Handling "unsolicited advice".

[RitaZ.]

How do you handle it? Do you respond or ignore it? I always ignore unsolicited advice, meaning that I don't respond to the comment given. I can't honestly say that it never bothers me when I receive the "advice" though.

One of my neighbors likes to tell me what I should do with my free time... She has no hobbies or personal interests, other than being a slave to her daughters and husband. I'm amazed at how her family treats her, yet I don't give her "unsolicited advice".

I guess I don't really understand why some folks feel the need to tell others how to live their lives.

 

[floridaminnie]

Just smile. I don't even say a word.

 

[CRB#33]

I'm LOL here!

If she has nothing in her life, but being a "slave" to her family, how on earth does she come up with any advice for others?

Anyway, I think I'd kind of give a sideways smile and ignore it.

 

[Robinrs]

I have a sister just like that.

The truth is these people have NO CONTROL over their own lives so they try to rule those who they think they can...

I ignore it. My parents gave me enough tough skin to be able to and I thank God for that. When it's a neighbor you don't have to deal with it at ALL. When it's a relative you have to become very resilient.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by RitaZ.
One of my neighbors likes to tell me what I should do with my free time... She has no hobbies or personal interests, other than being a slave to her daughters and husband. I'm amazed at how her family treats her, yet I don't give her "unsolicited advice".

I wouldn't be so hard on her, maybe she speaks from personal experience and she's afraid to see others end up in her situation.

 

[RitaZ.]

This neighbor is a really good person, I really like her and get along well with her. She just has this annoying habit of giving out unsolicited advice. It saddens me to see her run herself ragged for her idiot husband and daughters.

I'm just curious as to how others would handle similar situations. I always ignore such comments, but I can't always say that they don't bother me.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I can handle a piece of "unsolicited advice" occasionally, but if the same person were to keep doing it over and over I probably would finally say, "thanks, but when I want your opinion I'll ASK you for it!"

 

[Christine]

If the unsolicited advice is from a good, trusted friend, often I'll listen and mull it over. I mean, sometimes people are just trying to be helpful. If I don't agree with it, I might ask "so why do you think I should be doing *fill in the blank*" and then will usually get into some sort of discussion about it. Now, that is how I react with a good friend. If it is just an acquaintance who doesn't know me or my lifestyle, I just smile and keep moving.

 

[Lisa F]

Whenever someone says something to me that annoys me or hurts my feelings, I try to take a step back and think about from where it comes. Intention is important. If someone is TRYING to hurt me, I will generally come back with claws. Most of the time it's not that someone is TRYING to hurt me or get on my nerves but rather something came out the wrong way or something in their life is making them act and feel that way. In the case of a neighbor who is a good person who has no control over her own life, I agree that she is probably just trying to exert control SOMEWHERE or feel like she is useful somehow. With that knowledge in the back of my mind, it would be a heck of a lot easier to just nod and smile about it than if someone was being mean and critical of my life and giving me unsolicited advice based on that. Good people are worth cutting a little more slack than bad people.

I've just found it's a heck of a lot easier to change MY reaction to things than it is to change what other people do. I can choose to let things bother me or I can choose to let them roll off like water off a duck's back. Most of the time I quack quack.

 

[Rajah]

Depends on whose offering it, why it was offered, and if it's any good or not, really. I'll usually listen to it, but that doesn't mean I'll follow the advice. Actually, rarely do when the advice isn't asked for. But every once in a while, I've gotten good suggestions without asking for them.

 

[Kermit]

Having a baby and being pregnant, I got LOTS of unsolicited advice. Some of the time I do actually consider what the person said, but a lot of times it's stuff that's out of date scientifically or something that just doesn't go along with our system of values. When it's something I can't use, I usually act like I'll think about it.

However, if it's someone who gives advice all the time and does it critically, I will eventually speak up for myself. I had to when DH and I went to visit his family this Christmas. His grandmother kept telling me all the things I was doing wrong. She wanted us to give Jacob, who was only 11 months old at the time, all kinds of junk food, like ice cream. We don't even eat junk food ourselves at our house, and we certainly don't give it to our baby. She told me that breastfeeding while pregnant was going to kill the baby, that I'd probably miscarry before that happened anyway since I carry Jacob and he's too big, and that if the baby did happen to live until delivery, he'd get very sick if I hadn't weaned Jacob yet because Jacob would take all the good milk and leave the baby with bad milk. At the beginning of the visit, DH and were very polite and acted like we were considering everything she told us, but by the end, we had to start sticking up for ourselves.

 

[Disney Doll]

Smile and say "I'll take that under advisement" and then forget it.

 

[CookieGVB]

"That's a good idea - I hadn't thought of that before." and then carry on as usual.

 

[RitaZ.]

She told me that breastfeeding while pregnant was going to kill the baby, that I'd probably miscarry before that happened anyway since I carry Jacob and he's too big, and that if the baby did happen to live until delivery, he'd get very sick if I hadn't weaned Jacob yet because Jacob would take all the good milk and leave the baby with bad milk.

Kermit, those visits had to be very unpleasant for you and your DH.

Smile and say "I'll take that under advisement" and then forget it.

I'll try this line next time.

 

[laurie31]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I wanted to tell Kermit (even though of course she already knows) that it's perfectly fine to breastfeed while pregnant and when new baby comes along, you will get colostrum again and there will be PLENTY of milk for both Does my dd2 down there look starved? I think not

And I also got *plenty* of "unsolicited advice" when I was tandem nursing, but mostly I smiled and nodded while privately thinking, "Yeah, right!"

As to the OP - maybe you could start offering some unsolicited advice - in a nice way - to your neighbor. Invite her to whatever activity or hobby you enjoy and tell her what fun she'd have. But I think robinrs hit the nail on the head - she's telling you how to live your life because she can't choose how to live her own

Laurie

 

[AmazingGrace]

I have a neighbor who has been warning me about all the urban legends. When she gives me one of her warnings, I smile and say, "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind" And i change the subject skippy quick!!!

 

[Hagred]

I find I can usually get away with a simple "Ah" or "Hmm..." when given unsolicited advice. I've only had one case where someone kept after me, telling me I should do something her way. She stopped doing that after this simple sentence:

"If I wanted your results, I'd do it your way. I don't want your results."

Crass and rude, yes. But it stopped the unwanted advice.

Come to think of it, I think that stopped pretty much ALL conversation between us. And I can't say I'm sorry about THAT, either.