Have you been disowned by a family member?

[Boopuff]

Here's my "disowned" story: My DH's parents owned a smallish farm that backs up to a lake. As they got older, they decided to sell off the lakefrontage to the oldest son. Now they never sat down with all 5 of the kids to tell everyone about the deal. The property was sold, at a great, fabulous bargain. After the the sale, the parents decided to tell the other 4 kids. Some were very upset, others (like my DH) had no interest in the property. Time marched on. Parents both passed away. Shocker! The oldest son (with the property deal) was left out of the will, since he got the property. he was angry, stated he "paid for the property" - yeah for a great price... After Grandmas funeral, he decided that his siblings conspired against him and that they removed him from the will. So they removed all of the family from their lives. So silly. It's been quite a few years now. My DH has written him off. And even sillier, he lives in the same town as 2 of the sibs, and avoids them in town.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The oldest son (with the property deal) was left out of the will, since he got the property. he was angry, stated he "paid for the property" - yeah for a great price...

Well getting the property or for a great deal wouldn't mean someone is left out of the will so I can understand being shocked and hurt at that

he decided that his siblings conspired against him and that they removed him from the will.

Sounds like there was a lot of undercurrents going on. I mean the parents seemed to have created a mess here selling the property without talking to their other children, so I'm going to guess lot of other things going on there.

In a way we can relate to this last part as one of my sister-in-law's wants to buy her grandmother's property (that she is currently living in with her boyfriend but that her sister previously lived in).

Her mom and dad (my husband's step-dad) have intended to have that house be part of their trust when they pass (the deed is already in the name of the trust) so they wanted to ask for my husband and his sister's input since technically upon them passing it would be something intended to be split amongst them three children.

My husband and my other sister-in-law are worried that she would just purchase it at a great price (because she cannot really afford it) and then potentially turn around and sell it for higher plus it's lost profits for the them two and if she defaults on the loan (which is extremely high like almost guaranteed to happen) then that property could be lost out of the family for which it has been for more than 60 years IIRC. BUT at least my mother-in-law and step-father-in-law are asking for their input. It's still their property to do with as they wish as they are alive but they don't want to pit sibling against sibling like that.

 

[china mom]

He sounds like a real piece of work. Estates do strange things to people. I have heard horrible stories about people acting out when dealing with the inheritance.

I have disowned siblings. I had two brothers whom I always referred to as ex-brothers and one brother who I claim. I disowned both for how they treated my parents and I have no regrets about not having a relationship with them. We became estranged prior to my parents' passing and executor of my mother's estate, I made all the proper disbursements, even though it killed me to do so after how they were. But, it wasn't my call to make, I had to honor the wishes outlined in the will.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

As far as disownment (or family estrangements)- My sister disowned my mom and my mom's side of the family at the same time, my dad basically disowned me (because I wouldn't disown my mom but also a whole long many years of problems on his end when I was a child). My mom's side of the family basically disowned one of my aunts and have not really talked to her since my grandmother's passing and the estate was settled although they rarely talked before that.

People don't really talk about it as much out in the open but family estrangements or disownments aren't as uncommon as one would be led to think. Some families may have more than others though.

 

[tetera]

.

 

[georgina]

It is difficult, but families need to be open about this stuff. My in-laws were good about this, they had a vacation home that only one of their 3 children wanted, they had given some monetary gifts to older grandchildren and great grandchildren that our kids didn't get because they were much younger at the time, so they worked out a plan they thought was fair and shared it with everyone to discuss and offer amendments. I'm sure we will have some things to consider as we get older, we gave one DD money for a wedding which the other 2 kids may never do.

I have one sister who has some mental health issues and has a hard time keeping a job. She has cut herself off from much of the family. When my mom died the rest of us siblings let her move into mom's condo rent-free if she paid the utilities and insurance. Covid actually helped her some, working from home meant conflict with co-workers was minimized so she could take on temp work. She is hard to deal with.

 

[Caseheidi]

My youngest brother (by 11+ year) has chosen to not be part of our family. He is adopted, and poor guy basically had 5 parents with the age gap. I think his younger childhood was great, but we knew when my parents adopted him that both his bio parents were mentally ill, and it was a possibility. Around age 6 we started seeing signs, and there were several diagnosis happening, from Tourette's syndrome to bi-polar to paranoid schizophrenic. By the time he hit his mid-20's he was lost to his mental health and in and out of the system. With his illness he could not see that he was ill and blamed my parents for trying to help him. He basically walked away and had nothing more to do with any of us. It is really sad, but since he is a legal adult, we are not able to do anything unless he accepts the help, so we had to let it happen.

 

[easyas123]

I/we've had family members we have cut contact with, some we've not spoken to in over 20 years and don't know the whereabouts of. We are at peace with it.

 

[Smugpugmug]

I cut contact with my dad a few years ago for various reasons, with the main one being lack of accountability. He never thought he was in the wrong despite all of the hurt he caused to my family and I. There is only so much you can take. My sister cut him off shortly after I did and I don't think my mom has talked to him in years. It was a very difficult decision to make but I don't regret it at all and I'm way better off mentally. I'm a strong believer of the notion that you don't need to keep toxic people in your life just because they're related to you.

One of my aunts disowned my family about a decade ago and I haven't seen or heard from her since. I don't even know where she lives.

 

[slo]

My brother disowned us January of 2016. My mom was devastated, and since I saw the writing on the wall, I wasn’t surprised. Too much to write about, it just still shocks me that he could do that.

Fast forward to present day, my DD24 disowned us and we haven’t seen her in over a year. Again to much to write about, let’s just say her husband is very controlling and a mind manipulator and therefore my DD is now brainwashed. We’ve tried and tried to get through to her, but it just kept pushing her farther away. So now all I do is pray for her, my DGS2yrs old (haven’t seen him since he was 10 months) and my DGD 7 months (never saw her - we weren’t even told when she was born) and ask God to bless them and keep them happy & healthy.

 

[slo]

As far as disownment (or family estrangements)- My sister disowned my mom and my mom's side of the family at the same time, my dad basically disowned me (because I wouldn't disown my mom but also a whole long many years of problems on his end when I was a child). My mom's side of the family basically disowned one of my aunts and have not really talked to her since my grandmother's passing and the estate was settled although they rarely talked before that.

People don't really talk about it as much out in the open but family estrangements or disownments aren't as uncommon as one would be led to think. Some families may have more than others though.

So very true - sad, but true

 

[georgina]

My youngest brother (by 11+ year) has chosen to not be part of our family. He is adopted, and poor guy basically had 5 parents with the age gap. I think his younger childhood was great, but we knew when my parents adopted him that both his bio parents were mentally ill, and it was a possibility. Around age 6 we started seeing signs, and there were several diagnosis happening, from Tourette's syndrome to bi-polar to paranoid schizophrenic. By the time he hit his mid-20's he was lost to his mental health and in and out of the system. With his illness he could not see that he was ill and blamed my parents for trying to help him. He basically walked away and had nothing more to do with any of us. It is really sad, but since he is a legal adult, we are not able to do anything unless he accepts the help, so we had to let it happen.

That's sad. My brother-in-law had a brother with schizophrenia and he also cut himself off from his family and moved far away. I know they worried that he was homeless on the streets somewhere.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Nope. Nothing like that here.

 

[nw6675]

My DSIL and I mutually disowned each other I suppose. Our families do not interact other than a holiday text and my DH might drop some mail off. She is a trigger for me and she is a grudge holder...so we seem to be on the same page that they have their lives and we have ours, despite being 30 minutes away.

 

[RogueX]

My grandmother was constantly disowning people and when she died it created an absolute mess with getting her arrangements paid for with the insurance.

She disowned her only child, my father, after a bad real estate transaction. No big shock there, he's always been bad with money.

Then she disowned my younger sister because she wouldn't invite distant relatives to her wedding (people that my sister had only met twice in her life). My sister wasn't having a large wedding and was paying for everything herself, so she refused for anyone extra like that.

Ultimately when my grandmother died, her niece decided to wait 10 days before signing off on letting the life insurance pay for the funeral costs. What was left over was supposed to go to my older sister and me to have the date of death put on the grave stone and put anything else left over into a savings for our kids. Well, the niece kept what was left.

For the sake of my health and well being, as well as to protect my daughter, I walked away from my mother's side of the family. They are/were so toxic, there's no need for that to be in our lives.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

No but I’ve pretty much disowned my brother and definitely his wife.

 

[TippyThomas]

I was given up for adoption by my birth parents so I guess I'd have to say yes.

 

[lowlight]

I have mutually disowned a sibling, but it wasn’t something that was ever said aloud and there were no theatrics like usually happens. It was just a gradual drifting apart between myself and someone I don’t care if I ever see again. It makes me sad for my children, but I think it would be worse for them otherwise.

Nope. Nothing like that here.

I almost bit my tongue clean off.

 

[PAsFab5]

Going through some family relationship changes right now and although this is a difficult topic, it’s comforting to know I am not alone.

Some threats were made by members of my family that I don’t believe we can recover from. I certainly can’t see myself sitting at the same table or in the same house as some of them anytime soon, perhaps forever.

So, while I have never disowned anyone or been disowned but I am navigating some serious changes that will likely be permanent.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Yes, I did, it is the only way to end the cycle of violence and in turn my name got dragged through the mud to save face, which is the bonus round in an abusive family dynamic. Guess they disowned me back, uggh pack of monsters.

All I can say is if you know anyone who walked away do take the time to attempt some contact on your own and see what happens with an open mind. The world is full of monsters, sometimes people are related to them and it is a secret, you only know if you are the victim. Considering my experience, I would hate to have it on my conscience that I assisted an abusive person inflict harm.