Graduation dilemma...your opinions please

[hsmamato2]

If it were me,I'd send a card and $15-20 gift card to a local coffee shop

 

[fortwildernessishome]

DD18 is graduating this year. In lieu of a grad party, we are going to Disney. Please let me preface this by saying we live modestly and like so many, live pay to pay, so I have had to scrape together the money to take her to her favorite place.

We did not send graduation notices out to family and friends. My thought is if someone wants to send her a gift, that is up to them. I'm not one to prompt anyone to send her a gift. Now...her's my dilemma. My cousin's step daughter is also graduating; however, the date of her party is the day we will be leaving for Disney. My cousin knows we will not be here for her party, yet she sent a very nice invitation. To me, this is like asking for money which kind of upsets me. I can guarantee they won't be sending DD18 anything...but then again, we are not having a party. I'm torn as to whether or not to send something. Your opinions...please....

I would send her a card to congratulate her!

I guess I am in the minority here, but my son is graduating in a few weeks. I am not sending out announcements and I would never dream of sending a graduation party invitation to somone who I already knew could not attend because they were away on vacation, lived too far away, or for any other reason. My thinking is, if I actually have to mail an announcement to somebody to let them know my child is graduating, then we apparently are not very close, as otherwise they would already know that he is graduating. We have invited family and close friends to his party that live around here who are well aware that he is graduating.

OP, hope you have a great trip!!!!

 

[luckyfin]

Why not just wait and see if they give your daughter a gift? It shouldn't matter whether or not your sent out announcements. I can't imagine that they would expect one from you and not do the same for your DD.

 

[EllenFrasier]

DD18 is graduating this year. In lieu of a grad party, we are going to Disney. Please let me preface this by saying we live modestly and like so many, live pay to pay, so I have had to scrape together the money to take her to her favorite place.

We did not send graduation notices out to family and friends. My thought is if someone wants to send her a gift, that is up to them. I'm not one to prompt anyone to send her a gift. Now...her's my dilemma. My cousin's step daughter is also graduating; however, the date of her party is the day we will be leaving for Disney. My cousin knows we will not be here for her party, yet she sent a very nice invitation. To me, this is like asking for money which kind of upsets me. I can guarantee they won't be sending DD18 anything...but then again, we are not having a party. I'm torn as to whether or not to send something. Your opinions...please....

You are going to WDW. Buy your cousin's step daughter a souvenir from the World and be done with it.

 

[ah1126]

I think there are two different things.... announcements and invitations. I sent out announcements, then added invitations to those who were invited to the party. I don't think there is a problem with sending announcements to friends and family that might or might not attend the ceremony.

I would at least send a card to let her know you are thinking of her on her special day. If you can't afford a gift or don't want to give one, don't.

 

[daisyduck123]

I would send her a congratulatory card & think nothing else about it.

Btw, my DD16 is graduating this week. We did not order or send out any announcements either, as I see them as a total gift grab. We are having a party for her, & sent out invites to the people whom we want to have over.

Hope you have a great trip & congrats to your DD!!

 

[kellydizfan]

I will be in this position next year when DD graduates. This year DN on DH side graduated from HS. We received announcement in the mail. We sent her a picture frame and mug from Hallmark (cost was $25.00 and cost to ship $10). We couldn't make the graduation ceremony but they don't do Grad Parties as they had 2 prior graduate without parties. I would have liked to have gone but they are in MD and we are in NY and I work 2 jobs so I work 7 days a week. It was a Friday night graduation. I have been sending picture frames to all my DN & DN's that graduate. When my next DD graduates, there will be three of them at that time. My DBIL suggested having one big party for all 3. I really liked that idea. They are in three different states, MD, DE & NY. We would have it at his house in MD as he has the biggest house to house us all on my DH side. This DBIL is the one to have his DD grad this year, mine is next, then he has one more the year after. For inlaws we send gifts.

 

[luvmy3]

I would send her a card to congratulate her!

I guess I am in the minority here, but my son is graduating in a few weeks. I am not sending out announcements and I would never dream of sending a graduation party invitation to somone who I already knew could not attend because they were away on vacation, lived too far away, or for any other reason. My thinking is, if I actually have to mail an announcement to somebody to let them know my child is graduating, then we apparently are not very close, as otherwise they would already know that he is graduating. We have invited family and close friends to his party that live around here who are well aware that he is graduating.

OP, hope you have a great trip!!!!

I won't be sending out announcements, if we are family or close friends then you'll already know that my child is graduating, and you can assume that I am very proud of them. I think its an odd thing to send them just to let people know your child is graduating, if we are close I'll already know, and if we aren't close then I really wouldn't care.
Invitations to a party would be sent to anyone I would invite even if they are will be away. There is history in my family, and I have not sent invites to people who I knew wouldn't come, and have gotten heat about it.

OP, I would just send a card.

 

[dimimi]

I thought that it was common courtesy NOT to send an invitation to someone who also had a graduating senior.

I never heard of this.

 

[dimimi]

Why not just wait and see if they give your daughter a gift? It shouldn't matter whether or not your sent out announcements. I can't imagine that they would expect one from you and not do the same for your DD.

This is what I would do. Actually, I'll bet they will wait to see what you send and then do the same! You are cousins. I would just send a gift or gift card.

 

[angierae]

When I graduated (20 years ago almost, eep!) we sent out announcements (with a senior picture in them) after the ceremony (since tickets were limited) and then the invitation to my graduation party was something totally different.

I don't see announcements as a gift-grab at all - I see it as a parent being proud of their child. But it's good to know that some people look at it that way. My DD graduates in '13.

 

[SeansMom]

DD18 is graduating this year. In lieu of a grad party, we are going to Disney. Please let me preface this by saying we live modestly and like so many, live pay to pay, so I have had to scrape together the money to take her to her favorite place.

We did not send graduation notices out to family and friends. My thought is if someone wants to send her a gift, that is up to them. I'm not one to prompt anyone to send her a gift. Now...her's my dilemma. My cousin's step daughter is also graduating; however, the date of her party is the day we will be leaving for Disney. My cousin knows we will not be here for her party, yet she sent a very nice invitation. To me, this is like asking for money which kind of upsets me. I can guarantee they won't be sending DD18 anything...but then again, we are not having a party. I'm torn as to whether or not to send something. Your opinions...please....

I sent out invites to everyone in the family, because I didn't want anyone to feel excluded. It's up to you to send a gift (or not). But don't assume it was about the gift.

 

[ZehnJahren]

I won't be sending out announcements, if we are family or close friends then you'll already know that my child is graduating, and you can assume that I am very proud of them. I think its an odd thing to send them just to let people know your child is graduating, if we are close I'll already know, and if we aren't close then I really wouldn't care.

It's tradition to send an announcement, and tradition to give a gift to the graduate as well. After all, everyone knows when someone's getting married too and they send out announcements then. Tradition; that's all.

 

[teresajoy]

I thought that it was common courtesy NOT to send an invitation to someone who also had a graduating senior.

I have never heard of that before. It's not the way it's done around here.

 

[fakereadhed]

It's tradition to send an announcement, and tradition to give a gift to the graduate as well. After all, everyone knows when someone's getting married too and they send out announcements then. Tradition; that's all.

This!

Also, I have to say I think it's a different situation since it's family. I would not send just a card but also a generous monetary gift. IMO sending out grad announcements to casual aquaintances IS a gift grub, but as family or a close friend I would expect one.

 

[Leigha]

They can't make you feel bad unless you let them. I agree, you're too upset about a simple thing. I have a senior and she sent out announcements without me seeing the list. I think I'm getting old or I have bigger problems. I care less and less about small things. I'd love to be able to afford to give my daughter a trip to Disney. Perhaps buy or bring back a small gift if you're making yourself feel too guilty.

 

[angierae]

DD is graduating next year. We will send announcements with a senior picture after the ceremony (like many, tickets are limited, and she has a lot of parents and grandparents. I know for my graduation I had to ask friends for extra tickets for all of my parents and close family members to be there, because we were so limited) and the invitation to her graduation party will be totally separate.

I don't see announcements as a gift-grab. I see them as a proud parent thing. I would never expect anyone to feel required to send DD a gift for anything.

(Which reminds me, I need to call the park next week to reserve the gazebo, they fill up a year out. Eeep!)

 

[kaytieeldr]

I disagree.

I think your relative was the one with the dilema. Despite knowing you wouldn't be able to come, she didn't want to snub you by not even inviting you. Her invitation simply means she would have wanted you there if possible.

Receiving an invitation does not obligate you to send a gift. Can you imagine if it did? The new scam would be sending invitations. The recipients would think "darn, I received an invitation now I have to send money" and the sender would be cashing checks right and left.

That's the "Roseanne Faux Pas" . Not really, I mean, there are people who do it; but in an episode about a baby shower, she mentioned sending invitations to a lot of well-known people. They dint come, of course - but they send great gifts .

 

[SweetPeasMom2]

I think you're reading too much into it. I don't see it as a gift grab. I see it as a great accomplishment and something that a parent is proud of. You can send a card and that should be just fine.

When I was a senior, I sent out announcements w/my senior photo. I actually sent it before the ceremony. But it was just that, an announcement. It didn't say you are invited. I got some gifts from some, cards from some, and nothing from others. It was all good. I was just proud that I was graduating.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think there are two different things.... announcements and invitations. I sent out announcements, then added invitations to those who were invited to the party. I don't think there is a problem with sending announcements to friends and family that might or might not attend the ceremony.

I would at least send a card to let her know you are thinking of her on her special day. If you can't afford a gift or don't want to give one, don't.

Exactly what I was going to write!