Fundraisers for wedding what do you think?

[kathie859]

OP, I think your DMIL is over the top expecting you to participate in this debacle. Frankly, there's no way in hades that I'd participate in a fund raiser for the engaged couple--especially as they are known to be irresponsible with their money. It's just classless beyond belief

RE: Jack and Jills (or Stag and Does)---these are used in my area as a fund raising method for various reasons. I.e., medical expenses, scholorship fund for orphan, repair bills for a down-on-their-luck family are some that I've seen and generally I have no problem with fund raising this way. But for a WEDDING??? No way!!

 

[beansmom]

i wasn't going to read all 9 pages but wow...this is like a train wreck.

I am of the opinion that if you are a grown up with a job, a house, a car...you need to pay for your own wedding REGARDLESS. I don't understand people thinking that just because they are getting married (at age 30 and a fully furnished home already) that they are 'owed' a wedding/gifts.

Whatever happened to 'if you want it, work for it and pay for it'? Why are parents held hostage for their kids' romantic lives???

Back to the OP...tacky doesn't BEGIN to address this issue and i'd tell the MIL to take a leap.

 

[crashbb]

I am in SW Ontario and it's an everybody thing. We live in small town Ontario so maybe it's a small town thing?

Could be (I live in a large urban area) or could be regional.

 

[averysmom]

I think it is a regional thing - like PP, socials are popular and very, very fun here in Winnipeg. Tickets are 10 dollars (or around that) and then if you buy any drinks or participate in the silent auction it's more... but for someone of my age group (30-40) a social is a fun night out with friends - way better than a bar or club and cheaper too - drinks at a social are usually 3-4 dollars, while at a bar they are 6-7 dollars!

I go to a lot of socials of people for whom I wouldn't attend the shower or the wedding of - some I don't even know really - friends or relatives of friends.

I will say though that I grew up in Alberta and I had never heard of a social before I moved here.

 

[drinkme]

i wasn't going to read all 9 pages but wow...this is like a train wreck.

I am of the opinion that if you are a grown up with a job, a house, a car...you need to pay for your own wedding REGARDLESS. I don't understand people thinking that just because they are getting married (at age 30 and a fully furnished home already) that they are 'owed' a wedding/gifts.

Whatever happened to 'if you want it, work for it and pay for it'? Why are parents held hostage for their kids' romantic lives???

Back to the OP...tacky doesn't BEGIN to address this issue and i'd tell the MIL to take a leap.

I read the first page of this thread and this last page. I totally agree with you. It is just tacky. We had a couple in the family getting married who had so many Jack & Jills it was ridiculous. My husband & I didn't go to any of them. I thought they were more like a party, or just a get together before the wedding. Didn't realize it was the bride/groom looking for cash. What a joke!

 

[BearcatsFan]

Holy crow! And to think the tackiest thing I had to deal with at my wedding was whether to include the chicken dance or not!

Attended a family wedding several years ago in another state - everyone was aghast that there was a <gulp> CASH BAR

Have you decided what to do yet, OP?

 

[a1tinkfans]

BIL in getting married he is in his mid- 30's. Today I got an invitation from my MIL asking us to buy tickets for this Jack and Jill to raise money for them . I am tick off about it because they both have jobs they drive a BMW and a Land Rover and they don't have money because they are irresponsible with it, so I find it ridiculous that she is asking us for money for them. We feel obligated to buy tickets but I don't think I am going to IMO there are many charities that really need the money that I rather give money to. What do you think?

Edit: Brides parents are paying for the wedding this is just to raise money for the bride and groom "because as MIL said they don't have a lot of money" . This is on top of shower, wedding gift, bachelor parties.

I think it is DIStasteful and would not feel obligated to buy into her nonsence...adults with "toys" who are irresponsible (if you are right about all that...) would not need your help, perhaps a Suze Orman Cd?? Just kidding...do what YOU want...

 

[cornflake]

i wasn't going to read all 9 pages but wow...this is like a train wreck.

I am of the opinion that if you are a grown up with a job, a house, a car...you need to pay for your own wedding REGARDLESS. I don't understand people thinking that just because they are getting married (at age 30 and a fully furnished home already) that they are 'owed' a wedding/gifts.

Whatever happened to 'if you want it, work for it and pay for it'? Why are parents held hostage for their kids' romantic lives???

Back to the OP...tacky doesn't BEGIN to address this issue and i'd tell the MIL to take a leap.

I'm right there with you. I mean if people want to get married for whatever reason, fine, yay, be happy. However, when I'm invited to the wedding of people who have been living together, as adults, for more than 10 years and suddenly decided they wanted a whole deal wedding with shower, gifts, big dress, etc., deal... well, sorry, the whole thing kind of reads like 'we looked around and could really use new towels and the blender is old and the coffee maker is on the fritz and hey ...'

 

[Pigeon]

The fact that many people in a region do something that is tacky does not negate the essential tackiness.

 

[AshleeH]

I wouldn't even be able to get through the request without laughing in their faces!

 

[aprilgail2]

Attended a family wedding several years ago in another state - everyone was aghast that there was a <gulp> CASH BAR

Have you decided what to do yet, OP?

LOL- I was at a bridal shower today and even there they had an open bar---no cash bars here, that is considered tacky here!

 

[kimblebee]

I think it is a regional thing - like PP, socials are popular and very, very fun here in Winnipeg. Tickets are 10 dollars (or around that) and then if you buy any drinks or participate in the silent auction it's more... but for someone of my age group (30-40) a social is a fun night out with friends - way better than a bar or club and cheaper too - drinks at a social are usually 3-4 dollars, while at a bar they are 6-7 dollars!

I go to a lot of socials of people for whom I wouldn't attend the shower or the wedding of - some I don't even know really - friends or relatives of friends.

I will say though that I grew up in Alberta and I had never heard of a social before I moved here.

Welcome to Winnipeg. Home of socials and the Jets.

I wish we could stop using the word tacky. I guarantee that everyone here will do something or participate in something that others will find tacky. It's not tacky just because it's not for you.

 

[Schmoodle]

I wish we could stop using the word tacky. I guarantee that everyone here will do something or participate in something that others will find tacky. It's not tacky just because it's not for you.

OP asked in her thread title - "what do you think?" It seems that most people think it's tacky! They are just opinions, but after all, that is what OP requested.
I've never seen this kind of thing done. I would be pretty shocked to be invited to something like this - I really hope it doesn't spread to my area.

 

[disneyofcourse]

I would have just laughed at that request. No, Just say no.

 

[englishteacha]

In the town where I work there's a charity/fundraising dance most every weekend, usually for a family in need or for a local organization. Some of the parties described here sound a lot like those-you pay to get in, buy snacks/drinks, and once expenses are paid, the left over money goes to the cause...in the case of a Social or Stag and Doe, the couple. A few towns over, the "Wedding Fundraiser Dance" used to be quite common. The ad in the paper would say, "Dance for Jack and Jill to pay for their wedding! Admission $10 a person, cash bar, music by XYZ Band!" I was shocked as this isn't something that ever occurred where I grew up, same state, 100 miles away. I haven't seen an ad for one in quite some time, though. I wonder if they've fallen by the wayside.

As for things being "tacky," I had a dollar dance and a cash bar at my wedding. Almost everyone in our family and social circle had a dollar dance and a cash bar, unless it's a backyard wedding, where there's usually coolers of drinks of all kinds. It's the "normal" thing to do. Many of our weddings are also "catered" by the families-casseroles, dishes in crock pots, finger sandwiches, etc. And parties at restaurants are pay-your-own-way. These are all perfectly normal things for our family/friends. No one bats an eye at any of them. The wedding at a fancy reception hall with catered food and an open bar?? Very, very rare! Church wedding with a reception at the American Legion or VFW? Happens all the time!

 

[Patience]

Fundraising to pay for a wedding is tacky in the extreme. Couples should have the wedding they can afford and their focus should be on the marriage, not the wedding.

I was invited to a wedding where the bride and groom put a little poem in the invitation, the gist of which was that they only wanted money as a wedding gift. That's tacky in the extreme also.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'd simply decline with no explanation. (Privately, I'd say to my DH that this is beyond tacky!)

K

Ditto.

That's a crazy request! I'd be busy, busy, busy. So busy. No time for that foolishness. I'd make no comment to anyone about it either. It will come back to haunt you.

That sounds like a lot of drama in the making. I'm sure you aren't the only one thinking it's nutty and tongues will be wagging. Just make sure yours isn't one of them. If someone downs it, just say something non-committal, like it's interesting or something like that. Keep moving. Don't get involved.

These types of dramas can reverberate in family's lives for years. People don't forget what they perceive as a snub. ETA- It is awful. But you still have to live with them. Sounds like you have entertainment all the time if they come up with this kind of stuff.

 

[marie1203]

Holy crow! And to think the tackiest thing I had to deal with at my wedding was whether to include the chicken dance or not!

Attended a family wedding several years ago in another state - everyone was aghast that there was a <gulp> CASH BAR

Have you decided what to do yet, OP?

Well after I told DH who also thought it was ridiculous. So I send her a nice email. I should have said MIL knows we won't go because we live far away so she send the email so we get the tickets even thought we can go.
The email said "Thanks for the invitation but as you know we won't we able to attended. As you also know we are fundraising for blank charity walk that is before that so I will not be asking our friends or family to support this event, because I think it is too much to ask anything more from them."

I think it is DIStasteful and would not feel obligated to buy into her nonsence...adults with "toys" who are irresponsible (if you are right about all that...) would not need your help, perhaps a Suze Orman Cd?? Just kidding...do what YOU want...

I thought about the book and CD I swear I been telling DH that . All of the family know the money issues they have. They "borrow" money from MIL every week, yet they have money to buy wine and smoke. They told grandma (who they rent from) they can't afford the rent, yet she goes get her nails and hair done every other week, I mean I could tell story after story. The latest was spend over $600 on her birthday gift .

I'm right there with you. I mean if people want to get married for whatever reason, fine, yay, be happy. However, when I'm invited to the wedding of people who have been living together, as adults, for more than 10 years and suddenly decided they wanted a whole deal wedding with shower, gifts, big dress, etc., deal... well, sorry, the whole thing kind of reads like 'we looked around and could really use new towels and the blender is old and the coffee maker is on the fritz and hey ...'

They haven't been together 10 years. They been together for a little over 1 year she move in after 1 week of dating and after 3 weeks he ended a 6 year relation to someone he was engage to.

 

[DawnM]

I think this is just as tacky as charging the guests a cover charge for the wedding and a bill for their meal (or better yet, bring a pot luck!!!!!!)

I also don't feel the need to go or give a gift for 2nd, 3rd, or 4th weddings.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I think this is just as tacky as charging the guests a cover charge for the wedding and a bill for their meal (or better yet, bring a pot luck!!!!!!)

I'll say this about the pot luck thing - best food I've ever EVER had at a reception by far! It's been a lot of years though since the last one & I vaguely remember it being just the immediate family that provided all the food, not the entire guest list.