Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[Katy Belle]

Thanks for all the care package ideas! I will send something to DS soon. We've seen him so much, that it feels almost silly to send stuff, but he will like it!

His school is only 2 hours away. He's been home 3 times already, once just to visit, once because his Grandparents came, and once for a funeral. Then Saturday he met us at a Band Contest that his brother was competing in. So we got to see him for part of a day then. I do feel a little like mom2rtk, in that I don't get a very big piece of the time when he's here. But its ok. I'm thrilled he has friends that are also dying to see him. When he was home for his friend's Dad's funeral, he was going to lunch with some of his friends. He invited me to go along! I passed, felt a little awkward, I don't know these particular friends that well. But it was sweet that he understood that I too would want to spend some time with him. At the Band Contest I did sit with him and his friends for about 45 minutes.

Had a scare that made me feel like we were crazy for pretending that out little boy is a grown up!!! After the band contest he left to go back to school and we left to go back home. It took him a while to get out of the parking lot, it was so crowded. Anyway, at 11:45 pm he called me, we were already about 1/2 way home. He said his low tire pressure light had come on. He had stopped and checked the pressure and one was a little lower than the rest. He aired up all 4 a bit, and tested again. Light still on. So DH told him to air them up to 32 or 33 and that it was probably just because it was the first time it had been cold since we got the car. So he aired them up and checked again. Warning light still on. So he repeated the process again. All the while DH is driving and we are getting further and further away.... really bothered me!!! Warning light remained on. DH thought he was probably fine to drive the hour home. It was after mid-night by this time! Luckily DS was thinking clearly and he told us that he had called Andy, his best friend, and he would be spending the night with Andy and Andy's Dad! Andy lives in our town with Mom and Step Dad, but Andy's Dad lives in the town where the contest was! Made ME feel much, much better. The warning light went away on his drive to Andy's Dad's. He slept until nearly NOON and the car was fine after that! He left in time to get back to school for Calc tutoring. I felt like he handled it all very well. I just wanted to go back and GET HIM! LOL!

He comes home this weekend. Fall Break, just Friday, for him. Some of his best friends will be in a play at the HS, so he wants to see that. We might take a group to a haunted house place, hoping he and some of his friends will join us, along with my younger DSs and some of their friends!

Have a great week!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Thanks for all the care package ideas! I will send something to DS soon. We've seen him so much, that it feels almost silly to send stuff, but he will like it!

His school is only 2 hours away. He's been home 3 times already, once just to visit, once because his Grandparents came, and once for a funeral. Then Saturday he met us at a Band Contest that his brother was competing in. So we got to see him for part of a day then. I do feel a little like mom2rtk, in that I don't get a very big piece of the time when he's here. But its ok. I'm thrilled he has friends that are also dying to see him. When he was home for his friend's Dad's funeral, he was going to lunch with some of his friends. He invited me to go along! I passed, felt a little awkward, I don't know these particular friends that well. But it was sweet that he understood that I too would want to spend some time with him. At the Band Contest I did sit with him and his friends for about 45 minutes.

Had a scare that made me feel like we were crazy for pretending that out little boy is a grown up!!! After the band contest he left to go back to school and we left to go back home. It took him a while to get out of the parking lot, it was so crowded. Anyway, at 11:45 pm he called me, we were already about 1/2 way home. He said his low tire pressure light had come on. He had stopped and checked the pressure and one was a little lower than the rest. He aired up all 4 a bit, and tested again. Light still on. So DH told him to air them up to 32 or 33 and that it was probably just because it was the first time it had been cold since we got the car. So he aired them up and checked again. Warning light still on. So he repeated the process again. All the while DH is driving and we are getting further and further away.... really bothered me!!! Warning light remained on. DH thought he was probably fine to drive the hour home. It was after mid-night by this time! Luckily DS was thinking clearly and he told us that he had called Andy, his best friend, and he would be spending the night with Andy and Andy's Dad! Andy lives in our town with Mom and Step Dad, but Andy's Dad lives in the town where the contest was! Made ME feel much, much better. The warning light went away on his drive to Andy's Dad's. He slept until nearly NOON and the car was fine after that! He left in time to get back to school for Calc tutoring. I felt like he handled it all very well. I just wanted to go back and GET HIM! LOL!

He comes home this weekend. Fall Break, just Friday, for him. Some of his best friends will be in a play at the HS, so he wants to see that. We might take a group to a haunted house place, hoping he and some of his friends will join us, along with my younger DSs and some of their friends!

Have a great week!

It's so cool when they make a mature decision like that before we think of it!

 

[LisaR]

Ugh! DD called tonight to ask if I would be okay with her driving 3.5 hours to Halloween Horror Night. Um.......NO! I'm not at all comfortable with it. She would drive, there would be three other kids with her, they would get a hotel that night and drive home the next day. DH was already in bed so I told her I would have to discuss it when he gets home from work tomorrow.

Here are the thoughts going through my head (in no particular order):

* She just drove 3.5 hours back to school by herself without any problems.
* More people in the car equals more distractions.
* She is a good driver and takes it very seriously.
* She HATES scary things so why the heck is she going anyway?
* It is all expressway driving so she'll be doing at least 70 the entire way.
* The drive to and from school is at much slower speeds since most of the drive is on county roads.
* She does have a lot of expressway driving experience.
* If I don't let her drive, she would probably still go and just find a ride in another car with someone who is also 18 and has just as much (or little) driving experience as she does.
* She is a big girl now and this is all part of growing up - Doesn't mean I have to like it!

On top of that, our plans of going to Disney over parents weekend is off. She found out today that she is required to volunteer four hours of her time at some point during that weekend as part of the honors program.

Wish DH was awake! Oh well. I'm sure it will all work out.

On the plus side, we are at the half way point this week. Only eight more weeks until she will be on Christmas break!!

 

[minniebeth]

But it was sort of a hard weekend. I felt like everyone got a piece of him but me.

Time for me to channel my inner Dory..... and just keep swimming.

and for you too, Katy Belle

LisaR, I'd be uneasy with the Halloween Horror Night too, but at least your DD is asking, which is pretty mature. I think many college kids think they are independent now and just go do what they want without parents knowing/permission (or approval). This is finding that balance of the "emerging adult" that many of us may struggle with.

 

[mom2rtk]

Wow, Lisa. I'm not sure how I'd respond to that. My inclination would be to say no, but I probably wouldn't have to because my husband would probably jump in and say no.

I know that's the sort of fun thing kids do in college, but I'd probably feel better about it in another year or two. But you do make a good point that if she doesn't drive, she'll likely just go as a passenger with someone else you don't know, who might not be as careful a driver.

Then I think back to when my dad dropped me off at college just north of Chicago and said "I don't want to hear about you going into Chicago." So he never heard about it! Not that I partied, but yes, I did go into the city a few times. Heck, my journalism teacher required that we go down to City Hall to research a project!

I'm sorry your Disney plans are off. If it were me, I would have totally been looking forward to embracing my inner child with my own child for the weekend. Not that my son would even go, mind you..... But that's how I'd feel if my daughter were older and we had a Disney trip planned so soon after leaving for college.

Good luck with it. Let us know what you decide!

 

[mom2rtk]

and for you too, Katy Belle

Thanks Minniebeth.

 

[luvavacation]

LisaR, I have only a moment but wanted to tell you that it is truly mature of your daughter, and speaks well of how you raised her, that she is coming to you with her plans and welcoming a discussion. There is no easy answer though!

My inclination would be to say, "No". I worry about my DD driving home from school too, and she is also 3.5 hours away, both highway and country roads. I worry when she rides with someone too. I just worry.

However, I also know that if I don't allow my DD to make some decisions on her own, she won't call me anymore!

In this case, I would tell my DD my thoughts, and why I have those thoughts. In fact, I believe writing them down in an email might even be more effective, because then she has to read and process what you said, as it is right in front of her (too easy to tune out someone on the phone, no?).

After trying to be concise in explaining my thoughts, I would finish with, "I trust you, you are growing up and able to make your own decisions now on what is best for you, I ask only that consider what I have to say before you decide what to do."

At least, that is what I would maybe perhaps do. Or I go and disable her car in the middle of the night and tell all her teachers to give her lots of homework that weekend so she can't go anywhere. Something like that!

 

[mom2rtk]

At least, that is what I would maybe perhaps do. Or I go and disable her car in the middle of the night and tell all her teachers to give her lots of homework that weekend so she can't go anywhere. Something like that!

LOL, I like your style.

 

[lurkernj]

I don't post often here, but I do keep up with the thread.

My DS is also a freshman this year. He is about 4.5 hrs away in the Boston area. He absolutely loves it and is doing well academically and socially.

I think hearing how well he is doing definitely makes me feel good, and while I do miss him, I'm not sad as I think it's a great experience for him.

I do have to share with you what happened this past weekend when he came home for the weekend, as I'm sure you all can appreciate this.

He was coming home to attend an event with a friend. He took the bus from Boston into NY Penn station, then the NJ transit train into a neighboring town. He had his backpack (with books/laptop), and a suitcase (with suit, dress shoes, and organic chem book).

When he got in the car, we started chatting for about 30 seconds when he suddenly dropped the f-bomb (this kid never curses in front of me, It felt like A Christmas Story with Ralphie, only he didn't say fudge, lol). He quickly said, "sorry Mom, but I forgot my suitcase on the train It was 10 o'clock at night and we couldn't get in touch with anyone to help us. My DH said it will get taken off the train in Trenton and put in a lost and found (if no one steals it).

I barely slept that night thinking about the suit that got worn twice and the brand new shoes that still hadn't been worn, as well as the $300 organic chem book that he can't be without as it's a very difficult course But I was determined not to make a big deal out of it since our time with him was short.

Next morning I called and was told by a not so helpful person to file a claim on-line and we'd hear back within 24 hrs. Well, 24 hrs comes and goes and nothing. We put him back on the train to go to NY Penn station so he could get his bus on Sunday and get a call 15 minutes later that the suitcase is in the lost and found in NY Penn station. Could not believe this. When his train reached Penn station he went to the lost and found, retrieved his bag and got on his bus I told him he better buy a lottery ticket, cause that couldn't have ended any better. Definitely someone looking out for him.

Aside from the suitcase episode, we had a great visit with him and I definitely feel a change in his attitude towards us, like we are moving away from the bossy parent/teen attitude role and into a fun friendly relationship. He talked to us alot about his friends, roommate, and activities and didn't treat me like I was "in his business".

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm going to add some advice which you can feel free to completely ignore about the Halloween Fright Night issue and general college parenting.

STOP getting involved in these kinds of decisions!!!!!! Your daughter is not in high school anymore, when she needed your permission to do these kinds of things. STOP being involved at this level. Say "Sounds like fun! Be careful, you know I'm a mom and I worry!" if you must, but stay out of her decision making at this point.

Trust me, you will be so glad you did ultimately. If you are too nervous this time then force yourself to butt out and look at it as practice for yourself in the art of letting your college students grow up.

STOP being so worried about them driving, and if you can't stop then stop saying it out loud. They don't need their mom to be a ninny about road trips. Remember, I'm the mom whose daughter had car trouble during her 14 hour drive back to school and had to coast to the side of the road after her car lost power and was towed to a motel by the AAA guy. I would have LOVED the tire signal - we get that all the time and it's just a function of the weather changing.

Really, I mean this all kindly but you HAVE to stop being so involved in this kind of stuff. You aren't doing your students any favors by holding them back. And someone was right when they said they were lucky the students were telling their parents this kind of stuff anyway - most college kids don't ask permission to make their own plans.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't post often here, but I do keep up with the thread.

My DS is also a freshman this year. He is about 4.5 hrs away in the Boston area. He absolutely loves it and is doing well academically and socially.

I think hearing how well he is doing definitely makes me feel good, and while I do miss him, I'm not sad as I think it's a great experience for him.

I do have to share with you what happened this past weekend when he came home for the weekend, as I'm sure you all can appreciate this.

He was coming home to attend an event with a friend. He took the bus from Boston into NY Penn station, then the NJ transit train into a neighboring town. He had his backpack (with books/laptop), and a suitcase (with suit, dress shoes, and organic chem book).

When he got in the car, we started chatting for about 30 seconds when he suddenly dropped the f-bomb (this kid never curses in front of me, It felt like A Christmas Story with Ralphie, only he didn't say fudge, lol). He quickly said, "sorry Mom, but I forgot my suitcase on the train It was 10 o'clock at night and we couldn't get in touch with anyone to help us. My DH said it will get taken off the train in Trenton and put in a lost and found (if no one steals it).

I barely slept that night thinking about the suit that got worn twice and the brand new shoes that still hadn't been worn, as well as the $300 organic chem book that he can't be without as it's a very difficult course But I was determined not to make a big deal out of it since our time with him was short.

Next morning I called and was told by a not so helpful person to file a claim on-line and we'd hear back within 24 hrs. Well, 24 hrs comes and goes and nothing. We put him back on the train to go to NY Penn station so he could get his bus on Sunday and get a call 15 minutes later that the suitcase is in the lost and found in NY Penn station. Could not believe this. When his train reached Penn station he went to the lost and found, retrieved his bag and got on his bus I told him he better buy a lottery ticket, cause that couldn't have ended any better. Definitely someone looking out for him.

Aside from the suitcase episode, we had a great visit with him and I definitely feel a change in his attitude towards us, like we are moving away from the bossy parent/teen attitude role and into a fun friendly relationship. He talked to us alot about his friends, roommate, and activities and didn't treat me like I was "in his business".

WOW! Definitely have him buy a lottery ticket. I'd say buy 2, but with that kind of luck, it sounds like he only needs one!

On the up side, I bet he won't make that mistake again. I just love when they learn a lesson without a permanent sort of punishment.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm going to add some advice which you can feel free to completely ignore about the Halloween Fright Night issue and general college parenting.

STOP getting involved in these kinds of decisions!!!!!! Your daughter is not in high school anymore, when she needed your permission to do these kinds of things. STOP being involved at this level. Say "Sounds like fun! Be careful, you know I'm a mom and I worry!" if you must, but stay out of her decision making at this point.

Trust me, you will be so glad you did ultimately. If you are too nervous this time then force yourself to butt out and look at it as practice for yourself in the art of letting your college students grow up.

STOP being so worried about them driving, and if you can't stop then stop saying it out loud. They don't need their mom to be a ninny about road trips. Remember, I'm the mom whose daughter had car trouble during her 14 hour drive back to school and had to coast to the side of the road after her car lost power and was towed to a motel by the AAA guy. I would have LOVED the tire signal - we get that all the time and it's just a function of the weather changing.

Really, I mean this all kindly but you HAVE to stop being so involved in this kind of stuff. You aren't doing your students any favors by holding them back. And someone was right when they said they were lucky the students were telling their parents this kind of stuff anyway - most college kids don't ask permission to make their own plans.

I think most of us are trying to ease out of the involvement with our kids' decisions. But I don't think it's a "one size fits all" sort of a deal. Some of these kids have only just turned 18. Some are better at making decisions than others. Some desire more parental input than others.

I view parental involvement as being on a sort of dimmer switch. I want to turn it off, but I want to do so gradually. You view it as an on/off switch and want to flip the switch when they leave for school.

I would expect to be more in line with your thinking late in the freshman year, or certainly by the start of sophomore year. Some of the kids in this thread just left for school a few weeks ago.

 

[LisaR]

I'm going to add some advice which you can feel free to completely ignore about the Halloween Fright Night issue and general college parenting.

STOP getting involved in these kinds of decisions!!!!!! Your daughter is not in high school anymore, when she needed your permission to do these kinds of things. STOP being involved at this level. Say "Sounds like fun! Be careful, you know I'm a mom and I worry!" if you must, but stay out of her decision making at this point.

Trust me, you will be so glad you did ultimately. If you are too nervous this time then force yourself to butt out and look at it as practice for yourself in the art of letting your college students grow up.

STOP being so worried about them driving, and if you can't stop then stop saying it out loud. They don't need their mom to be a ninny about road trips. Remember, I'm the mom whose daughter had car trouble during her 14 hour drive back to school and had to coast to the side of the road after her car lost power and was towed to a motel by the AAA guy. I would have LOVED the tire signal - we get that all the time and it's just a function of the weather changing.

Really, I mean this all kindly but you HAVE to stop being so involved in this kind of stuff. You aren't doing your students any favors by holding them back. And someone was right when they said they were lucky the students were telling their parents this kind of stuff anyway - most college kids don't ask permission to make their own plans.

Actually, I do need to be involved in this decision. The car DD is driving is not hers. It isn't really even ours. It is a company car through DH's work. It is a perk....one that the company can take away at anytime. We have two such cars. The one DH drives doesn't have any stipulations. The one DD drives must be a low mileage vehicle per the company. We debated about allowing her to take this car to college for many reasons; one of which was the mileage. So, yeah, she does need to ask permission to take it on a 7 hour trip. She doesn't need permission to go on the trip, but she does need permission to take the car on the trip.

Having said that, I think DD is making 98% of all life decisions on her own at this point. I don't think that is too awful bad for a kid who has only been away from home for eight weeks and is still 97% dependent on her parents for food, shelter, and most cost of living expenses. I'm comfortable with the pace she is taking and think she will adjust into full adulthood very well.

It will be quite awhile before I stop worrying about her driving 3.5 hours on an expressway. She is still considered a rookie when it comes to driving along with all the other 18 y/o out on the road.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

anyone have kids coming home for fall break?

 

[marcyinPA]

anyone have kids coming home for fall break?

No fall break at my DS's school. He does get Columbus Day off though. He is going to spend the weekend with his girlfriend. It is all good. He has been home every weekend but one since school started.

 

[marcyinPA]

My DS texted me yesterday asking me if he could go on some fall retreat thing in November with the Christian fellowship group. I called him back and told him he didn't need to as my permission, but he needed to base his decision on two things: does he have $150 to spend on it, and are his grades at a point that he can afford a weekend away not doing schoolwork. I told him the decision had to be his. At the end of our 30 minute conversation , he decided he wasn't going to go. (I think he assumed I would pay for the trip, which I won't ).

I was surprised that there was no drama or fighting. I guess he is maturing!

 

[PlutoPony]

anyone have kids coming home for fall break?

Yep, next weekend

First time home in 8 weeks. Pretty good for a kid who's only been away from home on his own for a week before - and that was earlier this summer for beach week.

AND he's managed to get a ride back and forth so we don't have to drive the 4 hours there to get him!

They only have Friday off and he has a test Monday when he gets back. So he's already mentioned that he'll need to do a fair amount of work while he's home. Looking forward to seeing how he's changed after being on his own for a couple months!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

No fall break at my DS's school. He does get Columbus Day off though. He is going to spend the weekend with his girlfriend. It is all good. He has been home every weekend but one since school started.

My guy has Monday and Tuesday off for some reason. But so far the conversation has been "I should come home one day over the weekend". I'm not sure why he "should". But of course would be excited to have him here. However of course because I wasn't planning to have him around I did make plans with some girlfriends so it feels weird to have him thinking about coming home and I won't be here. On the positive note, he is only 1/2 hour away so we can be pretty flexible to go get him. I'm going to have a better conversation with him tonight to see what's up. Too funny from an overall perspective of how far he has come.

My DS texted me yesterday asking me if he could go on some fall retreat thing in November with the Christian fellowship group. I called him back and told him he didn't need to as my permission, but he needed to base his decision on two things: does he have $150 to spend on it, and are his grades at a point that he can afford a weekend away not doing schoolwork. I told him the decision had to be his. At the end of our 30 minute conversation , he decided he wasn't going to go. (I think he assumed I would pay for the trip, which I won't ).

I was surprised that there was no drama or fighting. I guess he is maturing!

I totally get your thinking however.....I'd be all over paying the $150 if my son wanted to go on a retreat!!!!
Now we did have the same conversation over a concert. It's a Thursday night and the tickets were $65. I had to let him make the decision. Funny how mine still is asking permission. I do appreciate the discussion. I hope those don't stop so I can further help him think things through, but as you said in the end it is their decision.

You are truly blessed to have a son that wants to do the retreats and so on. So many lost souls out there. Brings me back to a post I did last week and was vague. Young man that turned to things other than his creator.

Wonder if they have any retreats that the kids play or create video games for the weekend??? Oh well I'll take my Geek over the alternative of other situations.

Have a magical day everyone. Hope lots of you get to see your Babies!

 

[marcyinPA]

My guy has Monday and Tuesday off for some reason. But so far the conversation has been "I should come home one day over the weekend". I'm not sure why he "should". But of course would be excited to have him here. However of course because I wasn't planning to have him around I did make plans with some girlfriends so it feels weird to have him thinking about coming home and I won't be here. On the positive note, he is only 1/2 hour away so we can be pretty flexible to go get him. I'm going to have a better conversation with him tonight to see what's up. Too funny from an overall perspective of how far he has come.



I totally get your thinking however.....I'd be all over paying the $150 if my son wanted to go on a retreat!!!!
Now we did have the same conversation over a concert. It's a Thursday night and the tickets were $65. I had to let him make the decision. Funny how mine still is asking permission. I do appreciate the discussion. I hope those don't stop so I can further help him think things through, but as you said in the end it is their decision.

You are truly blessed to have a son that wants to do the retreats and so on. So many lost souls out there. Brings me back to a post I did last week and was vague. Young man that turned to things other than his creator.

Wonder if they have any retreats that the kids play or create video games for the weekend??? Oh well I'll take my Geek over the alternative of other situations.

Have a magical day everyone. Hope lots of you get to see your Babies!

Believe me, if I had the extra money to give right now, I would. We are going to CA in December (we are paying his way), plus we just dropped $1000 into my van in the past two weeks so money has been really tight here. I am glad he considered going- but he needed to be realistic about money and school work. He hasn't told me much about a couple of his classes, which makes me wonder if he is not doing too well in them. I have heard the good stuff- but I don't know if I've heard the bad stuff. You know what I mean?!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I have been busy reclaiming closets. My house looks like a episode of hoaders. My garbage pickup this week should be interesting. I have no idea why I held on to old stuffed animals and toys from my sons earlier years. Did I really think he was going to get younger?

So hard to let go of those memories isn't it? I have so much "stuff" around the house... Heck I still have stuffed animals from when I was little

DH and I had a perfect empty nester day yesterday. Our boys are both close, 3 hours and 1 1/2 hours away in the same direction. (well, almost the same) Our youngest just left a few weeks ago, but already needed some things from home. (I didn't even say "I told you so!" I just enjoyed that he was willing for us to come visit!)

We drove the 3 hours, had lunch and delivered stuff, then drove back to our other son, dh and son did some minor car repairs together on the car he has right now for his internship, had dinner, and then came home. We drove back in our driveway exactly 12 hours after we left.

A perfect day, made even more perfect by hearing lots of details about younger son's experiences so far. I'm sure he's in the right place!

It was still hard coming home to the empty nest with no dog to greet us (remember she passed away right before our younger son left) but it's starting to feel more "normal."

I have a feeling we're going to be repeating this trip every month or so. We're thinking maybe Veteran's Day to watch younger son march.

Glad you had a good time catching up, even though it was hard to come home to the really empty nest. Everyone's new "normal" just doesn't feel right yet. I don't know if it ever will...

So, our plans to visit Kentucky this past weekend to do some college visits for my younger DD changed. DS did call and say he was a little sad because it was Homecoming and all the plans he seemed to make for the game all changed when his girlfriend decided to go home for the weekend. So we decided on an impromptu tailgate to go visit him! I ran around getting all the necessary items (Target charcoal mini-grill on clearance for $9 woo-hoo!).
It POURED the whole day, but fortunately, the rain stopped long enough for my family and a few of the kids' friends to set up in the squishy grass and cook and hang out and enjoy some good food and company. We never made it to the game because of the weather, but the tailgate and visit were awesome!

That sounds like a fun day! Even with the rain, lots of good memories made!

I'm recovering from my 7 hour drive today. My husband went the 3 1/2 hours there and back Friday to pick him up, then I did it today just prior to the crack of dawn to have him back for his first class of the day.

I'm glad we did it, and I'd do it again. But it was sort of a hard weekend. I felt like everyone got a piece of him but me. I guess I need to take up playing basketball or football if I want any time when he comes home. Sigh. It doesn't help that he is still struggling with some homesickness. Regardless, if he wants to come home again in a few weeks, we'll do it again.

On the up side he got a 96 on his last calculus exam and feels good about the chem test he took Friday.

Time for me to channel my inner Dory..... and just keep swimming.

I was wondering how the drive was. Did he open up to you on Monday, or was he sleeping and quiet? I know what you mean about everyone else getting a "piece of him". DS is planning on coming home in a week and he is lining up his plans with his friends. I asked that he get that figured out because we do want to spend time with him too. I am supposed to work late on the Friday that we pick him up, and I already told DH that I am trying to get earlier hours, because I WILL be in the car when you go get him. I'm not missing that car ride home!

Congrats on the great scores for him!

His school is only 2 hours away. He's been home 3 times already, once just to visit, once because his Grandparents came, and once for a funeral. Then Saturday he met us at a Band Contest that his brother was competing in. So we got to see him for part of a day then. I do feel a little like mom2rtk, in that I don't get a very big piece of the time when he's here. But its ok. I'm thrilled he has friends that are also dying to see him. When he was home for his friend's Dad's funeral, he was going to lunch with some of his friends. He invited me to go along! I passed, felt a little awkward, I don't know these particular friends that well. But it was sweet that he understood that I too would want to spend some time with him. At the Band Contest I did sit with him and his friends for about 45 minutes.

Had a scare that made me feel like we were crazy for pretending that out little boy is a grown up!!! After the band contest he left to go back to school and we left to go back home. It took him a while to get out of the parking lot, it was so crowded. Anyway, at 11:45 pm he called me, we were already about 1/2 way home. He said his low tire pressure light had come on. He had stopped and checked the pressure and one was a little lower than the rest. He aired up all 4 a bit, and tested again. Light still on. So DH told him to air them up to 32 or 33 and that it was probably just because it was the first time it had been cold since we got the car. So he aired them up and checked again. Warning light still on. So he repeated the process again. All the while DH is driving and we are getting further and further away.... really bothered me!!! Warning light remained on. DH thought he was probably fine to drive the hour home. It was after mid-night by this time! Luckily DS was thinking clearly and he told us that he had called Andy, his best friend, and he would be spending the night with Andy and Andy's Dad! Andy lives in our town with Mom and Step Dad, but Andy's Dad lives in the town where the contest was! Made ME feel much, much better. The warning light went away on his drive to Andy's Dad's. He slept until nearly NOON and the car was fine after that! He left in time to get back to school for Calc tutoring. I felt like he handled it all very well. I just wanted to go back and GET HIM! LOL!

He comes home this weekend. Fall Break, just Friday, for him. Some of his best friends will be in a play at the HS, so he wants to see that. We might take a group to a haunted house place, hoping he and some of his friends will join us, along with my younger DSs and some of their friends!

Have a great week!

Wow, sounds like your son is being super considerate and finding ways to "include" you. That is awesome! Enjoy the weekend!

Ugh! DD called tonight to ask if I would be okay with her driving 3.5 hours to Halloween Horror Night. Um.......NO! I'm not at all comfortable with it. She would drive, there would be three other kids with her, they would get a hotel that night and drive home the next day. DH was already in bed so I told her I would have to discuss it when he gets home from work tomorrow.

Here are the thoughts going through my head (in no particular order):

* She just drove 3.5 hours back to school by herself without any problems.
* More people in the car equals more distractions.
* She is a good driver and takes it very seriously.
* She HATES scary things so why the heck is she going anyway?
* It is all expressway driving so she'll be doing at least 70 the entire way.
* The drive to and from school is at much slower speeds since most of the drive is on county roads.
* She does have a lot of expressway driving experience.
* If I don't let her drive, she would probably still go and just find a ride in another car with someone who is also 18 and has just as much (or little) driving experience as she does.
* She is a big girl now and this is all part of growing up - Doesn't mean I have to like it!

On top of that, our plans of going to Disney over parents weekend is off. She found out today that she is required to volunteer four hours of her time at some point during that weekend as part of the honors program.

Wish DH was awake! Oh well. I'm sure it will all work out.

On the plus side, we are at the half way point this week. Only eight more weeks until she will be on Christmas break!!

Ackkkk, what a decision to make. Lots of worry for us mom's! Sorry about your trip to Disney being canceled. that stinks. So what was decided?

I think many college kids think they are independent now and just go do what they want without parents knowing/permission (or approval). This is finding that balance of the "emerging adult" that many of us may struggle with.

You are so very right about the "emerging adult". I know I was doing a lot more crazy stuff, and had done even crazier stuff than DS has (at least I think... he may be hiding very well!) anyhow, I still have a hard time letting go, but at least we can be very proud our emerging adults are doing the college thing and working toward improving their lives with college degrees!

I don't post often here, but I do keep up with the thread.

My DS is also a freshman this year. He is about 4.5 hrs away in the Boston area. He absolutely loves it and is doing well academically and socially.

I think hearing how well he is doing definitely makes me feel good, and while I do miss him, I'm not sad as I think it's a great experience for him.

I do have to share with you what happened this past weekend when he came home for the weekend, as I'm sure you all can appreciate this.

He was coming home to attend an event with a friend. He took the bus from Boston into NY Penn station, then the NJ transit train into a neighboring town. He had his backpack (with books/laptop), and a suitcase (with suit, dress shoes, and organic chem book).

When he got in the car, we started chatting for about 30 seconds when he suddenly dropped the f-bomb (this kid never curses in front of me, It felt like A Christmas Story with Ralphie, only he didn't say fudge, lol). He quickly said, "sorry Mom, but I forgot my suitcase on the train It was 10 o'clock at night and we couldn't get in touch with anyone to help us. My DH said it will get taken off the train in Trenton and put in a lost and found (if no one steals it).

I barely slept that night thinking about the suit that got worn twice and the brand new shoes that still hadn't been worn, as well as the $300 organic chem book that he can't be without as it's a very difficult course But I was determined not to make a big deal out of it since our time with him was short.

Next morning I called and was told by a not so helpful person to file a claim on-line and we'd hear back within 24 hrs. Well, 24 hrs comes and goes and nothing. We put him back on the train to go to NY Penn station so he could get his bus on Sunday and get a call 15 minutes later that the suitcase is in the lost and found in NY Penn station. Could not believe this. When his train reached Penn station he went to the lost and found, retrieved his bag and got on his bus I told him he better buy a lottery ticket, cause that couldn't have ended any better. Definitely someone looking out for him.

Aside from the suitcase episode, we had a great visit with him and I definitely feel a change in his attitude towards us, like we are moving away from the bossy parent/teen attitude role and into a fun friendly relationship. He talked to us alot about his friends, roommate, and activities and didn't treat me like I was "in his business".

OK, I am officially jealous! DS is still in the "I'm in his business" mode. Trying to find that balance. I am not calling him, or bugging him, I let him call me, but still he gets that attitude sometimes of me being "in his business". I am happy for you that you have crossed that bridge. I'm still waiting to meet him in the middle of that bridge somewhere... Any words of wisdom on that?

I think most of us are trying to ease out of the involvement with our kids' decisions. But I don't think it's a "one size fits all" sort of a deal. Some of these kids have only just turned 18. Some are better at making decisions than others. Some desire more parental input than others.

I view parental involvement as being on a sort of dimmer switch. I want to turn it off, but I want to do so gradually. You view it as an on/off switch and want to flip the switch when they leave for school.

I would expect to be more in line with your thinking late in the freshman year, or certainly by the start of sophomore year. Some of the kids in this thread just left for school a few weeks ago.

Well said! couldn't agree with you more!

My DS texted me yesterday asking me if he could go on some fall retreat thing in November with the Christian fellowship group. I called him back and told him he didn't need to as my permission, but he needed to base his decision on two things: does he have $150 to spend on it, and are his grades at a point that he can afford a weekend away not doing schoolwork. I told him the decision had to be his. At the end of our 30 minute conversation , he decided he wasn't going to go. (I think he assumed I would pay for the trip, which I won't ).

I was surprised that there was no drama or fighting. I guess he is maturing!

Nice conversation. Definitely maturing. I like how you handled that, and I will surely put some of those to use in the future.