Get in line says my over-soaked soul...

[Dan Murphy]

I'm lost fir words, @Hisgirl. So much for one to endure, a lifetime of sadness compressed into such a short time. My prayers are with you. My good wishes are with you.

Discussing, sharing as you have here, is so important, knowing you are not alone. As crazy as this place can be at times, it can also be a place of comfort, solace and warmth. Blessings for you, @Hisgirl 's

 

[luvthatduke]

We are going through some things that are challenging
but nothing on the scale you have/are going through.
I read your post to DH, to give us perspective,
that we are blessed with the "little" bit that we are going through.
I will be praying for you

 

[SpaceMan5]

I know you said you aren't depressed and please don't take this as harsh - but saying you aren't doesn't make it so. Please consider what others have said and speak to a grief counselor.

This is so true. Depression can be very subtle and sneaky in really showing itself. Just speaking from my own personal experience.

 

[SpaceMan5]

@Hisgirl and @dazedx3 Oh man, the two of you have dealt with so much in such a short amount of time and I truly feel for you.

Me and family have dealt with a tremendous amount of trials over the last 6 yrs to now and we are still not out of the woods yet, and most recently a brain tumor diagnosis with one of my daughters.

In the quiet moments with my wife we say the same thing, what's next?

Hisgirl asked, "what were the turning points for you?"
Seeking counseling
Savoring the small victories each day
Faith
Taking care of myself mentally and physically
Don't be too harsh on yourself if you decide to have a pity party one day

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm a "serial processor" too, so I understand what you mean about dealing with one type of grief at a time. You've been through so much, and you're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. Time is definitely the best healer.

 

[Disney Ella]

That's too much for one person to handle. I'm sorry that you (and others dealing with multiple losses) have to go through this and will keep you in my thoughts.

 

[Kitty 34]

Many to you. Take it a day at a time.

 

[NannyBeBe]

I am so sorry that you are suffering so much. When my granddaughter died at 6 years old, I was sure that I would die too. What truly helped me was to start doing volunteer work. I highly recommend it to you also. When we help others, we are blessed also. It gave me a reason to get up each morning.

 

[ronandannette]

I have few words for you, @Hisgirl , but then again, words probably aren't what you need. I wish I could be with you, to just abide; let you pour it all out (and sometimes that means saying the same things over and over) or even just sitting in silence and holding your hand, so that you'd know you weren't alone. I'd reply to your middle-of-the-night texts, if even just with an emoji, so you'd always feel like you had a place to land. I would purpose, for a period of time, to never be "too busy". I've had occasion over the years to learn many things about coming alongside loved ones in their grief. The most important one is to simply "show up". Many people, I'm sure, love you and want to show you they care; they just truly don't know how, or are afraid they'll be clumsy and say something that makes it worse. If you can, try to reach out and let them know what you need. I'm praying over you and yours

And although I am very sensitive to mental health struggles, I would agree with you that it's not a given that you are "depressed". You have a broken heart - it's not the same thing. Grace and peace.

 

[Hisgirl]

I have few words for you, @Hisgirl , but then again, words probably aren't what you need. I wish I could be with you, to just abide; let you pour it all out (and sometimes that means saying the same things over and over) or even just sitting in silence and holding your hand, so that you'd know you weren't alone. I'd reply to your middle-of-the-night texts, if even just with an emoji, so you'd always feel like you had a place to land. I would purpose, for a period of time, to never be "too busy". I've had occasion over the years to learn many things about coming alongside loved ones in their grief. The most important one is to simply "show up". Many people, I'm sure, love you and want to show you they care; they just truly don't know how, or are afraid they'll be clumsy and say something that makes it worse. If you can, try to reach out and let them know what you need. I'm praying over you and yours

And although I am very sensitive to mental health struggles, I would agree with you that it's not a given that you are "depressed". You have a broken heart - it's not the same thing. Grace and peace.

Well this made me cry. 'I wish I could be with you, to just abide....."

I need this so much. I'm a quiet, shy type gal and have formed many tight, close, long-term relationships. One moved to Florida, one moved to Texas, one died, another died, and all the others are swamped with work and grandchildren. But gosh, oh golly, do I need someone to 'abide'.

We're all so busy these days, aren't we? Keeping up with facebook and instagram and the latest screen, but our friends? Not so much.

I used to call my two closest friends, in the midst of trauma events with my parents, and say "I need you to tell me this isn't going to go on forever. I just need to hear those words." It was a season of honor, but a season that was dealt out in minutes, one long minute at a time, full of emergency phone calls, falls, hospital runs in the middle of the night, bathroom accidents, broken bones, falls and falls and more falls. Fifty phone calls in one day.

This has made my heart so sensitive to those in the same care-giving place. For the love of all that is good and holy, if you know a care-giver, reach out. Take them to lunch, give them a massage gift card. Know that they could be holding onto a fraying rope. Now, instead of saying "How's your Mama?".... I say, "How are YOU doing?"

I actually want to come down to disney world. But my chest isn't ready yet. Still healing. Instagram reels are making me laugh and I'm checking out books from the library to read on my kindle. I do think volunteering would be good.

I'm thinking of counseling. I did get some but in the midst of us talking, she said, "Do you have a graduate degree in counseling?" That's the issue. I do. And I know all the questions to ask and what the answers should be. So I counsel myself in the conversations. Hoe out that root and examine it. Forgive and seek healing.

Truly ...thank you all just for letting me poke open a hole and let out some of this that has holed up. It certainly does help.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I am so sorry for your losses! I can offer hugs and prayers.

 

[Owlpost23]

Well this made me cry. 'I wish I could be with you, to just abide....."

I need this so much. I'm a quiet, shy type gal and have formed many tight, close, long-term relationships. One moved to Florida, one moved to Texas, one died, another died, and all the others are swamped with work and grandchildren. But gosh, oh golly, do I need someone to 'abide'.

We're all so busy these days, aren't we? Keeping up with facebook and instagram and the latest screen, but our friends? Not so much.

I used to call my two closest friends, in the midst of trauma events with my parents, and say "I need you to tell me this isn't going to go on forever. I just need to hear those words." It was a season of honor, but a season that was dealt out in minutes, one long minute at a time, full of emergency phone calls, falls, hospital runs in the middle of the night, bathroom accidents, broken bones, falls and falls and more falls. Fifty phone calls in one day.

This has made my heart so sensitive to those in the same care-giving place. For the love of all that is good and holy, if you know a care-giver, reach out. Take them to lunch, give them a massage gift card. Know that they could be holding onto a fraying rope. Now, instead of saying "How's your Mama?".... I say, "How are YOU doing?"

I actually want to come down to disney world. But my chest isn't ready yet. Still healing. Instagram reels are making me laugh and I'm checking out books from the library to read on my kindle. I do think volunteering would be good.

I'm thinking of counseling. I did get some but in the midst of us talking, she said, "Do you have a graduate degree in counseling?" That's the issue. I do. And I know all the questions to ask and what the answers should be. So I counsel myself in the conversations. Hoe out that root and examine it. Forgive and seek healing.

Truly ...thank you all just for letting me poke open a hole and let out some of this that has holed up. It certainly does help.

Wow.You're amazing.What reserves of strength you have.Sending you good thoughts.

 

[slo]

I am very very sorry to read everything in your post - many hugs for you
I will most absolutely keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

To answer your question…..
I‘ve had some very difficult family situations the last couple of years (I’m not going into detail - this thread isnt about me). My turning point was when I took a very deep dive into my faith and religion to help me and it has. I changed parish’s so I could start fresh, I started listening to Catholic radio to keep me educated in my faith and to listen to positive messages, and started incorporating my faithful journey in my life. So when I say to you and anyone else that I will pray for you, I will. I obviously can’t remember every single person by name and event, but I do ask God to be with EVERYONE that I told I would pray for and to bless them with comfort, healing or whatever they need to get better.

Again….I hope life gets better for you and that God lays his comforting and healing hands on you. God bless!

 

[Hisgirl]

I am very very sorry to read everything in your post - many hugs for you
I will most absolutely keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

To answer your question…..
I‘ve had some very difficult family situations the last couple of years (I’m not going into detail - this thread isnt about me). My turning point was when I took a very deep dive into my faith and religion to help me and it has. I changed parish’s so I could start fresh, I started listening to Catholic radio to keep me educated in my faith and to listen to positive messages, and started incorporating my faithful journey in my life. So when I say to you and anyone else that I will pray for you, I will. I obviously can’t remember every single person by name and event, but I do ask God to be with EVERYONE that I told I would pray for and to bless them with comfort, healing or whatever they need to get better.

Again….I hope life gets better for you and that God lays his comforting and healing hands on you. God bless!

What a kind and thoughtful thing to say.

Yes, prayers are wonderful. They are what sustained me when mama and daddy died. I could feel a calm and strength that wasn't my own. I even spoke at their funeral, something I surely didn't imagine. I did imagine me with a puffy, red face and wondered how I would get through their individual funerals. But a double funeral? There was strength for that. Certainly not my own.

I've talked to God many times and told him I'm not up for fighting and would need to lean on him. I was still shell-shocked when the radiologist called. (btw...all of paths came back what you would want, no brca gene, nodes clear, wide and clear margins, very low oncotype score so wonderful!)

Know what I'm doing right now? Listening to the Beauty & the Beast sound track, ha! Because it makes me so happy! Someone should start a rent-a-puppy business!

Thank you so very much for all of your kindness. It touches my heart. This has been a very good morning to read your kind words.

 

[focusondisney]

@Hisgirl, my deepest sympathy for your losses. It’s amazing you’re functioning at all. I remember reading a list years ago that scored major life events re: their traumatic effects they have on a person. Moving, death of a parent (for you.. twice), retirement of a spouse & major illness & surgery for yourself were all right near the top. So you’re really dealing with almost every life trauma at once. I’m sorry the counseling didn’t work out. But maybe you could find a grief support group? Were your parents in Hospice at all? I think they might have grief resources for families.

Stress takes a terrible toll on the body. I’m worried for your health & recovery. It’s good you made this thread. It will be your safe space & we will all be here to listen & send hugs whenever you need them. You are such a valued Dis friend to so many of us. I’m sure I speak for us all…..vent to us, cry to us whenever you need to, let us hold you up, either on this thread or in PMs. We will be here for you.

 

[focusondisney]

@dazedx3 my deepest sympathy for your losses. I remember death of a spouse was the number 1 stress in that list I mentioned above. To lose a sibling & take on responsibilities of her disabled children in the middle of your grief & health struggles must be overwhelming. We are here for you as well.

 

[Hisgirl]

I do believe that is what happened. I avoided the 'c-virus' for all three years, then had to move my parents into a new place at christmas and then memory care within a week, and woke up the morning after the move sick. Stress can knock you for a loop and many whom I've spoken with had a diagnosis after major stress.

I've gotten a bird feeder, am spending time on the screened porch, am reading books, baking, walking my dog...(wow..I wrote dogs, then had to correct it) anything that can bring enjoyment. And that stress score thing...hahaha, I scored a 441. Let's hope this coming year I won't register at all and it's just a happy year!

The good news is that my King Arthur sourdough starter just arrived! I fed it once and am looking forward to this journey.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I hear you…. Within the span of a year, my niece got breast cancer, my sister in law died, my sister died, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, my dear husband died, and our dog was diagnosed with a terminal disease. iI am now having to care for my sisters 2 adult disabled children. I haven’t reached a turning point yet, just try to get up each day. I‘m sorry for all your hardship. hang in there.

I'm sorry to read of your own trials, @dazedx3. At times, we ask ourselves, when will this end? You're getting up each day, facing each day. My prayers are with you also, along with all here facing their own, respective trials. 's

 

[Hisgirl]

@dazedx3
Goodness. That IS way too much in too short a time and I hope you are surrounded by some support! Do you have other family members who can help?

 

[maxaroni]

(((HUGS))). That is way too much in such a short amount of time. If there was away to be there for you, I’d be there.

Life is just so hard at times. We’ve had a lot going on, but a bit more spread out and that is very hard. My DH had triple bypass, we moved to another state (retired & downsized), DS30 had some major mental issues, mom was sick for 9 years and my dad was primary caregiver. My dad passed away at 87 but he committed suicide, unexpectedly. I had a cancer scare, DH was diagnosed with cancer.

I am just wore out.

Any way, enough about me. prayers coming your way for a bit of peace to you.