Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[luvavacation]

Nancygirl1, thank you for your post. This is my first morning alone in a quiet house, with my husband at work, since my daughters have left. Sure, the dogs have barked already, the cats wanted to be fed, but still, there was no one in the girls' bedrooms as I walked by, and no reason to keep the dogs from playing in the house in case someone wakes up .

My youngest was bid farewell at college 4 hours away on Thursday night, and though there were many tears and the first 24 hours were hardest for her, she has found friends and is eager for classes to start today. I am relieved, for her greatest fear was being alone at college and having no friends.

My eldest was moved into her apartment and new life with her fiance on Saturday. All her furniture is gone, save her bed. I never knew her bedroom was so large! Her home will now be 3.5 hours away, my house will just be where she visits now. She is my emotional child that wears her heart on her sleeve, and is having a hard time with this too, though she is happy to be with her fiance. Hopefully wedding planning and her graduate studies will keep her occupied to take her mind off her fear of the future, for she is not one that likes change, but change is a must for life to move forward.

And that is what I keep telling myself. Life must move forward. I hate the reality. I want my little girls, I am not ready for this yet! But I know I am not alone. I am happy they have their lives ahead of them, and have the opportunities to do what makes them whole. But I still mourn the loss of them being around.

Everything you said, Nancygirl1, resonates with me, including the part of crying with your husband. I have very rarely, in 25 years, seen my unemotional husband upset, but now I have seen him shed tears for his daughters and the changes in our lives. I know we will make it through, even if we find we can't stand each other without our daughters around . We just need to make it through the next few weeks, perhaps months, until we are used to our new reality of life. And stay away from the grocery store so I don't feel sad when I see the green apples I always had to buy for my youngest, or the ice cream my eldest loved! No grocery stores!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

My eldest was moved into her apartment and new life with her fiance on Saturday. All her furniture is gone, save her bed. I never knew her bedroom was so large! Her home will now be 3.5 hours away, my house will just be where she visits now. She is my emotional child that wears her heart on her sleeve, and is having a hard time with this too, though she is happy to be with her fiance. Hopefully wedding planning and her graduate studies will keep her occupied to take her mind off her fear of the future, for she is not one that likes change, but change is a must for life to move forward.

Ughhh, I never thought of that.... that someday our house will be one they visit and won't be their home... I know it comes, I just hadn't thought that far ahead. Hang in there and avoid those grocery stores...

 

[disykat]

Well, one of my worst fears about the timing of the empty nest may be coming true. Our dog is sick and I'm really worried that it may be time to let her go. She wasn't doing well prior to graduation and I worried that we might lose her then, but then she got better. Now she's having problems again. This is not going to be easy. DS has a few weeks before he leaves, but our nest may be even emptier than expected.

 

[mom2rtk]

Well, one of my worst fears about the timing of the empty nest may be coming true. Our dog is sick and I'm really worried that it may be time to let her go. She wasn't doing well prior to graduation and I worried that we might lose her then, but then she got better. Now she's having problems again. This is not going to be easy. DS has a few weeks before he leaves, but our nest may be even emptier than expected.

Oh no. I'm so sorry. That really would be hard to deal with. Fingers crossed she can turn things around again.

 

[glammadiva]

I feel everyone's pain and sadness. It is so difficult! My baby is now 32 with 3 of her own.

 

[krcit]

Well, one of my worst fears about the timing of the empty nest may be coming true. Our dog is sick and I'm really worried that it may be time to let her go. She wasn't doing well prior to graduation and I worried that we might lose her then, but then she got better. Now she's having problems again. This is not going to be easy. DS has a few weeks before he leaves, but our nest may be even emptier than expected.

Oh no. I hope she gets better

 

[LisaR]

Well, one of my worst fears about the timing of the empty nest may be coming true. Our dog is sick and I'm really worried that it may be time to let her go. She wasn't doing well prior to graduation and I worried that we might lose her then, but then she got better. Now she's having problems again. This is not going to be easy. DS has a few weeks before he leaves, but our nest may be even emptier than expected.

I'm so sorry.

 

[marcyinPA]

Well, one of my worst fears about the timing of the empty nest may be coming true. Our dog is sick and I'm really worried that it may be time to let her go. She wasn't doing well prior to graduation and I worried that we might lose her then, but then she got better. Now she's having problems again. This is not going to be easy. DS has a few weeks before he leaves, but our nest may be even emptier than expected.

I am so sorry. I hope your pup turns around again! Hugs!!

 

[Rowdymom81]

I just want to say I have been where some of you are today. Both of mine have been gone for awhile although one of mine has been a bit of a boomerang kid. The good news is you get used to it and one day you'll be sitting reading about others' facing the beginnings of their empty nest while your granddaughter, the latest love of your life, stands at the top of the stairs asking when you're coming to bed. It's her weekly sleepover... and my new normal.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Well, one of my worst fears about the timing of the empty nest may be coming true. Our dog is sick and I'm really worried that it may be time to let her go. She wasn't doing well prior to graduation and I worried that we might lose her then, but then she got better. Now she's having problems again. This is not going to be easy. DS has a few weeks before he leaves, but our nest may be even emptier than expected.

Oh No, that is awful, I sure hope your dog gets better, I can't imagine the heartbreak if she doesn't get better.

I just want to say I have been where some of you are today. Both of mine have been gone for awhile although one of mine has been a bit of a boomerang kid. The good news is you get used to it and one day you'll be sitting reading about others' facing the beginnings of their empty nest while your granddaughter, the latest love of your life, stands at the top of the stairs asking when you're coming to bed. It's her weekly sleepover... and my new normal.

thanks for painting a new picture for us to look forward to and give us hope for more love in the future.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hey guys, finally found some inspiration to loose weight.... AND a way for DS and I to stay connected. He went to Philmont Scout Ranch and is now into rock climbing. He was showing me some stuff the other day and promised that he would take me rock climbing as soon as I can fit into the harnesses. So... YEAH... I have a new goal AND a plan to stay connected with DS as he fledges from the nest!

 

[mom2rtk]

Hey guys, finally found some inspiration to loose weight.... AND a way for DS and I to stay connected. He went to Philmont Scout Ranch and is now into rock climbing. He was showing me some stuff the other day and promised that he would take me rock climbing as soon as I can fit into the harnesses. So... YEAH... I have a new goal AND a plan to stay connected with DS as he fledges from the nest!

That sounds like a great plan ..... for both of you!

I decided to read the book my son is required to read for use across all his classes "The Immortal Life of Herietta Lacks". They are supposed to use it throughout the year in a variety of ways. So I bought a second copy and thought reading along might help us stay connected. That's just going to have to do the trick since I don't see this 50 year old body rock climbing any time soon! But then I probably wouldn't have done it 20 years ago either. But kudos to you for trying it!

Anyone have someone start classes yesterday? Mine did. I had a flurry of texts yesterday afternoon going over some things he needs. That's about it. He brought the graphing calculator but needs a scientific calculator. He didn't bring his dress clothes, but needed me to mail those to him. That sort of thing.

 

[Christine]

That sounds like a great plan ..... for both of you!

I decided to read the book my son is required to read for use across all his classes "The Immortal Life of Herietta Lacks". They are supposed to use it throughout the year in a variety of ways. So I bought a second copy and thought reading along might help us stay connected. That's just going to have to do the trick since I don't see this 50 year old body rock climbing any time soon! But then I probably wouldn't have done it 20 years ago either. But kudos to you for trying it!

Anyone have someone start classes yesterday? Mine did. I had a flurry of texts yesterday afternoon going over some things he needs. That's about it. He brought the graphing calculator but needs a scientific calculator. He didn't bring his dress clothes, but needed me to mail those to him. That sort of thing.

I really enjoyed that book.

My son leaves tomorrow. I will have a true empty nest then. I've decided to become an exercise fanatic!! I'll have plenty of time now. I've been on the couch far too long.

 

[mom2rtk]

I really enjoyed that book.

My son leaves tomorrow. I will have a true empty nest then. I've decided to become an exercise fanatic!! I'll have plenty of time now. I've been on the couch far too long.

Sounds like a great way to deal with a quiet empty nest. I don't even want to think about how I'll deal when the nest is truly empty. I guess I'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I still have 6 years to think on it. Maybe by the time my daughter leaves, my boys will be settled into new careers and come spend some time with Mom and Dad that week!

 

[yoopermom]

I thought I was hanging in there pretty well until DS was hugging his 10yo Boston Terrier last night and asked me if the dog would still be alive when he's done with college . I held it together and said that when we Skype I'll make sure and hold the ipad up so he can "visit" with the dog, too!

On the positive front, I got the revised auto insurance policy, and was SHOCKED at how much our rate will go down (until he comes back next summer, at least). A little more $$ for all those extra costs!

Every day this week I've been saying, "It's my last Monday with him, my last Tuesday, etc, etc". It's killing me!

Sigh....

Terri

 

[goofy4tink]

Well, one of my worst fears about the timing of the empty nest may be coming true. Our dog is sick and I'm really worried that it may be time to let her go. She wasn't doing well prior to graduation and I worried that we might lose her then, but then she got better. Now she's having problems again. This is not going to be easy. DS has a few weeks before he leaves, but our nest may be even emptier than expected.

I'm so sorry!! This was us last year. Our golden was 12 y/o and not doing very well. We just kept hoping he made it through finals....great, he did. Then it was make it through graduation, then through her party... he did all that He made it through her trip with friends to WDW. But, the day she went to the beach with her friends was the day we had to say goodbye. So hard for her. that was the spring/summer of '12. Then, about a month ago, while she was working at camp, we had to say goodbye to her cat!!!! Now, we're down to one cat..from 3 cats and a dog!!! We have lost a pet every 11 months or so for the past three years!!!

That sounds like a great plan ..... for both of you!

I decided to read the book my son is required to read for use across all his classes "The Immortal Life of Herietta Lacks". They are supposed to use it throughout the year in a variety of ways. So I bought a second copy and thought reading along might help us stay connected. That's just going to have to do the trick since I don't see this 50 year old body rock climbing any time soon! But then I probably wouldn't have done it 20 years ago either. But kudos to you for trying it!

Anyone have someone start classes yesterday? Mine did. I had a flurry of texts yesterday afternoon going over some things he needs. That's about it. He brought the graphing calculator but needs a scientific calculator. He didn't bring his dress clothes, but needed me to mail those to him. That sort of thing.

My dd had to read that book last year for her freshman year too!! funny how so many schools do the same thing.

So...my dd goes back to college on Monday. She is my baby. I wasn't too upset when ds went to school...back in the early 90's. After all, I still had my other dd at home. By the time she was ready for college, I had a new baby at home!! No biggie. but, when my youngest left for college a year ago, it was really, really hard!!! We had always had a really close relationship and I knew it was going to change. And change it did!!! She loved school, hated leaving, which surprised her.
So, when Monday morning comes, and we load up the car for the 80 min drive south to RI, there won't be any tears. I love this kid to death, but she is growing up and is pulling away!! She has to do that in order to become an adult. And there are times I don't like being around her all that much. Love her to pieces but not so sure I 'like' her!!! I know that she will 'come back to us' but it takes a little bit of time. Things change, kids grow up and leave the nest. Mom and Dad have to get used to being alone again. That's a hard thing to do in all reality. So, we're heading to Vero Beach and WDW for a week or so this Labor Day. That's a good start I guess.

You do get used to it, after a bit. We're lucky in that dd isn't that far away. I feel badly for those parents that have kids getting on planes to go to school!!! We get to see her every 5 weeks or so since she's a theatre major and does a lot of shows at school. Besides, being on the RI coast isn't hard to take!!!! We make a weekend out of it!!!

 

[LisaR]

I thought I was hanging in there pretty well until DS was hugging his 10yo Boston Terrier last night and asked me if the dog would still be alive when he's done with college . I held it together and said that when we Skype I'll make sure and hold the ipad up so he can "visit" with the dog, too!

On the positive front, I got the revised auto insurance policy, and was SHOCKED at how much our rate will go down (until he comes back next summer, at least). A little more $$ for all those extra costs!

Every day this week I've been saying, "It's my last Monday with him, my last Tuesday, etc, etc". It's killing me!

Sigh....

Terri

Hang in there!


I'm the one who posted about DD taking her entire wardrobe. All that is hanging in her closet right now is one worn out sweatshirt, one pair of black dress pants and one pair of grey dress pants. That's it! She took everything else. So guess what she needs? The two pair of dress pants! She is required to wear dress clothes to her leadership class each week. I told her find something to wear for the class on Tuesday and we will see her that weekend. I really don't want to mail them since she doesn't have an iron. Now I guess I should bring an iron if she has to wear pants. She is thrilled to have to walk to class in FL weather while wearing dress clothes!

 

[mom2rtk]

I thought I was hanging in there pretty well until DS was hugging his 10yo Boston Terrier last night and asked me if the dog would still be alive when he's done with college . I held it together and said that when we Skype I'll make sure and hold the ipad up so he can "visit" with the dog, too!

On the positive front, I got the revised auto insurance policy, and was SHOCKED at how much our rate will go down (until he comes back next summer, at least). A little more $$ for all those extra costs!

Every day this week I've been saying, "It's my last Monday with him, my last Tuesday, etc, etc". It's killing me!

Sigh....

Terri

Oh my. That's so hard. I will say that saying goodbye to the cat was sort of where our day got rough just before leaving.

I just got off the phone with mine. I was right where you are now 2 weeks ago. But he is settling in and already seems to be flourishing. You will BOTH feel so much better when you can get this part behind you.

And you know, I didn't even call our insurance agent. Do they really adjust the rate when they leave for school?

 

[mom2rtk]

You do get used to it, after a bit. We're lucky in that dd isn't that far away. I feel badly for those parents that have kids getting on planes to go to school!!! We get to see her every 5 weeks or so since she's a theatre major and does a lot of shows at school. Besides, being on the RI coast isn't hard to take!!!! We make a weekend out of it!!!

Yeah, I feel like I'm finally starting to get used to the "new normal" here. I just didn't want a "new normal". Well, I did. But I didn't. And I'm sure everyone here feels the same way. And I'm aware it will be so much harder when the last one goes. I'm afraid my brain just can't even contemplate that right now. But the stories that help the most is hearing how much easier it gets the second year.

.

Hang in there!


I'm the one who posted about DD taking her entire wardrobe. All that is hanging in her closet right now is one worn out sweatshirt, one pair of black dress pants and one pair of grey dress pants. That's it! She took everything else. So guess what she needs? The two pair of dress pants! She is required to wear dress clothes to her leadership class each week. I told her find something to wear for the class on Tuesday and we will see her that weekend. I really don't want to mail them since she doesn't have an iron. Now I guess I should bring an iron if she has to wear pants. She is thrilled to have to walk to class in FL weather while wearing dress clothes!

LOL, I just got off the phone with my son discussing how to deal with the dress clothes I just mailed him. I started to tell him to ask around if anyone had an iron. Then I remembered he is on a campus with 75% males. And all males on his floor. The odds are not with him! I guess he'll find an iron to borrow ...... or he'll go wrinkled. I did tell him I'd get him an iron when he's home over Labor Day. But the odds are he'll still turn me down.

 

[Katy Belle]

DS has had 3 days of classes! He is pleased with the small size of all of them, except his Intro to Computer Science class is huge. Ugh! Oh well, not bad for Freshman year!

He had to wear dress clothes the Friday before school started. I ironed everything and sent it hung up. I also sent a bottle of Downy Wrinkle Release. I told him to wear it the the 2 hour event and then hang it back up and it will be ready for another 2 hour event! I hope he did!

And about the ironing...my DH learned how to iron and how to tie a tie, in the Dorm, many moons ago! DS did not take an iron and probably will be the wrinkled kid.

I got a text from him today. "I made a friend. His name is Nigel." It kinda made me happy and kinda made me sad! He's been there 11 days, is this the first friend he made??? I'm hoping its his first friend not from the Dorm, from class. I'm trying soooo hard not to quiz him about every little thing!

Hugs to all!