Graduation dilemma...your opinions please

[eliza61]

DD18 is graduating this year. In lieu of a grad party, we are going to Disney. Please let me preface this by saying we live modestly and like so many, live pay to pay, so I have had to scrape together the money to take her to her favorite place.

We did not send graduation notices out to family and friends. My thought is if someone wants to send her a gift, that is up to them. I'm not one to prompt anyone to send her a gift. Now...her's my dilemma. My cousin's step daughter is also graduating; however, the date of her party is the day we will be leaving for Disney. My cousin knows we will not be here for her party, yet she sent a very nice invitation. To me, this is like asking for money which kind of upsets me. I can guarantee they won't be sending DD18 anything...but then again, we are not having a party. I'm torn as to whether or not to send something. Your opinions...please....

My opinions is that gifts should never be given tit for tat.

Your cousin may have sent you the invitation simply to include you in the festivities, not asking for some thing.

Personally, I give gifts especially to family members to celebrate some thing. If my niece was graduating whether or not she had a party I would send her a gift. She is having a major accomplishment.

Why are you torn? Are you close to her daughter? I think if you like her and are proud of her accomplishment you should send a gift. It does not have to be expensive, a simple $20 I tunes gift card would be appreciated.

 

[sk!mom]

Actually, I disagree that the party invitation is a gift request. I'm always torn is these situations and have found that if you choose to not send invites to those that you assume won't be able to attend you potentially hurt someone's feelings.

I ere on the side of caution and invite everyone that we would love to celebrate with even those that I doubt will attend. I prefer to let them know that they are important to us.

Honestly, I think people differ on this because we see it based on how we feel. I don't expect a gift from everyone I invite to an event therefore I don't feel that a gift is expected from me when I receive invitations. I feel the same way about announcements. I send them to those that I think would like to know and see the picture on the announcement. I enjoy getting them and do not feel that they are a gift request.

If I attend the event or am close to the honoree, I send a gift. If neither applies then I do not.

DH's niece is getting married in two weeks. The wedding is 1400 miles away. I was happy to receive a save the date and then an invitation. I've followed the plans on their website and look forward to pics. I sent a gift but don't feel like one was requested.

 

[sookie]

I am a church secretary. We recently held a graduation breakfast and special service for the seniors. I had a lady ask me a couple of weeks before the service, "Invitations are so expensive, I do not want to send every one in the church one in order to save money, so how will the church members know my daughter is graduating so they can give her a present?"

I told her the seniors' names would be listed in our church bulletin the week before the service and each child would have a table in our fellowship hall to display their awards, pictures, etc. This eased her mind to know that people would be aware her daughter was graduating so they could bring her a gift.

Wait - what?
She just wants the church members to know so they can GIVE HER a PRESENT?
Not so they can wish her luck or pray for her? What a money grubbing gift grabbing woman!!

 

[sookie]

I thought that it was common courtesy NOT to send an invitation to someone who also had a graduating senior.

Invitation to graduation or to a conflicting graduation party - you are absolutely correct.

An announcement - it is ok to send.

 

[disneychic2]

If you are close with this step daughter of your cousin's, then I would send a card with a gift card/money enclosed. If you are not, then just a card would be good. It really doesn't matter what is expected or not expected, you should do what you feel is appropriate. You are quite sure your cousin won't be sending your DD a gift, which is HER choice, so it's up to you to do what you feel most comfortable with. I don't think receiving an invitation obligates you to a gift.

Have a great trip to Disney and congrats to your DD!!

 

[undertheradar]

Why was this thread bumped from almost a year ago? I understand that the subject might be the same, I don't understand bumping a zombie thread.

 

[Robinrs]

Why was this thread bumped from almost a year ago? I understand that the subject might be the same, I don't understand bumping a zombie thread.

Some people do a search and choose to answer without checking the date.

Meanwhile the OP's daughter is finishing her first year of college! I'm sure they worked it out!

I like reading about this because my son is graduating in 3 weeks and I'm CLUELESS about traditions and stuff in regards to graduation. I graduated almost 40 years ago!!

 

[Boston Tea Party]

We are sending announcements to all that we love and care about because we are proud of our daughter and, because they love us, we are sure that the recipients would be happy to hear of her accomplishment and share our joy with us.

Those same people are getting party invitations because, although they are scattered to the corners of the US, they are always welcome in our home and we want them to know - if they are in town, because we don't know everyone's travel plans - that they are welcome to celebrate with us.

No hidden agendas.

 

[MSSANDRA]

We are sending announcements to all that we love and care about because we are proud of our daughter and, because they love us, we are sure that the recipients would be happy to hear of her accomplishment and share our joy with us.

Those same people are getting party invitations because, although they are scattered to the corners of the US, they are always welcome in our home and we want them to know - if they are in town, because we don't know everyone's travel plans - that they are welcome to celebrate with us.

No hidden agendas.

 

[bebelle]

We are having a similar dilemma. We are taking DS and his best friend to Disney as his graduation gift. We are sending announcements out to all family members but only inviting a few to a very small picnic at our house the day after graduation. Because of the Disney trip we cannot afford a lavish grad party. I am hoping not to offend those not invited to the picnic but it will be for immediate family only. I am not sending out announcement for cash....I am sending out announcements because I am proud of my DH and our accomplishments (we got through homeschooling together!)

 

[LSUDis]

I thought that it was common courtesy NOT to send an invitation to someone who also had a graduating senior.

I think that is if they had a graduating senior IN THAT CLASS. It would be like inviting them to something that you knew they would be attending anyway for their own child. If you want to send a commemorative announcement/photo to a close classmate's parents, that's another thing.

OT a bit, but I've been there when Balfour/Jostens has presented the materials/etiquette, and they say not to send to the teachers of that school either.

 

[dzorn]

I am a church secretary. We recently held a graduation breakfast and special service for the seniors. I had a lady ask me a couple of weeks before the service, "Invitations are so expensive, I do not want to send every one in the church one in order to save money, so how will the church members know my daughter is graduating so they can give her a present?"

I told her the seniors' names would be listed in our church bulletin the week before the service and each child would have a table in our fellowship hall to display their awards, pictures, etc. This eased her mind to know that people would be aware her daughter was graduating so they could bring her a gift.

As a church member I would be offended by this woman's attitude. There is no reason the church memebers need the information a week ahead of time. If I am not close enought to the person to not know they are graduating without reading it in the bullitin there is no reason to get them of give other than prayers.

Denise in MI

 

[scrapquitler]

DD18 is graduating this year. In lieu of a grad party, we are going to Disney. Please let me preface this by saying we live modestly and like so many, live pay to pay, so I have had to scrape together the money to take her to her favorite place.

We did not send graduation notices out to family and friends. My thought is if someone wants to send her a gift, that is up to them. I'm not one to prompt anyone to send her a gift. Now...her's my dilemma. My cousin's step daughter is also graduating; however, the date of her party is the day we will be leaving for Disney. My cousin knows we will not be here for her party, yet she sent a very nice invitation. To me, this is like asking for money which kind of upsets me. I can guarantee they won't be sending DD18 anything...but then again, we are not having a party. I'm torn as to whether or not to send something. Your opinions...please....

If you want to send a gift, send one. If you don't want to, don't. There is no requirement to send a gift for a graduation.

I would probably just send a card.

 

[katrina1122]

We sent invitations to people who could come, but since we have family all over the country they just announcements. They are two different things. You shoulld be sending announcements to all since you aren't having a party.