Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[Kennywood]

Just an observation......I'm inferring from what you said that you're dealing only with the wife. Can you contact the husband? He may not know that you've not been reimbursed and assumed that his wife had taken care of it.

If that doesn't work, walk away.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Agree with most of the others. For me, it's not worth continuing to try to collect. You've learned who they really are (freeloaders).

I wouldn't disallow the kids from continuing to get together, but that would be the end of my socialization with the parents.

 

[KPeterso]

I am with others to drop them. They will just do it again.

I have a former friend that I had a major falling out with. We worked together and she would insist when we went out to lunch that I always drive since I lived close to the building (ie use more of my gas instead of hers). Others thought that was nuts and would jump in and offer to drive regularly. Other things happened that brought things to the final falling out. But the driving thing was my first hint that I did not totally see at the time. Using me and trying to gain from me.

The funny thing was I had told others to be careful and about what happened and they did not seem to believe me. Until she would burn them. And then they would come back and say I was right.

 

[fla4fun]

I’m a little surprised by the posters who would go to court over this. Like most, I would write off this and not contact them again (or, at least, not go out socially with them).

This part I feel will depend a lot on how easily the financial hit can be absorbed. These days, even people who appear to have jobs which pay well can be living paycheck to paycheck. $250 would cover my electric bill twice. It would cover five weeks of groceries. While I may have money budgeted for eating a meal out (keep in mind the OP said their own meal cost less) I don’t budget to cover someone else’s meal out of the blue. That money could have been earmarked for any number of expenses that now require some major shuffling. Each person and each case will be different.

So while the OP may be able to absorb the hit easily, I don’t think anyone should feel bad about going to small claims court if they can’t. It’s a system designed for this purpose. I would think twice about the fallout before filing, because you are truly burning the bridges when you take someone to court. But I wouldn’t hesitate to use it if the circumstances warrant it.

People like the OPs “former” friends are why I find it so difficult to trust people . . .

 

[The Mayor]

Stuff like this pisses me off. It seems like people like that always get away with crappy behavior because others don’t want to stand up to them. I would keep after them until they paid (the money is irrelevant, it is the principal of it). Then I would completely drop them from my life. Yes ], I know the rational adult thing is to just drop it. But I feel like people also need to be held accountable. I would hold my kids accountable, so why shouldn’t we hold other adults accountable as well.

Ditto. I'd be on them for that money like a hungry dog on a bone, Once I got the money back I'd leave them in the dust and not look back. I'd also alert any close friends that have contact with them to beware of their BS.

 

[cabanafrau]

I never thought about them not having their drivers license on them. The husband drove, so he should’ve had it on him. I thought it was weird they both “forgot” their wallets but I had no reason to doubt them at the time. I always knew the wife was a little entitled and narcissistic but I never thought she’d turn out like this. I have no way of talking to the husband directly, he’s not on Facebook and I don’t have his number, and DH isn’t really friends with him outside of when we hang out. The wife is very critical of how we and everyone else around her spends money, making snarky comments about our Disney trips and other things, so I think in her mind maybe we deserved this or something. I’m just going to stop talking to her and just chalk the money up as a loss. And I definitely think this was planned because they ordered super expensive food and drinks. They both got surf and turf (filet mignon and big Maryland crab cakes), 2 appetizers, cocktails and 2 desserts. Their total was almost twice ours. I’m pretty sure they were hoping we’d just offer to pay.

They are definitely sharks hunting in your pond. Sit back and watch the pond for a bit and you'll begin to notice who else is nursing bite wounds. Think back to her criticisms and it's likely you'll identify a few former or prospective targets.

Be discrete because of the kids, but consider a way to alert the other swimmers. Don't forget to be prepared to show your receipts.

 

[irlandaise]

If they were openly critical about how people spend their money, I would have expected them to be frugal about what they ordered at dinner.

Ah, but no, because how they spend money is entirely rational and appropriate. It's other people who buy silly things like Disney vacations.

/s, in case it wasn't obvious...

 

[Lewisc]

She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it.

I agree with PP. Drop the couple. Alternatively arrange another dinner. Make sure they understand it's their turn to treat.

Sometimes you have to "pay more then your share" if you go out with people who aren't as well off as you. NOT THIS WAY. They picked the restaurant and decided what to order. They pay their share.

Edited to add I think Small Claims court is a VERY BAD idea. You may find out they have medical expenses or some other sort of almost reasonable reason.

Forget the details. A friend forgot their wallet. They didn't pay you back fast enough. You sued them. I wouldn't want to associate with you or them.

 

[Lewisc]

I don't want to add a third edit. Don’t paint them as evil. Let people know they expect others will pick up the check. Maybe their other friends don't have an issue with treating them.

 

[tjmw2727]

I would have a hard time letting 200 go - especially after the way the wife reacted via text. I would send a request via Venmo or Zelle and follow up "gently" a couple more times if it were me. Something simple - Just reminding you about the tab for dinner last week, please let me know when we can square this away. Eventually I would just let it go but not without holding them accountable.

I would also have a conversation with my kid to make sure something similar isn't happening with them but without going into detail about the dinner. (I guess this depends on the ages of the kids in the friend group).

This would also be the end of any friendship outside of the sports / activities / necessary gatherings etc. I probably wouldn't share the experience with the rest of the friend group unless asked a specific question, but I wouldn't lie or cover for them either.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

 

[Smugpugmug]

And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason)

Dang that sucks. Oh well, now she can use the $216 she stole to enjoy one night at the All Stars /s

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

“doesn’t need the drama in her life”

I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama.

Yeah it's pretty normal for that to be the case from people who tend to be like this. Like I said to another poster sometimes people complain that others are dramatic ones at the same time as fueling if not creating the drama.

Don't get into all the details at this point, speaking towards the DVC stuff, it's not really about that, it's not really about you at all. These types of people are really just best avoided, you're acting like their supply and further digging into the trenches with them only adds more to their supply they get from people and it often doesn't end pretty for you.

I'm sorry that it will probably be awkward even more now but I still agree with my prior advice to keep it civil when you have to be around them due to shared social interactions but nothing more than that.

 

[irlandaise]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama.

Despicable, but given her previous actions, not surprising that she's playing the victim card after cheating you out of more than $200.

And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason)

So somehow your immoral spending on Disney vacations would be acceptable to her if you invited her family to accompany you? Boy, I'm glad you saw her true colors before that happened. Can you imagine spending a week with this harpy? She surely would have complained her way through the entire trip.

how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though.

It is a shame, but may have cost you more (in peace of mind and/or money) had you not found out now.

As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

You are showing mature behavior by not dragging your son into your issues with his friend's mother. Some parents would try to badger their kids into resolving the situation, which is not something a child should have to deal with.

I'm very sorry about this whole situation, @disneydreamer1980. I hope that the good wishes and support from people in this thread take away some of the sting of the way you've been treated by these people.

 

[BrianL]

Man, good thing you never did invite them on a Disney trip - you'd have been stuck with that bill instead of just 200 bucks!

 

[VandVsmama]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. She seems weirdly sensitive about this. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

I haven't read any of the replies yet. My apologies if this is a repeat of what others have said. I would:

1. drop it.
2. not ask anymore for the money
3. not go out to eat with them ever again
4. OR if you DO go out to eat with them, when you are seated, tell the server that you're getting separate checks. And tell your alleged friends about that ahead of time...that you'll be doing separate checks.
5. not go out to eat with them at a fancy restaurant ever again. If you DO go out with them, stick to cheaper restaurants.

 

[tony67]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

Just WOW that is even more mind-blowing than the original incident.

One thing to watch out for is if they start spinning a story to others involved in the school activities etc...

 

[MsChristy12]

Despicable behavior, not okay, not worth your time and energy. Bottom line...

 

[holden]

I can't stand when people don't take accountability for their actions and blame others instead. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

 

[VandVsmama]

If you read OP other post she stated that moocher wife is very critical of how OP spends money then decides to go to dinner . Once again i know not everyone is the same, but why hang out with someone who openly criticize how you spend your money? And to keep associating with them : doormat.

Their kids know each other but parents don’t have to hang out especially if one set of parents keeps being critical.

I agree. Just because the kids are friends doesn't mean that the parents have to be friends, too.

From here on out, the OP could also stop the information train with the grifter parents. Don't tell them about your Disney trips anymore. Be civil and make polite conversation, but if you sort of "gray rock" with them, then the grifter mom will move on to another victim/gullible person instead.