Also I will begin Day Two of our Happyhaunt Hallowe'enie.
And there is another problem. I have a song stuck in my head. Seriously stuck. It's my fault because I have been cleaning the house this morning and I've been blasting the same song pretty much over and over. Very very loudly. I have no idea where the cat is but I can tell you this much:
He ain't sleepin'.
Most likely he's perched on the shelf of my closet waiting to surprise me and, especially, my head with one of his sneak attacks..."
You are about to be erased... housepet!".
He also could be up there simply throwing up on my good sweaters.
Again.
Anywho... I have a song stuck in my head. It's a really freakin' good song too. See if you can guess what it is at the end of the chapter. It'll be a fun game 'cause the hints will be VERY SUBTLE.
K?
Alrighty... in the Happyhaunt Household we've read a whole bunch of Franklin books over the years. They're popular with the kids but I suspect Mellyman is the biggest Franklin fan of all. Because often when I read aloud he appears to be concentrating so intently with his eyes closed and head back on the couch that I'd almost believe he were asleep. If I didn't know better.
But I know better because when he starts talking about stock indexes and hedge funds MY OWN HEAD immediately assumes the same position on the couch. And I start breathing deeply and evenly. To aid the intense concentration process.
Also after a while my mouth gets very dry. And sometimes my leg involuntarily spasms. And I kick the coffee table in my single-minded study of...errr... banky-doo stuff.
Anywho...Franklin. The turtle.
I hate him. Because he's so freakin' superior. Haven't you noticed how ONLY Franklin and his little sister have real names??!!!! It's true. Franklin and Harriet. Oh! Yeah. Even his little stuffy has a name. And so does his pet fish. Sam and Goldie.
That's it.
It.
All the rest of his friends are named Bear, Rabbit, Goose, Snail. And there's more. Animal friends that are named appropriately...yes... but WITHOUT real names.
It really really bugs me.
What makes Franklin SO special? Are turtles the big dogs on the forest porch?
So to speak?
And will you get E-coli if you touch his shell? Or salmonella? Or just a milder cartoon version of those plagues?
Can you get salmonella from salmon? Also.
If not... why didn't they call it chickenella? Instead? 'Cause I know for a FACT you can get it from KFC.
On the upside I'm fond of the book "Franklin's School Trip" because he visits OUR VERY OWN ROM. And also spends most of the book scareder than crap about the dinosaurs.
Good on him.
Let's get busy now that I am warmed up.
Back in our delightful studio at the Animal Kingdom resort Kevin and I had unpacked and turned in to bed. We both tucked in to the queen bed and didn't bother with the pull-out couch. He fell asleep immediately but I fell asleep
immediately plus one minute. We were truly baked.
Calvin had a great sleep.
Me(l)... not so much.
He didn't respect the border. You see.
At home, the bed Mellyman and I share is "Ireland". Because I am of Irish descent. And I am the one who sorted out the geopolitics of said bed. Many years ago. There is a border down the middle. Well...errr... not exactly the middle. My territory is larger. But he doesn't really realize it. It's because when I remind him of the border I draw it, with my hand, at a slight angle...ever so slight...from the headboard towards the end of the bed. He thinks he holds equal territory but he really doesn't. I control more quilt and foot board. Because, obviously, my side is the Republic of Ireland. His is Northern Ireland.
There is no crossing of the border without written consent and a show of great diplomacy. And if, by accident, an arm or leg strays over the border. The retaliation is swift and violent.
The stupid cat is immune to these rules because it's untrainable. But the children are not allowed into Northern Ireland under any circumstances. Even if they're sick or have a nightmare. And if they do stray across the border or make to much noise in the Republic they are immediately ejected from the island. And sent across the hall to Ellis Island. By way of the main upstairs bathroom.
That all being said... CALVIN spent the ENTIRE first night on my side of the bed. Waking me up. Poking me. Kicking me. Shoving his knee and elbow into my side. Breathing on me. Snoring and rolling.
I'd wake up and shove him back over, then back fall asleep. Half an hour later he'd be right up in my grill. Again.
There was no respect for the border. And as a result when he finally woke me up at around 7 in the morning I felt like I hadn't gotten much sleep at all.
I was starting our first full day veryveryvery tired.
He was refreshed, full of beans and out on the balcony checking out the view and the animal. Before I knew it.
I was extremely tired. Still.
How tired? You ask?
I was what I like to call
Put My Racerback Sports Bra On Backwards Tired.
Which I've done before and I'll tell you this: Only Madonna can carry THAT particular look off well.
Not Me(l).
But I got up and headed to the bathroom. I arrived in the bathroom.
Because when I arrive
I...I bring the fire
Make you come alive
I can take you higher
Jumped into the shower and tried to wake up. I also shaved my legs. If anyone cares.
Then I got dressed in my fourth favourite bikini and threw on a shirt and mini-coverup skirt thingie.
Then I went out to check out the animal. On our portion of the savannah.
It was an ostrich.
One.
Walkin' around like it owned the place.
It was nice and all that but what the savannah at Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge really needs... both Kevin and I fully agree on this... is some sort of predator.
A big carnivore. Maybe like a big cat. So that when you're sitting on your balcony enjoying a morning coffee you can watch and appreciate the circle of life.
Also the Cast Members who wander around down there putting giraffe food into little holders on the trees would have to step it up a bit.
Look lively. And carry a handy-dandy tranquilizer. NOZZUB'strippies.
And I'd also suggest requesting a room on one of the higher floors. In that scenario.
What I'm saying here is that we had one ostrich outside. That was it.
I came back in.
Calvin was rummaging through the drawers looking for something. He was still in his pjs.
Me(l): CALVIN! Come on get changed. We gotta get rolling. I want to be at Typhoon Lagoon before it opens, buddy.
Calvin: I can't find my bathing suit. Where's my bathing suit?
Me(l): It's in...errr...your drawer.
Calvin: Where?
Me(l): Uh. Your drawer at home. Heh. Heh.
Barry White: Say what?!
Me(l): It's at home. I forgot it. Wanna borrow one of mine?
Calvin: MOM!!!!! What am I gonna SWIM in?!!!!
Me(l): Calm down Kevin. Put on some clothes and we'll go check out the giftshop. I'm pretty sure they'll have bathing suits.
So he got dressed and I packed all our stuff into our beach bag and grabbed the camera and my wallet. Calvin threw his pin-trading case over his shoulder and we were ready to boogie. We left our room. Making sure the door was locked. Three times. Of sure-making.
And headed across the lobby bridge and down to the main lobby.
We arrrived at the giftshop.
Because when I arrive
I... I bring the fire
Make you come alive
I can take you higher
I checked out the bathing suits they had for sale and grabbed the smallest men's size and the largest boy's one. Too. It was a Buzz Lightyear suit.
Calvin went into the changeroom and I knew he was hoping that the small men's one would fit. I saw the look he gave the Buzz Lightyear suit.
It said "On a scale of one to 10 this rates a BIG FAT ZERO for coolness factor". NOZZUB.
I could hear him trying on the small black men's suit. I could feel him trying very hard to make it fit.
Me(l): So? Does it fit, Calvin?
Calvin: It's too freakin' BIG!!!!
Me(l):
That's what she said. Oh... man. That's too bad, Bud. Try the cute widdle Buzzie one.
Calvin: MOM!
Me(l): Well?
Calvin: It's fine. It fits. Mom?
Me(l): What?
Calvin: You owe me, Mom. Big. And...AND...I'm giving this to Tommy when we get home. Capish?
Me(l): Capish. Let me see.
He opened the door.
He had it pulled up to practically his armpits. And was sticking his belly out. His toes were pointing in opposite directions. East and west. Errr... possibly it might have been north and south.
Me(l): Dude, so SICK!!!!
Calvin: Yeah. I can rock it.
We both slapped our thighs twice with our right hand then slapped hands both front and back. And then slammed our closed fists together. He yelled a little bit cause I got him with my ring. Again.
As usual.
Neither one of us ever remembers the downside of our cool slappy hand routine.
I had him throw his shirt on and pass me his shorts and unders.
Then I went up to the counter to pay.
I nodded to the CM and said:
I see your dir-ty face
High behind your collar
What is done in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
Ok.
I didn't say that. Obviously.
I sang it.
Heh heh.
No I didn't. I simply paid for the bathing suit. By handing the tag from it to the lovely lady and gesturing towards Calvin's trunks.
Calvin asked if I'd buy him a little green Mickey head spongy thing to hang from the zipper of his Pin-trading case.
He reminded me that I owed him. Big.
I suggested a red one instead because I didn't want to be pegged for the freaky Disboarder freak I am. Heh heh.
Plus it matched his case better.
He thanked me and I told him we better get Me(l) some coffee before rolling out to Typhoon Lagoon.
And we headed down to The Mara in search of something resembling coffee. I hoped. Also I thought that maybe Calvin was hungry. Too.
But he wasn't. He said he was still full from dinner. But that he'd have some soda and a Mickey chocolate bar.
Heh heh.
Good try, young Calvin. Just like vacation food has no calories... vacation teeth don't rot outta yer head.
I think.
And, also, we discovered... vacation coffee tastes like CRAP.
Still.
But I keep hoping. And wishing. They'd improve it.
I know that it would have been easy to just bring coffee from home. Make it in the room and put it in my travel mug.
But...deep down... I'm an optimist. Though we'd probably come to Disney more often if I were an optometrist. Instead. However I'm pessimistic that I could be an optometrist.
What I'm saying is that I didn't bring my own coffee to Disney because I'm hoping that it'll be better. Every trip.
Also I forgot it along with Calvin's bathing suit.
No. WAIT.
We were packing light. It was all part of the master plan.
And Tommy LOVES him some Buzz Lightyear.
Cheers, Mel.
On a completely separate and serious note it's Remembrance Day.
I hope everyone takes a moment or two. To remember. And to honour.
And most importantly... to thank them all.