Granddaughter Being Left "Home Alone"

[Chattyaholic]

Our son lives next door to us, he is divorced and has his two children (daughter will be 11 next month, son is 8) every other week. Yesterday, on my way to work, I dropped off a card for my granddaughter that had been mailed to her but left in our box. She was home, but her Dad was not. He was at work.

I don't think she is old enough to be left home alone. She is quite mature for her age, but I still don't like it. Too many "what ifs" that could happen. Plus she had a little girlfriend over. She said her Dad had come home at lunch to check on them so apparently they had been alone all day.

Son knows how I feel, so I can't say anything more but...I still don't think it's right.

We didn't leave our kids home alone until they were at least 12, and even then it was only for an hour or two, not "all day." Am I being overly protective, or do I have the right to be concerned?

 

[KimR]

My DD has always been very mature and we started leaving her home alone at around 10. However, it was only for very short periods of time...I would have never left her home alone all day at that age. She is 12 now and though I MIGHT consider it if I was in a pinch, but I wouldn't want to make it a habit.

 

[Dizzy-Disney4]

My DS is 10 (almost 11) and we leave him for short periods of time...but not all day and NEVER with a friend. His dad works less then 10 minutes from here so if he ever needed us there isnt a problem and...I always make sure the neighbor up the street is home and aware that he is home alone.

 

[ScarlettO]

But if YOU are next door , can't YOU check on them or have them call you periodically???

 

[Kimberle]

really depends on the child. I was babysitting at 11.

 

[clh2]

Originally posted by ScarlettO


But if YOU are next door , can't YOU check on them or have them call you periodically???

ITA!

 

[jrydberg]

Hard to say without knowing a lot more about the situation. Being concerned about it is fine, but I wouldn't say it's categorically a bad thing to do.

What other realistic options are there? Is the daughter comfortable with being left there? Does he work close by?

There are a lot of factors that could affect this. If you are concerned about it, talk to your son, but I'd say be careful not to come off as judgemental.

I don't know a thing about your situation in raising your son, but raising kids after going through a divorce is, unfortunately, a lot different from raising kids in a 2 parent home. I have to do some things with my daughter that my parents would never have done. But I don't have the options they had.

In any case, obviously you are concerned about it a good deal, so talk with him about it... nicely

 

[Robinrs]

My son is 11 1/2 and today was the first time I left him home alone. I was a WRECK! I had a last minute interview that I couldn't turn down and no one could watch him. He begged me to stay home and PROMISED not to open the door for anyone or anything but I was still a wreck. We kept in contact via cellphone so I was sure he was okay.

Well I got hme about 6pm (2 hours alone) and the cats and the house look okay... :whew:.... but I wouldn't do it regularly. I agree, it depends on the child. Michael is more mature than I AM!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't see anything wrong with it. Also if you are next door doesn't that help?

We started at age 10 and worked our way up from there. It is something they earn and the parent should know if they are ready.

 

[ladycollector]

It depends on the child, one family we know has a 13 yr old daughter who has been allowed to stay at home since age 10, but her brother who is now age 10 is not allowed. He isn't mature enough to be left alone very long.

 

[Otto's Doll]

DS is 11 and we have just started leaving him alone, to run and do a quick errand. I haven't left him for more than an hour, and haven't gone more than a few minutes away. I wouldn't leave him alone more than an hour or so for now, and he knows not to answer the phone (unless the caller Id says its my cell phone) or to open the door. And he darn well better know not to have anyone over!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Things are so different these days. I have a friend who was divorced and had three kids. At the time her youngest was her daughter and 10 years old. She was even babysitting! My son is 11. Occasionally, I'll leave him while I run to the store for something. That's about it.

 

[MaryKatesMom]

When I was growing up my grandmother watched me after school. Now that I have children my mother is "retired", not to mention traveling all the time. My MIL just can't be bothered and she didn't work until my husband was in Jr. High and had older siblings.

I just don't have the same support system my parents did so I wouldn't be quick to judge. There may not be any options.

 

[Lewski709]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I don't see anything wrong with it.

I agree.

 

[robinb]

One of my babysitters is a mature 11. I have no problem leaving my 4 year old alone with her.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I think it depends on the child, also.

My ds was 10 when I would leave him alone. My dd was 11 before I left her alone all day. I remember asking her how she liked being alone, and she answered, "loved it" with a smile on her face. I would not have left them alone if I thought that they couldn't handle it.

Now, going to the store alone, walking around the block.... I think it was last year before I let them go to the store alone, but it is one of the things we have to live with these days.

To the OP - I think your gd is lucky to have a grandmother live right next door.

 

[cati]

xx

 

[Planogirl]

I'm another who thinks it depends a lot on the child. I leave my 11 year old son for brief periods now and I'll increase the time as he gets older. I don't like leaving him all day yet but that's because of him personally, not his age so much.

 

[Beth76]

I see no reason why she shouldn't stay home alone. You are right next door if there was a dire emergency. You said yourself she's very mature. I started babysitting at the age of 11.

 

[CEDmom]

I also agree that depending on the child I wouldn't have a problem with it. One thing that I would be concerned about is your not knowing she's home alone. I'd think with you being right next door you'd be the first person she'd come to if there's trouble.

Perhaps you could approach your son by saying that you're a little apprehensive about her being home alone but you understand that it's his decision and he knows best but you'd like him to let you know when she is there in case there's a problem. Then if you need to go out you can let your DGD know and give her a number to reach you if necessary.