Guests paying for dinner at the wedding? Update pg7

[kasar]

It's my opinion that weddings, especially evening weddings or formal events, are for adults. Why must children go everywhere? Some things are just not for children, and this seems like one of them.

My sister loves kids and invited all the kids she knew to her wedding and had a seperate table for them with coloring books and their own little cake. It was really cute but it was presented to all the guests that way, that children were not only welcome but requested.

Besides, maybe this could be a "night out" for the OP and her husband? That would be nice, I'm sure.

 

[CookieGVB]

I was invited to my cousin's son's wedding. We got a "hold the date" pamphlet describing the place where the wedding would take place, along with a description about events that would take place over the weekend for adults and children. Cabins sleep however many...$50 per adult, $25 per child, per night.

So my family and I all thought - it'll be rustic, but it'll sort of be a family reunion (mind you, I haven't seen my cousin's son since he was about 4 years old).

Fast forward - here comes the actual invitation, and it's only addressed to me. Same with my brother and his family - it's only addressed to Mr. & Mrs.

Now what? Were the kids invited, or not? We're all confused...

 

[frndshpcptn]

"70/plate - if I ever find a venue in NY or NJ willing to do a wedding for $70/plate, I'll scramble to find a groom and get married right then. It'd be tough to have an upscale wedding around here much under $90/plate USD. Criminally high? Maybe. But this is life in these United States, as Readers' Digest puts it."


I agree! If I could find a venue for that kind of $$ I'd be thrilled! Most places in the city I would want for a reception venue cost upwards of $150-$250 a head...

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I was invited to my cousin's son's wedding. We got a "hold the date" pamphlet describing the place where the wedding would take place, along with a description about events that would take place over the weekend for adults and children. Cabins sleep however many...$50 per adult, $25 per child, per night.

So my family and I all thought - it'll be rustic, but it'll sort of be a family reunion (mind you, I haven't seen my cousin's son since he was about 4 years old).

Fast forward - here comes the actual invitation, and it's only addressed to me. Same with my brother and his family - it's only addressed to Mr. & Mrs.

Now what? Were the kids invited, or not? We're all confused...

Well, from what it looks like, the "hold the date" pamphlet was a one size fits all publication, and went out to everyone. That is why it included info on any children. It means, some people's children were invited, just not yours.(I am thinking children of the siblings. Neices and nephews).

 

[CookieGVB]

OK. I guess that means my brother's kids will be there in the cabin, while they're at the reception. The whole idea of going would be totally ridiculous in the first place, if it weren't for the fact that we never get to see my aunt and uncle.

Guess I'll decline.

 

[poohandwendy]

The parents know if their children would behave or if the parents would have a better time with their children home. Only parents know best. I do not want a kicking screaming child on the dance floor though

LOL, the parents know best? I don't know about that. Many people think their child talking through the ceremony is cute. I know someone who actually requested a copy of wedding ceremony frm the professional videographer because she thought her little snookums yelling "when are they going to kiss, mommy?'' was just sooooo adorable. Well, it would have been much more adorable had the child not repeated that phrase every 3 seconds for the entire ceremony.

Let's face it, kids are excluded from events like this because too many parents do not realize that not everyone wants to share in the wonderous joy of raising "Little Suzi".

If all parents realized that the world does NOT revolve around the 'little' ones and they removed them from the room when they had meltdowns/tantrums or couldn't remember to use their 'inside' voices, then there would be no reason to exclude children from wedding invitations.

flame away, JMHO

 

[disneymom3]

Let's face it, kids are excluded from events like this because too many parents do not realize that not everyone wants to share in the wonderous joy of raising "Little Suzi".

VERY well said! And this coming from someone that did have children at her wedding. (Although after the family party two nights before the wedding my mother sat down all my nephews and neices and informed them that if their behaviour wasn't drastically improved she would not let any of them come to the reception!)

 

[meandtheguys2]

We had an outdoor, daytime, extravaganza...I mean wedding! Everyone was invited and it was dandy. It got good reviews!

OTOH, I do not feel that any kid under the age of 10ish belongs at a formal evening wedding/reception. Everytime I have seen it, the kids have been on the dance floor when it was inappropriate, crying, sleeping, etc. Out of respect for the couple, I think kids need to stay home! Enjoy an evening or night out without the kids. Hire a sitter, rent some movies and order pizza and they would have a much better time anyway.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Where is the original poster? I have a question---was the invitation sent to your immediate family-you, dh, kids- or was it sent to you mom and her family? I can't really tell from your posts.

What did you find out about the "paying"?

 

[barbeml]

BUMP because inquiring minds want to know!

 

[Freesia]

 

[LadyBears]

OK so I got a wedding invitation from my mom's neighbour. I know that our 3 kids will probably be the only kids at the wedding so I asked my mom to ask the neighbour if it's OK to bring the kids. Her response? "OH of course but they have to pay too" So my mom was like "Huh?" and the neighbour told her that the reception is $70 a plate per person!

So with our family of 5 we are expected to spend $350 plus a wedding gift.
Not to mention the kids will eat 2 bites and call it a night. Our boys are 1, 6, and 8.

I was just wondering if more people do this? I have been to at least 15-20 weddings and have never been expected to pay. Is this more common than I think? I find the whole thing tacky.

Just bumping - Has this been "resolved" yet, MamaLema????????

 

[twojo21]

i think she was being sarcastic & annoyed, i've never heard of anyone paying for their own reception meal.

but you too, might be in the wrong here unless your childrens names were on the invitation, they were not invited. i would get a babysitter or a trusted family/friend or not go at all.

we're getting married at wdw and our family, including kids are invited, you cant have a wedding at wdw and ask them to stay home our invitations were worded to mr. and mrs. x and y.

 

[HookedOnDiz]

Are you sure that your mom's neighbor wasn't referring to a monetary gift when she mentioned that your kids had to pay?

I was always taught that a monetary wedding gift should be at least enough to pay for your meals at the reception. For example - if its my wife and I at a $70 a plate reception, we would give a gift of at least $140. We usually give more, but we were always told that the minimum should be enought to cover the reception meal.

Anyway - my point is that maybe the neighbor was hinting that you could bring the kids if you gave a "gift" that at least paid for their meals.

 

[BuckNaked]

Everytime I read a thread about no kids at weddings, and how rude it is to bring kids, I find it very odd that nobody thinks it is odd to be rude to the invitees. I want you to attend, but I don't trust your kids and how you keep control of them. But, yes, please come and give me a gift anyway.

I guess if you live long enough, you see everything. It has never even entered my mind to be insulted when I'm invited someplace without my kids. I'm a firm believer in the notion that kids don't need to be every place that adults gather.

As for the OP, I would get a babysitter and enjoy a night out with my husband!

 

[Shannon G]

Re
: all the talk about kids, just show up with them. They know you have kids, they invite you to the wedding. IMO, if you invite me, you invite my kids. If you don't like it, don't invite me, or send my response card back saying we don't want you here.

Everytime I read a thread about no kids at weddings, and how rude it is to bring kids, I find it very odd that nobody thinks it is odd to be rude to the invitees. I want you to attend, but I don't trust your kids and how you keep control of them. But, yes, please come and give me a gift anyway.

OMG - this has got to be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard! IMO, it is RUDE to bring along anyone, child or adult, who was not invited. Weddings are very expensive, and brides & grooms often have to very carefully choose who they can & cannot invite - every added person adds on expense. When DH & I got married, there were some "distant " cousins - i.e. cousins of our parents & such - that we wanted to invite. However, we did not invite their children, other than a few DH was closer to growing up. Most of the kids who were not invited were teenagers who we only see once a year. Excluding them had nothing to do with their behavior (they were not young kids) and everything to do with the fact that we could only afford to invite X number of people, and therefore had to make some choices. We addressed invites to "Mr & Mrs X". There was one cousin of my MIL's who included both of her children on the response anyway. I decided to just let it go - we would add 2 more to the guest list. Come the day of the wedding, NONE of the their family showed up. So, not only did we pay for two meals for people who were not invited, but they didn't even show up! With them and a few other people who didn't show, I figure we spent about $700 for people who said they were coming but didn't.

Having kids myself, I don't think it's rude at all to exclude children from some events - there are simply some events that are for adults only, and children just don't belong there. Does your company have an office holiday party? Do you insist on bringing your kids along? Personally, I am much more offended by people who assume that my kids & I are always a package deal. One of DH's cousins had an open house at their new home recently - we only heard about it from my MIL. Turns out (according to DH"s aunt) that they did not invite us, SIL & her DH, BIL, or another cousin with kids, because they did not want kids at the party. Huh? I would have much preferred that they send us an invite which stated "adults only," rather than completely excluding those of us who have kids. The fact that we are parents does not mean that we now only attend parties at Chuck E. Cheese! We are capable of leaving our kids with a sitter and enjoying an adult night out!

 

[JerseyJanice]

The fact that you know your kids are the only ones who MIGHT attend this wedding should tell you that your kids really aren't welcome. That and letting you know that it will cost $70 each to bring them is the same thing as the bride and groom saying "No way are your children wanted at our reception."

I mean, don't the bride and groom have any relatives with children? Nieces, nephews, young cousins? If no one in the couple's family is bringing children, I can assure you that you (the daughter of a neighbor) are not welcome to bring yours.

A sitter for the evening will cost you a lot less than $210, so I'd say you should hire one to watch your kids if you want to attend the wedding. Otherwise, stay home.

And you can chalk me off as another person who doesn't believe children are wanted (or necessary) everywhere that adults are.

 

[MamaLema]

Just bumping - Has this been "resolved" yet, MamaLema????????

Yes. I talked to the mother of the bride and the situation is that guests are expected to pay $70 a person. Why they didn't state that on the invitation is beyond me. So our family of five would have to pay $350 + gift. There WILL be other families with kids at the wedding but unfortanatly I told ther that we have another engagement and we just can't attend

 

[marlasmom]

UNBELIEVABLE???? Maybe she should charge $80 pp and make a profit.

 

[SC Minnie]

Yes. I talked to the mother of the bride and the situation is that guests are expected to pay $70 a person. Why they didn't state that on the invitation is beyond me. So our family of five would have to pay $350 + gift. There WILL be other families with kids at the wedding but unfortanatly I told ther that we have another engagement and we just can't attend