Graduation party. Is this tacky?

[runwad]

Grad parties here are OVER THE TOP, with people spending close to a grand on the food, either getting it catered or food trucks! We did invite a 100 people to our grad parties but we have big families. About 70 came and over half was just family. I did it at a park. So far both kids made $2k on their parties. Lowest amount they get in a card would be 20 with most people giving $25 and $50, family usually gives $100.

Someone we knew invited 400 people, definite money grab!! I think 300 came. In fact they will admit its a money grab as they invite anyone they've ever talked to with the hope that they will send money. Their last kid made $4k!!! I think they're nuts! I have no clue what they spend to put the party on. They do it at their house and they do a combination of making food and buying some. But they have beer so that brings the total they spend up, plus getting the tent and tables and chairs, fixing the yard, doing landscaping, no thanks!

Too much work for me. I'm dreading my last party I have to do for my son in 2 years. He'd probably be fine with me just giving him the $ instead of doing a party, but I think I'd feel guilty not to do for him as I did for the other two. So just one more to go, shew!

 

[Disney Doll]

In my area, a potluck is usually either a fundraiser type (like for a church or charitable organization) thing or it's a bunch of friends who get together and everyone brings a dish. It's not usually "come to my kid's party, bring a gift AND bring food".

When I invite you to a party, I throw the party. I provide the food and drink. I don't expect my guests to provide the food or libations at my party.

 

[Kitty 34]

I have never been invited to a "potluck" type of graduation celebration and with three sons and many friends, nephews and nieces......never was I asked to bring food.

 

[Lyricallie]

This is crazy. Glad this hasn't came over to the UK (yet).

We don't do school graduation, is it not just expected that most people try and finish secondary school? Even for university when I graduated I went out for dinner with my closest family and my BF. No gifts or anything the dinner was the gift! I think going out for dinner was the norm and maybe the parents would be people a gift like nice jewellery or something.

Definitely seems like a cash grab!

 

[CarolAnn856]

This is crazy. Glad this hasn't came over to the UK (yet).

We don't do school graduation, is it not just expected that most people try and finish secondary school? Even for university when I graduated I went out for dinner with my closest family and my BF. No gifts or anything the dinner was the gift! I think going out for dinner was the norm and maybe the parents would be people a gift like nice jewellery or something.

Definitely seems like a cash grab!

For most families I know, it's a chance to mark a big moment in the student's life. Their next step is going off to college, which usually means living away from home for most of the year. The party is a chance to get together with friends the kids won't see everyday anymore, and for family to celebrate the grad's next adventure. You can call it a gift grab if you want, of course, but then I guess that means you would consider wedding, birthday, and anniversary parties gift grabs, too.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This is crazy. Glad this hasn't came over to the UK (yet).

We don't do school graduation, is it not just expected that most people try and finish secondary school? Even for university when I graduated I went out for dinner with my closest family and my BF. No gifts or anything the dinner was the gift! I think going out for dinner was the norm and maybe the parents would be people a gift like nice jewellery or something.

Definitely seems like a cash grab!

Well I don't really think it's a tradition in the sense of that. Like I mentioned usually it's celebrating that phase of their lives. Maybe the person is going off to college so if you knew that it's not unheard of to give gifts that would help them prepare for college life or cash that might help them out in that aspect. If they aren't going to college maybe they are preparing to go off and live on their own (if you know that you may get them gifts to help out with their new life on their own). Maybe they are starting off by working.

I think most typically expect you to graduate with high school (or get a G.E.D) but it's still a life event worth celebrating.

 

[Lyricallie]

For most families I know, it's a chance to mark a big moment in the student's life. Their next step is going off to college, which usually means living away from home for most of the year. The party is a chance to get together with friends the kids won't see everyday anymore, and for family to celebrate the grad's next adventure. You can call it a gift grab if you want, of course, but then I guess that means you would consider wedding, birthday, and anniversary parties gift grabs, too.

Well I don't really think it's a tradition in the sense of that. Like I mentioned usually it's celebrating that phase of their lives. Maybe the person is going off to college so if you knew that it's not unheard of to give gifts that would help them prepare for college life or cash that might help them out in that aspect. If they aren't going to college maybe they are preparing to go off and live on their own (if you know that you may get them gifts to help out with their new life on their own). Maybe they are starting off by working.

I think most typically expect you to graduate with high school (or get a G.E.D) but it's still a life event worth celebrating.

Fair enough. Each to their own, just think inviting 100 people some of who you don't really know is a bit weird. Maybe it's different here because even if we go away for university the U.K. is so small no one is really going that far. I mean my university was closer to my home than my secondary school was! Who knows?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Fair enough. Each to their own, just think inviting 100 people some of who you don't really know is a bit weird. Maybe it's different here because even if we go away for university the U.K. is so small no one is really going that far. I mean my university was closer to my home than my secondary school was! Who knows?

Oh the amount of people is a different thing entirely. I personally was more responding to the part of your comment that I bolded.

 

[2forMe]

Yes

There's a lady in my neighborhood who's having a graduation party for her daughter who just graduated high school. She's invited about 100 people. A lot of them are people she doesn't even know. I know her (the mom) because her younger DD is friends with my DD. I don't personally know her older DD, but we do say hi in passing. She even invited my mom and I asked her (my mom)to tell me the graduate's name, and she didn't know. I feel like this party is just a money grab. On top of that, it's a potluck and she expects everyone to bring something. It's the day after I return from Disney World, so I won't be going. I don't care so much about the potluck part, it's the money grab. Is this party tacky? When I graduated high school, I only invited close friends and family to my party. What do you think? Any similar stories I'd be curious to hear about.

 

[CdnCarrie]

For most families I know, it's a chance to mark a big moment in the student's life. Their next step is going off to college, which usually means living away from home for most of the year. The party is a chance to get together with friends the kids won't see everyday anymore, and for family to celebrate the grad's next adventure. You can call it a gift grab if you want, of course, but then I guess that means you would consider wedding, birthday, and anniversary parties gift grabs, too.

See going away to college is an American thing. Up here the majority of students don't do that. Most live at home and attend locally. Most kids in the dorms are either farm/small town kids who live to far to commute or foreign students. Few people I knew who did leave the city to go to college either were high achievers going to Ivy league type universities or couple on sport scholarships.
We primarily don't have private colleges here. Majority of degree granting post secondary institutions are government subsidized.

 

[kimblebee]

This is crazy. Glad this hasn't came over to the UK (yet).

We don't do school graduation, is it not just expected that most people try and finish secondary school? Even for university when I graduated I went out for dinner with my closest family and my BF. No gifts or anything the dinner was the gift! I think going out for dinner was the norm and maybe the parents would be people a gift like nice jewellery or something.

Definitely seems like a cash grab!

I totally agree with you. Why would you have a party for someone who went to class and passed the required tests and exams? Way to go, you did what was required of you!! Wait til you see the party we're throwing for you when you file your taxes on time *major eye roll*

 

[ols386]

I think the potluck is odd. For a grad party, I would assume the parents know that invitees to the party are going to bring money or a gift, so why would you also ask them to bring food.

 

[ols386]

I totally agree with you. Why would you have a party for someone who went to class and passed the required tests and exams? Way to go, you did what was required of you!! Wait til you see the party we're throwing for you when you file your taxes on time *major eye roll*

I understand what you are saying, but I see high school graduation as more than just passing the required tests. I also see HS graduation as the stepping stone into adulthood, so maybe more than just passing a bunch of exams.

 

[Kellydelly]

You know what's even weirder? My sister invited all her husband's work clients and made her kids' grad parties so no children were invited. I will never understand that one. I went to the first one but refused to leave my family home for the second.

I was asked to make potatoes for my husband's cousin's kid's grad party about 20 yrs ago. I bet she would not help me make a dish to pass for my kids' parties now. I think it is tacky to ask, unless it is your sister or something and you know they will reciprocate and you are close.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I totally agree with you. Why would you have a party for someone who went to class and passed the required tests and exams? Way to go, you did what was required of you!! Wait til you see the party we're throwing for you when you file your taxes on time *major eye roll*

Well, you could say the same thing about birthdays, marriages and funerals. They're meaningful for the people involved but probably not all that special to the majority of guests...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

As others have said, it is not a summons. Some people love to party.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Fair enough. Each to their own, just think inviting 100 people some of who you don't really know is a bit weird. Maybe it's different here because even if we go away for university the U.K. is so small no one is really going that far. I mean my university was closer to my home than my secondary school was! Who knows?

I thought you were referring to the idea of grad parties in general. One hundred guests is not the norm in most places, in my experience (I have lived in a few different areas and have friends from all over the US.)

 

[Lyricallie]

Oh the amount of people is a different thing entirely. I personally was more responding to the part of your comment that I bolded.

Yea, I mean going out for dinner maybe. But even then, in the UK we don't have "graduation" for secondary school. It's just not a thing here. I'm always really confused reading on here haha. For example we don't have a ceremony with robes or anything. The closest we have is "muck up day" when students write all over the school uniforms and cause riot in the school. Nothing with the parents. Well my school had mass, but they have mass whenever they can

I totally agree with you. Why would you have a party for someone who went to class and passed the required tests and exams? Way to go, you did what was required of you!! Wait til you see the party we're throwing for you when you file your taxes on time *major eye roll*

I just find it a bit odd, I'm guessing it's a culture thing...

I thought you were referring to the idea of grad parties in general. One hundred guests is not the norm in most places, in my experience (I have lived in a few different areas and have friends from all over the US.)

I kind of am for Secondary school, for Uni fair enough because there's actually a graduation ceremony. However, in the UK we don't have a ceremony for school, with robes and guests and the likes. I'm just going to put it down to cultural differences and we all learnt something new today

 

[indimom]

We have a large family and we do have large grad parties. By 18, my kids haven't had a birthday party in years, maybe a decade.
We see graduation parties as more of a send-off to whatever their future may be, not a "well good for you, you did the minimum required work to get a diploma."
And they don't even have to be going to college, we've been to grad parties for kids who went into the workforce and those who went to the military.
It's quite possible some family members won't see these young people for years, depending on where they go and what they do, I don't see an issue with a big celebration send-off and well wishes.
We have a large family, so 100 would be a pretty normal party for us. Our family Christmas parties have about 60 on my side and 40 on DH's side. Put that together, add friends, and you easily get into the 100-140 range.
I wouldn't invite anyone we didn't know very well though. That's a bit odd. And we don't expect anyone else to provide food.
We had a backyard BBQ for DD's grad. My MIL offered to bring slaw and my mother offered potato salad. I made everything else.
It was a lot of work preparing for that many so I gladly accepted their offer, but I would never have asked.
Oh, and I've been to a park graduation party. I had a niece and two nephews graduating the same year. Rather than ask family to find time for three events, they combined the party and had one party at the local park. Since the number of guests was larger, and none of them had big yards, it made sense.

 

[design_mom]

We see graduation parties as more of a send-off to whatever their future may be, not a "well good for you, you did the minimum required work to get a diploma."

I agree. I think high school grad parties are kind of a hold-over from a time when most people did *not* go to college. It was the beginning of your adult life, whether that meant college, work force, or military. I was the first in my family to go to college and that wasn't so many years ago.

I had a high school graduation party (and although I don't think it was as large as the OP's neighbor's party, it was large by my family's standards.) However, I did not have another party when I'd graduated college. That was a celebratory dinner with my family/fiance, and then quickly moved on to starting my new job, etc. Now, maybe it would make more sense to save the party for after college graduation for college-bound students, but high school grad parties still remain "a thing." I know a few people who have also had college graduation parties, but those are generally smaller and more low-key.