Have You Ever Hosted A Foreign Exchange Student? How Did It Go?

[QueenIsabella]

We hosted a couple students, for short periods of time.

The first was an exchange with kids from Spain. About 2 dozen of them arrived in NH for 3 weeks--all from the same school, all HS-aged, and they all went to different homes. Maria went to school with our DD, then afterwards there would be activities sometimes, other times, the kids (foreign and domestic) would just group up in different ways. For example, my DD ran cross-country--the Spanish kids did watch one meet, but were much more interested in watching soccer (can't blame them there). They went to a football game, went bowling, hung out, ate pizza, went apple picking, went to Homecoming--basically, tried to cram a lifetime of "American teenager" into 3 weeks. Maria was lovely, and she ended up going to college in the US. There were a few minor differences--she was from an arid part of Spain where water is expensive, so she'd ask before showering, and wear clothes several days before putting them in the laundry.

We also hosted a boy from China for a few days. He was very nice, very polite, excellent English. However, we got him, pretty much straight from China, and he only stayed a couple days. Poor kid was exhausted from the flight and a brief stop in DC before coming to NH, so he slept quite a bit for the few days we had him. But, I figured he was tired and needed it.

We had no issues with entitlement or rule-breaking, but I have heard of problems. One of the Spanish kids had to switch homes very early on--she landed with a very strict, religious family. The family had rules about smoking, and when the girl arrived, the parents searched her luggage and found cigarettes (most of the Spaniards smoked). They grounded the poor girl! The school stepped up and found her a more lenient household, so she could actually experience regular American life. FTR, our Maria also smoked, but she was so discreet that I didn't realize until about week 3. We knew this might be an issues, so I had told DD, please have her smoke outside if she does smoke. In reality, she was gone so much, I just never noticed.

Oh, another funny exchange student story--back when we lived in rural upstate NY, the school decided to host a bunch of kids for a year, from all different countries. Our childless neighbors decided to host, and got a boy from Honduras. They all had a blast! At the time, we were childless as well, and my DH was doing ski patrol on weekends, which entitled him to a free guest lift ticket per day that he volunteered. Well, he brought the Honduran boy once, just for a lark, and the boy really, really loved skiing. Next thing you know, every week, DH is heading up to the mountain with this kid! Sometimes a few friends, as well. And the young man had never seen snow before he landed in NY!

 

[Klayfish]

I think there's a pretty big difference between hosting someone who their self paid to be here, rather than having a live-in employee who is an adult.

Not sure how you'd draw that conclusion...you don't have kids and haven't hosted anyone, so I'd think your experience base on this is quite limited. To be technical, we also hosted a college student, but she was American (long story)...at the same time we had our au pair. Hosting an au-pair is NOT simply like having an "employee", not in the least. Yeah, they're older than high school students, but they're typically early college age, so they're still students. In fact, almost all of our au pairs took college classes while here. And the idea is not to just have an employee, but have a cultural exchange...very much like hosting a foreign exchange student. In fact, the au pair company managers talk to families about the similarities between the two. Sure, there are some differences, but not as much as you'd think. If you've actually hosted an au pair, then you'd understand what it's all about.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

To the PP who was concerned about my furniture: I did mention that the facilitator started making phone calls about a bed.

Also, it looks like there are programs that only run for 8 weeks at a time. If I went through with this, I would only sign up for the 8-week kind.

Of course, I would also have to read dossiers on all of the available kids. If I had my druthers, I'd want one from a family of modest means so that when they arrive in this very poor town in a very poor part of the country, they won't be aghast.

And I would never dream of making a guest contribute around the house. Even if the guest was a teenager who was trying to learn the American way of life. My grandmother would be rolling in her grave if I even though of doing such a thing.

I'm trying to figure out the draw for either you or an exchange student under the circumstances you've laid out thus far.

 

[stsomewhere]

My sister in law was an exchange student to Japan when she was in high school. She loved it. While she was in college, she had a job of placing exchange students. She convinced my inlaws to take one in ( They hd no kids living at home). It was a disaster. The girl was from Germany. SHe was use to having access to public transportation.( small rural area with nothing with in walking distance.) After a few weeks, it was clear that it as not a good fit. She was placed with another family.The exchange student ended up being sent back home after a few weeks. We later found out from the exchange coordinator that the girl had failed the interviews on the scholarship application because they did not feel that she would be a good candidate for the exchange program. So, her family paid the entire fee for her to go.

 

[scrhsa]

Why anyone would want to come to this dried-up little mining town in the middle of nowhere is beyond me. Perhaps they match kids from dried-up little mining towns at home so they don't feel too out of place. Nevertheless, the lady who manages the program says the kids come with their own spending money. I'd be glad to take them to Six Flags, to the St. Louis sites, and so on.

I know!! I feel sorry for the kids that get sent to my town!! We are between 1 -3 hrs away from any major city. There is NOTHING to do in this town, NOTHING. We are a farming/fishing community. The only thing to do is go eat at one of the many Mexican and/or seafood restaurants We only have a Walmart and a run down 2 screen movie theater/insurance agency I guess when one of the Doctors in town hosts they have the money to take them other places to do stuff but man, I know I'd have hated coming here. My own girls have had a hard time living here!!!

 

[DaisyJ]

I'm trying to figure out the draw for either you or an exchange student under the circumstances you've laid out thus far.

Not to mention how the agency would view hosts that use illegal drugs.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Not to mention how the agency would view hosts that use illegal drugs.

It doesn't appear that the agency is looking out for anyone but themselves in some cases. Are most agencies paid to match up kids with hosts?

 

[mom2rtk]

I wouldn't be very happy to send my kid on an exchange program only to find out the host had drugs in the house.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

We hosted two exchange students one summer when I was in high school. My folks agreed to host one, but something happened and they needed an emergency placement for the 2nd. I think it would have worked better with just one - they didn't have to interact or blend with our family, because they had each other. It was fun watching them experience new things.

I actually went through the process to host for this upcoming school year, but our school didn't agree to take the student (I think the agency waited too long to put in the request - the counselor told me that they had 4 enrolled already). I filled out a long application and then had a home visit and interview before we were cleared to host. I was looking forward to sharing our culture and traveling to some of my favorite places - New Orleans, Memphis, possibly Nashville, and, of course, Orlando. We were told to treat her like a member of the family - chores, curfew, house rules, etc. The "no's" were that we could not force her to go to church, we could never serve her alcohol, and we could not let her pay for anything for us.

 

[rastahomie]

What the heck do you people think I'm going to do, fire up my bong in front of an exchange student and let the chips fall where they may?

Think things through before you post, for Pete's sake.

 

[wilkeliza]

What the heck do you people think I'm going to do, fire up my bong in front of an exchange student and let the chips fall where they may?

Think things through before you post, for Pete's sake.

While I understand wanting to defend yourself you have been very open here about your use habits. While you may not fire it up in front of an exchange student it will still be in the house and something they might find. Also you'll be responsible for someone's child and I'm sure some parents would not be okay finding out their child was placed with someone who uses as frequently. I understand it may be seen as medicinal or no big deal to you but to others it may be a big deal.

I can't remember where you live but since it is also illegal in most states a parent could be concerned about their child living with someone knowingly breaking the law no matter how little of an offense you believe pot is.

 

[wilkeliza]

Not sure how you'd draw that conclusion...you don't have kids and haven't hosted anyone, so I'd think your experience base on this is quite limited. To be technical, we also hosted a college student, but she was American (long story)...at the same time we had our au pair. Hosting an au-pair is NOT simply like having an "employee", not in the least. Yeah, they're older than high school students, but they're typically early college age, so they're still students. In fact, almost all of our au pairs took college classes while here. And the idea is not to just have an employee, but have a cultural exchange...very much like hosting a foreign exchange student. In fact, the au pair company managers talk to families about the similarities between the two. Sure, there are some differences, but not as much as you'd think. If you've actually hosted an au pair, then you'd understand what it's all about.

Isn't hosting an au pair though about having someone to provide child care and they do have a lot of responsibility to you the host where as a exchange student is about having a kid live in your home and show them what your "average" American life is? I've only experienced them as the kid in a home not the adult but I could see where having an au pair who has a responsibility to take care of your children and what comes with that could be very different than hosting a middle schooler or high schooler. Sure there are similarities including a person living in your home but there are massive differences as well.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

While I understand wanting to defend yourself you have been very open here about your use habits. While you may not fire it up in front of an exchange student it will still be in the house and something they might find. Also you'll be responsible for someone's child and I'm sure some parents would not be okay finding out their child was placed with someone who uses as frequently. I understand it may be seen as medicinal or no big deal to you but to others it may be a big deal.

I can't remember where you live but since it is also illegal in most states a parent could be concerned about their child living with someone knowingly breaking the law no matter how little of an offense you believe pot is.

And regardless of the legality on the state level, it is still illegal on the federal level.

 

[DaisyJ]

What the heck do you people think I'm going to do, fire up my bong in front of an exchange student and let the chips fall where they may?

Think things through before you post, for Pete's sake.

You should probably take your own advice. Being open about drug use will come back to bite you. Parents who are trusting you with their child tend to frown on illegal drug users, as do agency's who are placing the kids.

 

[rastahomie]

You should probably take your own advice. Being open about drug use will come back to bite you.

So far, the only way it's come back to bite me is in the form of histrionic and uninformed posts on the DIS boards.

 

[Klayfish]

What the heck do you people think I'm going to do, fire up my bong in front of an exchange student and let the chips fall where they may?

Think things through before you post, for Pete's sake.

If you think that smoking marijuana is actually a good thing for you and a good thing to expose to youth (directly or indirectly), I really don't know what else to say. You can try to justify it all you want, but the truth is what it is.

 

[bcla]

I know!! I feel sorry for the kids that get sent to my town!! We are between 1 -3 hrs away from any major city. There is NOTHING to do in this town, NOTHING. We are a farming/fishing community. The only thing to do is go eat at one of the many Mexican and/or seafood restaurants We only have a Walmart and a run down 2 screen movie theater/insurance agency I guess when one of the Doctors in town hosts they have the money to take them other places to do stuff but man, I know I'd have hated coming here. My own girls have had a hard time living here!!!

Maybe it's not an exchange program like the original discussion, but I've come across younger people in the US on one category of the J-1 cultural exchange visa. It's not necessarily a student visa, but most are students who get work authorization. The work is supposed to provide interaction with (mostly) Americans, a chance to improve their English, and to experience a part of the US.

I've talked to a few of them working at various national park concessions, such as burger flippers, housekeeping, servers, busboys, front desk clerks, etc. The way one busboy described his placement, he signed up with an American agency and he knew the environment would be a US national park. The agency contracted with several national park concessionaires, and they decided on the placement. They would provide transportation to the work site along with housing and meals. The workers had free days and could go anywhere. However, I think the places that had shuttles might have been more convenient for them. Yellowstone doesn't and it's a big place. At Sequoia NP I noticed a large number of young Russian workers, and one day I saw a group of them using the free shuttle to go to hiking trails.

I remember Irish J-1 workers at a local movie theater cleaning up. I was talking about an exhibition soccer match that day in our area (Internazionale vs Real Madrid) and they absolutely knew about it. I think being in a large metro area with acceptable public transportation might be a more desirable location than some remote national park or perhaps a factory in a rural town.

And the factory in a rural town has become somewhat infamous. There were J-1 workers at a Hershey factory doing packaging. They apparently paid a placement fee and their pay wasn't even enough for the high housing fees charged by their agency. I don't think that was an issue where I've seen them, but certainly working at a factory hardly promotes interaction with Americans.

 

[Klayfish]

Isn't hosting an au pair though about having someone to provide child care and they do have a lot of responsibility to you the host where as a exchange student is about having a kid live in your home and show them what your "average" American life is? I've only experienced them as the kid in a home not the adult but I could see where having an au pair who has a responsibility to take care of your children and what comes with that could be very different than hosting a middle schooler or high schooler. Sure there are similarities including a person living in your home but there are massive differences as well.

Yes, that is definitely part of it, no doubt. The au pair has a responsibility to provide up to 40 hours of child care per week, and gets paid to do so. So yes, I completely agree with you, there are some significant differences. However, much of it is very comparable...at least to hosting a high school exchange student (a middle school age child would definitely be different). The au pair is supposed to experience what "average" American life is all about. That's part of the pitch of the au pair program. You (the host family) get the child care, and the au pair gets to experience real life in America. They are encouraged to be a member of the family, go to school, experience American culture, share their own culture, etc... Very similar things to what I know about foreign exchange high school/college age students. The child care aspect can throw in a unique dynamic, but many things are the same.

 

[mnrose]

And she was just part of our family! She would do her own laundry. She skyped with her family. She liked to visit and ask us questions ( had we ever seen a buffalo ? A wolf?)

She was so thankful to be here. She had never been to Dairy Queen or Sonic. She had levi jeans ( one pair) that her mom had bought for $100. So we shopped and she bought " cheap" Levis.

There were certain activities that all if the foreign students went to do together ( went to a baseball and football game) she liked going to the ball games at the highschool.

We had hoped her siblings would qualify for the program in future years and we would host them but they didn't.

We went to Germany this summer and she came to where we were for a few days. It was wonderful! She's like a daughter to us and a sister to our daughtet and we stay in touch via email. It may nit be until she gets married one day that we see her again.

This is what I am hoping for as well. We have skyped with her and her family, and they all seem very sweet and nice. She does the IM thing with my daughter constantly (which is awesome....they are going to feel like they *know* each other a little bit before she gets off the plane). It's been very "easy" so far...a little awkward with the Skype because of the language barrier with her mom and step dad (they speak English far better than my German, but still not as fluent as their daughter as she is currently studying English and their knowledge is from decades ago), but nothing unexpected. We've shared pictures of our home and compared to European standards, it's huge. LOL. So hopefully, she won't be too aghast at the living conditions. I've told her jokingly, but also seriously, that most Americans are nothing like the Kardashians (which they can watch in Germany) or the movies. I suspect we are more alike than anything. They live in a smallish suburb of Berlin, and we live in a larger, but somewhat farther from the city center, suburb of Minneapolis. We don't have good public transport, and they do. That's going to be a major difference. Not easy, for example, to reach downtown Minneapolis by bus from our house. If it goes well, my daughter will be living with them when she goes on a German class trip to Berlin next summer.

 

[osopecoso]

Isn't hosting an au pair though about having someone to provide child care and they do have a lot of responsibility to you the host where as a exchange student is about having a kid live in your home and show them what your "average" American life is? I've only experienced them as the kid in a home not the adult but I could see where having an au pair who has a responsibility to take care of your children and what comes with that could be very different than hosting a middle schooler or high schooler. Sure there are similarities including a person living in your home but there are massive differences as well.

We had an au pair for about 16 months. We paid the fee to the agency. We interviewed several girls from Colombia. We chose one who just graduated HS. she had experience taking care of children from working in Day cares. She took care of our daughter 5 days a week and occasionally baby sat on the weekend which was deprecate from her salary. We provided her with my wife's old SUV and all food along will cell phone. She stayed in my MIL suite which is above the garage so she had a way to get away. During the day she cooked for my daughter, did the babies laundry and bathed her. Overall it was a great experience for both us and her. To this day she facetimes with us at least once a week.