Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

Our DD moved into her dorm July 11 on her 18th bday. I have missed her so much. One thing that has help is she has agreed to call or text me once a day at her convince. She can maintain her independence and I can maintain my sanity. Some time it is just a call to say hi on her way to class other times she has called when she is having a stressed out moment.

I have always known the my role as mom was a limited time engagement but I sure have loved every minute.

that is such a great way to sum it up! I mean, I know I'll be Mom forever, but the role is already changing and we are just going in my son's junior year. He is so interested in exploring the world and finding his place in it, and I mean the WORLD, across oceans.

Today he caught me staring at him because he was walking around without a shirt and I noticed he had real chest hair coming in! Like a man! :rotfl:

:hug: OP, I feel your pain, but just remember, you've done a great job raising him... especially if he still seeks you out to hug you at night!
 
Oh man, you all are posting at the right time. I'm the solo mom of an only, and even though dd is only a high school junior, we're packing up up this weekend to take a leisurely trip to a semester school until Christmas. I tell myself I will be fine because this is such an amazing experience for her, and she will make a lifetime of friendships and memories. She will be happy, so I'll be happy. I'm focusing on that, and letting this be my 'practice run' for two years from now. I love that it's like college in the going away, but it's not because they are still supervised. Gives her the chance to live away from home, learn about living with more people than just her mom before she leaves for good. And she will experience a small tight-knit school to compare to her huge suburban high school before choosing a college.

I keep saying that she will be happy, so I will be happy. And I keep reminding myself that it's four months of not having to figure out what's for dinner!!!
 
My daughter leaves in 13 days and I'm starting to really freak out! In fact, I just had a teary moment because her 2 oldest friends were just here hanging out and when they were leaving I gave them a hug and realized I may not see them before they leave so not only am I sad about dd leaving, I'm sad about her friends who I've known since 1st grade. I feel like you OP. So excited and happy for her. She's going to a great school and I know she will have such wonderful experiences but it is the end of an era. I am also currently separated so it really is a lot of change at once :sad1: We need a support group :lmao:
 
So how did you handle your first born going off to college? Our family is pretty close. We have done a lot of great things together, and I am so sad that this era of our family is ending.

DS is growing up and moving on with his life. I know it is a good thing. He has done so much and I am so proud. In my mind I know this is a good thing, college will be a great experience for him, and most importantly he has found a passion in life to pursue and seems like he has all the nuts and bolts put together to be successful in life.

I also can tell our relationship has changed. We've gone from mommy and son, to mom and son and now I do find myself struggling to find what place I have in his life. I am not trying to helicopter, because even though I will miss him, I know this is a great thing for him and won't be that parent that bugs the college aged kid.

But sending him off to college is hard and has left me feeling lost. My heart has not caught up to my mind... :sad1:

Aww. I was the same way. I was crying on the way home because my first born son, first one away to college was like "get out" "go, leave" "you are embarrassing me". I cried all the way home (6 hours). Then he called me that night, the next day, etc.

And boy, did he sure love my visits. His shopping list was two pages long.:scared1:

He's graduating now and I'm almost glad to not get a call. Because the call is this.."my clutch went out!" "I don't know what I did but I'm over drawn", "um, that ticket was because I didn't wake up early enough to move the car when the street cleaners came by, you don't understand!" :rolleyes1

I admit I WAS a helicopter mom. I have two sons off to college now. One will graduate and one will be a sophomore. I miss them more than anything. But I am very proud of them.

Princess, it's a process. They grow up, we let go. They learn to love it and so do WE! The first year is the hardest, especially dropping off.

Enjoy this sweetie ~ don't panic, MY WORSE NIGHTMARE;) But it's true, they will call us moms....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw9SQ-not_I
 

So how did you handle your first born going off to college? Our family is pretty close. We have done a lot of great things together, and I am so sad that this era of our family is ending.

DS is growing up and moving on with his life. I know it is a good thing. He has done so much and I am so proud. In my mind I know this is a good thing, college will be a great experience for him, and most importantly he has found a passion in life to pursue and seems like he has all the nuts and bolts put together to be successful in life.

I also can tell our relationship has changed. We've gone from mommy and son, to mom and son and now I do find myself struggling to find what place I have in his life. I am not trying to helicopter, because even though I will miss him, I know this is a great thing for him and won't be that parent that bugs the college aged kid.

But sending him off to college is hard and has left me feeling lost. My heart has not caught up to my mind... :sad1:

Awww.....HUGS! :hug:

You will naturally progress with all of your emotions over this next year and it will become your "new normal".:thumbsup2
 
I decided last year that I didn't want to add to the anxiety of my son's moving way experience. If the last thing he saw was me crying, how would that help him? I really felt like he should be going off excited and seeing me happy because he was happy would help. IMHO.

Perhaps totally coincidental, but the one student that went home and dropped out was the one whose Mom was hysterical at drop off.

I cried the 5 hours home when I was alone.
And we survived freshman year!
 
Empty Nest Syndrome is a part of life, hard to go through though, I know. :grouphug:

It wasn't too bad when our DS left home, as we still had DD at home. He got married two weeks after high school graduation. We missed him, of course, but still having DD at home helped a lot.

Then, when she went off to college it was really hard, for both her and me. We both cried when we moved her in to her dorm and it was time to leave. And she had a very hard time adjusting because the girl that was supposed to have been her roommate (one of her best friends from high school) decided at the last minute to not go to college! She came home for Christmas break and ended up not going back to the dorms, she just commuted daily. It was nice having her home again. But. Then she got married and we had to go through the "empty nest thing" all over again. Again, it was hard and the house seemed so empty. But, we got used to it pretty quickly. :)

Fast forward to now...she's been married 13 years and has given us two sweet grandchildren to love, adore and spoil. :) They live just about a quarter mile away from us so we do see them often.

Yes, it's "different" when they start leaving the nest, but each phase brings new and wonderful things. :)
 
I have already decided that when our youngest goes to college in 7 years we are moving her in and going straight to Disney for the couples trip we never took before kids!

Your summer vacation plans sound wonderful for the next 4 years. It's always special to get away with the kids no matter how old they get. We just got back from 4 days away as a complete family and we laughed and sang in the car and just enjoyed each other's company. It was great!

Yep, when we dropped our last child off at college, we had her unpacked, setup in under 2 hours. We walked out to our truck and there she stood on the curb looking at us. I got out and gave her a hug. We were so efficient setting up a dorm room, because she was our 4th one. I planned our empty nest vacation to Disney and I was more focused on my trip, and not being sad and I think it did the trick. she never lets me forget how we just dumped her off and her roommates parents were in the dorm room all day with them. (She totally understood, she helped move her 3 older siblings into their dorm rooms).

I actually had 3 in school at the same time, and I would always get the walking to and from class phone call. For them, what a better way to make the 20 minute walk go fast-call mom.
 
So how did you handle your first born going off to college? Our family is pretty close. We have done a lot of great things together, and I am so sad that this era of our family is ending.

DS is growing up and moving on with his life. I know it is a good thing. He has done so much and I am so proud. In my mind I know this is a good thing, college will be a great experience for him, and most importantly he has found a passion in life to pursue and seems like he has all the nuts and bolts put together to be successful in life.

I also can tell our relationship has changed. We've gone from mommy and son, to mom and son and now I do find myself struggling to find what place I have in his life. I am not trying to helicopter, because even though I will miss him, I know this is a great thing for him and won't be that parent that bugs the college aged kid.

But sending him off to college is hard and has left me feeling lost. My heart has not caught up to my mind... :sad1:

It is very hard and I cried for days and weeks and even months at the most stupid times when I realized that I no longer had my little boy. Stupid things would make me cry there was a Verizon commercial that sent me over the edge every time.
I really think it is worse for moms of sons than daughters because the old addage is true " a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son till he takes a wife". You need to find other things to occupy your mind and know that there will be times when you just need a good cry. Most of my friends who have boys have had the same experience.
 
Our DS moves into his freshman dorm in a week. I'm feeling all the same things. I'm so proud of him and happy to see what a great guy he is, but also feel that empty hole creeping into our home. Things will be much quieter with DS away. I will most definitely miss him tons!

My mother told me once that sending off the oldest and the youngest is the hardest. Since I only have two, I guess that makes them both hard :( At least my second, DD will be with us for a few more years and has tons of activities to which I can drive her and watch her perform/compete - distraction is good!

Speaking of vacations, DS has told us that he will of course be joining us on vacation, especially our group beach trips, and has joked about who else but us could take his kids to WDW ;)

Well good luck to us all! I think I'll be fine for the next week and on move-in day, but if DH & DD find me watching Toy Story 3 soon thereafter all bets are off!
 
Great timing for this thread. Our first commutes to college and lives at home, but our second is moving into his dorm 3 1/2 hour away on Sunday. So I'm dealing with all of this for the first time. Then yesterday we found out the small highway that is really the ONLY way into his college town (Rolla, MO) is closed because it is flooded. I think it's a sign to keep him home. ;) OK, sort of kidding.

We also have a 12 year old but she will start back to school 2 days after we drop off brother. It's going to be rough going here for me for a while. I'm infinitely proud of what he has done and where he is going. But this is going to be hard.

I do think I'll feel a lot better though once he is settled in and I know he is adjusting and enjoying himself.

I do think one of my problems is that he is a man of few words. It will be very hard to communicate from afar with someone who typically just gives one word answers!
 
I know how you feel.

Four years ago, we took my eldest to college 3 hours away. Other than a church mission trip for a week, my children have never been away for more than a night. I have had plenty of their friends here, but my kids just like being around the family, so my house was the "hang-out house". I was happy, even if I was buying truckloads of Sunchips and Doritos! :goodvibes

Then college came, and all the changes for the future hit me. Where had the time gone? We all knew I would cry, because I was the mom that never even liked summer to be over and hated seeing my children walk into school the first day. What can I say, I had a lot of fun with my kids, we have wonderful memories together, and they are really great kids!

I don't know if it is the European culture of family being most important, but I was raised with family being more important than the individual, and that is how I raised my children. I know it goes against the general American (not knocking this, just stating a general difference from a non-American perspective) ideal of individuality, but a strong family tie can never be a bad thing for children, and as hard as it is to send them off, knowing that family will always be important and welcoming helps to make it easier, at least I hope so!

Be prepared for the first time you set the table without a place for your child in college, the first time you see their room empty, the first time you do laundry and it isn't as full due to their clothing absence! :lmao: All tear producers for me. I just missed my daughter so much, and hated not hearing her voice. But, you will get through it.

A previous poster said to start making that care box, and I second that. As soon as I came home from dropping my daughter, I started that box. In fact, I had sent her a funny card the day we left home, so she would have it soon after she moved in, for I knew my daughter was also going to be missing us tremendously. Doing little things for them does help us, in a way. After all, we have spent all these years "doing little things" for our kids, it doesn't have to stop when they leave. For, while I have my own life and friends, my greatest job was always being "just mom". Doing mom things helped me.

One thing that was a great positive about my eldest leaving, which no one told me about, was the time I got to spend with my youngest! With almost 5 years between my girls, it was an eye opener getting to know my youngest apart from her big sister's shadow, and though she was also very sad to be apart from her sister (they are very close, despite the age difference), there were times when big sister came home from college and little sister couldn't wait for her to go back! :lmao: These last 4 years with my youngest have been so precious to me and my husband, and though I am always happiest when both my children are home, I was still grateful to have one here. But even that time comes to an end, if we are lucky.

For, in 5 days, I drive my youngest off to college. As hard as it was to have the eldest leave, this is going to be even worse. My husband and I have been this happy little family for over 23 years! And now my eldest is heading off to graduate school and planning her wedding as my youngest is heading off to college 3.5 hours away. I am shopping for wedding dresses and spending money to outift a dorm room! Now this I am not ready for! :crazy2: I suggest everyone buy stock in Kleenex, as I shall be needing a lot of it over the next year and driving up their profits.

PrincessVija, this is not an easy stage in your life, but take comfort in knowing that even if you are the lone parent that is tearing up, whilst others are jumping for joy over leaving their child, you have done a great job instilling the important value of family connections to your child, so do not feel self-conscious over those tears. Our kids will always be our kids, and we their parents, no matter how old they get (we don't age, so I don't say we will get old;)), who they bring home to share a life with, nor when they become parents themselves. We knew when we first held them that our job was to raise them to leave us. Those 18 years have flown by, and tears for the memories passed and the experiences yet to be will happen, but we all get through it eventually, though some of us do it kicking and screaming more than others! :blush:

Hugs to you, and all who are sending off their children for the first time. And one more time I suggest, buy stock in Kleenex. :sad:
 
BUT THEN - I remembered the "rest" of my journey...I was a wreck for the whole year before DD left. I had a hard very hard time when she had her sr. pictures taken, her last homecoming, her last cross country banquet, essentially her last "any"
!

My DD will be a senior this year and I can feel myself doing exactly this. I'm already thinking about this time next year.

I'm hiding it well so far. Senior pictures went well. I didn't even think about crying.
 
It is very hard and I cried for days and weeks and even months at the most stupid times when I realized that I no longer had my little boy. Stupid things would make me cry there was a Verizon commercial that sent me over the edge every time.
I really think it is worse for moms of sons than daughters because the old addage is true " a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son till he takes a wife". You need to find other things to occupy your mind and know that there will be times when you just need a good cry. Most of my friends who have boys have had the same experience.

I think this sums it up for me too... I can see me and DD being close forever... and DS moving on... Although I did put out a challenge yesterday. We were driving up to his school to get a few errands done and we spoke of things we would love to do. I mentioned climbing a mountain. (DS and DH just came back from Philmont boy scout ranch and they climbed mountains!) He did say he will join me for a climb. So maybe this will be what finally gets me to loose weight and add another "journey" into our relationship. Climbing a mountain!

I also did think about working on some of my interests and learning new things. I"ve always wanted to learn about meteorology and astronomy. I'm sure there are one of those books for dummies with that topic or something similar.

And of course DD and I have 4 more years before she flies the coop!
 
My DDs are only 22 months apart and DD1 was held back in 3rd grade so in school they are a year apart.

DD1 was a freshman last year. It is in our state but I kid her that it is as far away as possible and still in the state. She is 3.5 hours away. While I was sad last year, DH was upset. He even got misty eyed.

During the year she came home for visits and skyped when she was bored.

Now DD2 is joining her sister and we move both of them in on Sept 1st. Again I am handling it better than DH.

DH and I have a Disney trip (3 months from today) scheduled that our daughters are jealous of. I think I have made it through their teen years without killing them so I deserve a trip.

Our family is very close. The girls have one living grandparent (MIL) but she has been in a nursing home for 8 years. However I have 7 siblings so there are plenty of aunts, uncles and cousins who love them. I am planning an "auntie" visit to the girls in October. I will invite the aunts and female cousins while leaving the males at home.
 
I'm a mom to an only (DS18) who is moving into his dorm room two weeks from tomorrow 8 hrs away. What's been super hard for me is that we had some tough times with him from about 16 1/2-18, but now he's being very kind and his "old" self. He's a totally independent kid who loves to travel, makes new friends, etc, so I know he won't be in touch much, it will be up to me.

Do you watch "Cougar Town"? The first season dealt with her sending her only boy off to college and whoever writes for that show is spot on. I laugh and cry through every episode...

DH says that I am "mourning the loss" of not only DS leaving, but of my role of "mom" drastically changing (basically coming to an end).

So there's lots of room in this boat for more sad moms!

Terri
 
This will be me next year, hopefully (?).
Neither dd went away to college, but ds is planning on it. Since he is my only ds AND the baby, it's going to be hard.
DD#2 still lives home but is planning on moving out within the next year.
DD#1 and dgd (who lived with us most of dgd's life) moved out 15 months ago. And yes, the phone calls we get from her are "Help" or "What should I do?" but for the most part, they figure things out for themseves.
It is hard but that is our job, to provide wings and let our babies fly.
I am pretty much looking forward to the next stage of life. :thumbsup2
 
I am sending mine off in two weeks. For his entire senior year, I was in denial and wasn't sure how I would be able to deal with it. Then he got a job as a camp counselor this summer. I have to tell you, this job has been such a blessing!! It has totally prepared me for what is to come. He is on his last week of 10, and we have seen him some weekends, but have not been in touch during the week hardly at all.

The first week or two of camp, I really missed him. Then, I missed him, but life went on. Always looked forward to when I would see him again.

Hang in there!!!
 
Having opposite feelings here. I can't wait until DS is out! We are at 11 days and counting.

Don't get me wrong, I love my DS through and through, I just realize that this is part of life and we are both ready for him to leave the nest and fly on his own. Plus, we are going through the ol' "fouling the nest" syndrome here. He is making things so bad at times, that I can't wait for him to leave. Yes, I will miss him, but I know that this is best for all of us at this time. He is so ready to be on his own and I'm secure in knowing that I've prepared him for this part of his life.

Also looking towards having some one on one time with DD until she leaves next year and then it's back to just the two of us. I'm looking forward to being just me and DH and having the chance to enjoy each other again and focusing on us! Even starting to think about moving to a warmer climate and finding our retirement city. Not much to keep us in VA after DD graduates.

Hugs to all who are having a hard time, and to those who are doing the happy dance as well!
 












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