Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[marcyinPA]

Yeah, I feel like I'm finally starting to get used to the "new normal" here. I just didn't want a "new normal". Well, I did. But I didn't. And I'm sure everyone here feels the same way. And I'm aware it will be so much harder when the last one goes. I'm afraid my brain just can't even contemplate that right now. But the stories that help the most is hearing how much easier it gets the second year.

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LOL, I just got off the phone with my son discussing how to deal with the dress clothes I just mailed him. I started to tell him to ask around if anyone had an iron. Then I remembered he is on a campus with 75% males. And all males on his floor. The odds are not with him! I guess he'll find an iron to borrow ...... or he'll go wrinkled. I did tell him I'd get him an iron when he's home over Labor Day. But the odds are he'll still turn me down.

My DS asked me if he should by an iron, and I laughed. He has never plugged an iron in, never mind actually use one. This may sound sexist of me, but I told him to make friends with girls. I' m sure if he needs something ironed, he can find someone to do it for him

 

[mom2rtk]

My DS asked me if he should by an iron, and I laughed. He has never plugged an iron in, never mind actually use one. This may sound sexist of me, but I told him to make friends with girls. I' m sure if he needs something ironed, he can find someone to do it for him

Downy wrinkle release..... man, I wish I had sent some WITH the dress clothes! I had to laugh when he texted me to send them. We had argued about it the night before he left, but I didn't want to fight and told him to do what he wanted.

And his school is 75% male, so he's going to have a real task on his hands if "make friends with a girl" is what I suggest!

My dd had to read that book last year for her freshman year too!! funny how so many schools do the same thing.

I'm about half way through it. I really do see how it lends itself well to that sort of use. I think it's a great idea to use it the way they described. And having worked in the health care industry for years including some years as a pharmaceutical sales rep, I'm interested in issues related to bioethics. So I am not minding reading it.

 

[LisaR]

DD has hit her first snafu. There were suppose to be three girls in total in their room. One girl never showed up! I guess she decided at the last minute to go to a different college. DD and her roommate were told they would get a new roommate eventually.

DD and her roommate opened their door today only to be taken aback by the overwhelming smell of cigarettes. The new roommate is a smoker. While she doesn't smoke in the room, she STINKS according to the girls. They had a group of four friends stop by and the first thing they all noticed was the smell. The girls are so mad and I don't blame them. They went and talked to the RA who was sympathetic, but couldn't do anything except suggest room spray. The girls are now combing through the university directory to see who they can contact about this. I don't know how they deal with this type of thing. Like DD said, she is sure the girl is nice, but their entire place stinks now and they don't want that to smell up their clothes and bedding. Ugh! I knew things were going along too easily.

 

[mom2travel]

DD has hit her first snafu. There were suppose to be three girls in total in their room. One girl never showed up! I guess she decided at the last minute to go to a different college. DD and her roommate were told they would get a new roommate eventually.

DD and her roommate opened their door today only to be taken aback by the overwhelming smell of cigarettes. The new roommate is a smoker. While she doesn't smoke in the room, she STINKS according to the girls. They had a group of four friends stop by and the first thing they all noticed was the smell. The girls are so mad and I don't blame them. They went and talked to the RA who was sympathetic, but couldn't do anything except suggest room spray. The girls are now combing through the university directory to see who they can contact about this. I don't know how they deal with this type of thing. Like DD said, she is sure the girl is nice, but their entire place stinks now and they don't want that to smell up their clothes and bedding. Ugh! I knew things were going along too easily.

Ugh I feel so bad for them! I hope they can solve the issue quickly. I thought smoker vs non-smoker was like the first criteria used for assigning roommates. I also feel bad for the new girl since it must be awkward. Maybe they'll find another mismatched roommate situation and be able to switch.

 

[LisaR]

Ugh I feel so bad for them! I hope they can solve the issue quickly. I thought smoker vs non-smoker was like the first criteria used for assigning roommates. I also feel bad for the new girl since it must be awkward. Maybe they'll find another mismatched roommate situation and be able to switch.

Smoker versus non-smoker was definitely the first criteria when matching up roommates, but now that there are empty rooms from people who didn't show up, decided to commute, moved off campus, or had roommate issues, their focus seems to just be getting them into a room instead of matching them up with a good fit.

I do feel really bad for the girl and that is what DD said. She said that was not the best way to meet the new roommate by opening the door and saying, "OMG! Why does it smell so bad in here? Oh.....hi" They didn't know someone would be moving in while they were in class so they really didn't know where the smell was coming from until they saw the girl.

 

[mom2rtk]

Smoker versus non-smoker was definitely the first criteria when matching up roommates, but now that there are empty rooms from people who didn't show up, decided to commute, moved off campus, or had roommate issues, their focus seems to just be getting them into a room instead of matching them up with a good fit.

I do feel really bad for the girl and that is what DD said. She said that was not the best way to meet the new roommate by opening the door and saying, "OMG! Why does it smell so bad in here? Oh.....hi" They didn't know someone would be moving in while they were in class so they really didn't know where the smell was coming from until they saw the girl.

Oh man, that really stinks (ok, sorry.... couldn't resist. ). But it really does. That probably ranks up there with one of the worst mismatches you could get. I'm curious where that girl came from. Did she come from another dorm room? Is it possible she had the same issue with another roommate already? There really isn't any way to make that smell better. I can't imagine sleeping in another room with that smell.

I sure hope they find the right person to talk to. I'm guessing maybe the Residence Director?

Do either of the girls have asthma/allergy issues they could put out there to expedite a change?

 

[donac]

When my son went to school 5 years ago he brought an iron and ironing board. (Yes he had ironed before and if he needs to tie a tie he checks the internet) He was an engineering major and was told that how he dressed for presentations would be taken into account when he was being graded.

Good luck to everyone who has a child going off to college.

When ds2 left ds1 came home to start working, This past May he moved in with his gf and even took the dog with them. Now it is just us and the cats. ANd then dh retired in June.

So what are we going to do now. We leave tomorrow for Disney World

 

[OhMari]

Does anyone need to make lofts?
I remember that fiasco. Menards sold the kits, but didn't have all the lumber that was needed. I went a day early with my dd and my dh came up the next day and he was suppose to be here in 4hours and it took 7. He was stopping at lumber yards looking for the correct lumber. When he finally got to our dd's dorm room, our dd's roommates parents helped with one piece of lumber, but decided they needed to go eat supper. They returned at 6 and said they had to go to their hotel because they had to leave the next morning for home. It took us almost six hours to build these lofts from scratch. I remember that being so stressful. We were not the only parents doing this, you could see dads outside the dorms cutting the wood, etc. My dd lived with her same roommate the next year, and they just bunked their beds. They decided they didn't like the lofts. We had all that lumber and supplies at our house. I sold everything on Craig's List and a family picked it up and carried it away to their sons college.

 

[mom2rtk]

Does anyone need to make lofts?
I remember that fiasco. Menards sold the kits, but didn't have all the lumber that was needed. I went a day early with my dd and my dh came up the next day and he was suppose to be here in 4hours and it took 7. He was stopping at lumber yards looking for the correct lumber. When he finally got to our dd's dorm room, our dd's roommates parents helped with one piece of lumber, but decided they needed to go eat supper. They returned at 6 and said they had to go to their hotel because they had to leave the next morning for home. It took us almost six hours to build these lofts from scratch. I remember that being so stressful. We were not the only parents doing this, you could see dads outside the dorms cutting the wood, etc. My dd lived with her same roommate the next year, and they just bunked their beds. They decided they didn't like the lofts. We had all that lumber and supplies at our house. I sold everything on Craig's List and a family picked it up and carried it away to their sons college.

Wow, that's more stress than anyone needs on move-in day!

The beds at my son's school are sort of lofted already, maybe 3 feet off the floor? Not enough room to put a desk or chair under, but TONS of space for storage, while not needing a ladder to climb in or out.

He says he hasn't fallen out yet, but almost did the morning someone pulled the fire alarm at 5 AM. That's probably his least favorite moment yet. He said there were guys standing outside for a while in nothing but boxers, and it was during a pretty cool snap. Thankfully I think he had shorts and a T on.

 

[OhMari]

Wow, that's more stress than anyone needs on move-in day!

The beds at my son's school are sort of lofted already, maybe 3 feet off the floor? Not enough room to put a desk or chair under, but TONS of space for storage, while not needing a ladder to climb in or out.

He says he hasn't fallen out yet, but almost did the morning someone pulled the fire alarm at 5 AM. That's probably his least favorite moment yet. He said there were guys standing outside for a while in nothing but boxers, and it was during a pretty cool snap. Thankfully I think he had shorts and a T on.

It was stressful and my dh was the one having a hard time with our dd leaving for school. She was our first one. I think it helped him bond with her building that loft, it gave him something productive to do and I think it brought them a little closer. The last month at home was stressful for him, he was the one taking it really hard.

Tell your son, it will not be the only fire drill he will be doing.

 

[mom2travel]

Wow, that's more stress than anyone needs on move-in day!

The beds at my son's school are sort of lofted already, maybe 3 feet off the floor? Not enough room to put a desk or chair under, but TONS of space for storage, while not needing a ladder to climb in or out.

He says he hasn't fallen out yet, but almost did the morning someone pulled the fire alarm at 5 AM. That's probably his least favorite moment yet. He said there were guys standing outside for a while in nothing but boxers, and it was during a pretty cool snap. Thankfully I think he had shorts and a T on.

That sounds likes my DS's room. We raised the mattress up so he has about 30" under the bed - plenty of storage space, even his dresser fits under. At his school, if you wanted to loft the bed you needed to order the loft from housing.

No fire alarms in DS's dorm yet. We warned him about them though. I wonder if he'll wake up if there's one during the night - we've had our entire alarm system at home blaring outside his bedroom door while changing a battery and he slept through it!

 

[HERSEY]

I just moved my son in to his dorm last week. Classes started this past Monday. He was already told me to back off. I guess texting him once a day for the first couple of days was to much . It is hard to go from seeing them everyday to not seeing them.

 

[mom2rtk]

It was stressful and my dh was the one having a hard time with our dd leaving for school. She was our first one. I think it helped him bond with her building that loft, it gave him something productive to do and I think it brought them a little closer. The last month at home was stressful for him, he was the one taking it really hard.

Tell your son, it will not be the only fire drill he will be doing.

I'm not sure if I'd be happy to have something to bond over and distract us, or sad that the task got in the way.

The sad part is that he knew they would be having drills. He expected that. But this one was not a drill. So that is still to come.

That sounds likes my DS's room. We raised the mattress up so he has about 30" under the bed - plenty of storage space, even his dresser fits under. At his school, if you wanted to loft the bed you needed to order the loft from housing.

No fire alarms in DS's dorm yet. We warned him about them though. I wonder if he'll wake up if there's one during the night - we've had our entire alarm system at home blaring outside his bedroom door while changing a battery and he slept through it!

Yes, the dressers are under the beds in this arrangement. It's not pretty, but it sure is functional. I ended up getting him a locking trunk and 6 milk crates to use moving in and out, and he has all of that under his bed now. He keeps toiletries, laundry supplies, snacks etc. in the crates.

I just moved my son in to his dorm last week. Classes started this past Monday. He was already told me to back off. I guess texting him once a day for the first couple of days was to much . It is hard to go from seeing them everyday to not seeing them.

Oh, man. That would be really hard. I'm not sure if I'd be happy he was functioning well enough not to dwell on home, or must plain mad. I'm still hearing from mine most days (definitely not all), but it's usually related to a question he has or something he needs. When that sort of thing dies down, I think it will harder here.

My mom says my sister texts with her daughter off and on every day. (She's a sophomore this year). I don't expect or desire that. As much as I want to hear from him, I also want him functioning fine on his own.

Hang in there. I'm sure you'll hear more from him.

 

[mom2travel]

Oh, man. That would be really hard. I'm not sure if I'd be happy he was functioning well enough not to dwell on home, or must plain mad. I'm still hearing from mine most days (definitely not all), but it's usually related to a question he has or something he needs. When that sort of thing dies down, I think it will harder here.

My mom says my sister texts with her daughter off and on every day. (She's a sophomore this year). I don't expect or desire that. As much as I want to hear from him, I also want him functioning fine on his own.

Hang in there. I'm sure you'll hear more from him.

I'm with you - so far have heard from DS in some form or another every day. I am enjoying it while it lasts but at the same time know it will decrease as he gets settled into classes, gets busier with friends, etc which is great too (for him!)

 

[HERSEY]

It is good to hear I am not alone. In my head I know he will be fine. It was just DS and me for so long. Now I have to dog and cat for company Not a good exchange.

He is not across the country he is 4 1/2 hours away. I know he thinks he is all grown now.

 

[mom2rtk]

It is good to hear I am not alone. In my head I know he will be fine. It was just DS and me for so long. Now I have to dog and cat for company Not a good exchange.

He is not across the country he is 4 1/2 hours away. I know he thinks he is all grown now.

It's the rare child who doesn't feel some homesickness along the way. The newness will wear off for him and I bet he'll reach out to you.

I really thought I would be the last person to be homesick when I left for school. But it hit hard a month or so after I left. Back then, no cell phones, no internet. I had one hour every Saturday afternoon to talk with my mom. She set a timer, and when it was over, that was it for any connection with home until the following Saturday. It was so hard. If I had the communication devices available to me that kids today do, I would have definitely reached out. A lot.

 

[RunDanceSkate]

Mind if I join you? I am missing DS19 like crazy. Today is the worst so far probably because DD16 is gone all day.

DS actually left home over a year ago the day he wrote his last high school exams but he is only starting college now. He moved 8 hrs away to train with a new ice dance partner, but I was okay with it then. He could walk or bike everywhere he needed to go, and I had a pretty good idea of his schedule. All he had to deal with was training, the gym, paying his rent and feeding himself, and he did great.

Now he is in a new place, that I helped him move into last weekend, and it's a dump IMHO. He has the car, and lives further from the rink in order to be closer to the college. All I can seem to do is worry, is he eating okay? Did he crash the car? Did he get to orientation today? Does he like the school? Will the teachers be okay with the fact that the 2nd week of school he is out of the country for a week for a competition? It is suppose to be very small classes, I worry as to whether that will be a good thing or not. What about parking? He is there as a international student, I worry how that will effect him.

I keep telling myself that he is an adult and he will be fine, but he is my son. I miss him like crazy.

 

[HERSEY]

Mind if I join you? I am missing DS19 like crazy. Today is the worst so far probably because DD16 is gone all day.

DS actually left home over a year ago the day he wrote his last high school exams but he is only starting college now. He moved 8 hrs away to train with a new ice dance partner, but I was okay with it then. He could walk or bike everywhere he needed to go, and I had a pretty good idea of his schedule. All he had to deal with was training, the gym, paying his rent and feeding himself, and he did great.

Now he is in a new place, that I helped him move into last weekend, and it's a dump IMHO. He has the car, and lives further from the rink in order to be closer to the college. All I can seem to do is worry, is he eating okay? Did he crash the car? Did he get to orientation today? Does he like the school? Will the teachers be okay with the fact that the 2nd week of school he is out of the country for a week for a competition? It is suppose to be very small classes, I worry as to whether that will be a good thing or not. What about parking? He is there as a international student, I worry how that will effect him.

I keep telling myself that he is an adult and he will be fine, but he is my son. I miss him like crazy.

I totally get this! I worry that DS is eating and what is he eating. You should have seen the box of food I packed for him. It would have fed a third world country. He is my only child so I worry. I worry about worrying. Somehow we all get through this.

Thank you for starting this thread. We can all help one another through the next several months.

 

[mom2rtk]

Mind if I join you? I am missing DS19 like crazy. Today is the worst so far probably because DD16 is gone all day.

DS actually left home over a year ago the day he wrote his last high school exams but he is only starting college now. He moved 8 hrs away to train with a new ice dance partner, but I was okay with it then. He could walk or bike everywhere he needed to go, and I had a pretty good idea of his schedule. All he had to deal with was training, the gym, paying his rent and feeding himself, and he did great.

Now he is in a new place, that I helped him move into last weekend, and it's a dump IMHO. He has the car, and lives further from the rink in order to be closer to the college. All I can seem to do is worry, is he eating okay? Did he crash the car? Did he get to orientation today? Does he like the school? Will the teachers be okay with the fact that the 2nd week of school he is out of the country for a week for a competition? It is suppose to be very small classes, I worry as to whether that will be a good thing or not. What about parking? He is there as a international student, I worry how that will effect him.

I keep telling myself that he is an adult and he will be fine, but he is my son. I miss him like crazy.

What a mixed up set of emotions you must be having! And what a different experience for you. He's been gone, but you have an entirely new set of concerns this year. Hopefully they will die down soon and you can just enjoy being proud of such an accomplished young man!

 

[Christine]

We moved my son into school on Wednedsay. I have barely heard from him since!!! And he's pretty chatty at home but he's not a big "phone" person or a texter.

I did text him the night we got back because when we left there was some unsettled issues with the roommate but I guess all was well. He texted me yesterday because he couldn't find his medication but I got him to it. I then asked how his night was and he said "Good." And that's it!!

I know the school is keeping him very busy and I know he won't call me unless he's alone so I'm okay with it. I always thing "no news is good news." If he were lonely and not connecting with people, he'd be calling and complaining so not hearing from him tells me that things are going well.

My DD was the same way. I hardly heard from heard the first week. After things settled down, she finally called me and gave me all the details.

So, I'm just trying to keep my distance, but I do miss him.