationship. I found that afterward they were more "tolerant" of me and my need to stay connected.

Southernmiss, my son plays ultimate Frisbee at his college, too. We actually went to his tournament Saturday to see him play. It was wonderful to see what he spends so much of his time doing. Afterward, we drove him back to school, hung out in his dorm for a while (he lives in an on-campus apt.), then we took him out to dinner. It was a great way to spend a Saturday!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

AN apology to DS....

If you are ever reading this thread, or someone points it out to you, I want to apologize to you because you are an awesome amazing kid! We didn't text or talk much, and I now know you weren't "shutting me out" it was just that timing didn't work, and we couldn't connect. I had an amazing time catching up with you this past weekend, and thank you for sharing so much info with me. It meant the world to me and I am deeply sorry for my crazy mom mood swing this past week.




So yes, do you ever wish you could take back something???? I sure wish I could take back this past week and my crazy upset posts. We had an AMAZING time this past weekend!!!!!!!! We picked him up on Friday and the conversations started. Lots of info coming our way, lots of sharing, and great camaraderie. Friday night after DH and DD went to bed, DS and I went out on the deck and for 1 1/2 hours talked in the moonlight about all sorts of things from college life. I will cherish that time forever!!! We talked about all sorts of things I would never have dreamed of talking about with my parents! Alcohol at parties, etc. He thanked me for being so "chill" about it and said that he knows many friends that can't talk to their parents about these kinds of things. Oh my, my heart melted and I knew right then and there I've done right by him and me.

We also talked about this being a learning experience for me and giving him space. He told me that calling him on his birthday was fair game! I also talked about how when I ask him questions it isn't because I am "prying" but just wanting to talk. and that I know I have to walk that fine line of respecting that he is an adult and he can make his own decisions and balancing that with still parenting him. I think we reached an understanding and in that moment all was very right with my life. I couldn't have been happier! I truly had an amazing time with him.

However dropping him off today was not easy. I didn't tear up at dropping him off, so I am making progress. THe car ride home did seem a lot quieter and "a little empty".

So, I am making progress, and I am so happy right now!

We are raising some awesome mini adults. Don't tell them I said "mini" they are not full grown yet, but soon all too soon. I wish I had the freedom to say all the things DS and I talk about with my mom. Can you imagine what our kids will talk about with their children. Maybe they can solve the world's problems and there will be peace in the middle east !!

Yeah I am being very sentimental tonight. My DS amazes me with his insight sometimes. I always thought he had very adult thoughts at a young age. Now he just blows me away.

I definitely have had more in-depth, meaningful conversations with my kids than my patents had with me at the same age.
My sister & I sometimes joke that we talk too much with our kids to compensate for the non-talking when we were young

Just getting to read a bunch of posts and found myself quoting them all so I figured I better stop and just say

I love you all even though I've never met you. What you say and what you share with us and with your children is just super amazing stuff. We are so blessed with our children and the friendships that the internet offers for opportunity. I may never meet you face to face but I'm so grateful you have come into my life.

Yay to all of you that had the chance for meaningful time with your kiddos this weekend.

Sweet dreams and many blessings for you this week.
See you soon!

 

[Katy Belle]

So many ups and downs for all of us! Its kinda hard to take, isn't it? Hugs to all! I really do think at some point it will level out and will feel more normal.

Well, I continue to hear from DS18 via text message. He, or I, check in every day. I'm thrilled with that. I get very little info, but at least I know he's alive!

He and a HS friend were planning a trip to St. Louis to watch their old band in a contest. I did not want him to do it...would cost over $200, a long drive, three days away from studying, etc. DH was the opposite..."We used to do road trips, I don't see it being an issue." Ok...so I really do think that is why God gave kids a Momma and a Daddy, so we can balance each other out. DS had asked my opinion, and I told him I'd talk to his Dad about it. So I told him it was fine. Ugh, that was hard to do! Anyway...when he was home the last time he asked me to help him find a hotel room. He found some listed for $30 a night and was convinced they would be fine. There were reviews about how scary they were. That still didn't phase him much. Luckily, they wouldn't rent them to people under age 21. Whew. Hilton was the only one he could find that would accept 18. He and his friend planned it all out and finally decided it was too expensive. It was hard sitting back and watching, but he really learned a lot just going through the exercise! Baby steps to adulthood.

Our other struggle...grades and studying! DS has never been super motivated. He has always put in minimal time studying, and easily made As and the occasional B. He didn't really care that he got some Bs. He rarely, rarely did homework at home. So now he has Calc I , with a teacher he can't understand due to a lisp and being, recently, from another country. He told us he was studying a lot, but "a lot" to him was three hours a week DH had a conversation and tried to impress on him that 12 hours a week would be more appropriate for now, considering he made a D on the first exam. Not sure he gets it. Trying to stay out of it, but its hard. Will encourage him to drop it, if grade is still low in two weeks. He has another exam this week, he thinks he will do better, fingers crossed! I want to be the parent that can never enquire about grades, but not sure its in me. He is just not used to studying! He needs a certain GPA to keep his scholarship, so I hope he starts taking it seriously!

Other than that, he seems happy and settled in, which I am thrilled about! He won't come home until Thanksgiving. That will be 8 weeks since he came home the last time. That feels like TOO long!

Hugs to all!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

So many ups and downs for all of us! Its kinda hard to take, isn't it? Hugs to all! I really do think at some point it will level out and will feel more normal.

Well, I continue to hear from DS18 via text message. He, or I, check in every day. I'm thrilled with that. I get very little info, but at least I know he's alive!

He and a HS friend were planning a trip to St. Louis to watch their old band in a contest. I did not want him to do it...would cost over $200, a long drive, three days away from studying, etc. DH was the opposite..."We used to do road trips, I don't see it being an issue." Ok...so I really do think that is why God gave kids a Momma and a Daddy, so we can balance each other out. DS had asked my opinion, and I told him I'd talk to his Dad about it. So I told him it was fine. Ugh, that was hard to do! Anyway...when he was home the last time he asked me to help him find a hotel room. He found some listed for $30 a night and was convinced they would be fine. There were reviews about how scary they were. That still didn't phase him much. Luckily, they wouldn't rent them to people under age 21. Whew. Hilton was the only one he could find that would accept 18. He and his friend planned it all out and finally decided it was too expensive. It was hard sitting back and watching, but he really learned a lot just going through the exercise! Baby steps to adulthood.

Our other struggle...grades and studying! DS has never been super motivated. He has always put in minimal time studying, and easily made As and the occasional B. He didn't really care that he got some Bs. He rarely, rarely did homework at home. So now he has Calc I , with a teacher he can't understand due to a lisp and being, recently, from another country. He told us he was studying a lot, but "a lot" to him was three hours a week DH had a conversation and tried to impress on him that 12 hours a week would be more appropriate for now, considering he made a D on the first exam. Not sure he gets it. Trying to stay out of it, but its hard. Will encourage him to drop it, if grade is still low in two weeks. He has another exam this week, he thinks he will do better, fingers crossed! I want to be the parent that can never enquire about grades, but not sure its in me. He is just not used to studying! He needs a certain GPA to keep his scholarship, so I hope he starts taking it seriously!

Other than that, he seems happy and settled in, which I am thrilled about! He won't come home until Thanksgiving. That will be 8 weeks since he came home the last time. That feels like TOO long!

Hugs to all!

Was in your place last year and the whole not needing to study and teacher with an accent and so on was a struggle to keep backing off and let him deal with it. Well happy to report that this year I am able to back out of it mostly and honestly I don't ask about studying. Midterm grades just came out but I haven't heard the final "yes Mom I have 'A's like I told you I was getting".

I'm proud of my son and that he has been conservative with his money and I don't have a lot to worry about him doing road trips. He and his friends don't really drive. Which makes being at school together even more appealing.

Hang in there everyone. Wait when you see your babies for Thanksgiving, you will be blown away about how much they have matured. At least I have been each time I see mine. Baby only in my heart/memories now.

 

[LisaR]

DD just sent me a picture of herself covered in red spots from head to toe. I don't know if it is a reaction to the antibiotic or something else. Thankfully, the school clinic told her to come right over so hopefully I will hear something soon. Why couldn't she go to the school that is only an hour away?????

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

DD just sent me a picture of herself covered in red spots from head to toe. I don't know if it is a reaction to the antibiotic or something else. Thankfully, the school clinic told her to come right over so hopefully I will hear something soon. Why couldn't she go to the school that is only an hour away?????

Chicken pox spots or hive kind of spots? Yikes! I hear you on the closer school.
I hope it's a quick resolve. Has she ever had an allergic reaction before?

 

[HERSEY]

DD just sent me a picture of herself covered in red spots from head to toe. I don't know if it is a reaction to the antibiotic or something else. Thankfully, the school clinic told her to come right over so hopefully I will hear something soon. Why couldn't she go to the school that is only an hour away?????

Oh my!! I hope they are able to figure it out.

 

[LisaR]

Chicken pox spots or hive kind of spots? Yikes! I hear you on the closer school.
I hope it's a quick resolve. Has she ever had an allergic reaction before?

Not sure what the spots are like. The picture makes it hard to tell. She said they don't itch. She is on Amoxicillian which she has taken in the past and never reacted to. Still waiting.......

 

[HERSEY]

Not sure what the spots are like. The picture makes it hard to tell. She said they don't itch. She is on Amoxicillian which she has taken in the past and never reacted to. Still waiting.......

Take it from me. You can be allergic to medication at anytime.

 

[LisaR]

Take it from me. You can be allergic to medication at anytime.

I figured. I know it works that way with food. I used to eat shrimp all the time and then in my 30's I almost died from eating it. Now, I can't even touch it because I react that much.

Ugh! I just want answers NOW! She is still in the waiting room. The good news is that her three day headache seems to be gone at the moment. But she said she was up most of the night either freezing or sweating so I am guessing the fever is still there.

 

[HERSEY]

I figured. I know it works that way with food. I used to eat shrimp all the time and then in my 30's I almost died from eating it. Now, I can't even touch it because I react that much.

Ugh! I just want answers NOW! She is still in the waiting room. The good news is that her three day headache seems to be gone at the moment. But she said she was up most of the night either freezing or sweating so I am guessing the fever is still there.

I am like that with most tree nuts. I remember once I kissed my then husband, who prior to picking me up ate some trail mix, and my lips swelled up. Not a good look I looked like a bad commercial for botox

 

[LisaR]

Finally! DD is now allergic to penicillin. They switched her antibiotic and gave her Benadryl. DD said everyone at the school clinic was so nice. She said the doctor really took her time and made her feel less anxious! The place she went off campus yesterday was horrible. She said the doctor was in the room for about 4 seconds. Glad she got a good check up today. The doctor thinks she has strep. She said it is kind of late in the game to swab her because she is actually getting better symptom wise and the treatment would be the same anyway. She skipped her classes today and plans on staying in bed the rest of the day.

Now to stay healthy myself. When we went to lunch on Thursday, she had a headache which I didn't think anything of. She was also reaching across the table and eating my food! If she gets me sick again, I'm going to smack her.......when she is feeling better, of course!

Thanks for letting me "talk" it out on this thread.