Have you ever been ashamed of your child?

[SuiteDisney]

I don't mean disappointed in them. Did they ever do anything that made you feel ashamed and wonder what you did or didn't do wrong? Or is it just me?

 

[Dopey Sharon]

yes

 

[mamajoan]

Yes, you are not alone......

 

[RoqueC]

I sure hope my parents never thought this way of me...

 

[nativetxn]

Yes, when ds was 13 he decided to shoplift a cassette music tape when he was shopping with his father. He got caught and they let him go but his father was ready for him to go to jail. He was so humiliated and we were both so disappointed.

I'll never understand why he did that, I suppose it was a kid thing but I felt like the worst mom in the world at the time

 

[RoqueC]

Kids make mistakes, we just have to learn to get over them.

 

[Dopey Sharon]

Yes, they do...unfortunately some make bigger mistakes than others and they follow them for the rest of their lives.

 

[chell]

Sometimes they just like to see how many buttons they can push! Hope things get better for you real soon!

 

[Saffron]

{{{{Hugs}}}} I wish I knew what to say.

 

[bsnyder]

Been there! Some kids do learn from their mistakes though.

And some kids just have questionable values, no matter what their parents do.

Hang in there!

 

[disfanatiks]

I have NEVER been ashamed of my child. That would take something awfully big....

Sorry you are going through a hard time...

 

[newmousecateer]

{{HUGS}}

Yes, when DS decided to live with his natural father because he thought DH and I were being too strict. Well, things didn't go well there at all and he did do something DH and I were ashamed of.

DH told him he had 24 hrs to pack up his crap, and DH was going to pick him up and bring him home, and told him he was going to live by DH's rules and if he didn't he would not like the consequences.

He turned out to be one great kid and adult.

Hang in there. More {{HUGS}}

 

[Claudia1]

Actually, yes. That does not mean that we loved our child less, gave up, made them feel unwanted, or said "I told you so".

We helped our child to pick up the broken pieces, pay the price, learn a lesson, and move on.

At the time, we felt like we were the worst parents on the planet. "How could we have failed so miserably?" Well, we didn't fail. It was not our fault but we had to live with the consequences, too, and the public perceptions.

Sorry to hear that you are going through some hard times. It helped me to know that even the "best family on the block" had some of the same problems. Some kids get caught. Others don't.

(BTW, I'm not talking about the baby. DD was a victim, not a willing participant.)

Feel free to PM me for support & prayers. Been there, done that, no sure that it is completely over yet........

 

[Lucky4me]

Oh yes. But I can say I never let them know. They thought I was disappointed and angry, but not ashamed. I kept that to myself (and on a post or two here...)

Now the two who shamed me are both college students with very bright futures. They have gotten it together and I couldn't be more proud. Sometimes kids just have to grow up before they grow up. (?)

Hang in there, it will get better!

 

[Claudia1]

RoqueC, don't misread "ashamed" for giving up, shunning, hating, etc... Parenting is very, very tough and complex. The beauty of a parent's love is that they can look past anything ugly and still love unconditionally. It's kinda like changing a nasty diaper or cleaning up after a bad flu bug. We will do anything for our children, no matter how bad it smells! As kids grow up, we hope that they will learn to make good decisions. Some kids learn it faster than others. Some kids have problems forever.

The parents on the DIS often lament and cry about their kids but it is like you and your friends sharing "parent" stories. Peer group support.

If you have asked the question, then the answer is probably, "No!".

 

[Claudia1]

Excellent point, Lucky4me! Not letting them know can help in the long run.

 

[Kallison]

Well I did plenty of things that my parents would have been ashamed of if they had found out. I expect maybe when my kids are older the same will happen. I know I will forgive and still love them though. Hugs to you, we are all human and make mistakes.

 

[bfeller]

For the single time that I have been ashamed for something that my child did, I can name millions of times the my child did something that I was proud of. We all have our bad days and make bad decisions. This is life and there are no promises. Today it may seem so bad but another day will happen and things will be remembered differently.

 

[Buckalew]

I totally agree with Claudia's initial post. It can happen even if you do everything right (though most of us don't). DD is only 8yo so my answer is no. I know it would be crushing. I vote "hang in there" also. And many {{{hugs}}}.

 

[jldriscoll]

Originally posted by bfeller
For the single time that I have been ashamed for something that my child did, I can name millions of times the my child did something that I was proud of. We all have our bad days and make bad decisions. This is life and there are no promises. Today it may seem so bad but another day will happen and things will be remembered differently.

I like this!! I think the single most important lesson I have learned as a mother is that NO ONE is perfect. And I try to judge both children and adults by the intent of their action, not the result. I have learned to be a humble person and to admit when I have wronged someone, but not beat myself up over it, when it's over. I hope my children learn by this example.