Growing Old can be Sad...

[EllenFrasier]

Most of my relatives are getting so old. My Mom will be 85 in June. My Aunt and Uncle are 87. My Uncle's sister 95 and her husband is 85 - they are more like my Aunt and Uncle even though they are not really related to me. My Uncle has another sister that was 92 and she died a few days ago. I grew up with all of these people at family picnics, graduation parties, showers and weddings, etc. They are my extended family. My history.

My Mom recently had surgery and does not feel up to going to the funeral for my Uncle's sister. The one sister, the one that is 95 - they haven't told her that her sister died yet. She has memory loss, not full on Alzheimers, but she sometimes does not remember seeing people or talking to them the day after. My Aunt is not going to the funeral because she cannot make the trip - they live 4 hours away. My Aunt is sending my Mom a gold coin that used to be her brother's (my father) and some jewelry (she said it wasn't valuable), and some other things....my Mom told her it sounded like she was getting ready to kick the bucket or something (love the way old people just say things like that to each other) and my Aunt told her that lately she has been feeling like she does not have long to live.

She is my only Aunt and I know how old she is, but I will miss her terribly when she is gone. I got to thinking how sad that they are alll so old, and now we are the age they were when I was little. So we are next in the line of people getting old. Kind of scary! My sisters and I have often said that they are all so old that we hope they don't all start dying at once.

 

[runwad]

I know it is sad but at least your family is living long lives. My dad died at 67 and my mom at 78...I wish they'd of made it their late 80's early 90's. But it is wierd that we are getting older now too. I can't believe my oldest child will be in high school next year, wow that is wierd for me.

 

[Abbie]

I know exactly what you mean and it is hard when you stop to think about it. Which is why I try to stay in denial as much as possible!

My mom has been noticeably failing this year and has pretty much given away all her jewelry and important things. She's convinced she doesn't have long.....but as we often remind her, she's been saying that for so long we just don't believe her anymore!

 

[Handbag Lady]

At my grandfather's funeral, my dad was very upset and kept on saying that if it wasn't for ____ he'd still be alive now. My grandfather was 90!!! How much longer should he have stayed alive? Is till to this day celebrate that he made it to 90 almost in full health the whole time.

But I get what you are saying, growning old is very sad. All of the older people in my life were so young and vibrant when I was a child. They still are, but just a bit slower. I just keep asking for their stories and really enjoy the time a stop sign was "bought" by running it drunk (so they went back later and took it!).

 

[EllenFrasier]

I know exactly what you mean and it is hard when you stop to think about it. Which is why I try to stay in denial as much as possible!

My mom has been noticeably failing this year and has pretty much given away all her jewelry and important things. She's convinced she doesn't have long.....but as we often remind her, she's been saying that for so long we just don't believe her anymore!

I can totally relate the that! My husband told me year after year that we had to go see his Aunt and Uncle on Thanksgiving because it "could be their last year".....after about 5 years, I told him I wasn't going no matter if it was their last year or not! Thankfully, the year I stopped going was not the year that his Aunt died or I would have felt so guilty, lol!

 

[minkydog]

I know exactly what you mean and it is hard when you stop to think about it. Which is why I try to stay in denial as much as possible!

My mom has been noticeably failing this year and has pretty much given away all her jewelry and important things. She's convinced she doesn't have long.....but as we often remind her, she's been saying that for so long we just don't believe her anymore!

OMG, we heard this for at least 20 years from DHs grandma. She lived to be a robust 97yo, when she broke her hip and quickly went downhill from there. My MIL is 89 and she has not been able to attend any of the famly weddings, funerals or other events in several years now. We all go up to her nursing home and take birthday cake or pizza and beer.

My mother is 75 and I can see her starting to lose things. First it was her sister. Then her husband.Then her friends. She has lost a lot of mobility. She has diabetes,heart disease and sleep apnea. She gets breathless. Everything hurts. I have to give her credit, she does stay active playing in a bluegrass band and she takes her little travel trailer out by herself. But she spends a lot of time alone now because she has no close companion to share her life with. She feels very alone despite the fact that she has loads of friends and her precious dog and kitties.

 

[DebbieB]

Enjoy the time you have with them. I lost my dad at age 59 and my mom at age 70. They were both good people and it's sad that they were cheated out of a long life (both died from cancer). I'd give anything for one more day with them.

 

[punkin]

Enjoy the time you have with them. I lost my dad at age 59 and my mom at age 70. They were both good people and it's sad that they were cheated out of a long life (both died from cancer). I'd give anything for one more day with them.

My mother died right after her 60th birthday. My sister died at 48. I would also give anything for just one day.

OP, give thanks that they are still alive.

 

[goofyernmost]

Not growing old can be even sadder.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Not growing old can be even sadder.

Truer words were never spoken...

 

[MnMomtoboys]

There is never enough time when you love someone.

 

[agnes!]

There is never enough time when you love someone.

I might quote that some day...

agnes!

 

[Saphire]

When my elderly patients tell me they lost their spouse, I usually ask how long they were married. Often the answer is 50 years or more. Then I always reply..."I pray I have 50 years of marriage with my dear husband".

There is a blessing and a curse for living so long. But I think we all agree that the blessing of a long life outweighs the negatives.

I was at work the other day and there was a parade of elderly ladies, most using walkers, alongside an employee with a CD player. They were out in the hallways having their daily walk. As a physical therapist, I LOVE to see people out moving and exercising. The song that was playing was 'Rock Around The Clock'. Some ladies still had a swagger in their walk and were enjoying the music. It made me feel bittersweet. As I looked at their faces and their bodies, I had one of those surreal moments where I suddenly saw them as they were in 1955, as young women, teenagers even. But here they were... old women yet still feeling the music of their youth.
The circle of life is sad and wonderful, never just one or the other. We just need to take it all in.

 

[DMRick]

We took my husbands 97 year old uncle out to lunch yesterday (he's completely with it, can figure out his DVR, he still drives, mows his lawn, runs his snowblower, cuts the branches off his trees..scary as it may seem). There was a group at the diner celebrating someone's 85th birthday. He was the young one of the group. When I went up to the register to pay, the young gal said to me, I just wonder..what did all of those old men look like 60 or 70 years ago. Do you think they looked like the young boys now? I took a picture of my son out (who looks just like the 97 year old uncle had looked at his age) and showed her what our 'old man' looked like back in his day, and she was shocked. She just never thought about the fact that all the old men she had waited on were at one time good looking young men.

I still laugh when I think about it. Did she think they were all born looking old? And I'm pretty old..did she think I started out that way?

It is sad to think, that we, our generation are becoming the old folks. My husband's uncle is the last of his generation still alive.

 

[Ember]

There is never enough time when you love someone.

I agree. I sometimes want to yell that at 54, my mummy was far to young to have died. Other people get to have their mum's until they're in their 50's or 60's. I'm not even 30 yet. I still needed her for so many things...

But I also know that even those people who get to have their parents for decades longer than I got to are still broken hearted when they pass, and rightfully so. I really don't think you can compare pain like that. No matter what, it sucks and it hurts.

 

[EllaM]

I think about my mom (gone 6 years now) and grandmother (gone 15 years) and get sad sometimes. They were the two most important women in my young life. My grandmother had 5 sisters and all of them were part of my kid years as great aunts. When they died, it was a loss of a generation. Then it was my mom's generation.

I'll look at old pictures sometimes and wish these ladies were around to ask the story behind it. I try to remember the old stories and pass them down to my nieces and nephews.

Mostly I can't get over that the 80's are considered vintage now. When the 90's are retro I think I may just have to start prozac.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I know exactly what you mean and it is hard when you stop to think about it. Which is why I try to stay in denial as much as possible!

My mom has been noticeably failing this year and has pretty much given away all her jewelry and important things. She's convinced she doesn't have long.....but as we often remind her, she's been saying that for so long we just don't believe her anymore!

Me too! My aunt, who is in her 80's was discussing her health and she turned to me and said, "Getting old isn't for sissies.". We had a good laugh about it at the time, but there is a lot of truth to it.

 

[amyy]

When my stepfather was young and in the war he was stationed in the South Pacific. One day while he was living in the nursing home he wrote a short letter. I wish I could remember it exactly but it was something about how being in the nursing home in his home town was more lonely then being alone in the jungle during the war.

 

[OceanAnnie]

When my stepfather was young and in the war he was stationed in the South Pacific. One day wile he was living in the nursing home he wrote a short letter. I wish I could remember it exactly but it was something about how being in the nursing home in his home town was more lonely then being alone in the jungle during the war.

That is so very sad. I'm sure it was. At least in the jungle there was still a way back to home.

 

[JESW]

My parents are 84 & 89 and it's sad to see them fading away more every day. They have been married 67 years - can you even imagine??? I am thankful for them still being here every day.

Jill