Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[talulabelle]

I guess I didn't realize how out-of-touch I am with wedding receptions throughout the country. Yeesh... here I thought we were doing it on the cheap limiting ourselves to 120 guests and having a lunch reception instead of a dinner reception. If only I had known there were other options available. I seriously had never heard of a punch & cake reception until reading this thread. I've been to one reception that was a potluck, which I thought was pretty tacky, but I wasn't surprised... the people who threw the reception are some of the tackiest people I know.

When my mother and her sisters were married in the late '50's , early 60's - they only invited close family and closest friends, and they either had a "reception" at their mothers house (small row houses mind you) where their mom made all the food and put out baked hams etc. (much like I do for my kids first communions or graduations parties) or if they were inviting a few more people, or had a very large family, they walked from the church across to the church hall after the ceremony and had a punch and cake reception. No music, just receiving friends and excepting their well-wishes. Of course as with everything, a few would go to a rich girls reception at a country club and think they needed to act that rich too, and it grew and grew, and wedding factory places sprung up for those who couldn't afford to belong to country clubs, and it is all out of hand now.

What is funny, is with the pendulem effect, I notice the very rich shunning these big gaudy events and having elegant simple small home receptions at their beautiful homes as a way of separating their selves. so , I'm sure that eventually these will come back into fashion , as the masses will want to look like the rich people.

 

[ameraumi]

It is rare to find a reception with a FULL open bar here. Most receptions have soda/tea/water/coffee available at no cost but alcohol is extra.

10 yrs ago when we were married we had our reception at a local country club. It was catered by them and we paid for the soda/tea/coffee and beer/wine. All other drinks were on a cash bar basis. One was because there were some serious drinkers being invited and we just could not afford them. Plus we were hoping to avoid any issues with too much drinking and driving. We had a wonderful reception and I would not have done it any other way.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I was married in 1983 and we had a 6 hr open bar. In CT, it is the norm to have open bar.

I have only been to one where it was a cash bar and we were shocked for sure. And the envelope did get a tad lighter Our gift was based on a normal wedding and open bar, did not rate the same gift if I am spending money at the reception

However, if it is the custom in your area then you go knowing what to expect. It is those that catch you completely by surprise that are shocking

 

[sha_lyn]

I have only been to one where it was a cash bar and we were shocked for sure. And the envelope did get a tad lighter Our gift was based on a normal wedding and open bar, did not rate the same gift if I am spending money at the reception

I'm sorry but IMHO taking money out of the gift is very tacky. No one is making you buy a drink (unless of course it is like in the OP and not even tea or water was served).

 

[Magic Mom]

Nope.

Picked up DS from a kiddie birthday party and was told what my share of the event came to, though. Nothing on the invites, nothing when dropping off, but when we picked up, we were all told what we owed.

No!!?? OK, you have to fill me in on the details of this. Where was the party. How old? How much did they charge you? Were you able to pick your jaw up off the floor before flies flew in?

 

[Mickeyluver37]

Ah, it's so nice to read this thread and know that we're the normal ones because DH's family thinks we're snobs. DH has a HUGE family in Upstate NY so I've been to quite a few of these weddings. I was completely dumbfounded when I attended the first one. They are generally held in "hall" type places with a bartender, so no outside punch type stuff is allowed. You (the guest) have to pay for everything yourself, including tea, coffee, soda. I find it incredibly tacky- and along with these weddings generally includes a pasta buffet (because it's cheap) and a dollar dance. It seems like the goal is to get as much money as you can without spending much. One we were invited to recently was on a boat (lunch cruise) and with the invitation was instructions on how to book your own ticket, which yes, you had to pay for your own meal. The groom (dh's relative) is in his 50's and it was his 3rd or 4th marriage. We didn't attend!

My kids birthday parties include more food and drinks then some of these examples I would never expect an invited guest to pay for anything. If I could not afford an open bar, then I would of had a dry wedding with soft drinks only. Or better yet, save until I could afford it.

And this was exactly my point to the IL's. Can you imagine me inviting you over for pizza and not offering soda, let alone a gift giving event? But, I conceded to being the MD snob a long time ago and just keep my mouth shut.

 

[aprilgail2]

and a dollar dance. :

I think that the "dollar dance" is the tackiest of all tacky things! It reminds me of a stripper where guys shove dollars into their g-strings!

 

[starwatcher]

I had coffee, punch, water, ginger ale, non alcoholic grape juice and champagne at my reception. Also cake, mints and nuts. We only had about 30 people at my wedding so after the reception took them to maggiano's itailian restuarunt had the family dinner where you pick 2 of every course and we paid for it. Noone had to pay out of pocket to eat at my wedding. I think it tacky to have to pay for soda or non alcholic stuff at a wedding.

 

[LindaG4458]

Here in central Indiana, I am astonished if I go to a function and don't have to pay for a drink. I am not talking about weddings, in particular--I have not been to a wedding where nothing was offered to drink, but, normally, at such an event, I would drink water or coffee.

For example, at our medical society Christmas dinner, we had to pay for drinks, non-alcoholic, at the bar, whether it was water, cola or whatever. If we got it from the bar, we paid, and had to give the fellow who poured a tip besides. The kicker is that we paid $50 per couple to attend the event! But, this was before dinner--we had a glass of water with dinner, and coffee with dessert. which was included with the meal.

It's the same in southern NH at my relatives' weddings. I think there has only been one wedding with an open bar. I was very surprised when the drinks were no charge. Of course, there are some family members with alcohol problems so paying for drinks does help to control consumption rates.

 

[CJMZ]

Growing up in NY and then CT, every party - wedding, baptism, anniversary party etc. that was held at a hall was sit down with open bar. It was something that I never thought - we just brought money to tip for the coat check and valet.
Went to a couple of weddings of college friends and my husbands side of the family and there was definite culture shock.
We attended one at a VFW hall in which we were expected to pay for soft drinks and bottled water, my husband had to go to an ATM to get money. It was also where I saw the dollar dance for the first time.
Did go to a coworkers wedding, and saw her crying in the bathroom - she had paid for a sit-down meal, and the hall messed up and served a buffet and would not refund her the difference.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Nope.

Picked up DS from a kiddie birthday party and was told what my share of the event came to, though. Nothing on the invites, nothing when dropping off, but when we picked up, we were all told what we owed.

Get the hell out of here!!!!! Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY?!!!
Wow. That's just messed up. I swear to God, I would have laughed in the person's face, said, "Great Joke, haha" and walked away.

I'm sure I'll read on and see what you did. But, OMG - this is going to be the topic of conversation amongst me and my friends tomorrow. Holy cow. Talk about classless...

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

yup. worst wedding ever. it is why we do not seal a wedding envelope gift until after we get to the reception. cheap reception? then maybe the gift may get a little lighter........

Wow. I never agreed with this trend until I read this thread...pay for one's soda. Holy cannoli. I need to go get more wine. Unreal.

I think I will also leave ALL of my envelopes unsealed from here on in.

 

[wilderness01]

I've never even been to a wedding that didn't have a full open bar I guess it's a regional thing. Around here having a cash bar is about as tacky as tacky gets

Same here. Actually we even had a tab bar for our Baptisms and would never ever dream of making our guests pay, NEVER.

 

[wilderness01]

Wow. I never agreed with this trend until I read this thread...pay for one's soda. Holy cannoli. I need to go get more wine. Unreal.

I think I will also leave ALL of my envelopes unsealed from here on in.

My brother's friend did this at another friends wedding. He determined after seeing them interact at the wedding/reception that the marriage wouldn't last more than a year, 2 years tops. He took $$ out of the envelope. Ding, ding, ding, he was right!!!!!

 

[wilderness01]

A BAPTISM with an open bar and a live band ???

Yes that is our culture. Actually we didn't do a live band, but did entertainment for the kids instead. But we did have a tab bar, which we paid, a sit down meal with favors, and a huge dessert table. It was very nice.

 

[LadyBears]

Here in central Indiana, I am astonished if I go to a function and don't have to pay for a drink. I am not talking about weddings, in particular--I have not been to a wedding where nothing was offered to drink, but, normally, at such an event, I would drink water or coffee.

It's the same in southern NH at my relatives' weddings.

OP - you didn't state where this wedding was (or if you did, I missed it - sorry). It is the same, for me & DH at least (& as I recall in planning my first wedding, it was the same for ex DH & his family), here in southeastern MA & RI.

All receptions are either buffet style or sit down - which consists of appetizer(s), meal & cake & icecream (& possibly one other dessert depending on where the reception is being held at) & serve coffee & water & one small glass of wine for a toast at no charge, but anything (including milk, juice or soda) that comes from the bar must be paid for out of the drinkers pocket at the bar. (Though on the occasion that DD was with us, I have yet to have a bar tender charge us for her milk - I don't know if that was the "policy" or because we tip well .

Come to think of it - it is the same for corporate functions too. Coffee & water only is supplied at no charge. Though I have been to some where the company will supply the employee & guest one ticket for one free alcoholic drink.

DH and I just got back from a wedding where not even the soda was free. Geesh. DH had to run out an ATM during the reception just so we could have a drink with our meal!!

I've never heard of, or been to, a function where the hosts didn't at least include some sort of beverage, even if they wanted to do a cash bar.

Anyone else??????

Oh it gets better...

Anyway...I was shocked that there were no "free" beverages. Oh, there was a coffee pot set up (the food itself was catered and served buffet style), but it's hot here today and I did not want coffee. I didn't even want it with the cake! lol

OP - I'm confused. First you said that they didn't offer ANY beverages, then you said they did (coffee)??? It would be tacky if they didn't offer anything, but they did offer something - you just were not in the mood for it.
In hindsite - you could have asked for a glass of ice from the bar & then make your own iced coffee with the free coffee to have a free cold drink. I'm just sayin' that that has been done before.....

 

[phragmipedium]

I guess there just must be different opinions on this one.

If there was something to have at my wedding that I couldn't afford to provide unless the guests paid for it, I would revise my plans or not offer it. Including sodas (as long as water/coffee/tea were provided). Actually, I'd probably try to find a different venue, and I'm in the Pac. NW, not Long Island or NE or somewhere that weddings are very expensive and out-doing each other. I'd just pick a different venue or make some other changes so that I could afford to have the wedding the way I wanted, without putting the guests in that position. But if there were no way around that venue and I still couldn't afford something like soda, I would just not provide it, the same way if I needed to charge guests for alcohol, I would simply not serve alcohol. Or if it was terribly important to me to have alcohol, I would adjust my plans until I could afford it (ie perhaps there would be beer/wine only) - that's just me. Weddings aren't terribly fancy in our area, and I've never seen a cash bar or cash anything at a wedding; it's just not something DH or I would have been comfortable with for our wedding, which was a modest affair.

If I went to a wedding and could not get Diet Coke because it just wasn't there, I might think - hmm, that was weird, no soft drinks. And then I'd never think of it again. But if I went to a wedding where I saw Diet Coke and wanted it and then found out I had pay for it, I would be surprised and probably not prepared and would probably feel like it was tacky. It would have been the only time this ever happened in my experiences, and it is something I would remember. I wouldn't bear any ill will toward the bride/groom, but it would negatively impact my memories of the wedding. I don't believe in "leaving the envelope unsealed" because DH and I give to the bride and groom based on our relationship, not their reception, but in this case I might wish I'd left it open just in order to get my Diet Coke.

Wow...same with the kid's birthday party. Yikes! If you can't afford the party you've chosen, pick something else. Kids will be happy with cake and ice cream in a park or backyard if they can be with their friends.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

Come to think of it - it is the same for corporate functions too. Coffee & water only is supplied at no charge. Though I have been to some where the company will supply the employee & guest one ticket for one free alcoholic drink.

I have never attended a corporate function that wasn't open bar. I'm assuming you are talking about internal, employee only type functions? Because I can't imagine a business function where you invite your clients/vendors and don't give them anything to drink. Now, getting sloppy drunk at these things would also be in poor taste, of course.

 

[Cinders Mum]

we had a very small budget wedding, but here we did the religious ceremony for 60, with a 4 course sit down meal, champagne to toast, wine with the meal, then an additional 100 guests for our reception in the evening (day went from 2pm - 1am) and we did do a cash bar.

I could not afford to keep 160 scots in alcohol sorry !!!!!! LOL

 

[Magic Mom]

=I would just not provide it, the same way if I needed to charge guests for alcohol, I would simply not serve alcohol. =

Are people really offended when they have top pay for an alcoholic drink? I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I love a free bar, but I would rather pay for a glass of wine at a wedding, then not have a glass of wine because the bride and groom couldn't afford it. They aren't forcing guests to buy alcohol, they are giving that option if you really want it.
Now soda, tea, and coffee are a different thing. That should be offered for free. I also think that asking guests to pay for their own food is taaaackyyy, except in a very few occasions.
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