Guests paying to attend birthday party. Is this a growing trend?

[Tinijocaro]

Let me be more specific-tacky for a kid's party, for a teen get together, pretty normal.

 

[DVCLiz]

Let me be more specific-tacky for a kid's party, for a teen get together, pretty normal.

 

[christiane]

I agree that it is poor etiquette to ask guests to pay.

However, the parents are the ones to blame here. I would not punish my child or the birthday child by declining the invitation. If my child wanted to go, I would happily pay their way and still send a gift. I just think that socializing at this age is so important, so I couldn't imagine my child sitting at home & missing the fun.

If $15 or $20 creates a hardship for the family, a teenager could probably earn this amount fairly easily by doing some chores, using their allowance, money from gifts etc.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Kind of like paying for your plate at a wedding reception. [/QU I'm from a "cover your plate area". I've never heard of a couple sending out invites that included the price of dinner. Many of us do the cover your plate thing because we want to, not because we were instructed to do so by the bride and groom.

 

[allison443]

I wouldn't think anything of it - this is just the way teens plan when they are too old to have a traditional Chuckie Cheese birthday party and too young to go to a club.

If I felt particularly nickel and dimed by my child I'd possibly make her use her allowance, but otherwise I'd hand her a twenty and tell her to have a good time.

Honestly, I'm all about supporting the social activities of young teens in safe and healthy ways. It wouldn't even cross my mind to say "No" and make it about my personal principles.

But that probably comes from having older children (my youngest is now 17) and knowing that this is how they transition their social lives from 100% parent-planned and sanctioned to planning on the fly. It's not a big deal to me.

I agree with the above....when my girls were in high school this was done. These type of activities (movies, haunted house, local restaurant) were common weekend activities anyway. So everyone in the group would kick in an extra dollar or two to pay for the birthday kid. No additional gifts were given. It was just getting together to celebrate, usually organized via facebook. At a restaurant they usually got dessert and sang to the birthday person.

I don't have a problem with it. I look at it like instead of having a party and the guests bringing a gift, the gift is spending time/money together on an activity.

My girls never had this kind of party themselves, but they did attend them.

I also wouldn't prevent my child from going. I would explain to her if I disagreed with it, and tell her why we wouldn't do it, but I would still allow her to go.

 

[MomofKatie]

Kind of like paying for your plate at a wedding reception.

Also tacky, IMO- and never done in the South, as far as I have ever heard.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

By that age mommy and daddy should not be planning birthday parties for their kids anymore, except for family parties. My friends and I would make our own plans starting around 13 years old and treat the birthday boy/girl to whatever we had planned that evening. We did not send out invitations though, it was planned in person or on the phone.

If the parents are planning the parties then yes, I would find it odd to ask people to pay.

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

As others have said, yes tacky, but...

As a parent, I would appreciate having something in writing vs "Brent's mom is taking us all to hang out for the day at the water park"

Its not that I don't trust teenagers, but, I've got a 13 year old...I know how they operate! They are slick lil buggers....

Also, perhaps the birthday person has a bit of the Martha Stewart gene and would like to give the get together a theme. The get together is in honor of a birthday.

I would allow my child to go, no problem. I would also get a gift, but perhaps only spend $5-10 instead of $20.

 

[rie'smom]

Tacky tacky tacky

 

[Ember]

I think many teens are planning their own parties and the parties are being held at relatively expensive venues. So instead of inviting one friend on the parents' dime, they extend a blanket invitation to anyone who might like to go and has the money to do so.

And I guess it's trickling down to the preteen/early teen crowd.

Kids want to go in a group to fun events and I guess they'd rather pay to play than not go at all.

Why are the parents not teaching their children this is rude??

Kind of like paying for your plate at a wedding reception.

Well, they're learning at a young age that they can big parties they don't have to pay for. The sense of entitlement starts early and they never shake the habit.

 

[C.Ann]

The only place I have ever heard of this is here on the DIS.. DGD is 12 - in the 7th grade - and whenever her parents have held a party in a location where there was a per person charge, they paid for all of the guests who attended..

While I don't see any reason why you should "pay" for your DD to attend this particular party, it does seem that for some reason she really, really wants to go.. So - I would give her the option of paying this fee out of her own personal "fun" money, allowance, or whatever - or simply not attending..

As for a gift, I would be very surprised if these parents expected the invited to not only pay their own way, but bring a gift as well.. Again - I would probably leave that up to your DD - with the understanding that she would be purchasing the gift, not you..

This whole concept sounds like parents wanting to host parties that they simply can't afford, so instead of going with something that they can afford, they try to pass the cost on to the guests.. I wonder how their children feel about those kind of invites being sent out?

 

[mjkacmom]

Also tacky, IMO- and never done in the South, as far as I have ever heard.

How much could some punch and mints, cost, anyway...

 

[mjkacmom]

By that age mommy and daddy should not be planning birthday parties for their kids anymore, except for family parties. My friends and I would make our own plans starting around 13 years old and treat the birthday boy/girl to whatever we had planned that evening. We did not send out invitations though, it was planned in person or on the phone.

If the parents are planning the parties then yes, I would find it odd to ask people to pay.

I think this is it - dd14 has been hosting her own parties for years now (swim parties - she just tells me what food she wants - she does the rest). Do parents really plan parties for kids over the age 9f 11? Except for the formal sweet 16 parties, it seems weird for parents to host teenagers' parties.

 

[Buckalew11]

I posted about this a LONG time ago.

My now 18yo nephew was invited to a b-day party at Ripley's Aquarium in Gatlinburg. "Sleep with the Sharks" I can't remember the cost but it was a loty over 30.00 I know.

The boy had to have 10 people in attendence. So, to throw insult to injury when kid from first group asked could not come, they'd move to another kid from group 2! Lots of hurt feelings as everyone was talking about it because of the COST.

My sister did not let him go as much as she thought he'd enjoy it. She did not want to set a precidence for other parents throwing parties.

My take on it: If you can't afford the party, pick one you can afford.

Just editing to say this was happening a lot when nephew was around 8. My DD never got an invitation like this. She's 16. I think different groups do b-days differently. Believe it or not, nephew's group was the more affluent group. lol

 

[disneyjunkie]

Also tacky, IMO- and never done in the South, as far as I have ever heard.

As a matter of fact it is done in the south. People may not talk about it, but it is done.

Remember, many people from here have moved to the south. I lived in Raleigh for 9 years. I always gave cash as a wedding gift when I lived there. It didn't have anything to do with what the bride/groom expected, it was just what I was use to doing.

How much could some punch and mints, cost, anyway...

 

[allison443]

How much could some punch and mints, cost, anyway...

 

[allison443]

I guess I kind of look at as similar to a group of friends taking someone out for their birthday. I don't know about everyone else, but I do this all the time. We might treat a coworker to lunch, or my sisters and I go out for one sister's birthday and pay for her, or a group of friends meet for dinner and we cover the birthday person's cost. I don't get why this is different because it's teens.

Also someone mentioned these are "expensive parties". Other than the aquarium sleepover I think things like movies or going out to a place like Chili's or TGIF are normal teen weekend activities. The kids just treat their friend for their birthday.

Also a lot of the responses have been about younger kids, people mention calling the parents, etc. I would be interested to know if other parents of high schoolers organize their kids' weekend activities.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

How much could some punch and mints, cost, anyway...

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I guess I kind of look at as similar to a group of friends taking someone out for their birthday. I don't know about everyone else, but I do this all the time. We might treat a coworker to lunch, or my sisters and I go out for one sister's birthday and pay for her, or a group of friends meet for dinner and we cover the birthday person's cost. I don't get why this is different because it's teens.

Also someone mentioned these are "expensive parties". Other than the aquarium sleepover I think things like movies or going out to a place like Chili's or TGIF are normal teen weekend activities. The kids just treat their friend for their birthday.

Also a lot of the responses have been about younger kids, people mention calling the parents, etc. I would be interested to know if other parents of high schoolers organize their kids' weekend activities.

 

[allison443]

Why are the parents not teaching their children this is rude??



Well, they're learning at a young age that they can big parties they don't have to pay for. The sense of entitlement starts early and they never shake the habit.

I don't think what the OP described (going to the movies, a $10 bowling night, etc.) qualifies as a big party. Do you? Especially as it is probably a reciprocal type of thing, where the group goes out for each person's birthday so each person gets treated to a night out. I actually think it's kind of nice for teens to get together socially and celebrate someone's birthday.

Does a group of friends treating another friend to dinner for their birthday really create a sense of entitlement?