Going back to work 4 days after childbirth--anyone done it?

[Jeafl]

Just to answer a few of your questions--hope I can remember them all!

Her husband is a physician, but he works at a clinic. I don't think he makes a huge amount of money, but they are definitely "comfortable". He really wanted to have children for the past 10 years, as did she. In fact, throughout her pregnancy she was very excited and really looking forward to being a mom. Since she had IVF, she knew she was having twins very early on, and was fine with it.

When I went to see her and the babies in the hospital last Thursday, she seemed almost nervous, and wasn't anxious to hold them. My theory is that she has always been sort of a control freak, and for the first time she didn't feel like she was in control. Of course I have no proof of this, just my gut feeling. She chose not to nurse because she knew she was going back to work right away. I get the feeling that she is overwhelmed and feels that she needs to get back to where she feels she is in control. Her husband does get up during the night from what I understand, so she gets some help there.

There are some very interesting opinions here. It's funny how everyone sees things in a different way.

 

[hydster]

My .02 is:

I dont think anyone has the right to judge what this woman feels is right for her and her situation no matter what. She may be the best mother in the world but none of us knows her. The information we got from the OP is limited and snap decisions are being made. I have a sil who had her kids and she stays home with them (sometimes if you can call it that) and she is probably one of the worst mothers I have seen. She was running all around town right after her 3rd was born with all 3 kids in tow (and I mean right after..maybe 24-48 hours) and yet she techinically stayed home with her kids to bond with them. She yells, screams, her husband and she fight, unhappy household, trying to keep up with the neighbors, up to their ears in debt because she got pressured to stay home with her kids and she just cant handle it. Maybe this woman is a terribly wonderful mother who just has decided to go to work. True it isnt great for kids to be in a daycare situation but none of us knows the whole circumstance of her life, situation, daycare situation, desires, mental capacity, physical ability, or anything else about her. Jumping to snap decisions based on the fact that she is working and not home bonding with her children is wrong. My sil is a prime example of that. I agree that paying all the money to go through IVF and then leaving them is sad but IVF is VERY expensive especially if you have gone through other methods of infertility treatments and racked up a bill. To make snap judgements based on what is told on an internet bb is not right. True the OP asked for opinions and she got them...but I dont think any of us can say what's right for everyone in every single situation! My nieces and nephews are prime examples of a family who would be MUCH better off if the mother worked.

Just my opinion..and like Mean Laureen said in a earlier post (the check is in the mail Lauri) go ahead and flame me....I'm freezing anyway!!

Heidi

 

[taylor1293]

IMO, she's very selfish.

I had a preemie. They need extra care even if they are perfectly healthy. They are also at higher risk of illness and SIDS. Being around a 1 and 3 yr old only increases their odds of getting a viral or bacterial infection.

My DD was born 6 weeks early. She only spent 8 days in the hospital and thankfully she was very healthy. Yet her doctor still insisted we not take her out into public for the first month.

I'm very sad for those babies and your cousin needs to wake up and realize she is a mother now. Those responsibilities should take priority to her job.

Teresa

 

[Desnik]

I haven't read through all the responses yet but this is what I think. I think she's crazy! Sorry to put it that way but that's what I was thinking after reading this post! I am a SAHM so right now my kids come first. It can't be physically healthy for her to be working so soon. And those babies, not being able to be with their mommy so young. These are preemies so many things can still happen to them. Germs from those kids of her neighbor. They are at high risk for RSV. Their is a reason why the daycares, most that I know of will not take a baby until they are 6weeks old! Why did she go through so much trouble having babies if they don't fit into her lifestyle right now? Obviously her career comes first and that is fine but her babies should have time with her at this age. It's not like she is pressed for miney, right? You did mention her husband is a pysician. I assume he makes a good living. I just don't get her reasoning. Doesn't she have that maternal instinct us moms get the minute we are pregnant? To protect our babies and keep them safe?
OK I'm done, thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

I just wanted to add that my opinion is not based on the fact the your cousin has decided to go back to work. That's her choice and a fact of life for most people. I think what is in question here is the fact that she is doing this 4 DAYS after her PREEMIES were born!

 

[disykat]

My issue is the bonding. If she's going in briefly to wrap something up, no big deal. If she's truly going back to work full time - I think she's making a huge mistake.

I would think bonding with twins as individuals probably takes extra time - 4 days really doesn't seem adequate. It also seems to me that she could run into health issues if she is not getting adequate rest. (Though in her case work may be more restful than taking care of infant twins!) At four days old the twins may not even be eating/pooping/gaining weight etc. appropriately - I know as a mom/dad I'd want to be the one monitoring those things until I was sure they had settled into a good pattern.

Again, I think at 4 days the dad should be taking off as much time as possible too - especially if the mom is having trouble adjusting. I find myself much more judgemental of them because it sounds like they have the financial means to take some time, but are simply choosing not to.

I don't think it necessarily indicates that she will be a horrible mother in the long run, but I'd definately question her decisions at the moment.

Hydster, I don't see this as a working mom /sahm debate. I'm sure everyone would question your sil's methods too if you asked for opinions - which is what the OP did.

 

[hydster]

disykat....nowhere did I say it was a sahm/working mom debate! I said my sil she stayed at home and is a terrible mother...maybe this mother is a better mother being at work. The problem with an internet BB is that NO ONE knows the WHOLE story...just what we were told is all I was trying to point out. The thing is neither you nor I know that. Judging someone based on facts on an internet BB is not very fair especially when the person posting isnt the person in question. I've been a working mom and a SAHM both...I have no problem with either. I posted about my sil based on some of the responses on here like the babies need her to bond...my nieces and nephews havent bonded with my sil just because she is home.

But whatever you want to feel is fine! I posted an opinion just like you....

I have other things to go do now...like fix dinner and help with homework! Have a good one!

Heidi

 

[Samandmom]

Oh my that's very soon to be going back to work.
I just wanted to say the neighbor watching the twins is more crazy!!! LOL I have a 3yr old and 1yr old and would NEVER watch someone elses kids let alone twins.

BTW I have not read any of the responses to this thread.

 

[goodstarr]

I agree with the posters who state that you don't know what is really going on in someone's household. If they've gone thru IVF, and DH is a physician in a clinic, and the mom works in a small law firm with only one partner, maybe money is verrry tight. Maybe she's working on a case that needs to be done to bring in some money. Also, I agree with limiting newborns to excessive germs, yet it is the norm for newborns to go home to older, toddler siblings all the time. Good handwashing is key (as well as limiting direct contact with the toddlers as much as possible) Newborns, from my 17 years experience (expecially bottle feeders) eat, poop and sleep. It doesn't take a lot to physically care for them, so the neighbor may not have a problem. And older women who have been in the work force do tend to be "overwhelmed" with newborns and tend to shy away from the care of them initially. I do feel that some intervention may be necessary to get the mom over that initial fear (and don't forget that daddy needs to be involved as well. Why isn't anyone bashing daddy for not taking time off and "bonding"?)

 

[mom2boys]

why didn't she just get two cats????? -

 

[perdidobay]

After reading the update, it sounds to me as if the realities of having babies just hit her. And she is retreating to something she knows and is good at (work).
I think she should at least have taken 2 weeks off (and done some work from home, if positively needed, maybe). She needs to bond with those babies NOW!