"Giving away" your daughter at her wedding

[teacherforhi]

I wouldn't say it suggests ownership. I think it's beautiful when the dad (or someone close to the bride) gives her hand in marriage. To me it's a symbol of trust and true love for your daughter. That your dad trusts this man with a most valued piece of his heart to hold safe. I might think very different from others since my dad passed before I married and was not able to have this at my own wedding. Its the one part of the ceremony that always touches my heart.

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But fathers don't love their sons? Their sons aren't a "most valued piece of his heart"?

I hadn't lived with my parents in over a decade when I was married and at no point in my life have I been a piece of property to be given away. Or, if you want to go by the original tradition, to be sold. After all, it used to be the tradition for the groom to pay a dowry to the bride's family. Nothing says valued piece of my heart like shopping your daughter out for the best price.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I looked at the walk-down-the-aisle as the bride's family literally walking with her for the next big step in her life. (And yes, that certainly could be said of the groom too.)

When I got married, my parents were divorced. My dad was in my life, but we weren't close. I'd have had my step dad walk me down the aisle, but it would have upset my grandmother.
I finally realized, dads aside, it was definately my brother that had been "you and me against the world" growing up. So, he was by my side heading down the aisle to DH.

No one asked about "giving away". (Actually might have been funny, I could see my brother saying he'd been tryign to give me away for years. )

 

[snarlingcoyote]

The whole of a big white wedding is fraught with symbolism that comes from a time when women were property.

Why single out one currently meaningless piece of it?

Generally, everyone will be happiest if the bride and groom decide what they want and do that. If she wants her daddy to give her away, she can. If she wants something different, she can do that too. No big deal either way, IMO.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

My dad walked me down the aisle and both my parents gave me away. I think they were relieved.

We joked that, if asked, we would give DD away, gladly.

 

[Pigeon]

A Jewish tradition, I believe.

That could well be, but I'm not Jewish, and we did this at my wedding over 30 years ago, and most of the weddings I've attended where this is done have not been Jewish.

 

[luvmy3]

My father accompanied me down the aisle. He didn't "give me away", I was already living with dh when we got married.
As a single parent my dad raised me on his own, he supported me through all the stages of my life. He was there for me for every step of the way, which could not have been easy. On my wedding day I wanted his "support" as I took the next step.

 

[ilovemk76]

I was reading through the purity ring thread and the concept of giving your daughter away at her wedding came up. Is this a dated tradition? My understanding is that it came from a time when girls lived with their parents until they were married at a young age. The dad took care of them until it was time for the husband to do so. Since today that is often not the case, is this tradition on the way out or will it always have a place? Is there something about the concept of giving away that suggests ownership? Thoughts?

It is a very outdated tradition. I am in my 50s and my dad did not give me away. I am not a possession.

 

[SnowWtch]

My father gave me away at my wedding. He was proud to do it and had always looked forward to it. However, now I bet he wishes he hadn't. DH is a bit of a slacker. Hasn't had a job in 4 of the 7 years we've been married and still isn't looking for one.

 

[ilovemk76]

It was me that mentioned it on the other thread. I am not a fan of "giving away the bride," "asking the dad for her hand," or "popping the question" surprise the bride with a life changing decision engagements, so it was particularly important to me that we not follow those traditions. DH and I walked down the aisle together and our parents were part of the processional proceeding us.

People are always surprised how strongly I feel against some of the wedding traditions because I am generally very "traditional." I, on the other hand, am often surprised how some people who are very "liberated" have no issues with them and very much want to follow the old traditions.

It is beyond me how a person could be surprised they got engaged. Really? You never discussed your future? I picked out my engagement ring. Nothing I did at my wedding was tradition except the actual religious part. We were not introduced as Mr and Mrs. Taking his name is also very outdated. I kept my name.

 

[Disney Doll]

It always amazes me how much people overthink things.

 

[Fire14]

It is beyond me how a person could be surprised they got engaged. Really? You never discussed your future? I picked out my engagement ring. Nothing I did at my wedding was tradition except the actual religious part. We were not introduced as Mr and Mrs. Taking his name is also very outdated. I kept my name.

I will say I was shocked when he pulled that ring out, yes I had hinted on what I wanted/didn't want, but at no time did we ever really go ring shopping. I walked myself down as I just didn't feel right having my dad do it. I took DH's last name by choice and I will say semi stupid reasons.

 

[kimmyann]

I'm old fashioned I guess. I don't see anything wrong with a father (& mother) giving their daughter away at a wedding. I never imagined it could be viewed any other way than a respectful tradition.

Touchy subject for me though as our oldest DD is getting married in less than two weeks & they are going to the JOP & we don't even get to see it.
Needless to say, we are very hurt, but this is the way they want it.

 

[HM]

I had a cousin get married about 18 years ago. We cringed at the wording in their vows. She was to OBEY him and it was repeated about five times, really sealing the point. They were very religious and I think she really did expect to go by his word in their marriage.

 

[ilovemk76]

I'm old fashioned I guess. I don't see anything wrong with a father (& mother) giving their daughter away at a wedding. I never imagined it could be viewed any other way than a respectful tradition.

Touchy subject for me though as our oldest DD is getting married in less than two weeks & they are going to the JOP & we don't even get to see it.
Needless to say, we are very hurt, but this is the way they want it.

Maybe your views are a contributing factor in your DD's choice in how she is getting married.

------

I did nt say obey. I only said I would love and cherish DH all the days of my life. I also removed any reference to making babies.

 

[diznygirl]

I wanted my hubby to say obey instead of me, just to see if anyone was paying attention.

We were fairly traditional - although my parents were divorced early on and my father wasn't really around so I had my older bro escort me down the aisle. It was nice to have someone to lean on - it was a long aisle! The most important part of a wedding is the marriage that comes after. The rest is just fancy dressing.

 

[tripletsmama]

Lots of differing viewpoints! I think it's really interesting to see how people view and interpret this tradition as well how people did it at their own weddings. It's always been hard for me to understand how people are surprised when someone proposes to them as well. If you haven't discussed marriage, maybe it's too soon to be proposing.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'll have to remember that idea. In the great many weddings I have been a part of I have never once seen a groom's parents escort the groom. Unorthodox, but cool.

DH escorted his parents in at our wedding. He presented his mother with a rose, shook his father's hand, and seated them both.

Actually, we had the whole family in the processional. His brother was his best man, and we had him come in with his wife, who did our reading. Then our 3 nieces (2 of them are the brother's children, the other one is his wife's sister's daughter, but we consider her our niece as well, and we didn't want to leave her out), then DH's sister was my MOH.

As far as "giving away the bride," my mother (my only parent) walked in with me and the wording was "Who supports this woman to be married to this man?"

 

[Lorelei Lee]

I'll have to remember that idea. In the great many weddings I have been a part of I have never once seen a groom's parents escort the groom. Unorthodox, but cool.

Jewish tradition is for the groom's parents to escort him down the aisle, followed by the bride with both of her parents. That's what happened at my wedding, at my parents' wedding, at my grandparents' weddings...

Very different symbolism, I think.

 

[mamabear0222]

But fathers don't love their sons? Their sons aren't a "most valued piece of his heart"?

I hadn't lived with my parents in over a decade when I was married and at no point in my life have I been a piece of property to be given away. Or, if you want to go by the original tradition, to be sold. After all, it used to be the tradition for the groom to pay a dowry to the bride's family. Nothing says valued piece of my heart like shopping your daughter out for the best price.

Sure fathers do....so in that case walk your son down the asile if you feel like it....

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[disykat]

It always amazes me how much people overthink things.

And it surprises me when people don't think through every detail of the ceremony. I could have cared less about the reception, but the ceremony was extremely important to me so I did think about every detail.