Have you ever been ashamed of your child?

[Robinrs]

Unfortunately, as parents we carry around the GUILT like a cloak. We see our children as reflections of ourselves, which is partially true and mostly false...

My parents raised three TOTALLy different children. They did the same with all of us. The one thing God gives us is free will. Children are their own people and sometimes, no matter what we do, they will do something that will make us say "What did I do wrong?"

The main thing I loved about my Mother's rules of parenting is how she totally knew how to separate who we were with how she raised us. She did the best she could and the rest was OUR responsibility. No matter how bad, or how good, she gave us responsibility for our choices.

We can teach them their manners, their ABCs and their Ps and Qs. Other than that, we have to make them aware that they have to take responsibilty for everything they do, right or wrong.

Shame is such a strict term. You can be ashamed of their actions, but never be ashamed of them.

--God bless!

Robinrs

 

[Dopey Sharon]

Originally posted by Claudia1
Actually, yes. That does not mean that we loved our child less, gave up, made them feel unwanted, or said "I told you so".

We helped our child to pick up the broken pieces, pay the price, learn a lesson, and move on.

At the time, we felt like we were the worst parents on the planet. "How could we have failed so miserably?" Well, we didn't fail. It was not our fault but we had to live with the consequences, too, and the public perceptions.

Sorry to hear that you are going through some hard times. It helped me to know that even the "best family on the block" had some of the same problems. Some kids get caught. Others don't.

Very well said, Claudia!

 

[newmousecateer]

Great posts Claudia. I love what you had to say.

I agree, there are so many times in our childrens lives that we are so proud of what they have learned, what they do, and what they do not do.

Thanks for posting such wonder words wisdom and reality.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Great thoughts here, really great thoughts.

 

[Mamu]

I love Robinrs reply: You can be ashamed of their actions, but never be ashamed of them. Thank You Robinrs for being so wise. When you put it that way I can answer Yes. Actions yes, them never.

 

[LucyStorm]

Actually, yes. That does not mean that we loved our child less, gave up, made them feel unwanted, or said "I told you so".

We helped our child to pick up the broken pieces, pay the price, learn a lesson, and move on.

At the time, we felt like we were the worst parents on the planet. "How could we have failed so miserably?" Well, we didn't fail. It was not our fault but we had to live with the consequences, too, and the public perceptions.

Sorry to hear that you are going through some hard times. It helped me to know that even the "best family on the block" had some of the same problems. Some kids get caught. Others don't.

What Claudia said. And ((((hugs)))) for you, Laura.

 

[Michelle]

Laura, we all second-guess ourselves as parents. I have certainly questioned my parenting based on my child's actions. {{{HUGS}}} to you.

No, I have not been ashamed of her, per se. Embarrassed, annoyed, and disappointed by my child's actions -- yes. She is only 9 and the times I have been proud of her have way outnumbered the others, but yes, those times do happen.

I hope it all works out for you!

 

[Planogirl]

I haven't been ashamed but I have been perplexed and I have wondered "why". My son is just 9 though so he still has plenty of time! I hope that I will manage to hold off any feelings of shame but with those teenage years ahead, I realize that so much is possible.

{{{{Hugs}}}}