Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[chicagodisneyfan]

Are people really offended when they have top pay for an alcoholic drink? I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I love a free bar, but I would rather pay for a glass of wine at a wedding, then not have a glass of wine because the bride and groom couldn't afford it.

I am not offended....but I think it is very tacky and classless to force ANY guest to pay for ANYthing!

If a couple cannot afford it, do not offer it for sale.

I have no issue with water/pop/tea if that is all they can afford. But then do not offer anything else.

I would never invite a guest to my house and expect them to pay for drinks - why would my wedding be the same.

(my wedding was a sit down dinner, top shelf open bar etc.)

 

[ICF]

Can someone remind me what the point of a wedding is?

Do some of you only attend for the reception or are you there to celebrate someone's special day and share in their happiness?

Just as a wedding shouldn't be a cash grab on the part of the bride and groom, people should adjust their gift based on how good or bad the "party" after was....but maybe that's just me.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

My when extremely generous parents and I sat down to talk about my wedding budget (well, really THEIR budget), we talked about the kind of reception we would have....

My mother (who hardly ever drinks) thought that we should have a cash bar. My Dad thought we should an an open bar. I started crying because I could think of nothing tackier than making my guests pay for their own drinks; alcoholic or not. I told my Mom that I would rather have nice hors d'oerves and an open bar than a sit down meal and a cash bar. Finally, I convinced my mother and we had the sit down meal AND full open bar.... but here was the breakdown....

$15/pp per hour for coffee/water/soda

$18/ pp per hour for coffee/water/soda and beer and wine

$20/pp per hour for all of the above plus liquor

$24/pp per hour for all above with TOP SHELF liquor

So it was really just a few dollars more per person ... We opted for the regualr liquor, beer, wine, soda and coffee option.....

OH- and after three hours (our reception lasted 5 hours because nobody would leave!), it went down to only $5 pp per hour.....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

A BAPTISM with an open bar and a live band ???

We have had open bar and a DJ....

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Yes that is our culture. Actually we didn't do a live band, but did entertainment for the kids instead. But we did have a tab bar, which we paid, a sit down meal with favors, and a huge dessert table. It was very nice.

Are you Greek? Our family has had some of the most extravagant baptisms (my one cousin even had a bellydancer perform at hers).

For those who don't know - those who are Greek Orthodox receive their First Communion and are confirmed into the church at the same time they are baptized. The children do not have any other sacraments or "rights of passage" until their wedding day. A baptism is a HUGE event in a Greek family - and the reception usually mirrors that of a wedding. It's also important to note that the Godparents pick up the tab for nearly everything except the reception - they pay for the favors, Baptism clothing (gown for the service and reception outfit), gold cross, etc.

I guess the thing is - different cultures have different traditions. Different areas of the country have different traditions. However - IMHO - inviting people to an event that you're planning and expecting them to pay (without giving them any prior warning) is just classless.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Can someone remind me what the point of a wedding is?

Do some of you only attend for the reception or are you there to celebrate someone's special day and share in their happiness?

Just as a wedding shouldn't be a cash grab on the part of the bride and groom, people should adjust their gift based on how good or bad the "party" after was....but maybe that's just me.

Let me try and explain this a bit. I think it is being misconstrued. I'd lie to think that if I went to a wedding and it was cash anything I wouldn't take money out of the envelope- however- I only carry enough to tip the valet and coat check. So who knows? The other thing is that I would be highly insulted if you invited me to YOUR party and expected ME to pay for anything! On some level I think it is completely right to take it out of the envelope. I wouldn't invite you to my house for dinner and then expect you to pay for anything so I am certainly not going to invite you to my wedding reception and charge you for anything. That IMO is rude, tacky, and well disgusting. Sorry but that is how I feel. If you cannot afford to host your party then scale back or don't have a party. So yes- I can totally see why someone would take money out of an envelope (and have seen it done- rightly so I might add). If you have no respect and courtesy for me as a guest- which as a host you should- then I would think that my relationship with you isn't what I thought it was so that could impact the gift.
FTR- I have never ever taken money out of the envelope and have only been to one cash event ever. (the whole family was insulted).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Yes that is our culture. Actually we didn't do a live band, but did entertainment for the kids instead. But we did have a tab bar, which we paid, a sit down meal with favors, and a huge dessert table. It was very nice.

I agree that big parties are the norm here. I am currently getting stuff ready for my DD's 1st birthday. I can't wait!

 

[Teresa Pitman]

At my son's wedding, the reception was a sit-down dinner. We had several bottles of wine at each table, and then there was a cash bar if people wanted more than that. I did have some complaints from certain guests about having to pay for their additional drinks, but those particular guests were actually WHY we went for the cash bar - it was an attempt to minimize their alchohol consumption, based on what had happened at some previous family events.

Teresa

 

[froglady]

I think I should clarify the cash bar a little bit. In the Northeast, mant receptions are held in restaurants/clubs/hotels which have a separate bar, open to non-wedding guests.

So when I said that we provided a cocktail hour, it was in a small function room different from the reception ballroom. Then, during the sitdown dinner, beer (any domestic brand) wine, (two reds, one white) champagne for the toast, and non-alcoholic drinks were provided. If the guests wanted a mixed drink, they had to go out to the bar; there was no bar set up in the ballroom.

I don't think that this is any different than just providing a limited drink option at a party in my home. I wouldn't expect to get any old drink I wanted at someone's house.

Now, I would be a bit put off if I went to a party and there is only one type of hard liquor provided, or only one "color" of wine, with no other cold options.

I went to a Christmas Eve party once where there was hot chocolate and Scotch and soda only. No beer, no wine, no other "hard" liquor and mixers, and no soft drinks. I drank tap water all evening.

 

[mjkacmom]

Not in New England. I'm from NJ, where weddings always had open bars. When we moved to New England, we were shocked at having to pay for drinks at weddings. When I was in my friend's wedding (in my halter dress and tiny evening bag), I didn't have any money on me...never occurred to me to bring money...and someone took pity on me and bought me a soda. (Yup, even had to pay for that.) When I got married (in RI), our friends were amazed that we had an open bar, and I think my ILs thought we were being show-offy. But my parents' philosophy was that we were inviting guests to our event...essentially "our home", altho it was at another venue...and as our guests, they shouldn't have to pay for anything. Obviously, it's driven by local custom tho.

I was surprised when my DS went to a laser-tag birthday party and had to pay for playing laser-tag.

NJ resident here, and have never been to a wedding without an open bar - no dry weddings or cash bar weddings here!

 

[luvmy3]

Ah, it's so nice to read this thread and know that we're the normal ones because DH's family thinks we're snobs. DH has a HUGE family in Upstate NY so I've been to quite a few of these weddings. I was completely dumbfounded when I attended the first one. They are generally held in "hall" type places with a bartender, so no outside punch type stuff is allowed. You (the guest) have to pay for everything yourself, including tea, coffee, soda. I find it incredibly tacky- and along with these weddings generally includes a pasta buffet (because it's cheap) and a dollar dance. It seems like the goal is to get as much money as you can without spending much.

I am from upstate NY also with a huge family, and I have been to alot of weddings. The majority of them have been at hall or hotel type places and have always been open bar. I think I have been to maybe 3 that have had cash bar (but other non alcoholic drinks were free) one of them was at home in NY, one was in Boston and one was in Baltimore.
I have never been to a wedding with a pasta buffet (but I wouldn't complain since I do love pasta ), all but one have been sit down dinners with a choice of entree. The one that was a buffet offered many things including 3 different carving stations.

I also want to say that there is nothing wrong with a couple (or the brides parents) doing what they can to save money. Looking back, I would have cut some things out of my wedding in order to be able to purchase a house sooner. Since it seems your dh's family always has these types of weddings and you expect that you will have to pay your own way at the reception, you can always decline the invitation.

 

[Nennie]

I'm also from NJ, and all weddings here are open bar.

I did go to a "black tie" wedding in North Carolina, and it was the tackiest wedding I've ever been to! Despite being a black tie affair, it was a cash bar. Not only was it a cash bar (had to pay for everything, including soda), but guests had to go to a separate cashier to purchase drink tickets (looked like carnival tickets) and then take the drink tickets over to the bar to get a drink. It was horrible! We spent approximately $1200 to attend this wedding (fortunately DH owns a tux and didn't have to rent one!), as did all of the grooms friends and family who also traveled from NJ, and then we were expected to pay for our drinks???!!!!

The wedding was 3 years ago, and whenever I run into anyone who was at the wedding also, we always ended up joking and laughing about the trainwreck affair!!

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Can someone remind me what the point of a wedding is?

Do some of you only attend for the reception or are you there to celebrate someone's special day and share in their happiness?

Just as a wedding shouldn't be a cash grab on the part of the bride and groom, people should adjust their gift based on how good or bad the "party" after was....but maybe that's just me.

No but if I'm sitting there without enough cash to pay for my family to have a drink with a meal (NOT talking about alcohol here, that is a separate issue for me, but I mean even sodas) and I have not budgeted $40 for drinks (meaning I do not have the cash on me at all), then I will be forced to do so. If there is something offered yes of course I will drink that but to get NO drinks at all, I don't understand that.

 

[SarahK]

I'm from CT, and have never been to a wedding where I had to pay for drinks. I would have been amazed to show up at a wedding reception have to pay for water or soda. I can understand alcohol, but not soda or even water!

 

[powellrj]

At my son's wedding, the reception was a sit-down dinner. We had several bottles of wine at each table, and then there was a cash bar if people wanted more than that. I did have some complaints from certain guests about having to pay for their additional drinks, but those particular guests were actually WHY we went for the cash bar - it was an attempt to minimize their alchohol consumption, based on what had happened at some previous family events.

Teresa

My DS also had a cash bar at his wedding for the same reason. The very people they had the cash bar for decided NOT to show up because of it. Had we known they weren't coming, we could have forgotten the cash bar, but then they would have shown up, so its just a vicious circle! I have never met any of these people, but I know that the police have been called at several functions and DS didn't want to have to be responsible for them.

In our area, buffets are really popular. In fact, I can only think of a couple of sit down meals. Almost all weddings are either buffet or no food, cake and punch only.

 

[lecach]

Im in NC and we recently went to a wedding with a sit down reception and open bar and cocktail hour. DH had NEVER been to this type. It was only my 2nd I think. In fact, for the most part, there isn't any alcohol available at all at receptions around here. Our wedding was in a baptist church with an afternoon reception in the fellowship hall. We had heavy hors doevres and punch. We weren't even allowed to toast each other with punch - nothing that could be associated with alcohol was allowed. We then had an after party at the hotel where the out of towners were stayng. We had lots of free beer there and took the leftovers from the reception. It was a LOT more fun

 

[froglady]

I think I forgot to mention that when I was living in RI, a post reception party was common. After the wedding reception, people were invited back to the bride's parent's house (usually) for more food, drinking (both alcoholic and non) and socializing. I've heard that lately sometimes the bride and groom show up; that was a no-no in my day.

My SIL told me that she had never been to something like that, and my mother told me the last guest left at 3AM!

 

[ibouncetoo]

I'd be more than happy to go to a wedding in someone's backyard and drink lemonade as long as I'm treated like a guest and not a customer. Sometimes I really don't get what people are thinking!

Hear, hear!


.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am from upstate NY also with a huge family, and I have been to alot of weddings. The majority of them have been at hall or hotel type places and have always been open bar. I think I have been to maybe 3 that have had cash bar (but other non alcoholic drinks were free) one of them was at home in NY, one was in Boston and one was in Baltimore.
I have never been to a wedding with a pasta buffet (but I wouldn't complain since I do love pasta ), all but one have been sit down dinners with a choice of entree. The one that was a buffet offered many things including 3 different carving stations.

I also want to say that there is nothing wrong with a couple (or the brides parents) doing what they can to save money. Looking back, I would have cut some things out of my wedding in order to be able to purchase a house sooner. Since it seems your dh's family always has these types of weddings and you expect that you will have to pay your own way at the reception, you can always decline the invitation.

I somewhat disagree here. Sure- you shouldn't go into debt for your wedding. BUT- if you are going to invite people to come YOU should foot the entire bill. Don't invite me to spend my money to pay for your party. Trim your guest list and treat the people you invited right. YMMV.

 

[Kath2003]

I went to a wedding where there was wine or OJ. Since I hate OJ, if I'd not been on the wine, I'd have had to pay for a soda. There was enough wine for one or two glasses per person; I'd never expect to be provided with more than that, although it's nice if there's more available.

Never been to a wedding with an open bar - I guess it's not done in the UK. Wine and a soft drink alternative during the meal is pretty standard but once the meal's over, you're on your own!