Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[krcit]

Well, the deed is done. We dropped him off Sunday. We then drove on about 90 minutes farther to take our daughter to see the St. Louis arch. The next morning we went back to see him for lunch before heading for home for good.

Sunday was REALLY hard. Even harder than I expected. It did help to be checking my phone and finding messages from others on this thread who have been through the same thing. The 4 hour drive down was the worst. Way too long and stressful. I hope he can get a parking pass and bring a car next year so we don't have more long drives like that to dread.

After we left that first night, I wondered what the heck we were thinking coming back the next day. It just seemed ill-advised. But I'm so glad we did. With the deed sort of done already, it was nice to see him a bit settled and all of us in a little better frame of mind. It also gave him a chance to settle into his room and text me a list of a few things we could pick up for him.

I don't ever want to do that again. And I guess I won't have to because it will never be the first time again. For that I'm thankful. We have now forbidden our daughter to go more than an hour away when she starts college in 6 years.

Courage and hugs to those still facing the big day.

Aww. I'm glad it went well. I have a week until my dd leaves. One of her oldest friends just popped in to say goodbye because she leaves tomorrow. I started to cry!! I couldn't help it. I'm so proud of all these kids and a little sad about all the changes coming up.

 

[LisaR]

Well, the deed is done. We dropped him off Sunday. We then drove on about 90 minutes farther to take our daughter to see the St. Louis arch. The next morning we went back to see him for lunch before heading for home for good.

Sunday was REALLY hard. Even harder than I expected. It did help to be checking my phone and finding messages from others on this thread who have been through the same thing. The 4 hour drive down was the worst. Way too long and stressful. I hope he can get a parking pass and bring a car next year so we don't have more long drives like that to dread.

After we left that first night, I wondered what the heck we were thinking coming back the next day. It just seemed ill-advised. But I'm so glad we did. With the deed sort of done already, it was nice to see him a bit settled and all of us in a little better frame of mind. It also gave him a chance to settle into his room and text me a list of a few things we could pick up for him.

I don't ever want to do that again. And I guess I won't have to because it will never be the first time again. For that I'm thankful. We have now forbidden our daughter to go more than an hour away when she starts college in 6 years.

Courage and hugs to those still facing the big day.

Glad you made it through! Sorry it was so hard.

I am so glad DD is taking a car. I thought about that long drive and how weird it would be. DD is going to drive her car and DH will ride along with her. He is less likely to cry or lecture her with last minute advice like I would. I will take the van loaded with all her stuff. I'm also glad we are coming home that night. As hard as this is going to be, I just want to get it the inevitable over with.

DD ended up with a cold. It isn't the worst one ever, but her energy is still lacking. I'm hoping she will be much better by Thursday morning. Unfortunately, my throat is very scratchy tonight.

 

[clh2]

Related to cars on campus for freshman: If your school strongly doesn't want to let freshman to have cars...(AND IF YOU DO) your freshman should ask the parking office in a couple of weeks - if there are any additional parking passes.

Just saying...what is in writing, what is recommended...isn't always what happens in real life.

Our DD - had a car on campus by spring break of her freshman year, along with a fab parking spot. The specific "blurb" from their website states:

Freshman students are not permitted to park a vehicle on campus unless the student is commuting. Certain other circumstances may warrant an exemption. An individual may request an exemption by writing to the Director of Conference Facilities/Parking the reason/s for wishing to have a vehicle on campus.​

The reality is - DD didn't need to request anything in writing...unless you would consider the check for parking fees something in writing. But - I think they just want to make sure that the sophomores (who are required to live on campus) have first dibs on parking.

 

[mom2rtk]

Aww. I'm glad it went well. I have a week until my dd leaves. One of her oldest friends just popped in to say goodbye because she leaves tomorrow. I started to cry!! I couldn't help it. I'm so proud of all these kids and a little sad about all the changes coming up.

Hang in there. There just reaches a point where it needs to be done. The anticipation is the worst.

Glad you made it through! Sorry it was so hard.

I am so glad DD is taking a car. I thought about that long drive and how weird it would be. DD is going to drive her car and DH will ride along with her. He is less likely to cry or lecture her with last minute advice like I would. I will take the van loaded with all her stuff. I'm also glad we are coming home that night. As hard as this is going to be, I just want to get it the inevitable over with.

DD ended up with a cold. It isn't the worst one ever, but her energy is still lacking. I'm hoping she will be much better by Thursday morning. Unfortunately, my throat is very scratchy tonight.

Thanks Lisa. I sure hope you are both at least healthy in time. I can't imagine trying to get through it when you're feeling sick on top of everything else.

I do think it would have been much easier if he had a car. But it's a small campus with limited parking and they couldn't even promise us he would get one of the limited stickers. He couldn't park any closer to campus than his dorm anyway, so the only time he'd use a car is coming home and running to Wal-Mart.

It did help immensely that he found a kid from home already that he used to play basketball at the Y with. They were also at our city's Math/Physics Institute together. Turns out that kid does have a car along and they already made plans to drive back over Labor Day weekend. Of course, that will probably make for another hard transition, but if it gets us all through for now, then so be it. But it made me feel better that he knows at least one other kid.

So far the roommate seems decent. I think it will take some time to know for sure, but so far so good. I do know it didn't take long to realize my own roommate was a judgmental snot. So far no signs like that from his roomie. I think they will probably play intrarmural sports together and shoot baskets whenever possible.

I do still remember the 8 hour drive to school with my parents. And I just don't remember it being filled with dread like this was. I told my son this wasn't something we had to do well. Just something we had to do. Period.

 

[krcit]

I'm glad that dd can't have a car. They have a great campus transportation system that takes them anywhere they would want to go ie; the mall, skiing etc. They also have a bus that will take them home. I don't know the specifics but I know it's pretty reasonable and they drop them at a central location so I can just pick her up 20 minutes away rather than 3.5 hours! She wil be taking the bus home after the first week because her school closes for the Jewish holidays and they cannot be in the dorms. Then we will drive back with whatever stuff we forgot the week before

 

[Beachbumpirates]

We just returned home tonight from dropping our oldest DD off for the first time - 500 miles away. My heart is broken. I was so proud of myself when we said goodbye yesterday. We all cried a bit but nothing horrible and then left her, went for out for dinner and I thought "well that wasn't so bad". But getting on the highway without her this morning - that was truly awful and almost unbearable. I think I cried for the first 4 hours. DH and younger DD seem ok and I cannot seem to shake this. I am stalking her FB and Instagram hoping to catch a glimpse of something while I wait to hear from her as I am trying to give her some space. I know it will get easier but boy, it's tough. My thoughts are with all the rest of you the next few weeks.

 

[mom2rtk]

We just returned home tonight from dropping our oldest DD off for the first time - 500 miles away. My heart is broken. I was so proud of myself when we said goodbye yesterday. We all cried a bit but nothing horrible and then left her, went for out for dinner and I thought "well that wasn't so bad". But getting on the highway without her this morning - that was truly awful and almost unbearable. I think I cried for the first 4 hours. DH and younger DD seem ok and I cannot seem to shake this. I am stalking her FB and Instagram hoping to catch a glimpse of something while I wait to hear from her as I am trying to give her some space. I know it will get easier but boy, it's tough. My thoughts are with all the rest of you the next few weeks.

Hang in there. As I said, you don't have to do it well. You just have to do it. At least we have far better communications than ever before. When I was in school my mom called for an hour every Saturday afternoon. At least we can text back and forth and chat far more readily these days.

 

[mom2travel]

Wow, it seems so much more real now that some of us have started drop-offs. Ours is this weekend. Can't believe how fast the summer has gone by!

 

[Katy Belle]

We just returned home tonight from dropping our oldest DD off for the first time - 500 miles away. My heart is broken. I was so proud of myself when we said goodbye yesterday. We all cried a bit but nothing horrible and then left her, went for out for dinner and I thought "well that wasn't so bad". But getting on the highway without her this morning - that was truly awful and almost unbearable. I think I cried for the first 4 hours. DH and younger DD seem ok and I cannot seem to shake this. I am stalking her FB and Instagram hoping to catch a glimpse of something while I wait to hear from her as I am trying to give her some space. I know it will get easier but boy, it's tough. My thoughts are with all the rest of you the next few weeks.

DS18 has been gone since Sunday. I'm trying very hard to give him space, not text a lot, but its super hard. I was the first to text both yesterday and today. He did text me this afternoon. He snap chatted his brother this evening. He is doing fine, I guess. Giving me very little information. I think he's been intimidated by the meal plan. Finally for lunch today he ate in a restaurant. I wish they had an old fashioned cafeteria, seems easier, but its all restaurants. Still fighting a cold. He hasn't mentioned his roommate. I am going to try to wait a few days to ask about that! Ugh. Its HARD.

Hugs to all the parents going through this. We can do this!

 

[eliza61]

I've never really understood the big dread parents face when their face born goes off to school. Maybe because my parents really, really encouraged us to go "see the world" all my siblings and I went at least 10 hours away when we left home, so I always knew from day one I would encourage my kids to see every thing and any thing they could.

It also may have helped that my dh was European so we were use to sending them overseas to see their relatives at a young age for the entire summer.

Anyhoo,
My first born went to school in West Virginia and now my youngest is off to the University of Cincinnati. I take him next thursday and it's about 16 hours away.

I'm super excited for him. He is a wonderful young man, I look back on my college life at the University of Pittsburgh that I'm so happy he will get to have that experience that I haven't had time to really be "sad".

You said it best, now communicating with love ones away is so easy and available that it won't even seem like they're away.

Now dh and I are very outgoing. when number one went away we enjoyed our new life.
LOl heck, now when they come home from summer break, my social life dwindles down. Now that my kids are almost adults, I am loving it.

I just told them that in all probability I will be selling their childhood home and moving into a condo in the city (I grew up in Manhattan and miss city life so much).

 

[Beachbumpirates]

DS18 has been gone since Sunday. I'm trying very hard to give him space, not text a lot, but its super hard. I was the first to text both yesterday and today. He did text me this afternoon. He snap chatted his brother this evening. He is doing fine, I guess. Giving me very little information. I think he's been intimidated by the meal plan. Finally for lunch today he ate in a restaurant. I wish they had an old fashioned cafeteria, seems easier, but its all restaurants. Still fighting a cold. He hasn't mentioned his roommate. I am going to try to wait a few days to ask about that! Ugh. Its HARD.

Hugs to all the parents going through this. We can do this!

Yes we sure can do this! Sounds just like my DD. We are extremely close so I sit here and wonder - is she not calling/texting because she is unhappy? missing us? Or is she really just that busy? I do remember them telling us at orientation that they don't communicate much in the beginning (not sure why?) so I guess this is normal. The famous words of my own mom have been ringing in my ears for days "you wont understand until you have kids of your own" Hang in there! I do think there should be a support group for new parents - I could sure use it this week.

 

[LisaR]

I've never really understood the big dread parents face when their face born goes off to school. Maybe because my parents really, really encouraged us to go "see the world" all my siblings and I went at least 10 hours away when we left home, so I always knew from day one I would encourage my kids to see every thing and any thing they could.

It also may have helped that my dh was European so we were use to sending them overseas to see their relatives at a young age for the entire summer.

Anyhoo,
My first born went to school in West Virginia and now my youngest is off to the University of Cincinnati. I take him next thursday and it's about 16 hours away.

I'm super excited for him. He is a wonderful young man, I look back on my college life at the University of Pittsburgh that I'm so happy he will get to have that experience that I haven't had time to really be "sad".

You said it best, now communicating with love ones away is so easy and available that it won't even seem like they're away.

Now dh and I are very outgoing. when number one went away we enjoyed our new life.
LOl heck, now when they come home from summer break, my social life dwindles down. Now that my kids are almost adults, I am loving it.

I just told them that in all probability I will be selling their childhood home and moving into a condo in the city (I grew up in Manhattan and miss city life so much).

I don't understand why the two are mutually exclusive? I don't think a single person on this thread has implied that they don't want this for their child or that they aren't happy about the new adventure that awaits them. While I am sure there are parents out there who don't allow their kids to go off to college (or anywhere else) because they can't let go, that isn't what this thread is about. All of us are so excited for our kids, but that doesn't mean it won't be extremely difficult letting go at first, or that we won't miss them like crazy. I guess I can't imagine raising a child for 18 years and then not having any sadness at all when they leave home for good.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't understand why the two are mutually exclusive? I don't think a single person on this thread has implied that they don't want this for their child or that they aren't happy about the new adventure that awaits them. While I am sure there are parents out there who don't allow their kids to go off to college (or anywhere else) because they can't let go, that isn't what this thread is about. All of us are so excited for our kids, but that doesn't mean it won't be extremely difficult letting go at first, or that we won't miss them like crazy. I guess I can't imagine raising a child for 18 years and then not having any sadness at all when they leave home for good.

Nicely said.

 

[DebD4T]

I don't understand why the two are mutually exclusive? I don't think a single person on this thread has implied that they don't want this for their child or that they aren't happy about the new adventure that awaits them. While I am sure there are parents out there who don't allow their kids to go off to college (or anywhere else) because they can't let go, that isn't what this thread is about. All of us are so excited for our kids, but that doesn't mean it won't be extremely difficult letting go at first, or that we won't miss them like crazy. I guess I can't imagine raising a child for 18 years and then not having any sadness at all when they leave home for good.

 

[mamacatnv]

My college drop off was 5 years ago and this thread made my heart ache for all of you. I remember all these feelings, the loneliness, the fear and even the Facebook stalking for a glimpse that DS was "ok". My DS went 8 miles from our front door to a dorm, it might as well have been Siberia. Its not the distance, its the whole concept.

All I can say is that it will get better, it will get easier and you will not cry as often as the days go by. You will all develop new routines and next summer when all the birds return to the nest you will be counting down the hours to when you take them back to school (Seriously)

The next year will bring so many wonderful things, growth, maturity, independence etc. along with eating and doing laundry at 3 AM, not thinking a thing of staying out all night or blasting their xbox well after the rest of the family has gone off to bed.

My recent college grad just moved back home to attend Grad School. Oh boy, this is an adjustment

 

[krcit]

QUOTE=LisaR;49279905]I don't understand why the two are mutually exclusive? I don't think a single person on this thread has implied that they don't want this for their child or that they aren't happy about the new adventure that awaits them. While I am sure there are parents out there who don't allow their kids to go off to college (or anywhere else) because they can't let go, that isn't what this thread is about. All of us are so excited for our kids, but that doesn't mean it won't be extremely difficult letting go at first, or that we won't miss them like crazy. I guess I can't imagine raising a child for 18 years and then not having any sadness at all when they leave home for good.[/QUOTE]



You said it better than I could have. Of course I'm excited and happy for my daughter but the thought of her not being here every day makes me sad. I would think that is normal

 

[Hisgirl]

I sympathize with you! My son is now 26 and my girl is 24. They both left within one year of another and man, oh man, I cried. I remember wandering into their rooms and actually sniffing their pillows. Is that pathetic or what?

I had been a homemaker and didn't know what to do with myself. My husband was always traveling and suddenly, there I was, walking the aisles at Kroger, buying one apple, one orange and feeling waaaay sorry for myself. I'm quite sure more than once, by the time I got to the frozen aisle I was in tears. It was pretty awful!

So what did I do? Well, for starters, I began to look deep inside my own heart and ask myself what I had always wanted to do. I admitted to myself, I had always wanted to attend a local ministry school...and go on international mission trips.

So I did.

Then I also realized I really wanted to get a masters degree. So I did (hardest thing I've ever done!)

And all during this time, my kids called, they emailed, they texted...oh, did they text! My son began suggesting we go to a college game every now and then. He loved to come home and eat my cooking. My girl began asking if we could go shopping.

Since being done with college, they have both moved back home twice, for various reasons. My daughter, now 24, is sitting across the room reading a book snuggled in a quilt. We went shopping today and also out to breakfast. I just told her I wanted to brush her hair.

My son, 26, is driving back to Georgia from Nevada, this weekend to start a new job. He'll be here until he finds a new place. He calls for recipes and when he's in town to see his gal, we'll take them to dinner. One thing that ALWAYS catching their attention is an invite to a beach or disney vacation. They have always said, "Absolutely!"

You'll find it's a different season, but by no means has your time as a family ended. Maybe your time with children has ended but your time as a parent never ends. The way you serve your kids changes. My son calls and asks my opinion about job offers, health insurance, apartments, gift ideas... I'm honored he sees me as his #1 fan.

Enjoy this time and find out what makes YOU happy and get busy. Your time with the kids will come soon enough. Get in the gym, get those arms firm, join a book club, go visit a best friend, learn a whole new sport or hobby. Go back to school (people bent over backwards to help make the way for me!)...this is YOUR time!

Your kids will be needing you soon enough and before you know it your family will have grown with their loves and babies. Look forward to this wonderful time in their lives. The alternative is that they never mature, and grow, and fly the nest. They are doing exactly what we WANT them to do...it's just hard when it happens. This too will pass and new adventures will come!

 

[mom2rtk]

I just got off the phone with my son. I feel so much better already. He sounds great, and says all the things that tell me he is adjusting. He's taking his trigonometry review class seriously and even studied with a couple kids last night. But he's also doing some fun things, including dodge ball, pool and ping pong. It's doing my heart so much good to hear how things are moving along for him.

I told him to call when he can, but if he gets busy and can't that's fine too. He said he doesn't mind.

I just want to reassure everyone that the separation is the worst. It does pick up from there.

 

[LisaR]

I just got off the phone with my son. I feel so much better already. He sounds great, and says all the things that tell me he is adjusting. He's taking his trigonometry review class seriously and even studied with a couple kids last night. But he's also doing some fun things, including dodge ball, pool and ping pong. It's doing my heart so much good to hear how things are moving along for him.

I told him to call when he can, but if he gets busy and can't that's fine too. He said he doesn't mind.

I just want to reassure everyone that the separation is the worst. It does pick up from there.

That is so great that he is adjusting so well!! I think that is one thing that will make us all feel better when we hear they are fitting in!

DD's BFF is over for the "Last Supper." She just gave DD a picture frame with pictures of the two of them over the years. I can't stop crying! I think I will miss have the BFF over as much as I will miss DD. Off to eat and play a game together. At least I can blame my runny nose on my cold instead of crying!

 

[mom2rtk]

That is so great that he is adjusting so well!! I think that is one thing that will make us all feel better when we hear they are fitting in!

DD's BFF is over for the "Last Supper." She just gave DD a picture frame with pictures of the two of them over the years. I can't stop crying! I think I will miss have the BFF over as much as I will miss DD. Off to eat and play a game together. At least I can blame my runny nose on my cold instead of crying!

I do like your plan of using the cold as a cover story.

I was disappointed at first that mine started so early. But honestly I'm just relieved now that it's over. I wouldn't want to be back where you are right now with this.

LOL on the "Last Supper". I totally know what you mean though. And honestly those last couple of days were the worst. I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to upset him, so I kept trying to hold it in. It just sucked.

Now all of that pressure that built over the last weeks is just gone. We hit bottom and can start climbing back up again.