Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[Dr.Girlfriend]

We did not have soda at our wedding because it was around $2 a glass and we couldn't afford to have a "free for all" on soda (we had 150 people attend our wedding). If we gave everyone ONE glass of soda, it would have been an additional $300 for our reception...and most people won't just drink ONE glass of soda. We had set a certain budget for our reception and the majority of it went to the buffet that we had set up.

Alcohol was also seriously expensive, but we had a cash bar for that and if someone REALLY wanted soda, they could purchase it from there.

We had coffee, iced and hot tea and water available for free and not ONE person complained about it.

I'm a little surprised you were so angry that you didn't get a soda to drink. How terrible is it to miss one soda with a meal? Water isn't horrible. And the cost of the soda may have been out of the bride and groom's price range.

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

Well now that I am secure in the knowledge that I am quite possibly the tackiest person on the DIS, I'll say I'm not surprised.

Most weddings I can remember that were not open bar charged for EVERYTHING from the bar. Beer, wine, mixed drinks, specialty drinks, and soft drinks.

Our wedding was exactly the same. Hi I'm Debbie, and apparently I am a tacky New Englander.

Hi Debbie. Apparently we're the same. I'm honestly beyond shocked that so many people feel it's tacky to not be offered free sugary drinks.

 

[LaraK]

I had an open bar at my wedding, but was able to purchase my own liquor and provide it to the hall, which gave me some controls.

I do think it's my responsibility to ensure my guests are happy and couldn't imagine having a cash bar. On the other hand, I wouldn't complain if I went to a cash bar event, I would be the guest in that case and would behave as such and be appreciative to have just been invited. Just as I would want to be accommodating as a host, I think you should be accommodating as a guest.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

My DS also had a cash bar at his wedding for the same reason. The very people they had the cash bar for decided NOT to show up because of it. Had we known they weren't coming, we could have forgotten the cash bar, but then they would have shown up, so its just a vicious circle! I have never met any of these people, but I know that the police have been called at several functions and DS didn't want to have to be responsible for them.



One of the people I was concerned about at my son's wedding is the only person I know who was kicked out of the Magic Kingdom for being drunk at 11:00 a.m.

Teresa

 

[stitchlilo]

We had an open bar and most wedding we attend were open bar. I have never not been offered free soda at and open bar. I prefer water, so no problem.

One wedding we attended they did a cash bar and I totally agreed with the reason. The grooms side and the paternal side of the bride's family had many with drinking problems. We were part of the bride's maternal side and were fine with paying for that beer or two DH drank. We did get free soda.

I give the same gift no matter if the reception is buffet/plated/family style, open or cash bar, type of food served, quality of the cake or any other reason. I am giving them a gift and not paying them for the amount of fun and quality food they gave me. They invited me to be there to celebrate their happy day and I was happy to attend.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I think it is a host/hostesses responsibility to provide for their guests. Cash bars and cash soda, imo, are the tackiest thing ever. I would never do it. If money is an issue the host/hostess should scale back their guest list, or offer only beer, wine and soda, or if it is a casual type wedding offer iced tea, punch, etc. I don't think alcohol is a requirement for a wedding, if you can't afford it then offer what you can...but don't expect your guests to pay for it. Not offering soda is REALLY tacky...and cheap.

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

I don't think alcohol is a requirement for a wedding, if you can't afford it then offer what you can...but don't expect your guests to pay for it. Not offering soda is REALLY tacky...and cheap.

Then don't go. I think it's tacky and rude to bash someone because they're not offering you a free soda with your meal. The idea of going to a wedding and reception is to celebrate the marriage, not complain about what you're eating or drinking. All of the weddings I have ever attended here in the South have only had free water, tea and coffee.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I honestly don't remember what we did. Have I been married too long?

 

[Bren's Mom]

I think I should clarify the cash bar a little bit. In the Northeast, mant receptions are held in restaurants/clubs/hotels which have a separate bar, open to non-wedding guests.

So when I said that we provided a cocktail hour, it was in a small function room different from the reception ballroom. Then, during the sitdown dinner, beer (any domestic brand) wine, (two reds, one white) champagne for the toast, and non-alcoholic drinks were provided. If the guests wanted a mixed drink, they had to go out to the bar; there was no bar set up in the ballroom.

I don't think that this is any different than just providing a limited drink option at a party in my home. I wouldn't expect to get any old drink I wanted at someone's house.

I think this was a perfect solution. You offered your guests more than enough and I assume stayed within your budget. That's what should be done, but many aren't as smart as you!

 

[Boston Tea Party]

PS

If there was NOTHING offered to drink, tacky on their part.

If they offered you both hot and cold beverage choices but you were too picky, tack on YOUR part to criticize their hospitality.

JMHO

 

[Tigger&Belle]

One of the people I was concerned about at my son's wedding is the only person I know who was kicked out of the Magic Kingdom for being drunk at 11:00 a.m.

Teresa

Wow! He could have at least waited until noon. (yes, I'm kidding)

 

[mumom95]

At my BIL's wedding every guest was given 2 drink tickets. You could use them for soda, wine or beer. But you only got 2 drinks. After that, you had to pay for it, even water (they only had bottled water, not tap).

 

[creativeamanda]

Question, are you all going to the wedding to see the wedding or for the party? It sounds as if the priority is for you all to go to a party footed by the bride's family, which can lead up to being tens of thousands of dollars. My wedding was paid for by my husband and we did not have tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a party. If people came to my wedding, they knew they were getting cake and punch and they knew that we did not have the money to put on a big affair. If you all consider it tacky, I'm thankful I did not invite you to my wedding.

 

[OceanAnnie]

PS

If there was NOTHING offered to drink, tacky on their part.

If they offered you both hot and cold beverage choices but you were too picky, tack on YOUR part to criticize their hospitality.

JMHO

ITA.

 

[Ember]

I would rather treat fewer people as my cherished guests at a day as important as my wedding, than invite more people then I could afford and treat them as strangers. If that meant celebrating with only 10 people and treating them right, I would have preferred that to a lavish wedding where my guests were no more than bank machines funding my wedding and handing over gifts. (Actually, this isn't far from what I did, I only had 21 guests at my wedding, but they were treated to an afternoon reception and a dessert party during EPCOT's Illuminations in the evening. )

People have cash bars because they want huge, fancy weddings they can't afford or that or they don't feel their guests are worth the cost of a few drinks. No matter which way you look at it, it's tacky and rude. Serve ice water, if that's all you can afford, but serve it graciously! Having a small or inexpensive wedding is NOT tacky. Expecting guests to pay for your wedding is.

Weddings have turned into a franchise all about what you can "make." They are no longer about celebrating something joyous with the people most important to you. For the most part, I hate going to weddings, they seem to bring out the worst in people.

 

[froglady]

I think this was a perfect solution. You offered your guests more than enough and I assume stayed within your budget. That's what should be done, but many aren't as smart as you!

In our case, an open bar would have been tallied AFTER the fact, depending upon what and how much the guests had ordered. As I mentioned, if even one bottle of hard liquor was opened, we would have been charged for a whole bottle. The bar tab could have easily exceeded the food bill! (and maybe my dress, flowers, etc) Had I been offered an amount per/person for an open bar when planning, I might have done it differently. If this was standard in RI & Southern MA at the time (or still is) it might explain the number of cash bars.

Our wedding was "rushed" by today's standards. Officially engaged in May, married at Thanksgiving, so I didn't take a lot of time finding the perfect venue, but used one where I had attended a few weddings and large parties.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

NJ resident here, and have never been to a wedding without an open bar - no dry weddings or cash bar weddings here!

ITA - it must be a NJ thing! When my dd got married I couldn't imagine asking guests to pay for their own bar drinks, much less soda. I would have scaled back the wedding before asking guests to pay. JMHO - but I do agree it's tacky to invite guests then expect them to foot the bill.

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

PS

If there was NOTHING offered to drink, tacky on their part.

If they offered you both hot and cold beverage choices but you were too picky, tack on YOUR part to criticize their hospitality.

JMHO

VERY well said!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Question, are you all going to the wedding to see the wedding or for the party? It sounds as if the priority is for you all to go to a party footed by the bride's family, which can lead up to being tens of thousands of dollars. My wedding was paid for by my husband and we did not have tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a party. If people came to my wedding, they knew they were getting cake and punch and they knew that we did not have the money to put on a big affair. If you all consider it tacky, I'm thankful I did not invite you to my wedding.

Well if I go to the wedding of course I want to see the wedding but if you invite me to a reception then at least treat me like a guest and not a paying customer.

 

[talulabelle]

Nope.

Picked up DS from a kiddie birthday party and was told what my share of the event came to, though. Nothing on the invites, nothing when dropping off, but when we picked up, we were all told what we owed.

I thought it was bad enough when my daughter was invited to a roller skating birthday party and they rented out the rink for the party but put on the invitations that you should bring your own skates or you rent them for $2. Instead of having a managable amount of kids and treating them to everything, they invited the entire 4th grade (all bringing gifts of course) and made them pay for their own skates.

I had been to parties at the same rink before and the rink gives the family a roll of tickets to pass out for the party to get your skates. The rink collects the tickets then charges the family for how many were used. At this party, the grandfather stood at the window and you had to give him $2.00 for a ticket and then hand it to the skate person to get your skates. I was thought it was so dumb because why wouldn't I just give my $2 to the skate person? Then someone told me how he was collecting the money and when the party was over he would just pass the money to cover the skate costs. SO CHEAP!!!! I was ticked off that we brought such a nice gift. I should have charged them $2 for the gift wrap and card on it.